Can anybody explaine this!

[femaletrouble]

When i first started crossdressing more than 30 yrs ago i was happy enough with just wearing panties an maby a silky slip, but as many of you know as the years rolled by ive progressed to dressin fully en femme, complete with masscara, nailpolish the whole the works! an if im only wearin the undies under my male clothes i feel half dressed, which i soppose i am. but why must we continue to keep addin more to the illusion?

[bridget thronton]

Some think it is thrill seeking, some think it is because we become more comfortable in are female role

[kimdl93]

I think that a number of things are going on. First, I'm pretty sure that most CDrs, despite a lifetime of practiced repression, have some desire to be women. When we start dressing regularly, we start realizing the possibility that we can do more. Then, we add a few things, try make up and before you know it, we're fully en femme. So, to some extent, we allow ourselves to become what we always have been.

The other side of the coin may be that as we explore and experiment, and see the possibility, we essentially rewire our conception of our gender to some extent. Maybe, each step in the progression reinforces and magnifies the inherent tendencies and makes the mind more receptive to even more expression of femininity. Sort of a positive feedback loop.

Of course, this could all be nonsense ;)

[Sarah Doepner]

I think it's something in the water, but I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time either.

I'm not convinced that as much as I like crossdressing that I want to be a woman. As the years went by I found myself following the same path as you and it seems we share this path with a lot of fellow travelers. I've found that I needed to do the whole thing to bring the image I had in my head in line with what I saw in the mirror. When that happened, I was much more comfortable. Still afraid at times, usually confused and wondering where it might end up, but at least the two images were in agreement and I could move on. I dressed fully in my teens several times before stopping (slowing down?) for several years. When I started dressing again as an adult I started slowly, probably out of denial, but the desire to go all out was still there. I do like the positive feedback loop idea, even though there were more than a few negative responses and feelings associated with it.

I don't know. I like it more this way? Can that be good enough for now?

[katie_barns]

Here is the way I see it. CD'ing is expressing the feminine side that we all have. We start small and grow from there. I don't believe that we progressed in our need. I believe that need is always there it just that we accept small victories to start with. Under dressing for example. Society's attitude toward CD's and our own guilt at being different keeps us from fully expressing our feminine side. As time goes by we accept ourselves more and push the limits of our comfort.

Anything we do in life takes time to learn. When I first started skiing, just standing up and making it 10 feet without falling was a thrill. A few years later I was pushing the limits on every advance course there was. No longer was the nice gentle straight down hill course satisfying. I think that CDing is a lot like that.

Under dressing at first lets the girl loose a little; but she is a girl, and needs to express herself.
Hope that makes sense. Oh also, I understand why you call it an illusion. It is to some extent. But I like to look at it as removing the mask, not putting it on.

Have a great day!!

[Lynn Marie]

I've always liked the feel of lingerie and stockings and heels, but it wasn't until I was able to present a completed package that the look and the feel came together.

I'm not a fan of presenting as a man wearing a skirt, or a bearded woman, or any of the mixed gender ideas people come up with. I either present all man, or all woman. I like 'em both. I think they're both pretty classy folks and they dress well.

[Stephanie47]

I believe each person has some percentage of the opposite sex in their inner self. It may be less in some; greater in others. I do not want to be a woman, but, if I was a woman, it would be OK. Society has conditioned a person to act in acceptable ways. Some feminine behavior and feelings are now acceptable. Some are not. One way to express a feminine trait is unacceptable and that is cross dressing. So, it is suppressed by self. However, sometimes the relief that feminine side provides is able to break through. I started off with the slips and panty wearing. Followed decades later with total en femme, when my inner woman wants to let her twin brother escape the realities of being a man. Stephanie asserts herself when her twin brother is under stress. Stephanie also wants to come out and just play sometimes. She wants to enjoy breakfast in the backyard. How can you lock your inner woman in a mental cage? How can a GG lock the inner man in a cage?

As to suppressing your desires to express yourself more fully each and every day? Balance! Balance! Just like anything else in life, balance is required. The realities of life have to be considered.

[Amy Fakley]

Don't know if I can explain it, but I can most definitely pontificate.

I'll start by saying I have no freakin' idea why I do this other than that I've been mysteriously drawn to it like a magnet since forever. It's definitely been a progression for me as well ... starting with the usual undergarments, hose ... then shoes, then skirts and dresses then makeup and wigs, and yadda yadda yadda.

Why does it progress? I'll second what Katie said ... I don't think it's the need that progresses (I've always had more or less the same need, though it does come and go over the years) ... it's the capability that progresses. Two years ago I had literally no idea how to do makeup (and I'm definitely still learning), I just knew I liked wearing dresses ... years before that I just knew I liked feeling feminine, wearing hose under my pants, etc.

The better I get at it, the more progressively put together my "baseline femme side" gets. Maybe this time next year, I'll be on here talking about my first time out, or getting the courage to find an in-person support group, etc. There is also the self-acceptance aspect ... that's been an equally long time coming for me.

