Cherise
08-08-2012, 11:08 AM
Hi. I'm not new here, but I feel like not many of you really know me. I'm 29 and married with a son. My wife is accepting but she isn't a fan of my crossdressing by any stretch of the imagination.
In all fairness though, for the longest time, neither was I. Like many of you, I started wearing my mom's clothes around the house when I was home alone as a young teenager. I would steal some of her makeup and stash it away so I could play with it when I was home alone. As I got older, I thought I would grow out of it, but found myself wearing panties sometimes (my mom's when I was in high school or my gf's in college). When I moved in with my fiance after college, the urge to dress became stronger. It was just too tempting with all of her clothes and makeup around the house when I was home alone.
Was it just a fetish? Wearing some of her clothes or playing with her makeup was very arousing to me, as it had always been when I first started back with my mom's things. Did this mean I was secretly gay or that I wanted to be a woman? I was afraid to explore any of those options, so I always immediately dismissed them. I am a VERY sexual person. I am an alpha male type of guy. I felt like my entire existence was threatened by my "fetish."
As I got older, I found myself staring my fears down. I watched all types of porn. LOL. I found that I was very attracted to other crossdressers and transgendered people. To my horror, I also started to become somewhat attracted to other men. My love for women and their natural beauty far surpassed my attraction to anything else though. So, where did this leave me? I ended up getting married. By this point I had buried any thoughts or fears that I wasn't the straight, masculine man my wife loved.
As time went on I eventually transitioned from awkward men's underwear (who the f*&% are those meant to fit?) to panties. I think this was my first step towards being comfortable with what made me happy regardless of what society deemed as "normal." My wife knew about it as it all began when she was cleaning out her underwear drawer one day and was going to throw some of her older ones out. I jokingly told her I bet they would look good on me and she told me to try them on and let her see. She told me they looked cute and I should keep them if I wanted them. That finally gave me a small window to start the whole "doesn't this make me weird cause I'm a guy?" conversation. My wife told me that none of that mattered. It's just some cotton with some elastic. It doesn't define anything about me other than what makes me comfortable. She was also very open with the fact that even though she knew it was somewhat sexual for me, she was not sexually aroused by the fact that I was wearing panties but on the other hand, it didn't bother her either.
So, I had my collection of a few panties that I would wear on occasion and began to buy sexy men's underwear from several sites I had found that catered to the need for guys who wanted to wear sexy underwear. They were borderline panties, but I just couldn't make myself buy actual panties. Eventually after many more conversations with my wife, I had convinced myself that I could do it and began buying panties. I eventually transitioned to wearing nothing but panties all the time, as my panty collection has far outgrown my wife's. This didn't bother my wife in the least, but my insecurity about it always made me wonder if she was just blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel better about myself.
I had always wondered what it would be like to put the whole package together, so to speak. I had played with makeup or some of her clothes but had never gone all the way and put it all together. I stumbled upon this forum and began exploring. A lot of my fears and misconceptions were torn away. I decided to do it. I ordered some of my very own clothes and a wig. I decided to try it all out and was hooked.
But what did that mean? That little voice in the back of my head kept telling me how wrong it was and that I needed to stop. I stayed on the forum here. I haven't ever been one to post very much or start any threads. Why? For fear of acceptance? But why wouldn't I be accepted? This new found person that I have inside of me has the same insecurities as I do. What if I don't really fit in? My "big life struggle" if mostly internal. I know many of you have gone through real life struggles that have had a huge effect on yourselves.
But even worse, What if I do fit in? Will I want to dress more? What if I find out that I'm happier as a woman? What if I want to start going out in public this way? What if I want to transition? OMG, OMG, OMG...
So, I decided to tell my wife about it all; the crossdressing and the attraction to all genders. She was shocked to say the least. In retrospect, this should have possibly been two different conversations. LOL. She kept calm though and said she needed time to process it all. I told her I wouldn't mention any of it until she brought it up again but felt 1000x better after getting the weight of the secret off of my chest.
