My journey towards becoming a woman

[emmicd]

I am now at the stage in my transition of deciding when I embark on the real life test where I will dress as female permanently. I am excited about the prospect but not quite ready yet. Here are some of the things I have done to date to get the transition process started for all of you who may know me and are somewhat curious about what is happening in my life.

1) I am on spironolactone and estradiol and starting to feel softer, smoother skin and sensitivity in my breast area and it seems I am starting to develop there. I am very excited about that!

2) I am being seen by a therapist who fully supports me and my transitioning and 2 medical doctors who are also there in my court. My TG doctor has prescribed me female hormones and testosterone blockers for close to 4 months now.

3) I have come out to all my employers and they are accepting of my situation. My current employer accepts my situation and is willing to work with me but their timetable is not consistent with mine so I am now moving on and leaving on good terms.

4) I am starting a new position working now in Manhattan for a pediatric medical facility as their controller. I am very excited and they know from day one that I am TG and they are fully supportive of my transitioning needs. They are impressed with my accounting/engineering background and they see me for the complete picture which makes me very happy.

5) My family is starting the process of accepting me and helping me in making it all work out.

6) I am finding that most of my family and friends are supportive and accepting of my TG situation.

7) I have lost about 35 pounds in a month and a half. I went from a size 16 down to a size 10 an am so happy! I look like a new person!

8) I am continuing with my electrolysis and am moving along nicely.

9) I am very comfortable with my decision to transition.

10) I have come out in my blog, my facebook pages and on youtube with my TG and have done some good videos expressing my feelings and my situation. I have included one of them below. enjoy!

i am much happier now and very comfortable as a male to female transgender. I look forward to the time when I am just referred to as a woman.

Here is a little part of me! cute little emily!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS5G-g6k9Ac

emily

[Marleena]

Way to go Emmi! It sounds like things are progressing nicely for you now.:)

[Dawn cd]

I am really in awe of your courage, Emily, undertaking so many changes at the age of 51 while continuing as a spouse and parent. I love your positive outlook and your desire to pursue your own happiness. Ad multos annos.

[Badtranny]

Wow. It seems like only yesterday when you were so unsure of what to do.

I guess you figured it out. ;-)

[morgan51]

Congratulations Emmi your time line is comming into reality. I'm Truly Happy for you!

[KTevolved]

Hi im new and just wanna say congrads :)

[KellyJameson]

I was thinking about you today, wondering how things were going for you.

You look great on your Youtube Emily, I can really see the changes.

I'm in awe of the pace you are keeping and how organized you are, you are an inspiration

I'm a little jealous that you fit into a size ten because the only way I can do that is if I'm willing to not breathe in and out.

Glad that the employment worked out, I have been in similar circumstances and that can be stressful in addition to all the other stressors.

Im really really amazed by you !

[Sandra1746]

Congratulations and best wishes on your journey Emmi. You seem to be making good progress and I wish you only the best of life.

Love and hugs,
Sandra1746

[kimdl93]

Wow, Emmi, it seems you're making tremendous strides on all fronts. Be strong and keep working at it!

[melissaK]

Ok Emmi "wonder woman" Cd needs a name change to EmmiTG or EmmiTS.
So what's missing from the list Sweetie? I dont think much, maybe voice lessons. Maybe some counseling for your kids and wife.

Hugs,
'lissa

[Traci Elizabeth]

Emmi! You are putting way too much emphases on cloths. Clothes do not make a woman. On the other hand I wish you well and nothing but success.

[vikki2020]

emily, you seem to know exactly where you are going--fantastic! Your list is a "how to" for someone like me,thanks! I've yet to take that last big step, but, I'm hoping my "list" can look a bit like your, soon!

[emmicd]

happy and thankful!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBu3YvgCTT8

[emmicd]

i love music by the way so you will pick up on that in my videos! thank you all!

emily

[CharleneT]

This may seem out of left field ....

BUT:


Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.
. . . {from 59th St. Bridge Song, by P. Simon and A. Garfunkel}

Emmi, relax, it is going to be a long process. I'll repeat advice given before: be very careful of what you put up on the open internet. It has a way of lasting much longer than we want it to do so! Don't start RLE until you are so close that it seems like you are not changing a thing to do it. You need to be ready to really and truly jump off a cliff on this one. One thing is for sure, once the genni is out of the bottle, it is really hard to put her back ( if you would want to do that ).

p.s. stay in that current job like you life depended on it ;-)

[Rachel Smith]

Congrats Emmi. Our paths have seemed so remarkably a like with all the wondering, questioning and delaying. I am glad that you have come to grips with it all and wish you nothing but success.

