How do you see yourself?

[Brittany CD]

My crossdressing has been a subject of much thought lately. I've dressed up for years without thinking deeply about it. In an attempt to better understand myself and other crossdressers, I though I'd pose this question; how do you view yourself?

When I truly started to think about my dressing, I couldn't figure out why I love it so much and why I desire to be a girl. I eventually figured that I must be transgendered as there was no other explanation. However, I continued to call myself a male with no hesitation and never felt like saying I'm a guy is a lie. I even continued to call myself a guy in my mind while dressed up. I also have never really felt trapped in the wrong body either, nor do I desire to change my body. In short, I view my sexual identity as male. After much more thought, I felt that I'm not really transgendered, but something else. I'm a guy who just happens to love female clothes and try to have a female face. Uncommon hobby, but it's true

So how about you? Do you feel you're like me and you just like to dress up or do you feel there's something more? If so, why do you feel that way?

[Amanda_Robinson]

For me I was originally just curious to see what it felt like to wear womens clothes and makeup. Then I realized that I liked it and struggled a bit. Never doubted that I love women and I am happy being a dude. I bought clothes wigs makeup and threw it all away twice! I am now comfortable with who I am. Dressing up is a fun release for me and I enjoy it. It helps that I have a great wife who thinks its cute. :-)
~ Amanda

[NathalieX66]

I now see my self as guy and a girl.......perhaps genderless, and maybe both genders. Gender means nothing to me. I pick a spot wherever I feel like at a given moment, and I go. It's all about true identity for me.
I don't want sexual motivation when I'm dressed as a girl, I simply want to be a girl.

[Contessa]

Katiegal I feel like I am transgendered now as I was just a crossdressing transexual not that long ago. Crossdressers can go back to being men after a while. Crossdressing transexuals at some point stop wanting to go back. I know I am adding my own spectrum point. I am just having trouble going back. As I feel stronger and more centered and complete. I must stay here or go get closer to that as it includes my freedom.


Tess

[Amy Fakley]

I too have been searching for meaning ... for a narrative that I can write about this that makes some sort of sense. A means to explain this to myself. So far I'm at a complete loss.

The meaning changes, but the desire never does. When I was very little it was just an instinctual attraction to the pretty clothes I think. Later it became sexual, then I sort of grew out of that, and now it seems to be more centered on identity ... "rightness of self".

I can't explain it. One thing I'll note ... it's hard to find someone around here who honestly believes they weren't born this way, myself included.
I wonder sometimes, what odd quirk of evolution gave rise to so many who have these feelings ... what advantage there must have been to this at some point in our distant past as a species. In spite of everything, I know I am exactly what the universe intended for me to be.

[Michelle V]

I personaly have good days and bad days, some days I hate being me, I wish I was a girl and hate everything about me, other times I wish I was fully male, I mean, I am and I know I am but Michelle is always there, lingering and trying to come out and sometimes she grows really strong and wants to take over, I've found that all I need is to let her come out, let her be around for a bit and calm the beast. For the most part I like being both, even when my female part is so damm ugly. As a guy I get looks from females and reminds me I am not a waste of space, my wife still finds me attractive even when she agrees Michelle is fugly, my kids like me and make me feel like superman when we do stuff together (pool diving from the roof or playing rough at the park) I say we have the best of both worlds whe we can actually manage to balance the ying yang that is being a cross/tran/male/female/guy/girl person

[docrobbysherry]

Oh! U hit a nerve, Katie! Considering myself as a CD I see myself as:

Ridiculous!:heehee:
Perverted!:doh:
Conflicted!:straightface:
Sexy!:D
Contrived!:Angry3:
And, worst of all, IMAGINARY!:eek:

Beyond that, I'm GOOD with it!:thumbsup:

[Candice Mae]

Secretly I've always had a very feminine side, but for family and society reasons I've hidden it all my life. Now that I live by my self and have been doing a lot of self discovery. I've come to realize that I'm transgendered, at 25 I still got a lot of searching to do. But I feel that I'm finally on the right path, but where exactly it takes me I do not know yet. It will be a day at a time, as I'm not gonna rush into things. Also I'm heterosexual, which makes me wonder what there is for me if do transition. Until I know the right choice I'm looking at all options, because transitioning has a major effect on your life.

