my parents found out...:'(

[cdlovesy]

So...my parents went in my room and found my stuff... My bras...panties... Thongs... even my makeup. But the worst was when they pull ed out my breast forms and wig... I spent a lot on those two... My father shredded my wig right in front of me and shown me what he did with the forms... It's ridiculous. It's who i am... And we fought for hours that night. I ended up leaving that night staying out for most of the night. I got a friends helped and later the next day i had a lease signed and was moving out.and couldn't find my girlie stiff any where...when we were finished and i packed my bike from the garage my friend noticed all my things in the trash can torn to shreds!! I went into my parents house and asked my father what the hell they were thinking about doing that to my things!! My precious shoes... I saved for months for just the right wig.... But.... My forms?? Like REALLY? we started shouting at each other and it ended up with dad punching me and my mom screaming I'm not their son anymore to get the **** out of their house and never come back. :( i don't know what to do anymore any suggestions Gurls?? I used to dress to relax and be myself and now i can't, anyone have ideas? I'm barely making enough to get by as it is. Plus never realized living on my own was going to be so lonely:(

[Tracii G]

Well I'm sorry that happened to you and IMO they acted out of line. They should have asked you why you do this first off.
They seem to be unwilling to accept who you are so that part we know.
Are they religious? what is your age?Have you been a rebellious kid? All this plays in to the scenario here.
Now that you are out on your own all I can say is welcome to the real world.
Yeah its tough and you will have to do all you can to get by.
Everybody has to go thru this so you aren't the only one.
I know it hurts that your parents treated you this way just give them time they will get over it in time and maybe see the error of their ways.
Positive thing here is you are on your own and you have no one to depend on or please but yourself.
Keep posting here for guidance because we all understand how you feel.

[Barbara Ella]

A parent's house brings with it their rules. Hate to say that, and hate even more to see two parents who so unfeeling and unrespecting of you as a person. I feel they still love you, and would bet some money that after some time passes your mom might have something different to say in private. After a cooling off period, contacting her might be useful. I would hope some education of who we are and what we do might help soften her a bit. At least I hope so. Dad's are different.......but sometimes moms can work on them.

It is interesting that even though parents did not love the person you were, and had no respect for their son, they are missed when not there. This will be a difficult period, but just know that you are not totally alone. i see this is your first post. go to the introduction section and say hello to everyone. The girls here are a wonderful support group that will be here for you at all times for whatever you might need to chat about. Let some time pass and see what develops. Do not immediately go back and start arguing again. The damage they did is past and can never be recovered I do not know if their rage is religious based or not, but if so, do not provoke them to the point where they out you to their congregation or friends.

Barbara

[suzy1]

Your parents are incredibly cruel!!! I feel like crying just reading this.
All I can say is you have the rest of your life ahead of you and things will work out in the end. They usually do.
Stay strong and get through this.

Thinking of you, SUZY

[Tracii G]

You do need to do an introduction and send them to this thread if you want.
We are here for you never forget that.

[BRANDYJ]

So sorry this happened to you. The reaction from your parents was a result of them no knowing anything about crossdressing or other gender issues. I don't know them or how loving and close they were to you. It could have been a knew jerk reaction out of common fears that you are gay or a pervert, based on their limited knowledge about the thousands of us that are gender fluid. If they are intelligent, educated loving people in general, they will come around in time. I can only hope and assume they love you as most all parents love their children. Give them time. Have they been good parents up until this sad event? I hope so.
If their reaction is based on over the top religious beliefs, it might be more difficult. I have a brother that I foolishly confessed to about my being a CD. He said he could not have this in his life. He is one of those over the top so called "born again Christians" We went over 4 years of no contact what so ever. Within the last 3 months or so, he had second thoughts and made contact. We now see each other again and are back to being brothers. From a few things he said, I think he has studied up on crossdressing and it is no longer the evil he once thought it was. So there is hope.
Give them time. Things may change for you. For now, leave them alone and let them miss you....and they will. At the same time, at your age, 23 according to your profile, you needed to be out on your own. It's just bad it happened to be a bad way to move out from inder your parent's roof. I wish you luck.

[flatlander_48]

I don't think anyone here would disagree that this is a very sad story. My kids are 37 and 30 and I would find it very hard to react like that with them. After all, they ARE me. So, why did this happen? Who knows. Sometimes people shoot first and ask questions later.