Love
Rachel

[Frances]

Don't start RLE until you are so close that it seems like you are not changing a thing to do it.

I so agree with this, and for everyone, not in Emmi's case in particular. The best way to be accepted at work and in society in general is to do most of the feminizing (hair removal, growing hair, grooming, voice, some HRT, etc.) BEFORE anouncing your transition and commiting to full-time. People will believe you are a girl when you tell them, if you look and sound like a girl already.

The above is in my opinion only.

[Nigella]

The best way to be accepted at work and in society in general is to do most of the feminizing (hair removal, growing hair, grooming, voice, some HRT, etc.) BEFORE anouncing your transition and commiting to full-time. People will believe you are a girl when you tell them, if you look and sound like a girl already.

The above is in my opinion only.

I'm glad you added the last sentence. In my particular transition, I applied for and was accepted in my new job, after stating I was a CDer, at that time I did not realise I was TS. Over a year or two my realisation changed and I transitioned from CD to TS, with everyone being "kept in the loop". I did not try, and still do not, to change how people perceive me. A large number of those collegues who have transitioned with me now state quite clearly they see the "woman".

As for society, I will not "pass" simply because I do not wish to spend ££££££s on things which are of little or no concern to me. My passing has got nothing to do with how I sound, look, walk or any of the other things perceived to be "feminine". I pass because I am comfortable being who I am, for me, not the world.

As for how others move along the path of transition, to put it quite simply, there is a guide, most follow this, but there are times when the "rule book" does not fit, then it is time to transition your way.

[Melody Moore]

The best way to be accepted at work and in society in general is to do most of the feminizing (hair removal, growing hair, grooming, voice, some HRT, etc.) BEFORE anouncing your transition and commiting to full-time. People will believe you are a girl when you tell them, if you look and sound like a girl already.

Sorry Frances, but what is this 'best way to be accepted' crap? Everyone is different, no two journeys are ever the
same and some of us went fulltime and gained acceptance without the need of feminising hormones & treatments.

I had no hormones, hair re-growth, facial hair removal or voice training when I came out & went full time and I had
no issues with being accepted. So please explain to me why all this is necessary when in my case it clearly wasn't?

[Frances]

Sorry Frances, but what is this 'best way to be accepted' crap? Everyone is different, no two journeys are ever the
same and some of us went fulltime and gained acceptance without the need of feminising hormones & treatments.

I had no hormones, hair re-growth, facial hair removal or voice training when I came out & went full time and I had
no issues with being accepted. So please explain to me why all this is necessary when in my case it clearly wasn't?

I don't have to. I cannot judge your transition's success without knowing you personally. It is my opinion only, and it is based on my impression of the people around me that I know personally.

If you think you have achieved success otherwise, good for you. It does not change my idea of how things should be done (not have to be done) to facilitate a transition.

[Nigella]

But surely by saying this is "how things should be done", you are basically saying to other that your way is the wrong way, when in reallity we are all different. It gives me the impression that you are saying "it is my way or no way", when we both know that one size does not fit all.

You also are questioning those who have transitioned in any other way. Why should any of us "think" we have achieved success, we are the ones in the "hot seat". We know where we are, so for us we HAVE achieved success.

So yes, whilst you do not have to explain your reasons/thoughts, please don't be so dismissive of those who do not follow your particular hypothesis of how, where and when.

[Frances]

I cannot be "my or no way." I have no power over anyone's life or transition. I don't understand why my saying "this is the best way in my opinion" needs justification. If I said "the best way to have a successful career is to have an education," and someone mentioned that they made out well without one, would I have to justify my opinion?

I believe that doing most of the work before coming out to an employer, for instance, increases the chances of being taken seriously. I know a ton of people who came out to their bosses too early and found themselves out of work and in depression. I did not question anyone or put anyone in a "hot seat." This is all projection.

Again, NO ONE has to follow anything I say. IT IS JUST MY OPINION.

[Melody Moore]

Exactly Nigella, "one size does NOT fit all" especially when it comes to transition. I also feel that it is dogmatic
to make such statements & to be dismissive of others as to how Frances came to her conclusion without quoting
any statistical facts or evidence to support her statements. I will disagree with Frances until the cows come home
on this issue because I know my own personal experience completely contradicts what Frances has stated here.


I cannot judge your transition's success without knowing you personally.
Frances, are we not friends on Facebook? I am sure you already know lots about me from all my posts & photos
on Facebook. How many times have I ever posted on this forum or Facebook about not being accepted? I was
living full-time as a female for 2 months before I even started on hormones or any sort of a treatment. I have no
issues to report with any member of the public being discriminatory, vilifying or otherwise not accepting of me
during that period except my homophobic bigoted hypocritical bisexual house-mate not accepting it. Apart from
that all went very smoothly in my transition considering what I have been up against.