[DonnaT]

Or we could have two souls, and as the female one gets stronger, the more we desire to dress.

The male one is still there, however, and won't give up the good fight, and can suppress the female one a bit, for a bit.

Some day a balance will be acquired, and our consciousness will be able to manage both as we desire.

Maybe ;)

[Persephone]

Oh also, I understand why you call it an illusion. It is to some extent. But I like to look at it as removing the mask, not putting it on.

I agree with Katie.

I've always felt like "he" was mostly illusion although I have enjoyed doing boy stuff under the cloak of being a guy. Maybe I'm part tomboy??

But I've been crossdressing about twice as long as the OP and it has progressed from trying on panties through girdles, bras, and high heels, and last night it was dinner with my women's club, about 25 females.

I've spent a good part of this lifetime trying to learn what makes us crossdress. I've studied lots of medical literature, I've even taught classes that include genetics, foetal hormone levels, the whole bit. And I've come to a conclusion that it is more important to live and to enjoy being who I am than it is to try to figure out the why.

It's taken me a long time, but I've finally embraced the Popeye School of Philosophy - "I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam."

Enjoy!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Karren H]

Its called "never being happy with the status quo" it's what humans do.... always have to progress..... move in one direction......

[NathalieX66]

Femaletrouble, I'll speak from an American perspective since you are from the UK, as I've only taken trains around the London area, here's my "train" analogy:

You love model trains, and you buy a locomotive, a few cars, and some railroad tracks. It's fun at first, but then it gets boring, and not enough. So you buy other locomotives , and more cars, and more rail. I started out with my HO scale Chessie System freight trains, then wanted Union Pacific, Pennsylvania, and New York Central, so on and so forth.

In my quest for understanding myself, I found out that my dressing as a woman is an identity issue, not a sexual issue. It's different for everybody. The fact that I prefer to show up at a pub, or club in my female self shows that this is how I feel as a person, and I am merely me being me, as I see myself. This is where I found myself.

You may have different needs, but self exploration is an important process in life.

[Beverley Sims]

Nathalie's train set analogy is right on.
With a train set you start off with a circle and just keep building on to it, ad infinitum.
Cross dresssing starts off with one item of clothing and develops into a full wardrobe, makeup and eventually going out.
Like the universe it just goes on expanding.
You are up to post #21 see what answers you have found when you reach post #999.
I will probably be watching out for that day.:)

[minalost]

The other side of the coin may be that as we explore and experiment, and see the possibility, we essentially rewire our conception of our gender to some extent. Maybe, each step in the progression reinforces and magnifies the inherent tendencies and makes the mind more receptive to even more expression of femininity. Sort of a positive feedback loop.

Of course, this could all be nonsense ;)

Positive feedback - it feels good to do a little, so we add a little, more. It feels better, so we add a little more: The panties feel good and exciting... for a while. Then its just what we wear under our pants. To get the same excitment we have to do more. Now its painties and a cami until its "old hat" and we have to add more...

Like Kim said: positive feedback!

[Angela Campbell]

I wish I could explain this, but I can't. I always wondered why it comes and goes, but deep down I don't think it ever really went away, it was just being too busy living a life. I think I always wanted to be a girl but realized early on it is not possible for me. At least when I dress up I can fool myself for a little while. I really beleive I was born with it.

[Amanda_P]

I know for me I don't like looking like a man in a dress. But like all the others on here. You start small and get better at that then move on to the next step. I'm 54 years old and just now able to pratice putting on makeup. GAWD I hate mascara and never can get my eyeliner just right. But it's just another step to get the look right.

[Madam Rose]

Because we want to be a woman sometimes it's just who we are. I want to dress fully but can't because my aunt doesn't want any hicks to jump me.

[reb.femme]

The other side of the coin may be that as we explore and experiment, and see the possibility, we essentially rewire our conception of our gender to some extent. Maybe, each step in the progression reinforces and magnifies the inherent tendencies and makes the mind more receptive to even more expression of femininity. Sort of a positive feedback loop.

Of course, this could all be nonsense ;)

Actually Kim, from my own perspective, you couldn't be nearer the truth. I have definitely become what I was, and each step is merely the beginning of the next phase. I enjoy and like all aspects of my femme side and encourage her to progress. So a very positive feedback loop. Just need to keep it in check, so that I don't have a Chernobyl moment of catastrophic meltdown.

Rebecca x

[Anita_2]

That is also and my question where CD start and is there evolution in it? In my opinion by my experience I love women and sex that is beginning – so only few years ago I started to experiment with more than tights and stockings – yesterday I have my first skirt etc. I am now totally dressed and I feel special but it is in relationship and with that that lot of people and GG has all ways telling me “you look like real he-man” (in that way I am about 2m and 100 kg lot of muscles) so in that situation I asked myself “and what I am else?” - in one part women as I think all male are but only they are to much stereotype to accept that or they so much enjoy in that that they dont like another side or express it in another way.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Femaletrouble, It's the old story about the Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.