The question is now what happens next? Unless there is some major change in the parents, I don't think you can go back there. This discovery seems to have touched a nerve. The thing to do is to concentrate on moving yourself forward. Whatever you can do to improve your situation is what you have to be working on. While it may be difficult, it is not impossible. Even though it may feel like you're standing hip deep in s++t, you probably have more strength than you think.

"When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." Audre Lorde

[Rachel Morley]

My father shredded my wig right in front of me and shown me what he did with the forms. ...... Like REALLY? we started shouting at each other and it ended up with dad punching me and my mom screaming I'm not their son anymore to get the **** out of their house and never come back.
Holy cow!! Are you serious? Your Dad punched you and your Mom screamed at you to get out of their house? This is terrible. I can hardly believe it. Ok they got angry, but even so. It sounds like you're better off without them (for now anyway). At least you have somewhere to live and no one can tell you what to do or how to dress, and at least you can (eventually) get all of your stuff back. PM me with your new address and I will send you a wig I have have that is very similar to the one in my avatar. Ok it's not new, but it's still in good condition. I'm serious ... it's a $75 wig and you can have it.

Hugs
Rachel

[DameErrant]

Holy cow!! Are you serious? Your Dad punched you and your Mom screamed at you to get out of their house? This is terrible. I can hardly believe it. Ok they got angry, but even so. It sounds like you're better off without them (for now anyway). At least you have somewhere to live and no one can tell you what to do or how to dress, and at least you can (eventually) get all of your stuff back. PM me with your new address and I will send you a wig I have have that is very similar to the one in my avatar. Ok it's not new, but it's still in good condition. I'm serious ... it's a $75 wig and you can have it.

Hugs
Rachel

cd, please post your sizes; I'm sure that there are a lot of us who can spare a little each to get you started again. I myself have way too many shoes. (Yes, I know, you can't have too many shoes, but I have too many for the space available.)

[BRANDYJ]

Rachel, What a nice gesture on your part. The only problem is that cdlovesy is a new member, I don't think she can send PM's until 10 posts are made.

[Stephanie47]

I think most people who read your posting, no matter what their perception of alternative lifestyles may be, will find your parents reacted in the extreme. I say most because this country is riddled with bigots and worse; two faced bigots. You asked what you should do. First, you need a plan of action. Sometimes a person becomes too comfortable in a given situation and needs a little 'push.' In your situation it is not a 'little push.' It was a big shove.

You were correct to sign and lease to get out of the house. If your community is riddled with bigots, I suggest further relocation to a more accepting environment. I realize times are tough for many people. However, your first goal should be to establish more economic independence. That may mean more schooling. It may be relocating to a better job market. If there is free counseling services in your area, you should seek assistance. You have to deal not only with your cross dressing, but, the manner in which your parents treated you.

[Jeanna]

Wow that really sucks! Keep your head up things will get better:)

[Tracii G]

I have over 80 pair of jeans ranging from sizes 7-26 yes I was really fat for a while but would love to help if you can use some.
Just let me know what size you wear.

[Princess_Andria]

wow i'm stunned, for them to act the way they did and what they said. I hope you'll be alright but thats quite a shock and to have to witness it aswell =( Just do what you can to get by hun but don't let it question who you are, you've not done 1 thing wrong. Keep your chin up girl x

[Kelli Ca]

I am sorry to hear about your story, sounds like your doing the rightthing though by getting out. Now you will have the freedom to truly be who you are without all the bs reprisal. Hang in there keep posting and reading, you've found a place here for love and support and strength. Post your ten and add friends any thing we can do

[sterling12]

It's not consolation, but they are going to regret what they did! By destroying your things, assaulting you, and "burning their bridges," it will make it damn near impossible to reestablish any contact, let alone any trust! When they cool off, their going to realize how foolishly they handled a difficult situation.

You are now taking a very Big Step, The Stuff you can replace, the loss of Family Ties may be much harder to deal with. I hope you have some siblings or close relatives with a bit more sense! Perhaps they can help you with The Grieving and The Loneliness, which is eventually going to become apparent.

