Old Habits Going Strong That Should Have Been Dead Long Ago! (long thread)

[Cary]

I've been a member of this forum for a few years now and have been very inspired by many here. I'm so glad I found this place words can not express. Let me get to my tell of woe. Like most here, my crossdressing started at an early age. I was 8 or 9 with mom's underthings and hose. When most boys were hiding Playboy and Penthouse mags under their beds, I was hiding the picture ads of the women's clothing sections from the newspaper and catologs. Underware and pantyhose being my main focus. This was back in the late 70's and 80's when JCP and Sears had huge catologs with nice sections devoted to this. I had two hiding places, one being my school locker and the other a box in the back of a home closet. One day my dad was looking for something and came across my stash. It just so happen everybody was home at the time, so when he asked out loud what the F%*# is this and who does it belong to, everybody came to see. From the look of horror on my face, it was no doubt who the box belonged to. I didn't get in trouble for it. I think I would have prephered that over my whole family laughing at me and my dad throwing my stash in the trash. This was a running family joke at my expense for years. Eventhough I kept collecting on a smaller scale, this must have scared me for life. I have happly lived alone for almost 20 years. It's just me and my cat most of the time. Over the years my fem wardrobe has exploded so much that it could take up a full size closet by itself. The problem is that I don't keep my things properly. My things are stuffed in bags and boxes in the back of my closet gaurded with fear of discovery. This has greatly affected my crossdressing. Eventhough I can dress everyday and night, I don't. The clothes I have now are wrinkled and/or outdated. Some are now too small or too big and need to go. I don't even know all of what I have anymore. When I do dress, all I see is a hot mess and not the female image I'm looking for. Sometimes I think it would be better to trash most of it and start all over again with new things being cared for properly. What are your thoughts?

[Amy Fakley]

well ... I have one of these and it's freakin' amazing:
http://www.amazon.com/SteamFast-SF-407-1500-Watt-Fabric-Steamer/dp/B000BQRD0I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344786312&sr=8-1&keywords=steamer

but it sounds like there's more going on than just needing some hangers, girl.
What you went through as a kid sounds horrible ... I got preached at fire & brimstone style about going to hell and satan stealing my soul and all of that crap when I was like 8 for just admitting that I liked girls clothes better than boys ... I can understand about carrying that baggage around ... over the years it really complicates things.

It sounds like you have the freedom now to cut some of it loose.
Get yourself to the home depot and visit the closet section ... get organized ... THEN get pretty, sista! :-)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cary, save some for the next guy don't throw it out take it to goodwill
and buy some new up to date fashions.

[Ann Thomas]

Cary, I started out the same way. But about a decade ago, I managed to come to terms with who I was, and accept myself for what I was created to be. It was clear to me by that point, after hiding so long, and thinking I was a warped or depraved individual, that I realized it wasn't something I had created. It was something born inside of me from before I can remember. It wasn't some demon taking up residence in there. It wasn't a sick person with a mental problem. It was just me. Gradually I came to realize I needed to accept myself first, then that would give me the confidence to present myself to the world. I've come a long way from that, and I don't hesitate to be open about who I am in most situations. When I'm not open, it's for the sake of the person I'm around at the time, because *they* can't handle it. Big difference.

I know that you're not meeting your own expectations for what you want to see in the mirror, but that takes practice to get good at it. I don't worry about it much. I just keep living, and moving forward and learning more each day and practicing each day. You may not be anywhere near as bad looking as you think. Share a picture of your attempts with someone you can trust, or maybe even dress for them to see you that way in person. You never know - you might be far better looking than you think.

Hugs,
Ann

[Beverley Sims]

You have been on this forum for nearly four years.
It is time to poke your nose outside and move on.
Take all your clothes out of the bags and hang them up.
Try them on and decide that some can return to the bags and get a new life at goodwill.
Those that survive should be washed ironed and worn.
You do not have to dress every night but look at meeting like interested others and going out.
The next couple of years could be the beginning of a new life.
I will be watching out for you.

[Cynthia Anne]

I doubt that your cat is going to tell anyone if you hang your clothes it the closit! that's what dressers and closits were made for! Enjoy it!

[Cary]

Thanks to everybody their support! On Tuesday I will go through all my clothes to start a new chapter in my life.

[heatherdress]

Decide the size your collection should be. Plan a neat closet or storage area. Getd of stuff you don't like, fit into, or care for - donate it. Organize what you have. You will find it much more enjoyable and easier to find what you want. Make the sorting and set up fun - you don't have to do aeverything at one time. Once you "right size" your stuff - maintain that size. If you buy anything new (example a pair of heels) donate an older pair. It is so much faster to dress when there is a place for everything. You won't have to worry about wrinkles if you hang stuff up and take care of it. Good luck.

[Paula_56]

How’s your swing? If you’re a golfer you recognized this as familiar greeting between other golfers. Golf is a remarkably simple game to the casual observer; hit the ball into the hole. Not unlike being a transgendered woman it is in realty astonishingly complex and multifaceted.
For years I was a casual golfer, I’d take my clubs out of the basement dust them off, and hit the course 2 or 3 times a year. It’s no surprise my game stunk, and I was getting no better. I searched for the quick fix, new driver, new balls, a book, and maybe a couple of nights at the range. Nothing changed.
Years ago I got a new job, and made friends with a golfer in the office, we started going to an indoor range nearby and took lesson during the winter. The instructor taught me one thing that I have carried forward into many things in life. Most of golf was played in my head. It’s mental game. Especially my swing, the mechanics and the physicality of my swing had to be learned and stored in my mind and pulled out without thought or effort. It needed to become a natural part of myself.

