The final big hurdle

[KlaireLarnia]

Well, it's done. My daughter has been told properly that I dress and wear women's clothes. While I have done it in limited form around the home and my daughter with my wife's approval, recently my daughter has started to ask questions over what I am wearing.

She has asked (at typically inappropriate times, such as yesterday when we where at a local public area having a burger) if I am wearing girls tops and we have normally shrugged it off and tried to deflect her attention.

Today it was decided that I should tell her but let her know who else she can talk to (as my brother and sister-in-law are also fully aware and been prepped that my daughter will be told) if she feels the need to or does not want to talk to me.

I haven't explained WHY I do it as that would create more confusion I think, just that I do wear girls clothes and that it doesn't change me at all - referencing the today we where out in the back garden fixing punctures and getting our bikes ready for a weekend ride together while I was wearing a girls top. So I do still get my hands dirty and do "boy things" regardless of what I am wearing.

I also explained that is why her mum was happy to get me a jumper from the women's section in Asda at the weekend while we where away - because it is something I would wear and her mum does not have an issue on it hence SHE made the choice showing she was happy. I also let her know that it is her MUM and not me that decides the rules over what I can wear (just as mum does with her) which she finds funny that we are treated the same :)

She seemed to accept this okay so far. Not sure what she will ask next and how her brain will process what I have said, but at least she knows now so I hope it will help her and ease any confusion over what I wear. I am glad it is done, feels odd but I know it is the right thing to do.

Now all I can do is hope things work out right from here. I am sure they will but as the old saying goes: What's done it done and nothing can change it back...

[kimdl93]

I think you made a sound decision in telling her. The reasons why are secondary, and we really don't know why with absolute certainty, so there was no need to belabor that point. Now she knows this is a part of who you are - but as you've pointed out, only one part. There may be a time or two when she throws this back in your face during a moment of anger, but as time goes on, I think you'll find that she appreciates that you were willing to treat her as an adult, capable of understanding.

[Cynthia Anne]

Good for you Klaire! I know how hard that talk can be! I hope things work out good for you!

[Beverley Sims]

It will take time for her to understand the situation and the boundaries involved.
A great bit of progress though.

[UNDERDRESSER]

fixing punctures and getting our bikes ready for a weekend ride together while I was wearing a girls top. So I do still get my hands dirty and do "boy things" regardless of what I am wearing.

.Hold on there, I'm glad you managed to tell your daughter so neatly, but fixing bikes is a "boy thing'? My GF would take issue with that, given that she is as good or better bike mechanic than I am!

[KlaireLarnia]

Hold on there, I'm glad you managed to tell your daughter so neatly, but fixing bikes is a "boy thing'? My GF would take issue with that, given that she is as good or better bike mechanic than I am!

We are talking about a 9 year old girl here. Boy things to her are fixing bikes, any heavy lifting (Such as me getting and putting a new set of drawers into her room yesterday) and doing anything her mum tells me to job wise.

I agree girls can do all of this but she has yet to figure that out fully :)

[bridget thronton]

Truth is often good when kids ask questions

[reb.femme]

I haven't explained WHY I do it as that would create more confusion I think, just that I do wear girls clothes and that it doesn't change me at all

I also let her know that it is her MUM and not me that decides the rules over what I can wear (just as mum does with her) which she finds funny that we are treated the same :)

Hi Klaire,

Good call on telling your daughter and it sets the path for the future. Free to dress at home and with all parties in the know. In all honesty, who the hell knows why we do this? I just do and love it more each day.

The second part I've quoted made me grin, as with your daughter. Is this not how it is in all marriages? If my wife is happy, we're all happy.......apparently. :devil:

Rebecca x

[KlaireLarnia]

Good call on telling your daughter and it sets the path for the future. Free to dress at home and with all parties in the know. In all honesty, who the hell knows why we do this?

I can give her reasons as to why I do things and why I do not do things, but frankly at 9 does it matter? She has enough on her plate trying to grow up and deal with life without me adding to it. When she is ready she will ask questions and I will answer them at that point. Until then, she knows, seems okay with it and I just have to go with the flow after.


The second part I've quoted made me grin, as with your daughter. Is this not how it is in all marriages? If my wife is happy, we're all happy.......apparently. :devil:

Yeah so we are told by... oh hang on that would be the wives again :D :D :D

My daughter found the idea of mum telling dad what to wear funny as mum is constantly moaning at her for wearing the wrong things. Suppose that is something we know have in common - mum moaning at us for not looking right :)

[UNDERDRESSER]

We are talking about a 9 year old girl here. Boy things to her are fixing bikes, any heavy lifting (Such as me getting and putting a new set of drawers into her room yesterday) and doing anything her mum tells me to job wise.

I agree girls can do all of this but she has yet to figure that out fully :)Good points, but you ARE explaining what you're doing as you do it, right? So she can follow along and learn to do her own stuff, yes? Just giving you a hard time here, but it's so easy to slip into male/female roles, and isn't that one of the things that causes we who CD such problems?

[KlaireLarnia]

Good points, but you ARE explaining what you're doing as you do it, right? So she can follow along and learn to do her own stuff, yes? Just giving you a hard time here, but it's so easy to slip into male/female roles, and isn't that one of the things that causes we who CD such problems?

She has grown up with mum having defined "men's and women's jobs/roles" and me purposely breaking them as I do not buy that idea. I make sure I what my wife originally considered women's work (cooking, cleaning, ironing, making beds etc) and that she also does "man's work" when she needs/wants to such as trying to fix things, move household objects, deal with the bank etc. To give another example, today while in female jeans and tops she was helping me shift furniture which frigging heavy and has left me feeling shattered. Male role, female clothes. This morning we where swimming, where I was in swimming shorts only as a man would expect to be. So I am trying to show that I am the same person irrespective of what I am wearing.

She has been told WHAT I do and asked not to ask question in front of others or in open public (for obviously reasons) but that she can speak freely in our house, my car or in my brothers house as she needs to. When she is ready or has questions as to WHY I do it we will answer them at that point. I would rather that come when she is ready so as not to confuse or overload her. Small, slow steps means we can make sure we keep to the right path at all times.

[reb.femme]

I can give her reasons as to why I do things and why I do not do things, but frankly at 9 does it matter? She has enough on her plate trying to grow up and deal with life without me adding to it. When she is ready she will ask questions and I will answer them at that point. Until then, she knows, seems okay with it and I just have to go with the flow after.

Couldn't agree more.

Rebecca x

[BLUE ORCHID]

It's much better now rather when she grows up .

[jessicapaige]

It's so awesome you have such an understanding family!