But, on The Positive Side, you are now forced to take a Step which was inevitable. It might be sooner than you want, but now you get a Jump Start on discovering all the facets of your femme self. Oh, and by The Way Kid....welcome to Adulthood! It can be scary, but once you achieve it, you won't want to go back.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Andrea26]

Im really sorry your parents treated you so horrible :( Im in the same situation as you as I still live with my parents so I can related just give them time to come to terms with who you are and no one can tell you who you can't be

[Taliya]

cdlovesy, I am very saddened to hear your story - made me cry. My parents found some clothes I had when I was 12, and though they did not kick me out of the house, they had a similar reaction, it was so very horrible for me - I remember it vividly though it was 30 years ago. I made it through that and I am doing well. Please know that you are among friends here in the forum. I would love to help you out - as another member has suggested, please post your sizes so that I can offer any clothes that I have that would help.

[kimdl93]

You are going tohave to grow up really fast. I suppose you couLd thank your parents for that. Eventually your parents may come to regret their actions. In the mean time keep your distanc.

[Andrea J]

OMG! That's terrible. My heart goes out to you. I don't know if their reactions were religiously based but if they are Christian, here is a website that discusses how CD's or TS's can defend themselves using the bible:

http://www.drbecky.com/lynnmont.html

Now I don't know the bible so I have to trust this site, but this website details several teachings that almost everybody ignores that are right next to the CD paragraph.

Now, if you do use these arguments, you'll have to be very careful, calm and well thought out about it. People can get very sensitive about religion, as you know. So I'll have to leave it to your own judgement as to if you should mention these arguments to your parents. Perhaps others on this forum can advise.

[reb.femme]

Oh, and by The Way Kid....welcome to Adulthood! It can be scary, but once you achieve it, you won't want to go back.
Peace and Love, Joanie

I got no further than this post. Harsh but unbelievably true. My parents accused my son of being a pedophile when he declared that he was gay. Sometimes, even family members can be nothing better than nasty, horrible scumbags. I'm not sure I would ever want to talk to them again in your situation, but that's only my opinion, not advice. May the road to future happiness now lay before you!

Rebecca x

[Allisa]

My heart is saddened for you this may not be a very popular reply but an assault is just that, an assault,the police should have been notified and with the evidence of your destroyed clothing charges should have been made.If you are worried about being "outed" you then have one less thing to burden you,it's thier embarrassment now not yours for there is nothing to be embarrassed about.This may also fall under the category of a hate crime.You were wronged in so many ways.Sorry I have to go now my blood is starting to boil.All my best wishes and happiness to you,things do get better.Chin up,cheery-o,pip-pip and all that rot.You have friends here,keep us informed.
Bye-Bye,Lisa.

[Julie Gaum]

To CDlovesy: Happy to read much excellent advise being sent your way. Take it to heart and set your priorities. As stated the first one is financial independence which very well may mean that all your CD activity may have to be put on the back burner for months or maybe a few years. Sure there are many kind readers who will donate to a new wardrobe but that may distract some of your energies away from creating a new life so carefully weigh the options and what must be accomplished first! I was fortunate 72 years ago when my stash was found --- folks thought it was just a "phase" and I decided not to run away. For the record what you just went through has happened to tens of thousands of boys not only in our country but all over the world (In fact some parents in other countries had their sons killed so consider yourself lucky.) Eventually, with courage, patience and determination you will achieve all your goals ---luck has nothing to do with it.
Julie

[Tracii G]

You are 23 so you need to be out of the house anyway IMO and doing what you want as far as dressing.
Job, place to live are your responsibility to be honest and I'm not being harsh lots of us were out of the house at 17-18 for various reasons.
At barely over 18 I was eating dirt at Ft Campbell Ky with a drill Sargent up my back side.
As far as the hate crime thing no sense in pushing that suck it up and go on.Its your word against your parents and we all know how the legal system works.
They have homophobic beliefs looks like and that is their problem.
If they seek education and learn they will realize how wrong they were and that is punishment enough.

[the_shark]

And I thought my situation was bad. Wow, this literally took my breath away. Not you nor anyone really deserves that kind of treatment especially over such a delicate issue to begin with. I am so sorry. My deepest condolences go out to you and your heart. Life's tough. Especially with parents and other supporters and non supporters alike. This saddens me in magnitudes that are difficult to explain. Just never forget that you're not entirely alone.
You're among friends and those like yourself here.
We accept you.
Exactly the way you are.
Period.
I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world.
You deserve it after having gone through that.

[Andrea J]

this may not be a very popular reply but an assault is just that, an assault,the police should have been notified and with the evidence of your destroyed clothing charges should have been made.

