I hate today . . . .

[Anne2345]

Today is a really bad, miserable day. I hate today. I am exhausted, irritable, and just plain sick and tired of myself today. I want today to end, but it keeps going on and on and on, with no end anywhere near in sight.

Today has been a cold and ruthless day. Today has been a school yard bully. I want to run away from today. I want to leave today behind this day. I want to hide deeply from today, and everything that is associated with today.

Today really, really sucks. So :censor: today! Today is my enemy. I want to smash today into the freaking ground, and mash it's ugly, despicable head into the dirt. Except today is stronger than me this day, and both today and I know it.

So today I have taken hit after hit after hit, as today continues to own, taunt, insult, and belittle me.

And there is very little today I can do about it, because today has stripped me of my resolve and courage. Today has corrupted my thoughts and emotions with doubt, fear, and insecurity.

Today I am helpless. Today I am despondent. I hurt much today.

I do not want this today. I cannot do this today. I am not properly equipped for the battle today.

The only thing I really want to do today is to give up. I want to give up the fight today, lay down on the floor, completely break down, and just fade away into nothingness. Today it's simply too much. It's all just too damn hard today.

I can't face today this day. Today has thoroughly beaten me down. Today has broken me. There is no hope for me today. I raise the white flag to today, and I surrender. I surrender to today, because today has totally done me in, and I can't take anymore punishment this day.

I am sorry I am so weak today. I am sorry that I am so beaten down today. And I am sorry that I have acquiesced today.

But soon today will become tomorrow, and an altogether different day.

Right now, though, for the remainder of today, what I need more than anything is a kind word or two, a hug, and a shoulder to cry on. I just want to make it through the rest of today, but I need help . . . .

[kimdl93]

Anne, sweetheart, you can always turn to me for a hug and a shoulder to cry on. We all need it from time to time.

So go ahead and surrender. Live to fight another day.

[Traci Elizabeth]

If you were close to me, I would come over and give you a big long hug. Make you and I a cup of coffee and settle down in comfortable chairs and just spend the rest of the 33% of the day talking about anything. Stick with it sweetie, it's almost over.

[suzy1]

Normally I would just give you one of my slaps and tell you to snap out of it girl.:eek:
But this time you get a hug. Make the most of it.:)

SUZY

[elizabethamy]

"Today has been a school yard bully!" Even at your most miserable, Anne, you come up with the most amazing ways of seeing the world. We all need you!

elizabethamy

[Marleena]

You've made it through most of today so hang in there girlfriend. Sending some hugs!!:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Rachel Renee]

Anne, I know exactly how you are feeling. I have had more of those days than I care to admit. Even when a day starts out promising, it can turn dark very quickly. It is exhausting and demoralizing. It can also feel incredibly lonely when we find ourselves in this place. It can be hard to muster the strength to carry on but you are a strong individual, Anne. You will get through this and you will be even stronger for it.

[Dawn cd]

Yeah, some days are just the pits! But here's the thing: unless you make something out of today, tomorrow could be just as bad...or worse. So strive to achieve some little thing today—doesn't have to be much—that you can be proud of. It's the last 100 yards of the marathon. Gut check time. We're all on the sidelines cheering.

[Barbara Ella]

I really hate that tv show also......Wait....Oh, i see. You are not talking about the tv show. OK. Let me rethink this as I know Anne, and she gets down and very introspective, but the Anne I know always has a spark of resolve left in reserve, and she also has the jab of Muhammad Ali. So as I read this I realize that there are some times when the rope a dope must be applied to real life, and I see the setup coming big time, and today better watch out!!

Sometimes you just have to let the opposition pummel you and appear to beat the crap out of you. I say appear, cause when you are relaxing, you are saving your strength. So just sit there and complain while today is whaling the daylights out of your arms and gloves. Just dont let today get to your beautiful toenail polish. Keep that thought in your reserve.

Shortly today will have exhausted what it can do to you, but you will still be Anne. You will have the benefit of hugs, embraces. blown kisses, and many many shoulders by your side. Today will have nothing but its past to present to you. Tonight is when you stand back up, get off the ropes, float like a butterfly, and then sting the SOB like a bee. The night is yours. Embrace it and draw strength from its depths. Depths today cannot generate as it is a shallow thought that is quickly a memory, but regardless of what the time is during any 24 hour cycle, tonight will always be there just for you.

