Is this normal? Ive just gone fulltime but I feel so stressed.

[Melissa Jill]

As of yesterday Im fulltime. But I didn't realise how little clothes I had. Ive been stressed about that, walking out about town trying to buy more clothes I was stressed because all of a sudden I felt so conspicuous. Before going fulltime I felt confident I could at least blend in with the other girls, but the last 2 days I feel like I really standout. And then theres the matter of my voice. Ive been doing some work on it lately and at home I can do something okish, but when it comes to using it in public I sort of chicken out, but not enough so I go back to my normal man voice but some screwed up halfway point between the two.
And then next week Ill be presenting as female for the first time at work which is constantly at the back of my mind.
AAHHHH

[Aprilrain]

Transition is stressful, I look back over the last year and wonder how I survived. I wouldn't repeat that part of my life for all the tea in China! I think I got through purely on GD. Having to be a guy was worse than the stress of early transition.

[Inna]

As I have observed within my own path of growth, for most part we grow very gradually, but there are very vivid stages where one day you awake and realize you have just stepped into different realm. The further we grow the more realistic the picture becomes. I have written a thread on how necessary delusion is to make the first of steps into transition, but it slowly wears off and exposes our true selves. It is all progress hon, and yes before we conquer the pinnacle of passing and knowing that we have arrived, we first must walk the half-gendered path knowing that every day brings us closer to womanhood near by.

PS. and yes there is THERAPY and then there is SHOPPING THERAPY, which I simply adore, in this case more is better and you can wear your dollars on the outside :)

[Melody Moore]

Inna summed everything up perfectly BUT don't be alarmed or perturbed by the fact that you will also face a lot
more stress and anxiety before you reach the point you want t be at in your life. Stress and Anxiety have been
my constant companions for many years & I am sure they are going to be haunting me until I die to some degree.

Lately I have started to feel extremely high levels of anxiety about having my SRS in Thailand soon. Mind you it is not
the surgery or fears about SRS causing it, it is just the date can't come around fast enough now everything is set to go.
And if someone was to try an stop me now, they would be in some serious trouble & denial would most certainly kill me.
So my psychologist has increased the frequency of visits I am having with her because of these types of issues we can
still be faced with well into transition. There are lots of sources of stress and anxiety we will come up against in life and
the only way we can succeed is to find a good way to manage it. I have my methods that work for me, but what works
for me may not work for you. So talk to your psychologist to explore the many different options there are to managing
stress and anxiety to find out what works best for you.

Good luck :hugs: xx

[Traci Elizabeth]

To add tons of female clothes to your Wardrobe go the your local GOODWILL. Saturday's every thing is $1.00 ea. Sunday's everything are $0.50 ea. You just have to check the close over really well.

[Kathryn Martin]

I'd like to say three things:

You have to have a wardrobe, not just clothes. You need summer, fall, winter, spring clothing. You need mix and match pieces, shoes, bras, underwear. It is very stressful when you can't find anything to wear in your closet. Welcome to womanhood.

Voice is highly overrated in my opinion. My spouse has a voice marginally higher than mine, my aunt sang bass in the church choir and spoke with a resonant voice etc. However both speak like women, intonation, word use and all of the cues other than pitch are as important or more.

Be confident you are in fact what you say what you are.


As of yesterday Im fulltime. But I didn't realise how little clothes I had. Ive been stressed about that, walking out about town trying to buy more clothes I was stressed because all of a sudden I felt so conspicuous. Before going fulltime I felt confident I could at least blend in with the other girls, but the last 2 days I feel like I really standout. And then theres the matter of my voice. Ive been doing some work on it lately and at home I can do something okish, but when it comes to using it in public I sort of chicken out, but not enough so I go back to my normal man voice but some screwed up halfway point between the two.
And then next week Ill be presenting as female for the first time at work which is constantly at the back of my mind.
AAHHHH

[Diane Elizabeth]

Hiding a dual identity is stressful. Living to pay bills is stressful. Living to someone else's stabdards is stressful. Coming out to family, friends and co workers is relief after all is said and done.

[Badtranny]

AAHHHH

Yes, full-time is no joke. It was much harder than I thought it was going to be and the wardrobe is a huge issue for me. I bought a lot of clothes in preparation, but it wasn't near enough because I bought all the wrong things. I'm finally getting a professional look sorted out but I'm not quite there yet after almost 5 months of being full-time.