I don't know about your relationship with your parents but I expect when you calm down you will want your relationship to be okay with them again. And though it may seem impossible now it may well be possible, though difficult, when they too calm down. I know when you're feeling angry you want to get back at them but calling the cops on them may make any reconciliation with them a lot more difficult. I would not recommend burning your bridges now and regretting it in years to come.

[Imeni]

...Holy shit. That's really the best way I can explain what I feel after reading all of that.

I'd like to say that I understand what you're going through but I never had a stash of lady things hidden away in my parents place for just this very reason. I felt that if I really felt the need to explore that part of myself, I'd wait till I lived on my own before I did it. Mostly because any real money I had coming in I needed to move out.

Anything that your parents decided to destroy can be replaced in time, wigs purchased and breast forms invested in. But the memories and feelings associated with them can't be. Not to mention the added mass of hate and pain thrown at you from them. My advice?

Cherish the fact that you don't have to live under a roof that would have those sorts of actions done in. You're on your own now. Time to man up and face the world. It doesn't get easier, it doesn't really get much more fun. But the fact that you were thrown into it like you were and having the support of us here and friends out there... well, if you can thrive in the real world, well, that goes to show just how much of a man you really are, dresses and panties aside.

And if and when your parents do realize just how unbelievably horrible they were to you and try and reconnect, the power will be in your hands. You will be able to say that you made it through, surivived, pushed through and stand tall and proud of who you are. And if you still feel the need to have them in your lives, you do so on your terms. Not thiers.

Buck up. I've heard stories of CD'ers who have had alot worse things happen to them. Take what you can from this and move along. Oh. And keep an eye out for some sales. :o

[cdlovesy]

One thing I have known is there is someone that is always worse off, which tends to make me better a bit. I started very young, 12ish. My sisters friend left some clothes over in my room when she changed for the pool, and she never asked for them back or anything. It was such an amazing experience. :)

...Holy shit. That's really the best way I can explain what I feel after reading all of that.

I'd like to say that I understand what you're going through but I never had a stash of lady things hidden away in my parents place for just this very reason. I felt that if I really felt the need to explore that part of myself, I'd wait till I lived on my own before I did it. Mostly because any real money I had coming in I needed to move out.

Anything that your parents decided to destroy can be replaced in time, wigs purchased and breast forms invested in. But the memories and feelings associated with them can't be. Not to mention the added mass of hate and pain thrown at you from them. My advice?

Cherish the fact that you don't have to live under a roof that would have those sorts of actions done in. You're on your own now. Time to man up and face the world. It doesn't get easier, it doesn't really get much more fun. But the fact that you were thrown into it like you were and having the support of us here and friends out there... well, if you can thrive in the real world, well, that goes to show just how much of a man you really are, dresses and panties aside.

And if and when your parents do realize just how unbelievably horrible they were to you and try and reconnect, the power will be in your hands. You will be able to say that you made it through, surivived, pushed through and stand tall and proud of who you are. And if you still feel the need to have them in your lives, you do so on your terms. Not thiers.

Buck up. I've heard stories of CD'ers who have had alot worse things happen to them. Take what you can from this and move along. Oh. And keep an eye out for some sales. :o

I have never been one to use forums much, but someone reccommended one to me for support, and everything you guys and gals are saying is helping quite a bit, and giving a much better insight on the situation, It feels very comfortable here. Thank you for the kind words <3

And I thought my situation was bad. Wow, this literally took my breath away. Not you nor anyone really deserves that kind of treatment especially over such a delicate issue to begin with. I am so sorry. My deepest condolences go out to you and your heart. Life's tough. Especially with parents and other supporters and non supporters alike. This saddens me in magnitudes that are difficult to explain. Just never forget that you're not entirely alone.
You're among friends and those like yourself here.
We accept you.
Exactly the way you are.
Period.
I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world.
You deserve it after having gone through that.