So please dear Anne, smile at the damage today is trying to do. It is only fleeting mental despair, and you are strong in that respect when allowed to recover. And recover is what you will do very shortly. Looking forward to the followup post once you have shown today that it is really yesterday, and irrelevant.

Hugs, Hugs, Hugs et. al. Barbara

[PaulaAnn]

Hi Anne; Well I truely feel your pain and despair.....I've been there ....down to having the gun barrel to my head.You have a host of friends and supporters here in this great place;lean on them for support .
But if I may say this and I mean it in the way that sisters would say it to each other. No one can pull your butt out of the flames but YOU.Only YOU can pick yourself up out of the dust and move on.Though you may be battered and beaten by this cruel world and things in it ....you and only you can get up ,move forward and fight with every iota of your being to overcome the demons barring your path to a better life.I have lost my marriage , friends,battled cancer ,undergone surgery for a duff prostate , a brain tumour and a host of bad luck and obsticles in my path to being the woman I want to be. Yes,I was in the last stages of despair and ready to end it all ,but then I figured it out that I had more grit in me than that .So I stopped my negativity, dragged my sorry ass out into the sun and made myself a winner...You must dig deep into every fiber of your being to get through this and YOU will.If I can do it ,you can too.
Just my take on the matter and I hope you don't take offense with my words;I mean well.
Paula.

[Raychel]

We have all had those days. You just have to plug on and get thru it. :hugs::hugs:

I have hhad days and I am really glad when it is time for bed, I figure the day can't get me when I am sleeping.

I hope you day is better tomorrow. :hugs:

[Noemi]

Anne,

You got help didn't you.
You are feeling better and have a clear mind.
Sorry you are having a bad day. I am too, if that is alright to say.

The weather is horribly humid and I have construction in the adjacent unit for three weeks waking me up most days, which is taking its toll.

There is more, I met a woman that I could fall in love with who is almost twenty years younger then me. And she feels the same way. I am going to let her go, I am too old for her and I have allot of TG'er in me, plus I am an artist that does not have the time she deserves, or the $$...

I am my own wife.

Anyway Anne. Sometimes you have to sit and hurt, and white knuckle it. Meditate, pray, breathe and hang on. Tomorrow is coming every minute.

I am glad you are here with us. You are very sweet.

♥
Noemi

[Kaz]

Anne, dear friend, we all get days like this and when we need hugs, who better than friends? :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: :battingeyelashes:
If you lived over here I would take you out for some serious 'girl' talk.
The MOST IMPORTANT thing is to survive it and live to fight another day... Some days you just have to write off. I think they are best slept through...! :heehee:

[LeaP]

Bad days suck. Thing is, they are completely to be expected. About the only thing to do is write them off and not dwell on them.

You didn't give any details of the day. Even so, consider:

If it was psychological, you're already taking action on that front.

If it was events out of your control, look for options for dealing with the problem(s) - and who can help.

If things were in your sphere of influence, figure out what you are going to differently tomorrow.

And sleep does help, of course. I assume you're up to - what? - 8 hours or so ... For the month?

People find their real capacity when things are bad, Anne. One reason is that what they are carries them through what they can't bear. Don't mistake the emotional breakdown for a loss of your ability to persevere. You have more reserve than you think.

[KellyJameson]

Whenever I'm having days like that I think about my childhood because in childhood every day was like that so even though I still have those kind of days there are other nice days sprinkled in between.

We never escape the lows and highs so I try to manage the lows by doing something that nourishes me, usually I go looking for beauty.

Sometimes I see this beauty when I watch children playing, other times when I watch clouds forming like weightless pillows floating across the sky.

Walks, particularly dog walks are the best because dogs are almost as good at embarrassing their owners as children are at embarrassing their parents

Today was naked hiking day and when I walk through the forest naked and alone I think about all the people who crossdress but never go out and here I am risking
a close encounter with a screaming family if my ears fail me, but the forest was quiet today and nothing made a sound but the fall of my feet on the warm earth
and I could feel the living earth pouring into me thru my skin.