Well, almost a year passed and it never really came up. I started to press the issue some. She finally opened up and talked to me about it. She doesn't really understand it and didn't want to see it. So, we kept talking about it until she finally started to see where I was coming from and why I did it. She even eventually looked at some pictures of me dressed up.
As time went by she became more open with that side of me. It was little things but they made me happy no less. My wife has never really been a girly girl, she's more of a country girl. Now she has me help her with her eyeliner sometimes or pick out her clothes when we go shopping. She still doesn't have any desire to see me like that in person but has become accepting of the fact that side of me exists.
Well the summer came and she was home with me all summer with our son. So, Cherise had to take a leave and go away for a while. I admit I even hardly came on the forum here all summer. It gave me a lot of time to think. It gave me a lot of time to talk things over with her.
This is what I've come to learn:
It doesn't matter what turns you on. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone else, you should do it.
Peoples' opinion of you show more about who they are than who you are.
Finding men, women and everything in between sexually attractive only means that I can see past the labels society places on people. I find other PEOPLE attractive. Period.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't take yourself too seriously. If wearing makeup and a dress around the house is fun, who the f&%# cares? It doesn't ultimately determine who you are as a person.
Wearing panties and underdressing might be a gateway drug.
Finally, I've also created a facebook page for my femme side. It's still a work in progress but I've been playing around with it for about a month now. I think a femme page might be the crossdressing of the 21st century. It lets you present yourself as a woman. You don't have to worry about passing. You can interact with other people who instantly and unquestionably recognize you as a female. And because it is completely separated from my male profile, I can do whatever I want on it without any fear of judgement by small minded people.
I hope my story can help someone. Sorry if it was boring and anti climatic. It's still being written. I've learned that life isn't so much about the destination, but the journey. I'm not afraid to be here anymore...
As the summer has come to an end and my wife is back at work and I find myself alone at home, I'm going dig Cherise out of my closet and try her back on. I've missed her over these months. Maybe I'll even be brave enough to upload some pictures of her one day.
In all fairness though, for the longest time, neither was I. Like many of you, I started wearing my mom's clothes around the house when I was home alone as a young teenager. I would steal some of her makeup and stash it away so I could play with it when I was home alone. As I got older, I thought I would grow out of it, but found myself wearing panties sometimes (my mom's when I was in high school or my gf's in college). When I moved in with my fiance after college, the urge to dress became stronger. It was just too tempting with all of her clothes and makeup around the house when I was home alone.
Was it just a fetish? Wearing some of her clothes or playing with her makeup was very arousing to me, as it had always been when I first started back with my mom's things. Did this mean I was secretly gay or that I wanted to be a woman? I was afraid to explore any of those options, so I always immediately dismissed them. I am a VERY sexual person. I am an alpha male type of guy. I felt like my entire existence was threatened by my "fetish."
As I got older, I found myself staring my fears down. I watched all types of porn. LOL. I found that I was very attracted to other crossdressers and transgendered people. To my horror, I also started to become somewhat attracted to other men. My love for women and their natural beauty far surpassed my attraction to anything else though. So, where did this leave me? I ended up getting married. By this point I had buried any thoughts or fears that I wasn't the straight, masculine man my wife loved.
As time went on I eventually transitioned from awkward men's underwear (who the f*&% are those meant to fit?) to panties. I think this was my first step towards being comfortable with what made me happy regardless of what society deemed as "normal." My wife knew about it as it all began when she was cleaning out her underwear drawer one day and was going to throw some of her older ones out. I jokingly told her I bet they would look good on me and she told me to try them on and let her see. She told me they looked cute and I should keep them if I wanted them. That finally gave me a small window to start the whole "doesn't this make me weird cause I'm a guy?" conversation. My wife told me that none of that mattered. It's just some cotton with some elastic. It doesn't define anything about me other than what makes me comfortable. She was also very open with the fact that even though she knew it was somewhat sexual for me, she was not sexually aroused by the fact that I was wearing panties but on the other hand, it didn't bother her either.