Oh, thank you and your advice is quite excellent too!! Once I find a better job I'm going to start looking at the thrift stores. I have gotten luckey and picked up almost all my required furniture I've needed from the clusters of of apartments around me, always cool things people throw out. Even got a brand new couch, I don't think they could get it in the door. I'm glad when your situation happened things worked out, and even more so I wasn't killed ;) It's sad though the world can be so blind, I really don't want to retaliate, I'm going to be the better girl here<3

To CDlovesy: Happy to read much excellent advise being sent your way. Take it to heart and set your priorities. As stated the first one is financial independence which very well may mean that all your CD activity may have to be put on the back burner for months or maybe a few years. Sure there are many kind readers who will donate to a new wardrobe but that may distract some of your energies away from creating a new life so carefully weigh the options and what must be accomplished first! I was fortunate 72 years ago when my stash was found --- folks thought it was just a "phase" and I decided not to run away. For the record what you just went through has happened to tens of thousands of boys not only in our country but all over the world (In fact some parents in other countries had their sons killed so consider yourself lucky.) Eventually, with courage, patience and determination you will achieve all your goals ---luck has nothing to do with it.
Julie

[Sara Jessica]

My goodness, what a series of events.

What makes me especially sad is to think of the parent/child relationship. They brought you into the world. It's a fair assumption to imagine the grace of loving parents with such a precious child in their arms. They nurtured you throughout your life and yet it has come to this, to disown their own blood because of some women's clothing? Seriously, it's not like they discovered you are an axe murderer or anything.

Yes, their action was wrong. Heck, perhaps your reaction helped things to escalate but regardless, I am holding out hope that someday, cooler heads will prevail. Just as it is impossible for me to imagine parents tossing away a relationship with their child, I find it equally difficult to comprehend a child doing the same thing to their parents, all other things being equal of course. Best of luck to you, hope it works out.

[Beverley Sims]

What a shattering situation.
The only way is up now, watch your spending and you will slowly get ahead.
Lonely? In your new surroundings you should build a network of friends.
You may have support from your present friends.
Parents can be incredibly cruel without thinking of the consequences.

[Sandra]

Some people in this thread have offered to donate items to cdlovesy. When she reaches her 10 posts then you can if you wish pm her for sizes etc. Please don't do it through the main forum, and please remember that the forum will not be held responsible for any of this.

[Lorileah]

My father shredded my wig right in front of me and shown me what he did with the forms... It's ridiculous. (

Out west we have a different word for that it is called abuse. Domestic abuse specifically. One step from physical abuse. You are good to get away from a bad situation. If it were me I would let my parents know that they are no longer welcome around me and I would seriously consider getting some sort of protection like a restraining order, if they don't follow that. Typically I am one to say try and work it out but this was a dominance play that can escalate quickly.

And don't anyone tell me "My home my rules" This is plain abuse.

[Marleena]

And don't anyone tell me "My home my rules" This is plain abuse.

Definitely! Talk about over reacting and lashing out. Lovesy was not safe in that house at that point and is better off out of there. To destroy her property and hit her too was way over they top. There is no excuse for that.

[Amy R Lynn]

This really did make me cry to read. I couldn't imagine doing that to any of my children (I have two). You are so much bettr off on your own. I'm so sad for you that it had to happen this way though. I'm not sure what your relationship with your parents was prior to this, but I have to imagine that they will begin to miss you at some point. Hopefully they can calm down enough to understand how horrible they were to do the things that they did. My heart goes out to you hun. As you can see you have many friends here! Though we may not be close by,we can still round up some solid advice.

[Megan70]

Holy cow!! Are you serious? Your Dad punched you and your Mom screamed at you to get out of their house? This is terrible. I can hardly believe it. ......
So don't I, sounds really unusual especially since its your first post. Am dubious as to the reality of this??

[Amy R Lynn]

So don't I, sounds really unusual especially since its your first post. Am dubious as to the reality of this??

While I realize that some people could take advantage of our kindness, shouldn't we still give them the benefit of the doubt. If what CDlovesy says is true and we didn't show that we support her, how would anyone ever really trust any of us? Its the same thing that goes with seeing a homeless person begging for money (This is not to compare CDlovesy or anyone else to a homeless person, mind you!). Do you know if the homeless person really needs the money? Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Its not up to us to judge them. I wouldn't want anyon to judge my honesty, and would feel horrible if they did. This is her first posting, if she is going through this horrile time, why not show her the love and support that we would show everyone else. Sometimes you have to have faith that people aren't just out to take advantage. I for one am willing to help someone out if they say they need it. Its quite another thing if they begin to use my kindness and depend on it. Have faith! Show some love. That's what the woman in me does!

[Madam Rose]

Hate to sound mean but listen they apparently don't accept who you are and want you to be what they want. You don't need people like that in your life who will force you to be that which your not. You need to be with someone who will love you for who you are. Do you have any other family you can be with?