[Silmaril]

I once read something where someone described gender in terms of 5 scales: biological, attraction, behavioral, presentation, and role. It was a *very* stereotypical system, and I won't defend it for a second. But it struck me as an interesting way to consider this question.

On these scales, a "pure girl" has XX chromosomes (hence everything that genetically comes with that), is attracted to boys, is more emotional and passive, wears dresses and long hair, and might be a cheerleader or a ballerina; a "pure boy" has XY genes, likes girls, is more logical and aggressive, wears pants and short hair, and might be a quarterback or a cowboy.

Let me say again that it's a *very* stereotypical model, and I may be vastly oversimplifying it. But what it suggests to me is that "I'm a boy" or "I'm a girl" is very simplistic label for what is really--when you think about it--a very complex complex concept.

I think the most conservative, traditional minds expect everyone to fall neatly into the two extremes I described. But I think most of humanity doesn't fall into those that cleanly. And I suggest that our little online community here is uniquely suited (...or is that dressed?) to show how many different variations there are in the real world.

And for that reason, I think the 5 scales make an interesting lens for answering your question. Any human should be able to tell you *both* what kind of man they are AND what kind of woman they are.

What kind of guy am I? In terms of the 5 scales, I'm an XY chromosomer with the original parts, and that's fine by me. I'm attracted to girls; I'm meticulously logical and can pass as an aggressive type, but I got called "fem" & "sissy" when I was little because my actual nature is to be more gentle; the roles I play are teacher, musician, hockey fan, chef, woodworker, and a mishmash of other things that shoot back and forth between the stereotypes.

And when it come to presenting, ever since I was old enough to make a choice, I have prized beautiful over handsome, curves over muscle, smooth over (gag) hairy, half-pony over crew cut, slip over boxers, gown over tuxedo ...you get the pattern.

But as far as society is concerned, DNA is king: the second chromosome is a coin toss, and if it comes up "Y," your mode of presentation is predetermined for you. So when I feel I have to, I present the way *they* want. But when the time is right, I present the way *I* want.

That's the kind of guy I am. And incidentally, that's also the kind of gal I am.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think that is a fair question! How do I see myself! Well I have always felt female so I guess that's how I see myself!

[Rachel Morley]

How do I see myself? .... well, in the past I wondered if I was TS, but over the years I've come to the conclusion that I'm not, but I do have to have femininity in my life to be happy. I don't need to dress fully all the time but I do have to wear women's clothes (or unisex looking girls' clothes in boy mode) a lot of the time, dressing fully is the best. If I wear anything more than one or two items of guy clothes I just feel "wrong". I know it's only clothes but somehow I have this need to feel and be different than what I perceive regular non trans guys are like in particular in the way they act. I want to embrace the feminine side of life as much as possible. I also don't like referring to myself as a "man" or a "guy". I prefer boy ... preferably girly-boy :)

[KlaireLarnia]

I see myself as being no different to any other man I pass or know. I am mostly happy with myself, wish I could loose a little weight - have more money - more time to enjoy the things I like etc. I have never had any issues over how I look and how I want to be seen. I've been on a voyage of self discovery, worked out how my Gemini personality is made up and also how these two parts can work in harmony.

I am 100% male, and have no desires to be or be seen as anything else despite my dressing. That is just me expressing my individuality and personality in ways I am otherwise restricted from doing normally.

So I guess the answer to the question "how do I see myself" is: As me, and I'm perfectly happy with what I see.

[JohannaSophia]

I see myself as always attracted to women, they are a thing of beauty. I just wanted to be pretty too but genetics caught up, I topped out close to 6'8", not a height that lends to crossdressing just anywhere.

Transitioning? well the Russian National Women's Basketball team back in the 70's had a couple of ladies about my height and one 7 footer.

[noeleena]

Hi,

The same way i saw my self at age 10 ,,,,different sure not a boy yet wondered why i was not quite like other girls yet the strange thing was then i felt things inside that said both boy & girl.& that really was it. though i knew i would live as a female / woman. later on.

as i got older i allso knew to look after my self not do things that would harm my body as to food & drink ,
keep very fit & that i did for many years & that has given me my body shape similer to a female with in keeping with my age. & thats been a fantastic help & has proved what i knew many years ago.