So, I had my collection of a few panties that I would wear on occasion and began to buy sexy men's underwear from several sites I had found that catered to the need for guys who wanted to wear sexy underwear. They were borderline panties, but I just couldn't make myself buy actual panties. Eventually after many more conversations with my wife, I had convinced myself that I could do it and began buying panties. I eventually transitioned to wearing nothing but panties all the time, as my panty collection has far outgrown my wife's. This didn't bother my wife in the least, but my insecurity about it always made me wonder if she was just blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel better about myself.
I had always wondered what it would be like to put the whole package together, so to speak. I had played with makeup or some of her clothes but had never gone all the way and put it all together. I stumbled upon this forum and began exploring. A lot of my fears and misconceptions were torn away. I decided to do it. I ordered some of my very own clothes and a wig. I decided to try it all out and was hooked.
But what did that mean? That little voice in the back of my head kept telling me how wrong it was and that I needed to stop. I stayed on the forum here. I haven't ever been one to post very much or start any threads. Why? For fear of acceptance? But why wouldn't I be accepted? This new found person that I have inside of me has the same insecurities as I do. What if I don't really fit in? My "big life struggle" if mostly internal. I know many of you have gone through real life struggles that have had a huge effect on yourselves.
But even worse, What if I do fit in? Will I want to dress more? What if I find out that I'm happier as a woman? What if I want to start going out in public this way? What if I want to transition? OMG, OMG, OMG...
So, I decided to tell my wife about it all; the crossdressing and the attraction to all genders. She was shocked to say the least. In retrospect, this should have possibly been two different conversations. LOL. She kept calm though and said she needed time to process it all. I told her I wouldn't mention any of it until she brought it up again but felt 1000x better after getting the weight of the secret off of my chest.
Well, almost a year passed and it never really came up. I started to press the issue some. She finally opened up and talked to me about it. She doesn't really understand it and didn't want to see it. So, we kept talking about it until she finally started to see where I was coming from and why I did it. She even eventually looked at some pictures of me dressed up.
As time went by she became more open with that side of me. It was little things but they made me happy no less. My wife has never really been a girly girl, she's more of a country girl. Now she has me help her with her eyeliner sometimes or pick out her clothes when we go shopping. She still doesn't have any desire to see me like that in person but has become accepting of the fact that side of me exists.
Well the summer came and she was home with me all summer with our son. So, Cherise had to take a leave and go away for a while. I admit I even hardly came on the forum here all summer. It gave me a lot of time to think. It gave me a lot of time to talk things over with her.
This is what I've come to learn:
It doesn't matter what turns you on. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone else, you should do it.
Peoples' opinion of you show more about who they are than who you are.
Finding men, women and everything in between sexually attractive only means that I can see past the labels society places on people. I find other PEOPLE attractive. Period.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't take yourself too seriously. If wearing makeup and a dress around the house is fun, who the f&%# cares? It doesn't ultimately determine who you are as a person.
Wearing panties and underdressing might be a gateway drug.
Finally, I've also created a facebook page for my femme side. It's still a work in progress but I've been playing around with it for about a month now. I think a femme page might be the crossdressing of the 21st century. It lets you present yourself as a woman. You don't have to worry about passing. You can interact with other people who instantly and unquestionably recognize you as a female. And because it is completely separated from my male profile, I can do whatever I want on it without any fear of judgement by small minded people.
I hope my story can help someone. Sorry if it was boring and anti climatic. It's still being written. I've learned that life isn't so much about the destination, but the journey. I'm not afraid to be here anymore...
As the summer has come to an end and my wife is back at work and I find myself alone at home, I'm going dig Cherise out of my closet and try her back on. I've missed her over these months. Maybe I'll even be brave enough to upload some pictures of her one day.