It's been a while..

[thewife/soon2bex]

Well.. it's been a while since I posted. I want to thank everyone for the answers you have given to me over the time.

I wanted to get some insight as to why when a cd'r meets someone the feelings would go away. I have a theory and wanted to know your thoughts.

When I asked my H why he didn't tell me when he met me. He said that the feelings went away. I was young, semipretty, skinny and could wear all the clothes that he enjoyed and yes he bought them for me. After time, the way I felt in the clothes began to change. I went from feeling beautiful to feeling cheap. I began to feel like I was dressing in a way that made me feel like less of woman and more like a tramp (for lack of a better word..)

So this got me thinking. Could it have been that I became his object to dress up? Could I have become his barbie doll? could I have been the way he expressed his need to dress? Was I the replacement for the underlying desire he had to dress up that was more accepted by society? Just a question to ponder...:thinking:

[Lorileah]

Redirection? Displacement? mirroring? Maybe/ More suppression and hoping it would go away. I know that my wife started to not dress like she did when we met and I still tried everything I could to get her back into it (wanna buy three negligees?) It didn't work with her either but it wasn't that I bought things trying to make her me. It was more what I liked to see her in.

[sandra-leigh]

Difficult to say exactly.

I often went clothes shopping for my wife, relying both on my taste and on her feedback about what she liked. My selection ability was better than would be expected. And I would "try on" her clothes to see how the outfits went together, to see how to match things up, so that I could improve my selection.

This was before I had any idea I was a cross-dresser. I was buying for her, not for myself, not (often) buying things I didn't think she would like. Yes, the occasional piece in the hopes she would look sexy in the item, but rarely pieces to be worn "by proxy" (I cannot promise "never", especially since I didn't know what I was doing.)

After I realized I was a cross-dresser, I bought for me, and shopped much less for her.

I think it fair to think there might have been an element of "projection", but if so, it was not necessarily recognized as such.

When I bought items for my wife that were "more revealing", as best I can tell it was not projection of any desire of my own to walk around "looking like that": what-ever else I might have been, I was just plain turned on by my wife, and wanted more sexuality in our lives. A "typical guy" in that respect.

Now-a-days if I buy something nice for my wife, she's likely to ask, "Is this for me, or is it for you?" (i.e., am I buying it for my cross-dressing side?) When that happens, I feel a lump in my stomach, a lump of disappointment and hurt: can't I just buy her something from affection without it turning into an accusation? Which is one of the reasons I don't buy much for my wife anymore. :sad:

[Barbara Ella]

At my age, the female libido faded a few years ago, and my male libido faded shortly thereafter. I truly miss her dressing in her skirts and heels, but she gave those up and passed her skirts on to me before she flipped to non acceptance. It is very rough to want to dress as feminine as possible, and to have a wife that has moved beyond that. But no, I do not think we select clothes for our wife that we want to use to dress them up. We have the image of them in their younger or more sexual times and that is what we hope to keep alive. You are not a Barbie doll. You are beautiful, and deserve to treat yourself as such. It is very difficult, and conflicting when we try to do this for you. We mean no disrespect. We are as conflicted as you are.

Barbara

[ElleduSud]

We have the image of them in their younger or more sexual times and that is what we hope to keep alive. You are not a Barbie doll. You are beautiful, and deserve to treat yourself as such. It is very difficult, and conflicting when we try to do this for you. We mean no disrespect. We are as conflicted as you are.

Barbara

I think that is very sweet

[kimdl93]

I suspect he was living vicariously through you, choosing clothes that he wished he might be able to wear for himself. Perhaps not so much a barbie doll as a surrogate.

That, however, doesn't make you a replacement for his need to dress. My guess is that he really did forget about his passion for dressing when he met you...because a young, slim, pretty woman will have that affect on a man, regardless of whether he's transgendered or not! And I'm sure he loved many other things about you besides your figure and face.


Unfortunately, relationships change and people change. Sometimes, those of us who've lived a life repressing part of ourselves can become so obsessed with the denied part that we start losing connections with those nearest us. So it seems in your case. It happened to me at one time and it contributed mightily to the end of what had been a long and rewarding marriage. I'm not suggesting that his dressing was the whole cause - there are so many dynamics in a relationship and, it takes two to divorce.