Sure you are entitled to YOUR OPINION, but it does not make it right or "the best".

185452
A photo of me pre-hormones, with no feminisation treatments.

[Rachel Smith]

Though Frances is quite good at expressing herself I would like to make sure that y'all saw the last line of the OP. Just in case you missed it I have quoted it below.

Best to all
Rachel


The above is in my opinion only.

[kellycan27]

I so agree with this, and for everyone, not in Emmi's case in particular. The best way to be accepted at work and in society in general is to do most of the feminizing (hair removal, growing hair, grooming, voice, some HRT, etc.) BEFORE anouncing your transition and commiting to full-time. People will believe you are a girl when you tell them, if you look and sound like a girl already.

The above is in my opinion only.

While there are different paths that are followed I agree with you and Charlene... This makes perfect sense to me. In just about everything we endeavor to do preparation could be key.

Kel

[Frances]

We are friends on Facebook, but I did not witness your transition and cannot comment on it. An opinion is a personally-held belief. I don't make rules about transition. I am not a member of WPATH. I don't write the SoC. I am just saying that doing most of the hard work before coming out to people who have some authority on your life (like a boss) will facilitate one's transition (make it easier). That is my opinion. That someone achieves success otherwise does not change anything. This is not about statistical evidence or anything. It is my opinion only.

I am happy that things are going well for you, Melody, but this is getting ridiculous. I come on this Website to be helpful. There is nothing to recant or ague about. I stated something that has been said before many times. It is nothing special actually, just helpful advice. You called it a "load of crap" and demanded that I explain myself.

I don't understand what made you all so angry. I will stop posting.


Exactly Nigella, "one size does NOT fit all" especially when it comes to transition. I also feel that it is dogmatic
to make such statements & to be dismissive of others as to how Frances came to her conclusion without quoting
any statistical facts or evidence to support her statements. I will disagree with Frances until the cows come home
on this issue because I know my own personal experience completely contradicts what Frances has stated here.


Frances, are we not friends on Facebook? I am sure you already know lots about me from all my posts & photos
on Facebook. How many times have I ever posted on this forum or Facebook about not being accepted? I was
living full-time as a female for 2 months before I even started on hormones or any sort of a treatment. I have no
issues to report with any member of the public being discriminatory, vilifying or otherwise not accepting of me
during that period except my homophobic bigoted hypocritical bisexual house-mate not accepting it. Apart from
that all went very smoothly in my transition considering what I have been up against.

Sure you are entitled to YOUR OPINION, but it does not make it right or "the best".

185452
A photo of me pre-hormones, with no feminisation treatments.

[Stephenie S]

Please try to take the things that Frances says seriously.

She has had a 100% successful transition. What ever your opinions of her as a person are, she has TOTALLY transitioned. NO ONE would EVER misgender her, EVER, ANYWHERE, for ANY reason. When Frances speaks, she is speaking words of true experience. Listen to her.

Is her way the only way? Of course not. But hers was a perfectly successful way.

Stephie

[Kathryn Martin]

I cannot possibly imagine that anyone would argue with the comment Frances is making here. It is a complete fallacy to believe that because "everyone is different" and/or "everyone's circumstances are different" there are no tried and successful methods of dealing with transition. Quite frankly, anyone who believes that "being out" early in your transition by communicating that you are "trans-something" has not fully grasped the weight of a message that can never be controlled once it is out there. Shouting your condition (trans-whatever you might identify as in the early days) from the roof tops forecloses the possibility to be a woman once your condition is healed and you are fixed. Some of us make the decision, as I did, to transition in place which meant that I cannot be completely stealth. But this is a decision that was well considered over a lengthy period of time. Nevertheless, I tightly controlled my message to ensure it was mine and not a public free for all. It has left me with real options. If you come out too early you will take options away from you and that cannot ever be a good thing.

It floors me that for justification of a personal experience, someone would simply call Frances and Charlene out for stating the obvious.




I so agree with this, and for everyone, not in Emmi's case in particular. The best way to be accepted at work and in society in general is to do most of the feminizing (hair removal, growing hair, grooming, voice, some HRT, etc.) BEFORE anouncing your transition and commiting to full-time. People will believe you are a girl when you tell them, if you look and sound like a girl already.

The above is in my opinion only.

[Nigella]

But, and this is a big but, a successful transition is not dependent upon being taken totally as a woman, well at least not in my case. My sucessful transition is now, without surgery, without FFS, without voice training, I have transitioned from male to female, I could, if I had to live my life as I am now, anything extra is just icing on the cake. I don't need validation from someone else. Frances needs to understand that whilst her transition has been for her, totally successfull, it it equally successfull for anyone else who achieves what they want, their way.