[linda allen]

I can't add much. I'm sorry for what you've gone through and I believe your parents were way out of line. Destroying your property won't change the way you are, it just sets you back and causes you to resent them.

I doubt going to the police is going to help. It's your word against theirs and if you didn't keep the remains of your property, they can easily dispose of it and probably have already.

Move out, as far away from them as is practical and don't contact them. If they have a change of heart and want to appologize, they will find you. If they don't, well, they didn't really love you in the first place, they were just raising you.

Start your new life and live it how you want.

[Desiree2bababe]

I wouldn't forsake my parents for the sake of dressing. Mine found out much like yours and my Dad wanted to kick me out but Mom did not let him. Sessions with a therapist helped greatly.

[linda allen]

I wouldn't forsake my parents for the sake of dressing. Mine found out much like yours and my Dad wanted to kick me out but Mom did not let him. Sessions with a therapist helped greatly.

So who was the therapist for, you or your parents? Was the point to change you or to change them?

Again, I suggest cutting contact with the parents until they come around. They are the ones who need to see that they were wrong, not the OP.

Loving parents would accept crossdressing, being gay, whatever. Ignorant parents do not. Rumor is, one of my grand daughters is a lesbian. It hasn't changed my opinion or love for her. I want her to be happy just as long as what she wants is legal and won't harm her.

[Andrea J]

You realise that though your parents were trying to stop you CD'ing, they have had the exact opposite effect. Once you have some new stuff, you can CD all you wish!

[whowhatwhen]

So don't I, sounds really unusual especially since its your first post. Am dubious as to the reality of this??

For all of the homophobic and transphobic people that exist in the world, I don't doubt her story for a second.
There are simply far too many occurrences of this happening.

OP I wish you the best of luck getting back on your feet and having the freedom to express yourself without fear.

[Chickhe]

No one deserves what they did to you. Consider yourself lucky though, at an early age you learned what your parents are really like (my guess is, they have more issues going on than your CDing...you are not to blame). I think sometimes it takes a lifetime of abuse to realize it (sometimes people cling on in a despirate hope that things will change and it never does). Put your desire to CD on the back burner for a while and focus on making money to build up your own resources so that you can be self sufficient. Make friends who enjoy the same things you do to take care of being alone. You did nothing wrong, be proud of who you are!

[KarenCDFL]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Honestly, if this were me, I would call the police and place a complaint of child abuse against your father. If he is violent with you, it is a very good chance your mother and other family members are also being abused.

Physical violence must never be tolerated under any circumstance

Just my opinion.

[Amy R Lynn]

Your parents over reacted big time. I wouldn't sever ties with them completly. I am sure that is how you feel right now. I would want to sever all ties with them if I were in your shoes. However, I have the perspective of being a father. Parents are not always perfect. Yours made a horrbile mistake. I'm not trying to defend them. Thy owe you a HUGE appology! I would give them some time, maybe six months, a year.... Maybe when the Holiday's come around. I couldn't imagine them not missing you when they haven't heard from you by the Holiday's. But give them some time, and a chance to appologize. If its still an issue then I hate to say it but I would move on and leave them go. It would KILL me if one of my kids left and never contacted me. I can't imagine that in any circumstance.

Don't let this hate spin you out of control either. It would be easy to dwell on this, but you have to let it go as well so you can move on and be the person you want to be. A counselor or therapist would be a good idea too. Sometimes they can help set your thoughts in the right direction. Mine has done wonders for me. Be strong in your time of need! We are here for you.

[Amy Fakley]

what a community this is! just wanted to say that. You're in a good crowd here, kiddo.

Hang in there ... I'd wager your parents already know how bad they F-d up. My only advice is that these types of abusive relationships tend to be cyclical ... there's a huge blow up, then there's the apologies and the trying to make it right, then the build up ... then it happens again ... forever or until someone dies. Only you can know for sure if this describes your situation ... but if it does ...

Do not move back in with your parents. No matter what promises are made, no matter what sort of nice words are said ... no matter what they offer to buy for you. Have none of it. You're on your own two feet now, and you need to stay that way, and if you've gotta flip burgers and clean restrooms at 5 different places to make ends meet, then it's STILL better than living in that scenario. If your parents want to re-connect you have to stand firm and make it be on your (reasonable) terms.