Hopefully I haven’t lost you yet, here’s where I tie it in: It needs to be natural, just like a being woman. A few months ago in April I had a great trip to Chicago and enjoyed several days out enfemme. The last day there, I was too exhausted to spend the time getting dressed and ready, so I was outside enjoying the warm day at the Oakbrook Mall. In front the bookstore I saw the prettiest girl, I watched her with envy as she walked thru the court yard, and perched on a bench. Everything about her was feminine, fashionable, smart, and beautiful. I looked her over as another woman would, and made a mental list of all the effort, it took to look this good. The hair, makeup, matching jewelry, eyebrows, her lashes, manicure, and pedicure, shaved smoothed and tan legs, designer shoes, and purse. It all looked so natural, graceful, and effortless. Just like the perfect golf swing. Are you pulling your clothes and makeup out of storage, like I did with my clubs and expecting magical things to happen?

My friend and I took a few lessons but continued to go to the range twice a week for a year, it became habit. On our lunch break Tuesday and Thursday we were there. If I was bored or idle somewhere I’d practiced my stance, swing and follow thru without a club. I practiced putting in the basement instead of watching TV after dinner. That September I shot 78 in a tournament. The year before I never broke 100!

I don’t golf anymore but I do cross-dress. The last 2 years have been very rewarding, and I have improved my image and have done things I have dreamed about for years. Just like the example I gave using golf, it takes effort. Just like that pretty girl in Oakbrook. If you look around our community online here you will notice the girls who look good, really work at it. It takes time this is a lifestyle. You need to set goals and work toward them.

I always dreamed of going out in public as a woman. When I turned 50, middle age crazy took over and I began working on it.

First I began losing weight, nothing makes you feel or look better, than being physically fit. I went from a size 26W to a 16 Misses. How you lose the weight is another issue all together.

I began buying makeup, from a very helpful SA at the NARS counter. Every couple weeks I’d buy another piece of cosmetic, and she would tutor me. Kasey was the first person who taught me not to be ashamed of being transgendered.
I would practice at home. Even if I wasn’t getting dressed, I would apply my makeup, getting better each time. I’d watch you tube tutorials when I couldn’t practice.

I saved up and bought a good wig. Wig stores are all TG friendly! If you don’t believe me call one, Be polite and honest, tell them you are a transgendered person looking for a wig and would like to come in. I guarantee, you are not the first. Once you have the hair, learn how to style it. Ask you your wig lady. I have had several classes where I learned how to style and comb out my wig. After the classes practice, practice, practice.

I found a gender therapist and for the first time in my life spoke openly and face to face with someone about this. Speak with any girl and she will tell you this is a big part of self acceptance. Because of this I was able to shed the guilt and shame I struggled with for years. I was also able to understand where I wanted to go with this. That’s when I set my goal, of being able to go out in public as a woman on a regular schedule.

Get a big sister connect with another girl online or in person, even if you meet endrab as friends. Having someone like yourself to support each other is important.

Practice your voice, smart phones have recording apps. Use your feminine voice every day, read road signs; use your feminine voice at the drive thru.

Become a student of fashion, find a TG mentor, and study other women. Which one are you? Find your style and not your fantasy.

Movement is my goal for this year, walking, posture, and body language. I am hoping to find a coach or modeling school to help and then like the above practice. In the meantime, when I shop the mall at lunch, I put my body into girl mode, nobody notices, and even if they did so what??

So much of my presentation has become second nature to me now. I walk out the hotel room door, smile, at the maid; stop at the front desk, without trepidation or anxiety. This self-assurance is contagious to everyone around you, it validates your appearance to them. When I visit cosmetic counters in girl mode, I am always open about being transgendered. The SA’s seemed to love the diversion of having a transgendered customer. We always have great conversations and I always ask them about my appearance. Most often, the words I hear are, poised, natural, and classic.

They say 90% of presentation is attitude and confidence. This takes effort and work. That confidence and attitude comes from the steps I outlined above. Enjoy the journey, the practice, the friendships, the accomplishments and failures. Then when you walk thru that door dressed for a day of activities you won’t even think about your swing it will be perfec

[Cary]

Thank you Paula for your post. You are totally on point. Since I've been here, I've seen the awesome results of many here. I'm jealous and in aww at the sametime. I do realize that anything in life worth doing is worth doing well and takes time and effort. I have been friends with PeggySue from here for years now. We meet for lunch every few monthes. We even went clothes shopping once. She is a great person. She has found her balance between her male and female sides. I have watched her change so much since we first started hanging out. Her confidence has grown so much. For a person who is married and still closeted(I think I'm to only person who know he is PeggySue), she has come a long way. She works hard on her fem side and it shows. Plus he makes sure PeggySue gets out alot. I told her she needs to post some pics here. Everytime I see her I am Encouraged. I know things are not going to change overnight, but there will be change. Scares do heal. Thanks again.