The issue, if I can really call it an issue, is where certain members are so vocal in their conviction that to succeed in transition, certain things need to be achieved, in a particular way, that is not the case.

[emmicd]

I believe we all have to achieve our comfort zone in transitioning. For me I had two choices:
1) Transition and tell the world and never look back!
My concern obviously is my family, my work and my friends and I agonized over this.

2) Proceed to check out of life, giving up and break the heart of my son! This was not an option for me!!!

My choice was no choice at all! I knew what i had to do and it may come at a price but for me i am truly liberated.
I have family in my life who stick by me.

I have 2 employers fighting for me now to work for them; My new employer and my soon to be former who now is willing to work with me and wants me to stay!

I am doing what I have to do and I don't care anymore what anyone thinks!

Since coming out my life has changed immediately and people say i have courage and they admire me and all I am doing is being me.

I lived 47 years of my life denying this and was fed up already.

I can't tell you all how you should transition but for me it was really simple.

Surely I have bumps ahead and major "potholes" but I am standing for what I am and I am no longer ashamed.

I am just being me in the end before I do really have to check out and that is a really good thing.

In fact I feel so good about my decision and comfort level I am working on a book to write my story and i am currently an author of a blog focused on my son and autism.

I will always be there for my son and teach him a valuable lesson when I feel he is ready.

I am truly happy and very comfortable and so grateful I have great medical people helping me.

I am no longer hiding. i am no longer alone and I am no longer miserable.

That is what I live by now. To be happy! truly Happy.

Thank you!

Emily

[Kathryn Martin]

Nigella, you missed my point. What an individual specifically does in his or her situation is not at all the issue. Taking options away from yourself by ill considered decision early in your transition or even before is a dangerous approach to something that is so fundamentally life altering in all of it's physical, emotional and social consequences.

This is a support forum, is it not? Would you tell someone who has a physical incongruence with their innate gender to go public and tell everyone because they are so happy that they discovered this? Very often empathy from your social environment is mistaken for acceptance. Unfortunately, it is acceptance of the imagined or visible suffering rather than acceptance that the person is in fact a member of their self experienced gender.

Why do you think persons who have successfully transitioned care enough to say these things here? Because all of them have been through this and have come out the other side battered and bruised but successful. We believe that our experiences and what we have learned during transition about the process has value for those that are still walking the path. Why do you think most post ops quit posting threads and eventually leave after a time? It is because we don't care enough to allow the general membership in a place like this tell us what we can say and how we can say it. We are done, we have left out issues behind and the only reason we are here is so that others may profit from our insights.

Charlene expressed CAUTION and Frances did too. If anyone wants to take their advice that's fine, if not that's great but seriously, don't "sh*t" on them because they do it. If you feel that this would be a better place without what we have to offer as advice, you just have to say so I am sure there are better things to do then being given a hard time.


But, and this is a big but, a successful transition is not dependent upon being taken totally as a woman, well at least not in my case. My sucessful transition is now, without surgery, without FFS, without voice training, I have transitioned from male to female, I could, if I had to live my life as I am now, anything extra is just icing on the cake. I don't need validation from someone else. Frances needs to understand that whilst her transition has been for her, totally successfull, it it equally successfull for anyone else who achieves what they want, their way.

The issue, if I can really call it an issue, is where certain members are so vocal in their conviction that to succeed in transition, certain things need to be achieved, in a particular way, that is not the case.

[Nigella]

I have not missed anyone's point, each is valid in its own right. My point is quite simply we can offer advice, and how we did it, each individual then has to make a choice based on their own individual circumstances.

Maybe those who have gone "all the way" would be better saying, this is how I did it, but...

So many who have reached the end of their journey forget that those following need to have the advice of those who are going through it now, like most things, circumstances are fluid.

[Kathryn Martin]

So, then what part of "in my opinion" as stated by Frances did you not understand?

Also you are essentially saying that those that completed transition should not offer advice because those transitioning now "need to have the advice of those who are going through it now" which would essentially be the blind or visually challenged to advising the blind. I started transition in August 2010 and had surgery three months ago. I guess what I would have to say is already outdated and no longer relevant. Well, it would match the general ambiance of the internet. Having gone through the process gives you a perspective that allows you to form judgements about the process not just opinions. But that of course is also the nature of the internet, people just opine away blithely and half of the time they don't know what they are talking about and the other half they go off half cocked because they have not really thought about what they are saying.