Hang in there, it does get easier, it just doesn't feel any easier cuz you move on to whole new problems.

[Michelle.M]

Oh, the previously unimagined things you are about to learn! In a month or two you'll be amazed at what you've discovered about yourself and the realities of your new life. And how to buy a wardrobe is only the tip of the iceberg.

[Bree-asaurus]

I bought a lot of clothes in preparation, but it wasn't near enough because I bought all the wrong things.

God I bought so many cloths that didn't work out in the end... HUGE learning curve...

[Inna]

Mel and Bree, what size were these clothes, and do you still have them, and here is my address...............LOL

[arbon]

Probably normal I went through lots of stress, still do, and work can be a tough step - take it a day at a time and keep your head up

[Eryn]

I think in any endeavor one does their best job when working for short periods of time. You've just switched to doing something continuously, so the overall quality of your presentation will drop a bit. Nothing wrong with that, it's just a natural consequence of the changes in your life. As you get used to your new reality you'll build confidence and your presentation will no longer be an issue. You'll just be you.

[Aprilrain]

What it takes for a CDer to navigate the world of support groups, socials, gay bars, carefully chosen resturants and shopping malls is perhaps similar to but ultimately very different from what a TS will need to be successful in life. Confidence is a great place to start and will get you up and out the door but it's not going to make the person on the other side of the counter say to themselves "that's a woman", that requires phyisical gender cues of which clothing is but one small element of. Having most of the phyisical gender cues of a woman is important. Hormones help by reducing muscle mass softening the skin, redistributing fat and if your lucky giving you some respectible boobs but they take forever! Hair removal helps more than one might think and also takes forever. If a person needs it and can afford it FFS is a game changer. less importantly boobs can help too.

I wasted a lot of money on clothes that either didn't fit well or stopped fitting well or were just not good choices for me. I don't think this is much different from any other woman. Clothing and makeup are a steep learning curve and one will likely have a lot of stuff they no longer want or need after a year or so then it gets easier. I rarely wear makeup now and have plenty of clothes.....not that that stops me from shopping!

[danielleb]

Not enough clothes! haha :D That makes me laugh. That's going to be a life long problem for me! ;)

Everything about this is like going through puberty. If you're fourtunate you have guidance from friends or loved ones, the rest of us, well, it's a learning process. You're going to make mistakes, your going to come up short on things more often than not. Just learn to work around it and keep moving forward. There are going to be cracks in you and how you feel a lot, there's no solution but time to help learn how to cope with things and smooth out the rough edges.Commit to who you want to be and don't back down. :)

[LisaMallon]

Bree .. like us. That is the best quote ever 'so many cloths that didn't work out in the end... HUGE learning curve.'.
My position totally.

Shoes: rubbish, except 2 pairs. Skirts so-so. Tops, inadequate. Skirts so-so, some good, rest rubbish. Dresses .. forget it. Bras ok. The rest .. oh my.

[Brittany North]

I just went full time a couple of weeks ago, and found it very emotionally trying. Even aside from the physical stuff of clothes (and I'm very casual day to day, jeans and some sort of casual top), it was hmmm, how to put it? A bigger step than I had thought it would be. Reality vs. anticipation I suppose. There were a few days that I was quite down on myself for various reasons, but I'm integrating my self and things have smoothed out again.

If that makes any sense :o

[Michelle.M]

God I bought so many cloths that didn't work out in the end... HUGE learning curve...

Oh, same here! I'm sure I've given away at least $1500 worth of clothing! half of that was because I lost a ton of weight, but the other half was because it was simply inappropriate. Yup, some secrets can never be told! LOL

[melissaK]

Yeah. Planning is a pale substitute for doing. I haven't done full time Long term - only did full time on weekends nearly 20 years ago and balked at the task ahead. My handful of outfits wasnt up to all the stuff weekends threw at me, my makeup errors were costly (I was an art major - how could I not get this stuff right??), and I never saw the light at the end of the freaking electrolysis tunnel. And I quit.

Don't quit. It's going to be a challenge. Embrace and press on.

Hugs,
'lissa

[morgan51]

I'm about 2 weeks into it and all the challenges of the learning curve are daunting. Confidence only goes so far, the advice of a GG is invaluable from Morgan's perspective. You can't feel the difference untill you are in it and presenting the real you in public and the society.