Thank God for wrap skirts because they are easy to carry and go on fast.

I like lows because I throw them back into the face of the fates.

I think it is better to create our unhappiness than allow it to happen to us, if I'm going to be miserable at least I want to be able to take credit for it.

I do not like virtual hugs Anne but know you are loved by me and many others and if I was there with you we would go for a walk somewhere hand in hand looking for beauty together.

[JennaR]

Well, would you rather look good or feel good? You can always feel better tomorrow but you will always look stunning!

[RachelMondor]

Yesterday's history
Tomorrow's a mystery
Today is a present

Don't be so hard on today, it wasn't its fault that sucky things happened.
Set out again tomorrow, and assume that everyone you encounter is having a day like you had today. Be extra nice to 'em. You might find tomorrow turns out far better.

[Jorja]

Just remember, somedays you get the bear, somedays the bear gets you. Here is a hug or two to help get you through :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I hope tomorrow is a better day.

[Anne2345]

I really, really appreciate all of the responses, the kind words, the words of encouragement, and the hugs.

We all have hard days. We all have tough days. I have mine, you all have yours. Today was a very, very important day for me. But it didn't work out. It didn't work out at all, and I was left extremely disappointed and hurt in how it didn't work out. I felt betrayed in how I was left hanging, without any consideration for the real reason I had planned for this day in the first place. Today was supposed to begin the discussion relating to the next step of Anne - the next step of my evolution. But it didn't happen, and that hurt. The disappointment simply crushed me. I had been so looking forward to today, and I had spent much time in preparation.

But some good has come from it all. You all have reminded me how we look out for each other, and are there for one another. I know I am not alone. I know I am among family. I know that you all get it, and understand me and what I am going through. Many of you have been there, done that, and sooooo much more. There is strength and comfort to be found in numbers. But here, it is more than just numbers, it is about compassion, understanding, love, sympathy, empathy, and simply knowing how f*cking hard it can be, and is. I thank each and every one of you for being there for me. Your support makes all the difference in the world to me, and makes everything I do possible . . . .

Love,

Anne

[Sara Jessica]

Darn you Anne. I arrived too late to give you any support and then you swoop in and add a cryptic comment on what was to be of this day, of today. Regardless, you have so many who support you, who love you. We are here to help you, you know very well that I am on that list. :hugs:

[Pamela Kay]

I'm a little late too for todays support Anne. Just know I'm here for you tomorrow too and the days after that.

[Launa]

Sorry to hear about your bad day.

[stefan37]

I can relate to he pain you feel Anne. Getting excited about an upcoming event and then having it crushed. Try hard not to dwell on it. Do something positive that makes you feel good like go to lunch, take a bike ride, movie etc.., The thing about this journey we embark on is it takes lots of patience. You will experience lots of moments like you are having now and I believe many more events that will make you feel more alive than you can possibly imagine. We are all here to help you get through the tough times and will celebrate with you the good. Today becomes yesterday and tomorrow will become today,
the only thing we can truly count on is the sun will rise and set every day bringing new experiences and challenges our way.
Keep your spirits up as positive thoughts alone will get you through this.

[Babeba]

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad day for me as well. I hope this today is better for both of us. :bh:

[Traci Elizabeth]

See! You made it !

[LisaMallon]

I get days like that. Days I am crabby, tired, sad. Stressed, disappointed and everything you said Anne... :hugs:

What gets my through them .. Jo my dog, somehow he always manages to cheer me up. Comes up to me and nudges away until I finally take him to the park.
Then when we play together it all starts to lift and things seem brighter.
Even when I'm sick. Got a tummy bug the other day, spent most of it in bed and he just stayed with me, all snuggled up.

A good dog ... and a couple of glasses of wine and some nice chocolate of course.

Then there is the ancient Scottish remedy for everything: colds, flu, broken arm .. whatever. Take a shot glass. Pour two fingers of malt whiskey, add a dash of lemon juice, add hot water and a dash of sugar to taste.

Drink, if your problems don't go away .. repeat. After 5 or 6 who cares about the cold, flu, broken arm, "broken arrm? whit brokin arrm?"