Anatomy of a pass

[Badtranny]

So this is what I look like at work. Very conservative but definitely female, right?

Right?!

I see about a gazillion reasons why I shouldn't pass, but it sure seems like I do for the most part and I think I know why. We've touched on this in other threads but I think I pass as a woman for the simple reason that people aren't expecting me to be anything else. Why would a tranny bother dressing so drab? ;-)

I'm posting this pic because I want the new transitioners to see what they're in for. A lot of your transition will happen in private. I transitioned secretly for a year, then came out and transitioned openly for a year, then had some surgery and went full time. I actually thought my transition was just about over, but that is not the case. I have at least another year as my face and body heals, my hair grows back and begins to cover the scar at my "new" hairline, and my body continues to feminize due to lack of testicles AND I continue to lose weight and shrink my musculature down to feminine dimensions.

The big difference with this 3rd year is now I don't have a safety net. I am living through this in real time as I improve my walk, posture, movements, wardrobe, finish electrolysis, etc etc. all in plain view of the rest of the world. This is the reality of the first year and I don't think there is any good way to prepare for it. No matter what you do, there will be plenty yet to do.

[RADER]

You look very natural. I congratulate you on your achievements so far, and pray that
the rest of your journey is successfully.
You have the shape of a female, and the rest of your mannerisms will come to you in time.
It just takes practice; after all, one does not become man like in a day.
Rader

[Barbara Ella]

You are a beautiful woman in thought, actions, presentation, and soul. That gets a passing grade in anyone's book. Thank you

Barbara

[kimdl93]

Melissa, you've got a very healthy attitude about your transition...its probably easier to keep your expectations low as you allow your body to heal and evolve. I have to say, from the point of view of a 2D observer, it seems you're selling yourself short....but that's probably healthier than the alternative.

As I've ventured out into the world, without benefit of HRT or modifications, I've learned to keep my expectations low. Of course, often the world meets my low expectations, but I can live with that. And, once in a while, someone will surprise me and not react to me as a dude in women's clothing. Every time that happens, I feel a little better about myself.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Who's that guy in the photo? :lol:

Seriously, you are 100% on the mark. And there is no mistaking that you are a woman. It is very true that when John Q. Public sees breasts, make-up, woman's clothes their brain already tells them "WOMAN" automatically without forethought.

[LeaP]

So this is what I look like at work. Very conservative but definitely female, right?

Right?!

...

I'm posting this pic because I want the new transitioners to see what they're in for. ...

First of all: Right!

See what they're in for? You mean success? Happiness?

OK, we're all warned. I think.

You look great.

[Kaz]

Melissa, you always amaze me. You have been through so much in a very short space of time... I guess the 'act' of the surgery also brings an expectation that 'I am there now' but I can understand that the process of healing and adjusting takes longer. Think forward... one day in the not too distant future all this will be behind you.

As for the photo... you look very much like a work colleague of mine. She is 100% GG. I think you look very professional and also very relaxed and also very feminine! You are a truly lovely looking woman!

[kellycan27]

Love that smile.... but you already knew that.

[AllieSF]

You look great Melissa. But one tip to become even more feminine. Get a smaller computer/briefcase. That is a sure give away that one may still feel that male need to take everything in the largest briefcase that we can find. Going smaller saves your back too! Plus, you can let the other "guys" take the extra stuff in their bags. I really like your smile too. You know I still love you anyway, briefcase or not?

[Jorja]

And when you get to the 25th year there is still more to do. You know, all those little things you put off over the years. Hang in there, it does get better.

[Dawn cd]

Melissa you look exactly like my sister...if I only had a sister...the sister of my dreams. I want to sit down and tell you everything.

[Inna]

I resent that!..............................LOL, well I had too, trans fairy goth mother made me do it!

How precious of states when calling woman's clothing drab! and being taken as a natural woman, priceless! Awesome DRAB look :)

[Janet77]

Total, 100% pass, and a beautiful woman indeed!

[Debglam]

Melissa,

All I see is a woman: outside in and inside out. BTW, I work with a lot of women, a LOT, and you are closer to the femme side of the bell curve than a lot of them.

Deb

[ReneeT]

You look terrific!!!

The closer i get to where you are, the more scared I get. During every meeting I attend, I think to myself, "Can I possibly do this after transition?" Clearly, you are "Viva la Vida"-ing, and it's working. I could sure user a dose of your courage...

[Badtranny]

During every meeting I attend, I think to myself, "Can I possibly do this after transition?" ...

I think I wrote about this but that first meeting where I had to go in and do my executive thing was nerve wracking as hell. My Project Managers were having a problem with a public works contract and I had to go in to a meeting with a bunch of wannabee hardasses and basically throw down the gauntlet on a scope issue they were trying to bully my young PM's into accepting. This is what I do, and I love it, but I had to talk myself out of having a couple of shots that morning.

