I just came out...

[Kimberly]

woah.... erm.... wuhh.....

I just came out to my parents. Oh my god. I just did... wuh!? I just came out to my parents!!!!

And I think they took it kind of okay... They don't think I'm a freak, thank goodness, but they are a little shocked.

Anyone who has been sort of following how I've been feeling these past few days, (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17763 , http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17820 ), will know that I'm incredibly bored/annoyed/tired of being in the closet and keeping this a secret from people, and the most important people in my life should know about it: my parents. So by some weird logic, I just went downstairs, told them, and had an hour long discussion with them about who I was and what I was for; not that I was going to change in any way, or that I was a different person to whom they have loved these past 19 years.

It was strange... I thought I was okay, and literally came out with "I'm a transvestite," ... to which my Dad replied, "I don't understand" and my mum asked, "why are you telling us?" So... I told them about myself; how I wanted to be able to express myself freely, male and female. Also reassuring them that I wasn't going to change etc.

Then we talked a lot about how I should live my life, and they put it in perspective that there are those in the outside world who will not accept us, no matter what we do and how much we educate them. This is kind of curbed my desire to be fully out, now, because they said that it may hinder my life in some way in the future - with my career, or my standard of living, or how people treat me. I am at the beginning of my life, and they don't want to see me destroyed because of people who won't accept me if I show them who I really am.

This is amazing... they know. And they clearly still love me. They're just shocked. I will update this at time goes on and say how they react later. My Dad especially needs time to think about it. But I've got to show them what I know about transgenderism so that they can understand where I'm coming from with these arguements, because they clearly didn't understand enough on the subject to make a truly informed decision. What they did show me, though, was how to put my dressing into perspective with regard to my life, my friends and my career. They don't want to "see me destroyed by just expressing who I am," and because of that I can see that they love me unconditionally.

It goes without saying though, that I was a complete wreck! Tears everywhere, and my voice nowhere in sight. :p

I'm feeling better now though.

xxxx

[Adele 2005]

That's great to hear Kimberly. Your parents sound like wonderful people, and I'm so glad for you that they've responded with such care and love. You must be feeling a dizzying mix of emotions right now!

[tifftg]

Your parents sound terrific, doing what parents should do, help us find our own path in life with love and support. Big step, feel proud, good luck. Keep us updated we will be there for you.

Tiffany

[Amelie]

Good for you Kimberly, now take it one day at a time. Don't throw too much at your parents, let them take it all in and try to understand everything.



Take it slow.

Amelie
xxx

[Sam-antha]

Kimberly

Wonderful that you have been able to tell them. Wonderful parents that you have, they will be supporting you in one way or another from now on.

You see, people like yours love their family, that is you.

Love them a little too and don't go right out, yet at least.
Dry their tears for them, especially Dad's
Do they know of this corner of the world ? So many people in it just like each other. Just a bit different.
People with glasses are just a bit different from people without glasses. that reads daft, but yuo know what I mean.
Brave is not in it....

[Wendy me]

wow huge step forward for you i agree with let it sink in some and answer thrir questions as thay come up ...huge step foward for you ...you must feel like a ton of pressure is been lifted off you.......good for you .....

[Sharon]

Congratulations, Kimberly -- that was huge! Your parents sound like they're really wonderful people.

The other girls are right -- let the news sink in a little bit for your parents, but, perhaps, you should have web sites ready for them to check out if they wish to learn more about transgenderism.

[Lacy75]

Sounds like you have some amazing parents!Also,i congratulate you for telling them,i think its great!They are so right though,but i think its really great that they expressed their concern for you,yet accepted who you are.No parent wants to see their child hurt in any way.
Good luck with all to come!
lacy:)

[Maddie Nolan]

Thats fantastic Kimberly. I don't think I can add anything to whats been said above other than to say good for you!
Congratulations on finding the strength and courage to talk to your family about it. Its something that I have yet to find the strength to do, and I'm not sure I ever will. Go You!

[gennee]

Kimberly:

That is wonderful and I am happy for you. You have wonderful parents who, in time, will understand transgenderism. Please keep us posted.

Gennee:)

[margo]

I'am thinking of coming out but I'am scared:o

[Sophie]

Sounds like you have a very loving and supportive family, My parents found out by confronting me after finding my lingere stash in my wardrobe about 9 years ago. Now i'm 26 and live with a beautiful girl who is soon to be my wife and also knows all about me. Your parents are very wise to point out that there are few people who will understand or accept us as a people and to keep it to yourself so long as it damages nothing.

if at some point you feel the need to go full time, then it sounds like your parents will deal with that very well.