I never dressed saw no need though i was by my Mum in my lovely cream dress's she dressed me in & once for a pantomime for our church end of year do.dressed fully as girls,in front of 80 people & My Mum1958-9 other than that nothing,

How do i see myself now as a female as i knew with a male makeup thats part of who i am,

Things that helped me are accepting who i was / am & being accepted by others,

There is some thing youv said & this to me is importaint you are a guy a male a all out male or man .

This is something i can never know or even quess what its like , even though i say i have a male part its not much because i dont relate to or with males i never did yet i worked under them though i hated it i just had to if i was going to learn my trade, as it was i enjoyed that part very much yeap a chippy pinny & all.... i see men just cant figger them out yet i dont mind working with them & that means as a woman , im not to bad around men i do have quite a few as friends so thats good ,,,

just i spos they see me as a woman , well they do & we get on pretty good , one guy i know we talked last week & yesteday about a job & yes i could easyerly do it roofing & he needs some help on this job he knows because i injured my self i cant help him not now so its like he sees no issues with me even haveing a woman work with him. so there you have it,

i ran my own show doing building & employed others & had our daughter work for me as well on jobs so its about acceptance & others just accepting who you are, yea i know i paid her well. she's a good worker,

...noeleena...

[May(be)]

How do I see myself? In a fuzzy mirror.

I am just beginning to come to grips with what it means to be a crossdresser, and to what extent I want that to be a part of my public life. Up until this year, it was all in the privacy of my closet, I wasn't allowing myself the space that I needed to breathe. Like any biological organism, though, a creature will expand to fill the space provided by its' environment. Therefore, May has begun to grow and I do not see, at this early stage, how much space in my life she will need.

All options are on the table for me at this point, because I am not sure what it is I really want.
Hormones? Maybe. Full-time? Maybe. SRS? Even still, maybe... but all of these options are, quite honestly, long shots. Each is a significant departure from the life I have thus far built for myself. If I can be happy without making these major lifestyle choices, I'll gladly do that. I don't want to close down any options yet, but I also don't have to make any choices yet.

So how do I see myself? Blurry, but coming into focus.

[Kate Simmons]

I always liked being a boy but wanted to experience being a girl also. Men and women are pretty much the same I discovered, except the obvious plumbing.The main difference is that as a woman you can experience looking nice and being pretty without too much criticism.:battingeyelashes::)

[boy2girl31]

I suppose that I see myself as female and would like to be female yet family members would probally never talk to me again. (2 sisters who are overly religious)
I have always felt like a girl because of my interests (cooking, sewing, clothes). Though lately I have come to seperate myself in a way I retain my likes and thoughts but
try to be a guy around my family and friends.

[kimdl93]

I think we can sometimes confuse ourselves with definitions...what's a CDr, whats transgendered, what's transsexual. In my view, most of us fall on the trangender spectrum, some nearer the fetish dresser and others more towards the transsexual end, but with an infinite variety of possible points in between. And I suspect our definition of self can vary significantly as we mature, as we have life expereinces and as we begin to recognize possibilities we may not have considered at other stages in our lives. If I had to pick a point for myself, today, I'd be more towards TS, but not considering any permanent physical or lifestyle changes. I have a very strong sense of feminine within me and I dress nearly full-time 5 days a week, 50:50 on the weekends, depending on what we're doing and who we are seeing. But I also fill the roles of spouse, GF, grandfather, dad and various other things in the course of a typical week.

[Karren H]

I've always seen myself as not fitting into any of the predefined categories.... a subtle non-conforming agnostic geeky engineer hockey player who likes to look more like a woman than a man....

[Beverley Sims]

I try and think deeply about what my problem may be, but there are other tiings to worry about.
So, I just go along and be me without too much thought about it.
If I had strong feelings towards men, transitioning, and sickness worries I might worry then.
I did have prostate cancer once. That worried me for six months.
Now I only think about it when I go to the hospital for a check up and look around at the poor souls around me that are about to get the bad news or are fighting it. Cancer is cruel.
So think about dressing a little bit and get on with it.
Get out socially if it is a burden or maybe counseling is your route.

[Kaz]

How do I see myself? I am a person... a human being... trying to get through life in the best way I can, balancing all the crap in my head with the crap that is life etc...

Many times in my life I have wished I was born a girl (since very early on actually) but I just got on with it. Married, 3 grown up daughters, a gorgeous granddaughter, a nice house (but I have moved a lot)... I've had a variety of careers... I can tell the story like it is a dream that many would want to follow...!