I was afraid they wouldn't take me seriously. I was afraid that my "condition" would give one of them more confidence than they would normally have. Many of you probably know that standing your ground, or intimidating someone out of being a douchebag is ALL about confidence. Luckily, my position was solid and clearly right contractually and ethically so I had that going for me, but I was definitely not battle ready. I was terrified for lack of a better word.

I've had a few more situations since then, and they've all been fine. I'm even starting to think it may be easier now. Either they know I'm trans or they just think I'm a woman but I could swear these dudes are dropping their guard a bit. Might be just my imagination. One thing is for sure though, I feel MUCH more natural now.

[Sara Jessica]

Naturally pretty, beautiful, gorgeous...and clearly confident (or at least that's the way you come across).

[ReneeT]

Melissa, you give me hope, but it still scares the crap out of me.......

[Sally24]

Awwww, I thought we were going to hear about the other kind of pass. Time enough for that. LOL

You've never lacked for confidence outwardly, but I sense you're feeling it inside now too. Congratulations on the distance you've gone so far Melissa! Dare I guess that your smiles come easier these days? Couldn't happen to a nicer dame.

[Michelle.M]

During every meeting I attend, I think to myself, "Can I possibly do this after transition?"

I think that thought might occur to me, too, except that I have no choice. I'm no longer masculine enough to have any other option on this and I'm in it for better or for worse, and I instead find myself not asking "if", but rather "how" I can do this.

But if the real question is can you keep doing your current job and function in your current environment, then of course you can! Happens all the time, and you've got more strength in you than you know. It's there in most of us, and it manifests when that's all we have left.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm posting this pic because I want the new transitioners to see what they're in for.

If only we could all look that good! In my case it's more like Doris Karloff

[ReineD]

I was afraid they wouldn't take me seriously. I was afraid that my "condition" would give one of them more confidence than they would normally have. Many of you probably know that standing your ground, or intimidating someone out of being a douchebag is ALL about confidence. Luckily, my position was solid and clearly right contractually and ethically so I had that going for me, but I was definitely not battle ready. I was terrified for lack of a better word.

Twenty or thirty years ago, they wouldn't have taken you seriously. There were few women above the ranks of secretary. But that's all changed now, so much, that child custody is now granted to fathers 50% of the time. And men are accustomed to having female doctors, lawyers, professors, bosses.

You were born at the right time! :)

So tell me ... which of all your physical processes if any, would you say made the most difference in your level of confidence? Was it FFS?

And you do look great! Your happiness shines right through! :hugs:

[Persephone]

You look very relaxed, Melissa, and you definitely have a great smile!

I don't know about you, but I've found that the hardest thing, and the thing that takes the longest, is learning to accept myself. I've found that others were comfortable with me long before I was comfortable with myself. Sometimes it's still that way, but those times seem to get fewer and further between.

You go, girl!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Badtranny]

but it still scares the crap out of me.......

I know. There is a long line of scary things all waiting to flummox you. The good news is; Fear is a loser and is pretty easy to beat. The bad news is; You have to face it first.

[Marleena]

Great picture Melissa! Your confidence shines right through. It's obvious you're in control of your own destiny.:)

[Stephenie S]

You think you are happy now?

Just wait until you have a few more years under you belt. It only gets better.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Kerigirl2009]

You look like the average working woman. The pose you are in is definately female. However, this picture is from a distance and I cant see your facial contour well. I am trying to be honest as most girls here say they want. This too me is where most of us make it or break it. I unfortunately break it. However your profile pic looks great. So I would say to you. Looks like you made it girl.

[Beverley Sims]

Melissa you are at it again aren't you.:)
If I recognised you in the street I would want to chat with you and ask all sorts of friendly questions.
Because, you come over as a fun loving and happy woman.
If I bumped into you in the street as a complete stranger, I do not say I am sorry, I say "pleased to meet you".
That is such a disarming statement it always brings a smile and usually some form of social interaction. I use it quite a bit.
Again the smile exhudes a pleasant outgoing woman that has a good life with everything going for her.
Next time I go to SFX I hope I am fighting you for a piece of running board on a cable car then I will ask you out for a coffee.
More homespun philosophy next time.
This transition thing is a bit like slow morphing isn't it?

[Lorileah]

This is what I do, and I love it,

Many of you probably know that standing your ground, or intimidating someone out of being a douchebag is ALL about confidence. (my emphasis)



You are one of the most confident women I know. Brave and confident. and good looking....but that comes with confidence too.

[Cheryl T]

Yes Melissa, conservative but definitely female.
After all isn't it all about WHO you are?? You have a great smile and a wonderful appearance. I'm sure those around you appreciate all you bring to the table.