I cannot possibly believe that the advice to be discreet in one's transition is a matter of opinion. Whether it's the 50 somethings the 20 somethings or anyone in between the potential consequences of premature disclosure can be economically, socially and emotionally devastating. If you read the recent study completed in the US dealing with discrimination of transgendered, transsexual and gender variant persons you should and must know of those consequences. If you disclose too early and are not discreet then you play Russian Roulette with your life hoping the next pull of the gun to your head does not have round chambered and kill you. If you see transition as a lottery that might be a good approach but for most of us this is devastatingly serious. What Charlene, Frances and now I are saying is that it is good counsel to be discreet so you can advance your transition as far as possible before making the change to full time.


I have not missed anyone's point, each is valid in its own right. My point is quite simply we can offer advice, and how we did it, each individual then has to make a choice based on their own individual circumstances.

Maybe those who have gone "all the way" would be better saying, this is how I did it, but...

So many who have reached the end of their journey forget that those following need to have the advice of those who are going through it now, like most things, circumstances are fluid.

[Melody Moore]

I believe we all have to achieve our comfort zone in transitioning.
...
That is what I live by now. To be happy! truly Happy.
There is no right or wrong path to transitioning and this is what is most important here.

[kellycan27]

How about we try and put our personalities aside for a minute and ask our selves objectively if it would be better to transition with the things mentioned already in process, or would it make more sense to just take it as it comes? Neither being the right or wrong way. We're talking opinion.. let's not forget. Battle plan or.. bonsai charge? Overwhelm the enemy or.... infiltrate? LOL

[Kathryn Martin]

There is no right or wrong path to transitioning and this is what is most important here.

Statistics and general experience would say otherwise.


How about we try and put our personalities aside for a minute and ask our selves objectively if it would be better to transition with the things mentioned already in process, or would it make more sense to just take it as it comes? Neither being the right or wrong way. We're talking opinion.. let's not forget.

I am not sure this is at all about personalities but about whether the advice to be discreet is sound advice. Generally speaking going through the process successfully seems to be the right way not a matter of opinion. Even if your individual path through transition does not match the discretion paradigm you cannot possibly say that the advice to be discreet is not good advice. Think about the thousands of people who read this forum and never even become members because they are looking for answers. It is in my opinion irresponsible to even suggest that disclosing your nature early in transition is without problems simply because someone did so and managed to get by. In the market place disclosure of yourself as transsexual at any time leads to problems (as many successful transitioners can attest to) and almost invariably will lead to devastating results if it is done too early.

Emmi, this is not about you, and I am truly grateful that you are happy and content with your life. I trust you will in confidence travel this road and I am hopeful you will do well.

[Melody Moore]

Statistics and general experience would say otherwise.
And statistic and general experience doesn't always apply, because many people defy the odds and contradict statistics.

[Aprilrain]

i don't think the horse is dead yet, lets beat it some more

[Kathryn Martin]

I agree with you that some people defy statistics. The problem is that the majority do not. That is why you can actually have statistic. For that reason Charlene and Frances said what they said.

April, this is an important horse to kill, it seems (and this entirely my opinion to which no weight should be given) just too unicornish to me.


And statistic and general experience doesn't always apply, because many people defy the odds and contradict statistics.

[Badtranny]

Holy Moly!! How have I missed this awesome thread????

An even better question is how in the heck did a totally innocuous comment from Francis get everyone soooo riled up? I kept re reading her remark thinking I was missing some snide condescension but no, it was just an innocent comment, closed by "my opinion only"

I think we all know that I am the big "F you I'm doing it my way" cheerleader around here and I didn't find a single thing in Francis' post to be offensive. In fact, I agree with the sentiment. It does make sense to try and get a good chunk of feminization done before you come out as trans. It's certainly not a hard and fast rule, but it's hard to argue with planning things and preparing to succeed. Or is it? ;-)

And Melody, you are one of the most dogmatic people here in regard to trans politics and "how things should be done". To call out Francis for being dogmatic is laughable when just a few days ago you were all over me about what words should be allowed. I don't recall you being very flexible on that issue. Where was your "different strokes" attitude then?

[kellycan27]

I agree with you that some people defy statistics. The problem is that the majority do not. That is why you can actually have statistic. For that reason Charlene and Frances said what they said.

April, this is an important horse to kill, it seems (and this entirely my opinion to which no weight should be given) just too unicornish to me.

Why is it an important horse to kill? What is the issue besides two different opinions which pretty much everyone has already agreed that there is no right or wrong answer? This is where I believe that "personalities" come into play. IMO there's a big difference between having an opinion and being opinionated. ( not that that is a bad thing, I am guilty of this myself at times) Is not being opinionated a personality trait?

opinionated: obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions; conceitedly dogmatic.