[Amy R Lynn]

Do not move back in with your parents. No matter what promises are made, no matter what sort of nice words are said ... no matter what they offer to buy for you. Have none of it. You're on your own two feet now, and you need to stay that way, and if you've gotta flip burgers and clean restrooms at 5 different places to make ends meet, then it's STILL better than living in that scenario. If your parents want to re-connect you have to stand firm and make it be on your (reasonable) terms.

this is some solid advice! Stay out on your own. Then no one can ever dictate their rules to you again. You are free to be your own person, and everyone else has to deal with it.

[Barbara_Jean]

Hi
First of all let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Something like this is our worse fear. There are some really great things that have been said so far. Let me add something that may help you understand what your parents are going through.
When we as humans experience something significant in our lives, we go through a process called SARA which is:
Shock
Anger
Readjustment
Acceptance
For example, say a couple has been married for several years and the husband suddenly tells his wife he wants a divorce.
She was no expecting anything like this and probably starts to cry and plead with him Why? This is the Shock
Then she says "Why you #$*(&*& Have you got some little thing on the side??? You #*(($ This is the Anger
Then she thinks, Well I had better get a lawyer and deal with this, I'll have to start dating again This is the Readjustment
Then she says He was right, there hasn't been anything between us for a long time, he did me a favor The Acceptance

Now everyone goes through each stage at their own pace. It sounds like your Father went right from the Shock to the Anger, your Mother may still be in the Shock and overlap to the anger. There is no telling how long they will stay in these parts until they get to the readjustment, but they will eventually. Just remember that, they will get there. It may take a few day, months or even years, but they will get there. You are their Child, they will get there.
Also remember that YOU are going through SARA yourself!!
I wish you all the luck in the world and always remember you have Friends Here!
Barb

[BRANDYJ]

Hi
First of all let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Something like this is our worse fear. There are some really great things that have been said so far. Let me add something that may help you understand what your parents are going through.
When we as humans experience something significant in our lives, we go through a process called SARA which is:
Shock
Anger
Readjustment
Acceptance
For example, say a couple has been married for several years and the husband suddenly tells his wife he wants a divorce.
She was no expecting anything like this and probably starts to cry and plead with him Why? This is the Shock
Then she says "Why you #$*(&*& Have you got some little thing on the side??? You #*(($ This is the Anger
Then she thinks, Well I had better get a lawyer and deal with this, I'll have to start dating again This is the Readjustment
Then she says He was right, there hasn't been anything between us for a long time, he did me a favor The Acceptance

Now everyone goes through each stage at their own pace. It sounds like your Father went right from the Shock to the Anger, your Mother may still be in the Shock and overlap to the anger. There is no telling how long they will stay in these parts until they get to the readjustment, but they will eventually. Just remember that, they will get there. It may take a few day, months or even years, but they will get there. You are their Child, they will get there.
Also remember that YOU are going through SARA yourself!!
I wish you all the luck in the world and always remember you have Friends Here!
Barb

This is the very best post to this thread. I was feeling the same way. I understand how we all might react to something coming as a shock like this may have been for the OP's parents. Been there done that. And words that I have spewed in hurt and anger that I can't ever take back. We say things and do things we don't really mean when faced with pain, shock and anger.
I hope the parents will come to realize that their child is still their child and come around as they adjust.

[cdlovesy]

I really do hope my parents come around too, it's quite hard, one thing for sure, I am not going back to their home. I'll never feel right there after all this happened.

This is the very best post to this thread. I was feeling the same way. I understand how we all might react to something coming as a shock like this may have been for the OP's parents. Been there done that. And words that I have spewed in hurt and anger that I can't ever take back. We say things and do things we don't really mean when faced with pain, shock and anger.
I hope the parents will come to realize that their child is still their child and come around as they adjust.

I love being able to not have rules, of course I set some ground rules my self like a bedtime and such, thats just so I would have an easy day at work

this is some solid advice! Stay out on your own. Then no one can ever dictate their rules to you again. You are free to be your own person, and everyone else has to deal with it.

Okay everyone, I finally was able to get on some wifi and use internet to type a bunch! :) Anyways, I am no longer restricted so you can pm me all you want, emailing me directly goes to my phone though. just fyi. Also, I'm not doing awful anymore, but I feel like I lost touch a bit with my fem side, it's quite sad. I have my brand new place, and nothing to wear in it :( Does anyone have any suggestions?

[kimdl93]

My suggestion is to get yourself to a Goodwill and pick up a few things to tide you over until your budget will permit you to build a more complete wardrobe.