The reality? I want to be Kaz and these days every day I wonder 'what if'? I am coming full circle to the thoughts I had when I was very young... I wish I was a girl... I love my family and I love my kids... but what if?

So I look in the mirror and I see Kaz trying to get out! Maybe I need to give her more airtime now!

[Alice B]

I consider it a fine line that I balance upon. I'm very happy with my male side and the roles that go with it. But, I also have discovered that I have a very strong female side that gets stronger all the time. I have no desire to transition, yet would love to have real breasts and if such a thing wre acceptable in the male world would do so in a heart beat. So, I'm a cross dresser that would love to be more, but without giving up all that I currently have. Guess like DocSherry.

[Cheryl T]

There's really something more in my case, but why I don't have a clue. What will become of it is a mystery to me at this time and I'll just walk this path and see where it leads.

[Lynn Marie]

How do I see myself? Pretty much by looking in the mirror.

Sorry, but I don't get much deeper than that. Makes my brain hurt. I have other hobbies and I avoid deep thought about them too!

[kimdl93]

I've always seen myself as not fitting into any of the predefined categories.... a subtle non-conforming agnostic geeky engineer hockey player who likes to look more like a woman than a man....

I like that definition! But a subtle hockey player? Really?

[Angela Campbell]

As far back as I can remember I wanted to be a girl. Even before school age I had both boys that were friends and girls in the neighborhood. I never much liked sports like the boys but loved playing barbie dolls with the girls. It didn't take me long to figure out I was a boy and will always be a boy and better start acting like a boy because everyone in the world expected that of me. I still longed to be a girl but I did my best to have a male life as I was supposed to do. I never was much into sports but did rather like hot wheels and toy guns a lot. I liked GI Joe better LOL. I became a great cook and pretty good at household chores. I drifted into music so I was able to be a boy with some eclectic tastes. Rock and rollers in the 70s allowed me to be a bit feminine - David Bowie for example - and I could get away with a bracelet or necklace. All the time in private trying on panties and slips when I could get away with it. I never considered myself weird or perverted or gay, I just knew it was something I had to keep to myself at all costs.

Well here I am much older and fully a man. 2 marriages, 3 kids all grown up, and definately into women sexually. I still long to be a woman. I guess in a former life I was and this time came out a boy. When I dress up it feels right to me. I would go all out and get hormones and an operation but I am too old for that stuff and have too much invested in my life to go and throw it all away and change the world of everyone who knows me. So I will never be a girl for real but will dress and act like one every chance I get. So the answer for me is I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body.

[Traceyjo]

I'm exactly like you Katie and never really considered there might be anything deeper that I have been suppressing. It's the best way to be because it allows me just to love the pleasure I feel when I'm dressed . The only negative emotion I ever experience is the one I feel right now. In about 30 minutes I have to take off my wig and jewellry, remove my make-up and change my clothes. I don't want to do that but once I do my normal life continues happily and I'll just look forward to my next femme opportunity .

[Ashley D.]

I am a girl inside I have always felt uncomfortable in my body.
When I dream I'm female I have always wished to be a woman.
So I see my self as in the wrong body and will do all that life let's me
to make things right.

[Laurie A]

How I see myself changes from mood to mood, but mostly I also see myself as a guy who wears women's clothes. I have often thought that my self limiting factor is my mirror. If I could ever look in the mirror and see something other than a guy in a dress, I am pretty sure I would be a much more enthusiastic and self confident about my feminine persona.

[Tracii G]

I look at myself as a a guy that acts like a girl.I like to dress as a female because I love how they look.
I'm both in a male body and pretty much fine with it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katie, I'm all guy but when I finish dressing and put on my wig then all bets about the guy thing are off.

[heatherdress]

Katiegal - Sounds like you don't really desire to be a girl, you just enjoy dressing like a girl. Me too.

[Jenniferpl]

A lady, that will probably never pass, trapped in a male body. Definitely attracted to women . Never really have given it much thought though. Most of my interests involve outdoor activities and seldom find myself interested in the typical female activities. I seem to be fighting a losing battle because the female side seems to be slowing taking over.

[Janalee]

It's interesting how I see myself in photos always looks different than how I see myself in the mirror. Mirror is much better!