[melissaK]

i don't think the horse is dead yet, lets beat it some more

ROFL. April Sweetie, you're the best. :-)

[Jorja]

I often wonder if some will ever figure it out or if they will wander aimlessly through the rest of their lives with that chip on their shoulder.

[Helen Grandeis]

Many web sites recommend at least getting rid of all facial hair before going out full time to the world.

[Badtranny]

Many web sites recommend at least getting rid of all facial hair before going out full time to the world.

I would agree with this, but it's way easier said than done. I was hoping to have all the hair gone, but I still have a few months left at least. It takes a long damn time.

Worth trying though.

[Stephenie S]

There is no right or wrong path to transitioning and this is what is most important here.

Melody, Melody, Melody,

Yes there is dear, yes there is. It's all written down. Follow the SoC or not, that's up to you. But there is absolutely no doubt but that there is a right way.

Does everyone have to use it? Of course not. Are it's rules absolute? Of course not. Do you HAVE to do it this way? Nonsense. But it's there none the less. All writ out for everyone to see.

************************************************** **********************
New Topic:

I am ashamed at the lack of respect that this forum is affording the post-ops here. Why do post-ops stay active on this forum? Well, DUH, girls. Do you think they have nothing better to do? Post-ops are here for one reason and one reason only. They are here because transition, while it is and will be the best thing you ever did for yourself, is a big F-ing deal. Not easy, not short, not happy for all involved, not pain free, expensive, and really, one big pain in the patootie.

Post-ops have one thing you don't. They have real live experience. They are bringing this experience here. For you. They've done it. Listen to them. They can HELP you!!! I don't care if you take this advice. Nobody will ever know. But please don't dismiss them with condescension.

Stephie

[Melody Moore]

Melody, Melody, Melody,

Yes there is dear, yes there is. It's all written down. Follow the SoC or not, that's up to you. But there is absolutely no doubt but that there is a right way.

Does everyone have to use it? Of course not. Are it's rules absolute? Of course not. Do you HAVE to do it this way? Nonsense. But it's there none the less. All writ out for everyone to see.Make a mountain out of a mole hill and twist everything right out of content why don't you?

Stop treating me like I am some idiot or fool. My point was simply this... there is nothing to say that you
should start on hormones or having any other feminisation treatments before you start LIVING as a female
like I did. I was not arguing over the requirements in the SoC for getting on hormones or having SRS.

And people wonder I am walking away from the trans community after my SRS?

[kellycan27]

And people wonder I am walking away from the trans community after my SRS?

Just out of curiosity.. why wait until after SRS if you're that unhappy with this forum or the trans community?

[ReineD]

This is a support forum, is it not? Would you tell someone who has a physical incongruence with their innate gender to go public and tell everyone because they are so happy that they discovered this? Very often empathy from your social environment is mistaken for acceptance. Unfortunately, it is acceptance of the imagined or visible suffering rather than acceptance that the person is in fact a member of their self experienced gender.

This is true. Most people will keep their opinions to themselves. They have their own lives to worry about and they go home to their families. But if a transitioner still looks and sounds like a guy, few people will believe she is a woman, just because she says so. We still live in a world where people rely on visible cues to determine whether someone is a man or a woman, sadly. And if a person has the least bit of bias about male bodied persons who present in a feminine manner, then their personal opinions will be harsh, even if they are polite enough to keep their opinions to themselves. If on the other hand they understand something about gender non-conformity or they don't hang onto traditional views about gender, then they will look kindly upon the transitioner but they still won't believe she is a woman (if she still has male gender cues).

[CharleneT]

Sorry Frances, but what is this 'best way to be accepted' crap? Everyone is different, no two journeys are ever the
same and some of us went fulltime and gained acceptance without the need of feminising hormones & treatments.

I had no hormones, hair re-growth, facial hair removal or voice training when I came out & went full time and I had
no issues with being accepted. So please explain to me why all this is necessary when in my case it clearly wasn't?

I'm going back to this comment ... mainly because I think it is where this thread really went off. Melody, I'm glad that your life has worked out the way it did. Some of the people who read this might also have the same experience, but it is not likely.

When Frances said the "best way" she did not mean the only way. Sure, as you pointed out our stories and lives are all different. But there are parallels and most importantly there is an average experience of most TS folks who transition. Most things that happened to me will also happen to the next person who goes down this road. Most things that worked for me, will work for that person too. The things that went wrong, tend to go wrong for almost everyone. For the average transitioner, there comes a point when they want to just live their life. How you got from point A to Z is going to impact how you can live said life. Some of us are really just trying to make this "road" easier for that next person. I do not have an agenda here, other than that - the same can be said for the other post-ops who tend to write here. There is a good reason why we tend to all sound the same ;) We're talking about those shared experiences and lessons.

