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Natasha Anne
11-19-2005, 11:27 AM
I finally created another journal entried today, and thought I'd post it here so you can read about my progress. It's been one huge week.

Last Friday I visited my psychiatrist and told him I needed to go full time and also go of the Zoloft anti-depressant I'm on. I told him I used to have a shopping list (nose job - wishes for FFS - longer hair - more electrolysis sessions behind me), but that is now a "nice to have/eventually will have" rather than a prerequisite. He seemed to think I was ready too. I guess they wait until we request RLT, rather than force us to sometimes when they know we are sure about what we are.

Anyway, I'm weaning myself of the Zoloft, by following his instructions on how to do so. I'm hoping by the end of this year it's out of my system. I felt some pretty deep emotions before going on Zoloft, and I actually miss them, no matter how bad they seemed.

After seeing him, I told some friends and started building a calendar of events to follow:

It looks like this. Although the dates might slip here and there I'm commited to get it going now. Nerve wracking as they might be.

1. As I'm intending on continuing with my career at the company I'm at, and am also a manager at that company, I decided to tell my fellow managers about my decision yesterday. I did this by preparing my manager (he has known a while, but not of this new development). Between him, a colleague who knows, and me we told the rest of the group. There was some silence and some awesome reactions. I went away feeling better for having said something, and my work day went on as usual. As an added challenge the Middle East and Africa Director, who was down from Turkey, was told too. He giggled a bit, but not maliciously, and said I've got nothing to worry about.
2. After that I decided to tell the staff that report to me. I have 8 reports right now. I told two of them yesterday. It really never gets easier telling people, but I told two of them yesterday. Their reactions were pretty cool, one of them asked a lot of questions and insisted I should remain his manager, and the other told me he had always known anyway, so it did not change anything. I will be telling the rest by the end of the week.
3. On 14 December a memo will go out from our MD to the staff (280+ people) and along with that will be a letter and FAQ I've written. All the directors and my manager think the letter is very well written. So here's hoping.
4. 15 December is my first day of RLT. I will also be driving to Cape Town with my wife and children to stay with my aunt. During the 2 1/2 weeks I'm there we will be telling the extended family including my mother and the in-laws. I'm so scared about these events, but need to get through them. Before all of this I need to tell the children too :(
5. 9 January I return to work full time. I'm hoping this will be a 9 day wonder after which people will just get on with life. Oddly I'm struggling to decide what to wear, so that I do a good job of my first day's appearance and less concerned about others reactions. I'll just do it and hope things will be fine.

That's the plan. Here's hoping it goes OK.

My wife is on and off, and constantly comments about "redefinining our relationship". It's tough because I'm a sole provider and we're actually both very happy living where we live. The children are also happy, and neither of us wants to introduce massive change in their lives. We remain friends, but need to see where this takes us. I hope it works out more postively than most people I've read posts from here.

Some other key events. I got my birth certificate with my new name, Natasha Anne, (not new sex) on it last week. This was followed by getting my temporary ID document on Thursday this week, and I also registered to vote in next years elections with that temporary ID today.

I guess so far things are going better than I could have ever anticipated. I am waiting for something negative to happen. I can't imagine this is going to happen without a hitch, so I take each day, moment and event as it comes and try not to predict the future.

Now if only I get could a decent hormone dosage I would be happy. It's nowhere near what my overseas acquiantances in both the US and UK start with initially, and mine have already been increased once. I'm seeing the endocrinologist at the end of the month and am hoping to persuade her to give me a twice daily dosage and to up it too. I want to develop to my full potential, not somewhere beneath that.

30 sessions of electrolysis and counting. Ow ow ow and ow! But it appears to be making a difference, albeit slowly. Darn the male face has so much hair on it, especially the upper lip.

That's it for now. Enjoy the read and comment please.

Sharon
11-19-2005, 01:14 PM
It certainly looks as if things are going well for you Natasha, and I wish the very best for you when you inform your family. I think you may need to change your name pretty soon from "Natasha Sometimes" to "Natasha All the Time" though.:)


It sounds like your doctor may be taking a conservative route with your hormone dosage, but that may be a good thing, although I understand your impatience. At least it gives your body more time to acclimate to the changes it's being asked to adapt to, and it probably lessens any risks involved.

Anyway, please keep us updated on your progress as I find your posts very informative and uplifting. May it go so well for me.

MandyTS
11-19-2005, 01:54 PM
Natasha,

For once in my life I am almost at loss for words (that is very unusual for me). I was talking to my best friend about this stuff last night and he was shocked in how I have become so comfortable in who I am, a little too so. I have not even been on HRT yet (start in January) but my entire family, many of my friends including my best friend, some of the people in the band I play with and most of the bicycle club I have riden with for years. All it says is I have finally accepted myself as who I am.

Even though I agree with you 100%, it is not easy but barriable telling people about all of this. If you think that 99% of the people's reaction will be favorable then you are half way there. This is you and your future and people will accept that.

As for hormones I can not tell you but in my case I am also going to go conservative for a while, mainly because I have no counter action to HRT (no testosterone) and I am young (relatively speaking). It is my understanding that with a lower dose you can still get all the effects, just slower.

Good luck with your future, it looks bright for you!

Mandy

Rachel_740
11-19-2005, 05:16 PM
Natasha,

All the best for your transition to full time. I hope it goes as smoothly for you as it did for me:) .

It certainly sounds like you're going the right way. I must say though, that I told all my family before I said anything at work.

Anne
xxx

Natasha Anne
11-20-2005, 08:21 AM
Anyway, please keep us updated on your progress as I find your posts very informative and uplifting. May it go so well for me.

Thank you to all of you. I will certainly keep you updated.

Sharon, I appreciate the comment above. It's nice knowing I occasionally say something useful here. You just never know until someone says something.

Kim E
11-20-2005, 11:41 AM
Hi Natasha ~
I'm very proud and happy for you. :) It takes a lot of courage and determination to accomplish what you have done. I wish you continued success in your travel. Its nice to hear of your progress and please keep us informed.

Love ~ Kim

Stephenie
11-20-2005, 03:32 PM
Good luck. It's nice that your company is with you on this.

Jacqui
11-21-2005, 10:05 PM
Natasha, you are living my dream. I think that you are doing everything in an organized and intelligent fashion.

From what I've read, the most important thing, even before family and best friends, is holding onto your job. It seems that you will be passing this hurdle with flying colors.

I would imagine that the family part is the most difficult and I wish you the best of luck and hope that you gain their support.

I look forward to hearing of your progress and please know that that there will be people here who are supporting you every step of the way.

By the way, December 14th is the birthday of my daughter.
Hopefully, on this day, it will be the birth of another beautiful girl.

Love,
Jacqui

Natasha Anne
11-22-2005, 02:26 AM
By the way, December 14th is the birthday of my daughter.
Hopefully, on this day, it will be the birth of another beautiful girl.


You go girl, good luck to you.

I'm finding the quicker I get the nonsense out of the way, the easier it becomes to focus and function properly. It's like clearing the white noise one step at a time!