[Tracii G]

Goodwill is a great place to shop nice and thrifty is always good.
Lots of cute clothes there and some are brand new.

[Duana]

This sucks. If you'll Pm me your paypal email address, I'll send you $25 and challenge others to do the same.

[StephanieJ]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. What your parents did was completely unforgivable - Nevertheless you should probably forgive them anyway. That doesn't mean that you go back into their home and subject yourself to more abuse. In fact you might even have a case for an assault charge if you were so inclined.

Right now the most important thing is to reach out to friends who will accept you and love you just as you are. You are a complete and wonderful person. Cross dressing does not define who you are, it is only one facet of an otherwise diverse personality. You are awesome. Hang in there. It get's better.

[Diversity]

This is really horrible on the part of your parents. They were in the wrong and you should hold your head high and embrace your new journey ahead. It will be hard and emotional times are ahead for both you and your parents - especially at holiday times. My advice is to know your parents were wrong - not you. Don't go back to them for any assistance, if you can help it. Let them make the first move to come to you, as this will demonstrate that they may regret their actions and want to begin discussions to better understand you. If they do this, accept it as a first step to rebuilding your relationship with your parents. Parents do make mistakes, and emotions are often difficult to control. Be forgiving if they are sincere in wanting to rebuild.
For now, do forge ahead on your own and with your circle of friends. Find comfort and strength in your new freedom.
Good luck to you, cdlovesy. Stay in touch with the forum. We are all here to help.
Kind regards,
Di

[flatlander_48]

Okay everyone, I finally was able to get on some wifi and use internet to type a bunch! :) Anyways, I am no longer restricted so you can pm me all you want, emailing me directly goes to my phone though. just fyi. Also, I'm not doing awful anymore, but I feel like I lost touch a bit with my fem side, it's quite sad. I have my brand new place, and nothing to wear in it :( Does anyone have any suggestions?

The thing to remember is that the physical items that you lost can be replaced. It will take effort and it won't be easy, but eventually it will happen. Relationships, however, are a whole different deal.

Since none of us know the history of your relationship with your parents (I believe), there isn't anything specific that we can say. As a parent, I know there will always be areas where I might be disappointed. But, by the same token, my kids have also exceeded my wildest expectations in a number of ways. As parents, we have a lot of emotional investment in our kids. Because of this, I think that our reactions to the unexpected can sometimes be 'way out of proportion to the event.

The point is that someone has to be the adult here. Unfortunately, your parents gave up that position when they chose to react the way they did when they discoved that you crossdress. No one has a right to assault their kids. That said, the only thing that you can control is what you do. You cannot fix this because it isn't your problem to fix. And, you are not to blame here. You have done nothing illegal and there is nothing wrong with you. Any of us here would be hard pressed to say why it is that we crossdress, but the fact remains that we do. From reading your descriptions of the events, it sounds like being able to dress is important to you. So, it's not like this is going to change.

Right now the burden is on your parents. You can't make them accept you as you are. They have to come to that conclusion by themselves. Hopefully they will come to realize that a grievous mistake was made and that they need to take the responsibility to work towards a solution. I hope that will be sooner rather than later...

[Tina B.]

You've got a job, you found a place to live you can afford, you'll be OK, sure you miss what was lost, but be paticent, and time will replace it all, and now you can wear what you want when you want in your own home. If you find it too lonely, get a roommate. I hope your folks come around, and you can have some kind of relationship, but sometimes that doen't happen, then it's time to go out and find a new family, people of your own choosing, people you can be you around. There is more ways to build a family than just being born in to it, and putting up with people no matter how they treat you just because of a blood tie. Most of us find after we are grown and out on our own spend a lot more time with friends than family anyway, and it's usually friends that are there when you need help too. Shop when you can, for what you need, latter you can start on all the things you want, and find other singles to hang out wit, that will end lonely, and be proud, you made it out into the adult world, and yours surviving.
Tina B.

[Andrea J]

Hi cdlovesy,

I was thinking about how many CD'rs struggle with guilt. And I thought perhaps all this emotional turmoil you are experiencing may end translating into subconscious guilt about dressing. So have you thought about going to see a support group when you have a few items to wear? Not only will it help you with feeling confident about dressing (if you have any issues), but you'll also be able to make CD'r friends that you can relate to which will help with any loneliness resulting from all this.