I had a similar experience where i wanted every one to know, however, I now see how that may have damaged me in terms of my ambitions and life choices. Suffice to say, i am now happier than i ever thought possible with my Fiance and i get to live out both sides of myself without fear of rejection or ridicule. Just remember that it is possible to find someone who can accept us, just be sure that you are telling the right person.

Love and hope for your future

Sophie

[TGMarla]

Kimberly, girl, you got guts! There's no where for you to go now but forward. Your parents are true to form....they love their kid no matter what. Go figure. May your bravery pay off with a very full TG life ahead!

[Amanda Leigh]

Way to go Im glad things worked out ok. Just remember your still there son...err daughter and they will love you no matter what....:)

[CharleneCD]

I have also told my parents so I know what an incredibly brave thing you have done. I am glad it went as well for you as it did for me. I was the same way feeling it was not right hiding and keeping secrets from those who I am closest to. One big thumbs up for you.:thumbsup:

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Congratulations, that was an incredibly brave thing to do!


Then we talked a lot about how I should live my life, and they put it in perspective that there are those in the outside world who will not accept us, no matter what we do and how much we educate them. This is kind of curbed my desire to be fully out, now, because they said that it may hinder my life in some way in the future - with my career, or my standard of living, or how people treat me. I am at the beginning of my life, and they don't want to see me destroyed because of people who won't accept me if I show them who I really am.

All parents are worried about things that might hurt their "baby." And it's pretty normal for 19-year-old to feel invincible, so they may have felt they needed to give you a "reality check."

I won't tell you whether it's right or wrong to be completely out -- that's a decision you need to make yourself. I will say I'm edging toward it myself, but I've got the same kind of fears about my livelihood. The question is how much of those fears are real? I can't really answer that myself. But I'm beginning to believe as long as you act like you're not doing anything to be ashamed of, most people will react accordingly. They may think you're eccentric, but there are lots of eccentrics in this world.

It's also worth mentioning, there's a difference between not hiding it something vs. advertising it. In the workplace there's lots of stuff that people don't make a point of telling others about, but will do so if you ask about it. It's not being dishonest, it's just the persona they adopt for work. (Blogs have actually made this a bit of an issue, as it's made it easier for people do discover that their rock-steady co-worker, like to get down and freaky at Burning Man (http://www.burningman.com/) with photos to prove it.)

[Dayna]

Kimberly,

Congrats on a big step--I can only imagine how tough it was to make the decision, and yet how liberating it must be for you. Chances are your folks will have lots of questions, be ready with lots of answers.

God bless your family!

[Holly]

Kimberly, congratulations to you and to your parents. Now that you are out to them, life should become easier around your home. Part of the tension that builds is from secrets that are kept. Please give your mom and dad a chance to process this new information you have just given them. It will probably be best if you allow them to come to you with their questions rather than you going to them. Your parents sound like loving, compassionate people and you are very lucky to have them as part of your life. And, speaking as a parent myself, they are very fortunate to have a child like you who trusts them enough to take a secret of this magnitude to them. Please let us know how things progress.

[Jesse69]

When my parent found my first skirt they threw it away - this was when I was 18. Now they see me in drag and they don't bother.

All I can say is try to stay in the closet, because for me - crossdressing has ruined me in many jobs. I never ever went out in drag. People just gossip too much that I crossdress because I've bought too many womens clothes.

Crossdressing is bad for your career.

[Marla GG]

Kimberly,

I can only imagine how relieved you must feel now that you've finally told them. That took some guts! True, their love for you is making them worry about your future, but it sounds like they are going to accept you for who you are. You can't really ask for more than that.

I hope you will keep the dialogue open with them so that they can learn more about what it means to be transgendered. The more they know, the more supportive they will probably be.

Thanks for sharing that inspiring story. I'm sure it will help others who are thinking about coming out to their families.

[Angela Burke]

Kimberly,
Coming out to your parents is a good move.
Clear the air.
It's good for them and you.
A huge weight gone.
From reading your post I reckon you've a good Mum and Dad.

Love Angela XX

[Kimberly]

So here's an update.

I just talked to my mum about how my parents were feeling after my revalation last night... and my Dad's finding it hard. In talking to my mum I think she's finding it hard too - hard to understand, and therefore hard to accept.

