Natasha Anne
11-19-2005, 11:27 AM
I finally created another journal entried today, and thought I'd post it here so you can read about my progress. It's been one huge week.
Last Friday I visited my psychiatrist and told him I needed to go full time and also go of the Zoloft anti-depressant I'm on. I told him I used to have a shopping list (nose job - wishes for FFS - longer hair - more electrolysis sessions behind me), but that is now a "nice to have/eventually will have" rather than a prerequisite. He seemed to think I was ready too. I guess they wait until we request RLT, rather than force us to sometimes when they know we are sure about what we are.
Anyway, I'm weaning myself of the Zoloft, by following his instructions on how to do so. I'm hoping by the end of this year it's out of my system. I felt some pretty deep emotions before going on Zoloft, and I actually miss them, no matter how bad they seemed.
After seeing him, I told some friends and started building a calendar of events to follow:
It looks like this. Although the dates might slip here and there I'm commited to get it going now. Nerve wracking as they might be.
1. As I'm intending on continuing with my career at the company I'm at, and am also a manager at that company, I decided to tell my fellow managers about my decision yesterday. I did this by preparing my manager (he has known a while, but not of this new development). Between him, a colleague who knows, and me we told the rest of the group. There was some silence and some awesome reactions. I went away feeling better for having said something, and my work day went on as usual. As an added challenge the Middle East and Africa Director, who was down from Turkey, was told too. He giggled a bit, but not maliciously, and said I've got nothing to worry about.
2. After that I decided to tell the staff that report to me. I have 8 reports right now. I told two of them yesterday. It really never gets easier telling people, but I told two of them yesterday. Their reactions were pretty cool, one of them asked a lot of questions and insisted I should remain his manager, and the other told me he had always known anyway, so it did not change anything. I will be telling the rest by the end of the week.
3. On 14 December a memo will go out from our MD to the staff (280+ people) and along with that will be a letter and FAQ I've written. All the directors and my manager think the letter is very well written. So here's hoping.
4. 15 December is my first day of RLT. I will also be driving to Cape Town with my wife and children to stay with my aunt. During the 2 1/2 weeks I'm there we will be telling the extended family including my mother and the in-laws. I'm so scared about these events, but need to get through them. Before all of this I need to tell the children too :(
5. 9 January I return to work full time. I'm hoping this will be a 9 day wonder after which people will just get on with life. Oddly I'm struggling to decide what to wear, so that I do a good job of my first day's appearance and less concerned about others reactions. I'll just do it and hope things will be fine.
That's the plan. Here's hoping it goes OK.
My wife is on and off, and constantly comments about "redefinining our relationship". It's tough because I'm a sole provider and we're actually both very happy living where we live. The children are also happy, and neither of us wants to introduce massive change in their lives. We remain friends, but need to see where this takes us. I hope it works out more postively than most people I've read posts from here.
Some other key events. I got my birth certificate with my new name, Natasha Anne, (not new sex) on it last week. This was followed by getting my temporary ID document on Thursday this week, and I also registered to vote in next years elections with that temporary ID today.
I guess so far things are going better than I could have ever anticipated. I am waiting for something negative to happen. I can't imagine this is going to happen without a hitch, so I take each day, moment and event as it comes and try not to predict the future.
Now if only I get could a decent hormone dosage I would be happy. It's nowhere near what my overseas acquiantances in both the US and UK start with initially, and mine have already been increased once. I'm seeing the endocrinologist at the end of the month and am hoping to persuade her to give me a twice daily dosage and to up it too. I want to develop to my full potential, not somewhere beneath that.
30 sessions of electrolysis and counting. Ow ow ow and ow! But it appears to be making a difference, albeit slowly. Darn the male face has so much hair on it, especially the upper lip.
That's it for now. Enjoy the read and comment please.
Last Friday I visited my psychiatrist and told him I needed to go full time and also go of the Zoloft anti-depressant I'm on. I told him I used to have a shopping list (nose job - wishes for FFS - longer hair - more electrolysis sessions behind me), but that is now a "nice to have/eventually will have" rather than a prerequisite. He seemed to think I was ready too. I guess they wait until we request RLT, rather than force us to sometimes when they know we are sure about what we are.
Anyway, I'm weaning myself of the Zoloft, by following his instructions on how to do so. I'm hoping by the end of this year it's out of my system. I felt some pretty deep emotions before going on Zoloft, and I actually miss them, no matter how bad they seemed.
After seeing him, I told some friends and started building a calendar of events to follow:
It looks like this. Although the dates might slip here and there I'm commited to get it going now. Nerve wracking as they might be.
1. As I'm intending on continuing with my career at the company I'm at, and am also a manager at that company, I decided to tell my fellow managers about my decision yesterday. I did this by preparing my manager (he has known a while, but not of this new development). Between him, a colleague who knows, and me we told the rest of the group. There was some silence and some awesome reactions. I went away feeling better for having said something, and my work day went on as usual. As an added challenge the Middle East and Africa Director, who was down from Turkey, was told too. He giggled a bit, but not maliciously, and said I've got nothing to worry about.
2. After that I decided to tell the staff that report to me. I have 8 reports right now. I told two of them yesterday. It really never gets easier telling people, but I told two of them yesterday. Their reactions were pretty cool, one of them asked a lot of questions and insisted I should remain his manager, and the other told me he had always known anyway, so it did not change anything. I will be telling the rest by the end of the week.
3. On 14 December a memo will go out from our MD to the staff (280+ people) and along with that will be a letter and FAQ I've written. All the directors and my manager think the letter is very well written. So here's hoping.
4. 15 December is my first day of RLT. I will also be driving to Cape Town with my wife and children to stay with my aunt. During the 2 1/2 weeks I'm there we will be telling the extended family including my mother and the in-laws. I'm so scared about these events, but need to get through them. Before all of this I need to tell the children too :(
5. 9 January I return to work full time. I'm hoping this will be a 9 day wonder after which people will just get on with life. Oddly I'm struggling to decide what to wear, so that I do a good job of my first day's appearance and less concerned about others reactions. I'll just do it and hope things will be fine.
That's the plan. Here's hoping it goes OK.
My wife is on and off, and constantly comments about "redefinining our relationship". It's tough because I'm a sole provider and we're actually both very happy living where we live. The children are also happy, and neither of us wants to introduce massive change in their lives. We remain friends, but need to see where this takes us. I hope it works out more postively than most people I've read posts from here.
Some other key events. I got my birth certificate with my new name, Natasha Anne, (not new sex) on it last week. This was followed by getting my temporary ID document on Thursday this week, and I also registered to vote in next years elections with that temporary ID today.
I guess so far things are going better than I could have ever anticipated. I am waiting for something negative to happen. I can't imagine this is going to happen without a hitch, so I take each day, moment and event as it comes and try not to predict the future.
Now if only I get could a decent hormone dosage I would be happy. It's nowhere near what my overseas acquiantances in both the US and UK start with initially, and mine have already been increased once. I'm seeing the endocrinologist at the end of the month and am hoping to persuade her to give me a twice daily dosage and to up it too. I want to develop to my full potential, not somewhere beneath that.
30 sessions of electrolysis and counting. Ow ow ow and ow! But it appears to be making a difference, albeit slowly. Darn the male face has so much hair on it, especially the upper lip.
That's it for now. Enjoy the read and comment please.