[StacyPump]

Wow! What an impressive story, Melissa. You are a person to be admired. I wish you all the best.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for the post, Melissa. I've often wondered what it would be like to actually be a woman after such a short learning curve! Most GGs have 16+ plus years to figure that out. But, most trans need to be quick studies!

I think u prove what I say about passing, if you're not sure whether u passed or not, U HAVE!

[DeeDee1974]

Such a great post. Anyone starting out needs to take this to heart.

It reminds me of my ex-wife calling me out for my dressing like a 17 year old girl instead of a 36 year old woman.

We were headed to a party at her daughters house and I put on a tight low cut top, a denim mini skirt, and stilettos. I thought I looked so sexy. My wife looked at me and said "wtf". Took me to her closet, put me in a conservative summer dress and sandals. I never looked better. The next day we cleared out my closet, went shopping & I never looked back once I knew where to shop.

[Badtranny]

The first post was about what I wear to work, this one is about what I wear on the weekends. An interesting thing about this outfit is; it passes like magic. ;-)

I took this pic to text to a gentleman friend who was coming over to help me convert my BBQ to natural gas. I was tired of waiting, ...he showed up 10 minutes after receiving the pic. Coincidence? LOL

[Lorileah]

hooooley:eek:.......I mean, nice very nice. Heartbreaker you

[Inna]

The first post was about what I wear to work, this one is about what I wear on the weekends. An interesting thing about this outfit is; it passes like magic. ;-)

I took this pic to text to a gentleman friend who was coming over to help me convert my BBQ to natural gas. I was tired of waiting, ...he showed up 10 minutes after receiving the pic. Coincidence? LOL

WOW! I always know Lazaro to do wonders with the face but your top looks so amazingly natural and shapely that I have just gained yet another level of respect for the man.
And your body is............ Crazy Good!

[LisaMallon]

You look great Melissa, if I can look half as good naturally as that I will be very happy. That's exactly what I'm trying to achieve a natural day to day appearance.
Yes hard work.... but worth it.

The rest of the stuff you are doing will only add 10% more at most, probably less. At your stage I'd say don't obsess, just enjoy life, you are there girl.

[Beverley Sims]

There sloow morphing. It works.
Got the friend over quickly as well.:)

[Badtranny]

You look great Melissa, if I can look half as good naturally as that I will be very happy. That's exactly what I'm trying to achieve a natural day to day appearance.
Yes hard work.... but worth it. The rest of the stuff you are doing will only add 10% more at most, probably less. At your stage I'd say don't obsess, just enjoy life, you are there girl.

That's very sweet of you but there is nothing "natural" about the way I look. ;-) I've had lipo TWICE the second time there was an attempt made to carve the girl into view. That particular surgery was hell to recover from. (just ask Michelle M, she had to live with my grumpy ass) Of course the boobs are totally aftermarket and I'm fairly certain that two years of HRT has probably had some impact as well.

The pic is a little deceiving in that it makes me look curvier than I am. The 3/4 pose is like magic for me because straight on I look way too wide in the middle. There is not much fat left, but my torso has always been thick and muscly which is why I started the IBP a few weeks ago to remedy that. I have a lot more to do than you think Lisa, believe me pics (even snapshots) are not the truth. They are an approximation of it.

It is a REALLY good pic though and I'm stoked that I can look like that at ANY angle but keep in mind that it's not how I actually look in real life. It's kinda how I look, but not quite. ;-)

[Marleena]

There is a quote "You've come a long way baby!" It applies here.:) If anybody can pull this off you can and you will!Looking good!

[TxKimberly]

Melissa,

You have no idea the level of envy that I have when reading this.

The most moving and emotional dream that I have ever had was of standing at the mirror and brushing my hair. In this super realistic dream, I didn't look like a super model and my hair wasn't some phenomenal and glorious thing - I was just a woman brushing her hair. To the best of my memory it's the only time I ever woke up from a dream crying.

Your thread makes me think of this dream. You are "just" a woman, living her life from day to day. It sounds fantastic to me . . .

[Kathy Smith]

Melissa, how dare you call yourself "badtranny" now? ;)

[kellycan27]

Melissa,

You have no idea the level of envy that I have when reading this.

The most moving and emotional dream that I have ever had was of standing at the mirror and brushing my hair. In this super realistic dream, I didn't look like a super model and my hair wasn't some phenomenal and glorious thing - I was just a woman brushing her hair. To the best of my memory it's the only time I ever woke up from a dream crying.

Your thread makes me think of this dream. You are "just" a woman, living her life from day to day. It sounds fantastic to me . . .

It's funny how little things like standing in front of a mirror and merely brushing out your hair can be so affirming.......