Yeah, I know what the replies are going to say: "be patient". And I will - and I expected this. My Dad was going to be the hardest to tell, because he will never fully understand it, and probably therefore won't accept it.

My mum's also made it clear that I am to keep it all behind closed doors for a long time - so that doesn't cure the issue of me wanting to dress more openly at home. But, this was bound to happen.

My mum also talked about cure, and I quickly had to lay down the law... she said with a career in Drama and dressing up in costume, it might go away, but of course we all know its a lot different than that. I think I put it well, that those two things were different - one was being another person, the other was fundamentally expressing who I am inside.

Through both talks with my parents, its apparent that they see my transgenderism as something abnormal - when I haven't. Yes, it is against the rules of society - that guys and gals should wear different clothing - but I don't see it as something that is strange. But they have made me doubt my own mind. Something, probably, only parents can do.

This is all quite depressing. It's like trying to explain colour to a blind person. I read that somewhere - can't remember where.

I leave you all on a despondant note, then.

I hope things will get better. xx

[Gale R]

Hi Kimberley, don't worry too much, its probably just the shock hasn't worn off yet, give them some time to come to terms with it.
Their son has told them he likes wearing womens clothes, if you put yourself in their position wouldn't you be shocked.
Keep your chin up and stay cool, don't rush anything.

Luv ya, Gale.

[HaleyPink2000]

Ok this makes me happy for you. At least it's out in your Family home. No secrets. I'd rather my Children be honest with me on every level. I can take anything as long as it's not hidden, secret etc.

As for your life. You will have to live that. Not Me , your Mom nor your Dad.
All any of us can do is really tell you what we have seen in our pasts. If this helps.

For one thing Hun, really. In other Countrys Women can not wear what Women in the USA Do. No jeans, belly shirtsetc in those countrys. Shall over the face is one thing they do, to hid every part of their body. So Gender as per Gender is a line on the ground. Which lines on the ground am I behind, what country am I in. You know the American Indians were better at Gender Issues than most families today. If a Man wore femme atire He was a spirit filled person, one to be looked at as wise in the spirit world etc. In India simular things I have been told by others happens to Men that dress in Femme clothing. But like I said its a Line on the ground. Cultural laws.

When will it ever change for you and I? Who knows? I will have to say being a female in this world pays less $$$. That is were I feel lucky being a Male.

Anyway if you want to talk ever IM me..


Way to go, BTW!!!!!
Hugs!
Haley:

[DonnaT]

Good to hear you've come out to your parents Kimberly.

Give them time to digest what you've told them. If they want to talk more you might print of some relavant info off the net ahead of time. Maybe how studies are showing that our 'condition' is something we are born with and that there is no cure.

Have they asked the gay question yet? If not it's probably something they are afraid to ask now, so go ahead and tell them whether your are or aren't.

[uknowhoo]

Yeah, it's genetic. So, it's THEIR fault to begin with!!
Sorry, Kimberly, just kidding.

Seriously though... I don't know how old your folks are, but (relatively) more senior people, on average, will be less open to concepts such as transgenderism. To a fair extent, it's not their "fault," but it's rather that they are a product of their times. When they were your age (and when I was your age), it was something to be kept hidden away, and it was very risky socially, in many ways, to "come out" with something like this. While it's less risky now, there certainly are valid reasons for not completely outing yourself. Their expression of thi was simply a manifestation of their concern for you (with at least a dash of concern for themselves as well, probably).

I agree with the others who suggested that it'll just take some time for them to come around. If they don't, at least you were honest and don't have the whole secrecy thing hanging over your head in your own home.

Congratulations on the big step. I hope the folks come around. Either way, I'm sure you'll be fine, staying true to yourself. Good luck. Hugs, Tammi

[Kimberly]

The gay question came up in discussion, but was more like this:

"But you can't be completely transgendered, because you love women so much."
"Well, I like both sexes." (As in I'm attracted to...)

Newflash, 'rents! Sexuality and Gender are mutually exclusive!!

Ah well... this is making me feel really bad. You're all right, and so are my friends: it will take time. I just hope, in my heart, that they can one day fully accept who I am.

xx

[Sophie_A]

Well done for getting the courage to tell them everything, I recently told my mum, and wished i had done so much sooner. She had said she had never wanted to meet Sophie, but things have moved on, she has gone and read and listened to programmes on the radio, and is now much more accepting. We even had a girly days shopping the other week, which was fantastic.

I hope all works out for you.

Big Hugs