[Melody Moore]

Just out of curiosity.. why wait until after SRS if you're that unhappy with this forum or the trans community?
Why? just to prove the sceptics, naysayers and bashers who reckon I wouldn't make it wrong. :P

[emmicd]

Did you ever think about life from a different perspective outside of yourself and your confines? Did you ever wonder what it truly means to have love and friendship in your life? Did you ever cry inside because you felt you were all alone even when you are surrounded by family and friends? Did you ever have to reach out to someone for help and just to learn how to smile again because you were struggling in your life. i don't know why we have such trials and periods of sadness in our lives but it seems that there is no way to avoid this. I often wonder what it is that draws us to someone who can be there at a moment's notice and truly listen to us. Why is it that we have to always have conflict? Some is good and some is purely painful. Why when we feel we have something worthwhile in our life it has to compromised and put on hold? Why can't it be forever? Why is it that we can seemingly have a life and everything seems so perfect when in reality it is only an image and not real. We are sometimes hiding and pretending and not being free to be. Why I ask and truthfully I don't know why. I wish it was so easy to answer and understand but it is not. I don't know anyone who can claim they have a perfect picture story life. Who does? I don't think it is possible. It is too complicated and painful to be perfect. Life is life. it is about joy, celebration, sadness, sorrow, peace, war, friendship, discord, struggle, victory, miracles, tragedies, acceptance, rejection, faith, hope and trust. We must trust in ourselves and have faith and never get disheartened. We must be strong and find someone we trust to help us when we are not so comfortable with ourselves. We are all afraid in our lives to some degree which is natural and is a big part of growing up. I don't have the answers. In fact I am seeking them one at a time and find that no matter how much I hold on to faith i still find I need someone to lean on when I feel alone. As I get older it seems life becomes more difficult and we are trying our best to cope and live our lives as best we can. I take lessons from my past, my present and my future and I try to approach my life with careful planning and a strategy that will help me to dream, achieve and find joy from within so I can be a better parent and a strong source of support for myself, my family and all who are a part of my life.

I know the complexities of life and I accept that but must it be so difficult that sometimes we wish to just go away. Did you ever feel so sad and hurt that you no longer had that innocence you once had. It is so sad when we lose that innocence. That means we have also lost our youth and that spirit and determination that we all need. We must never lose our fight. If we lose that then we surely will die and that is not what we want. We have so much more to offer than a broken heart. It seems the more pain we have the more stronger we should be inside. This is something we all wish to have, an inner strength that keeps us driven, focused and happy so we can face each day with a desire to be, to live, to love and to experience and share with those who mean something in our lives. Life can be good too you know. It doesn't always have to be sad and painful. We just have to believe that and never forget it. We also need to realize that our lives do have meaning, purpose and we should never lose sight of that. If we do we surely will give up and lose the fight and what good is that? We need to know we are special and we are loved and it sometimes will summon all our inner strength just to get through another day. that is when we must fight and believe. If we don't how will we survive? We are responsible for our lives and we can only make it better. We have to take responsibility and also know when to reach out for help. We have to find someone we can trust and when we do then we can say we are truly blessed. Life is funny sometimes how we meet someone who touches us and makes us realize we are not alone. We have to believe this is meant to be and we must trust and believe this is true. Life is too short to let that go. We must act or we surely will lose out and that is such a conflict we never wish to face. We must be true to all the people in our life and honor, respect and be truthful to all. I am learning each day and as i live, experience and share my life I cant help and realize that I too can touch someone like they have in my life. i need a friend and someone I can talk to when I struggle. We all do. Life demands that because of its complexity and its heartbreak. A friend who truly listens is very special and when we have that we will be ok. Then we can say we will never be alone anymore.

emily

[Aprilrain]

I didn't finish hair removal, grow my hair out, have FFS and I hadn't been on hormones very long before going full time. It has worked out but it was god damn stressful! Where I have heard others here say they stopped taking anti depressants when they started hormones I found my self needing them. I did what I had to do to survive but it wasn't ideal. I don't see how anyone could argue with the good advise of doing as much femininzation as posible BEFORE one goes out into the big bad world, it just makes sense. That being said if its waiting vs. suicide then by all means get out there with your wig,
5-o-clock shadow, man face and muscles.