[ElleduSud]

Even if this is "kinda how you look", you look great. I love the way you have that hip cocked out on the side and the geeky laptop bag is even better. It all says "Watch out -This chick means business!". So awesome!!!

[Badtranny]

Even if this is "kinda how you look", you look great. I love the way you have that hip cocked out on the side and the geeky laptop bag is even better. It all says "Watch out -This chick means business!". So awesome!!!

Uh, no the first picture is pretty much how I actually look unfortunately. ;-)

It shows my boxy body, my "still learning" fashion sense, and my "still growing in" hair. I'm so self conscious about my thin hair on top that I usually wear a cute little ball cap every chance I get. It's better now than it was 6 mos ago and it'll be better still in another 6 mos, but damn, hair grows slow.

I love my geeky laptop bag. Everybody gives me compliments on it, so it must be at least a little bit cute. It's a laptop bag that looks like a huge purse.

[Kristy_K]

I agree with everyone else Melissa. You are looking good and your confidence does show.

[TeresaL]

Melissa, you look great. I'm so glad for your happiness in transitioning, it really impresses me.

[Kaz]

Hey Melissa, how does it feel to have the whole community up there with you? Because we are!

I bet that you will not be really accepting of some of this for years yet... you know your body and what you think works and what doesn't... but at the end of the day, people will see Melissa the woman... I do... OK pics are not real life and up close and personal... but you are looking good and 'glowing'...

Reine is also right to ask... what has worked best for you in what you have been through... I would also love to know... it is a big question! :hugs:

[Badtranny]

Reine is also right to ask... what has worked best for you in what you have been through... I would also love to know... it is a big question! :hugs:

Oh crap! I totally forgot to answer Reine.

I believe her question was of the many changes I've experienced, which one gave me the most confidence, or something like that I would have to say without a doubt, it was the name & gender change. Everything else takes time to get used to, or grow into, but the name change was an overnight sensation. Once that got done, I immediately felt real.

[ReineD]

Even though I'll never understand everything that you and others have gone through, somehow it all makes sense to me now that you point it out, that the name change made the biggest difference.

:hugs:

[Aprilrain]

Even though I'll never understand everything that you and others have gone through, somehow it all makes sense to me now that you point it out, that the name change made the biggest difference.

:hugs:

My experience is that my name and gender marker change gave me a sense of real ness...of legitimacy, however as far as passing goes FFS is wickedly effective.

[ReneeT]

My experience is that my name and gender marker change gave me a sense of real ness...of legitimacy, however as far as passing goes FFS is wickedly effective.

And how!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kristy_K]

My experience is that my name and gender marker change gave me a sense of real ness...of legitimacy, however as far as passing goes FFS is wickedly effective.

I would also have to agree with April. Even so I felt I except myself as a person before my FFS. The FFS seem to open up a whole new world for me. Even so I am tall I am now more accepted just as another woman. I was no longer being felt sorry for by some other woman if that makes since... After my FFS I now get good and bad looks from other people because of the way I dress or at least that is what I think. Either way it gave me more confident in myself than what I could ever have imagine it would have before I had the surgery.

[Inna]

I suppose passing simply cant be summed up in one criterion. If in fact it is an absolute passing we are talking about, then yes, passing will encompass, perfect FFS job, good results from HRT combined with body shaped by diets and what ever you resulted to in getting female on, trained voice, mannerisms, legal documentation, etc.
But if I had to zero in on the most amazing and distinct single ingredient of all, I would say FFS without the doubt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walking like boy, dressed like boy, driving boyz car, if ones face is utterly woman, then human perception will label this individual as such.

I studied this phenomena a bit and the most gender recognition happens in the brain regions devoted to visual face recognition, if such is undoubtedly female then the rest seems given. Such person could be labeled a woman with really bloky body, or woman who walks like a truck driver, or ..............

[Kristy_K]

I suppose passing simply cant be summed up in one criterion. If in fact it is an absolute passing we are talking about, then yes, passing will encompass, perfect FFS job, good results from HRT combined with body shaped by diets and what ever you resulted to in getting female on, trained voice, mannerisms, legal documentation, etc.
But if I had to zero in on the most amazing and distinct single ingredient of all, I would say FFS without the doubt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walking like boy, dressed like boy, driving boyz car, if ones face is utterly woman, then human perception will label this individual as such.


I studied this phenomena a bit and the most gender recognition happens in the brain regions devoted to visual face recognition, if such is undoubtedly female then the rest seems given. Such person could be labeled a woman with really bloky body, or woman who walks like a truck driver, or ..............

I hate to disagree with you but I have seen different. Pam is taller and bigger than what I am but she is accepted as a woman before I am accepted. I might also add that she hasn't had a FFS like I have had. I myself think it is her attitude , which is I am a woman. Period...
I think we can all learn from her.