[Kathryn Martin]

Kelly, the everyone is different so do what you like approach to seeking and giving advice is really not very effective. Since most persons that transition fall into the category where transitioning without a great amount of preparation prior to and much discretion before you start is deadly, devastating and highly problematic especially where transsexuals want to be when they are done, full functioning women in society. If good advice is met by: everyone is different and do what you want, the problem is that you create the impression this is easy pleasy just do what you want and you'll be accepted however you are, however you look and don't care about those that don't accept you. Anyone who takes this approach and advises others to follow willy nilly is irresponsible and a fool. It creates the impression that it's easy, and when the whole world comes crashing down for those that followed this foolish advice then there is the great shrugging of shoulders and saying: it worked for me.....

It's like saying jumping off the cliff is a great idea because I ended up falling into a hay stack. Any responsible person would say, don't ever jump off a cliff, are you insane, and advise great caution and would likely say, get a parachute, build a huge haystack where you intend to jump and have several doctors and ambulances on site. But, seriously, don't do it, it's stupid.

At a place like this we should be very cautious in our advice, consider that we have no idea about the persons real circumstances not just what we tell each other and always, all the time advise caution, discretion, and preparation.


Why is it an important horse to kill? What is the issue besides two different opinions which pretty much everyone has already agreed that there is no right or wrong answer? This is where I believe that "personalities" come into play. IMO there's a big difference between having an opinion and being opinionated. ( not that that is a bad thing, I am guilty of this myself at times) Is not being opinionated a personality trait?

opinionated: obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions; conceitedly dogmatic.

Melody:

Your comment is so off the mark it is painful. No one treats you like an idiot or fool, but your responses on this thread display a lack of maturity that it boggles the mind. You may leave those that come here and other places behind once you have completed SRS, but others here feel quite differently and feel that the good advice, support and information they have received over time needs to paid forward. We all pursue our own path, but there are quite clearly proven ways to accomplish transition, and most people that undertake this path will fare well and much better taking the proven road. That does not mean that it's not the only road. Given the nature of this forum, telling people to roll the dice instead of listening to what has worked for countless women in the past does a disservice to what is intended here. And calling people out for giving sound advice because you didn't follow it and succeeded anyway is just not appropriate.


Make a mountain out of a mole hill and twist everything right out of content why don't you?

Stop treating me like I am some idiot or fool. My point was simply this... there is nothing to say that you
should start on hormones or having any other feminisation treatments before you start LIVING as a female
like I did. I was not arguing over the requirements in the SoC for getting on hormones or having SRS.

And people wonder I am walking away from the trans community after my SRS?

[kellycan27]

Kelly, the everyone is different so do what you like approach to seeking and giving advice is really not very effective. Since most persons that transition fall into the category where transitioning without a great amount of preparation prior to and much discretion before you start is deadly, devastating and highly problematic especially where transsexuals want to be when they are done, full functioning women in society. If good advice is met by: everyone is different and do what you want, the problem is that you create the impression this is easy pleasy just do what you want and you'll be accepted however you are, however you look and don't care about those that don't accept you. Anyone who takes this approach and advises others to follow willy nilly is irresponsible and a fool. It creates the impression that it's easy, and when the whole world comes crashing down for those that followed this foolish advice then there is the great shrugging of shoulders and saying: it worked for me.....

It's like saying jumping off the cliff is a great idea because I ended up falling into a hay stack. Any responsible person would say, don't ever jump off a cliff, are you insane, and advise great caution and would likely say, get a parachute, build a huge haystack where you intend to jump and have several doctors and ambulances on site. But, seriously, don't do it, it's stupid.

At a place like this we should be very cautious in our advice, consider that we have no idea about the persons real circumstances not just what we tell each other and always, all the time advise caution, discretion, and preparation.



Melody:

Your comment is so off the mark it is painful. No one treats you like an idiot or fool, but your responses on this thread display a lack of maturity that it boggles the mind. You may leave those that come here and other places behind once you have completed SRS, but others here feel quite differently and feel that the good advice, support and information they have received over time needs to paid forward. We all pursue our own path, but there are quite clearly proven ways to accomplish transition, and most people that undertake this path will fare well and much better taking the proven road. That does not mean that it's not the only road. Given the nature of this forum, telling people to roll the dice instead of listening to what has worked for countless women in the past does a disservice to what is intended here. And calling people out for giving sound advice because you didn't follow it and succeeded anyway is just not appropriate.

As I mentioned earlier... I haven't seen any ADVICE handed out on this issue, merely OPINION. I personally don't hold with much of anything that Melody says, but she ( just as Frances and the rest of us) has the right to her opinion. I do agree with Frances.... That being said, I myself began living and going to college full time at age 20 and at the time my only resources were the clothes I had and long hair. I lived that way for 4 years before I began to do any kind of HRT or physical transition,and I also did fine. Even so... I still share the same OPINION as Frances. And finally (hopefully) I do agree that Melody should not have called Frances out on her opinion the way in which she did it.