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View Full Version : Finally out and about after 4 years in denial



Michelle (Oz)
08-20-2012, 10:23 AM
Oh what a day. It has been over four years since I last went out dressed and just 2 months since the desire to dress came back with a vengeance. I told my wife who I met 4 years ago about my wanting to dress again some 6 weeks ago and the reaction was cruel … deal breaker, abhorrent, etc. Surprisingly, she didn’t object to me having an (almost) full wax last week but I’m sure that she didn’t connect dressing and waxing.

So here I am interstate for a few days on business in Brisbane. I’ve lost 35lb in the 2 months (CDers are highly motivated by their appearance) so to reward myself and to motivate myself for the next 35lb it was time to venture out again. First to the local MAC in my suit for some restocking and advice. I’m sure females wandering around the busy department store wondered about this fella in a suit with make up being applied … bit hard to say ‘I’m testing it for the wife’! Oh well, the benefit of being out of town. Terrific staff at MAC and great sales people too amply rewarded by a good commission.

So back to the hotel room to shave and dress. Took me almost three hours … used to be out in 45 minutes but ‘things’ didn’t go right. The professionals at MAC make it look so easy. Guess I’ll just have to find opportunities to practice.:)

Finally off to a restaurant a mile away with the reservation booked as Michelle. Amusingly the girl taking the phone call in my male voice when I gave her the name for the booking said ‘so there’ll be 2 guests’. I said no, just one … phone went quiet before she recovered and said she looked forward to seeing me (wonder what she meant by that). Turned out the restaurant was pretty busy to test my nerves.

Staff were brilliant (calling me M’am), guests were no problem and the food was terrific. Took a slow walk back to the hotel along the Brisbane River enjoying a gentle breeze ruffling my wig and my skirt against my stockings. I was in heaven … I just don’t want tonight to end.

Beside sharing with you my terrific experience today after some depressing times over the last 6 weeks, there is a sombre point to this post. What I am faced with is the total validation of myself as transgendered but pushing at home for at least some recognition of my need to dress will likely end my marriage. Days like today make it hard to stay out of the pink fog and to continue in an otherwise very loving marriage. It’s a tough choice that many transgendered people without at least tolerant SOs have to make.

Still two more nights to enjoy.

Michelle (Oz)

theodora58
08-20-2012, 10:36 AM
Michelle, i am sooo proud of you moving on so that you can be true to yourself...and yes, it is difficult when SO's don't understand or even, try to...i wish you all the happiness in the world as you venture out into it as your "new self"....much luv to you, theodora58

kimdl93
08-20-2012, 10:51 AM
Glad you have an opportunity to get out and express yourself, Michelle. I wish I could offer some insights that would help you at home...but that's a tough one. All I can susggest is to take a soft, patient and empathetic approach to communicating with your wife. Try to see things from her perspective and whenever possible provide reassurance of your commitment to her. Maybe she'll soften with time.

Beverley Sims
08-20-2012, 11:24 AM
If you were in Cairns I would have suggested Pride Week 18-26 Aug.
The trouble is Cairns is a long way from Brisbane.
Enjoy the last couple of days there though.

JenniferR771
08-20-2012, 11:33 AM
Here is an informative link. Glad you had a chance to be yourself. I do the same thing if circumstances permit.
Yes, Michelle, you have to be empathetic with your partner. She didn't sign up for this. Homophobia usually transfers as fear of cding. And most wives fear their neighbors or friend might find out. Why--I don't know.
http://www.crossdreamers.com/

Marcia Blue
08-20-2012, 05:01 PM
Michelle,
Enjoy your fem time. I even enjoy getting ready, when not rushed.
Have a great time, and keep us in the loop.

Cynthia Anne
08-20-2012, 07:08 PM
It's great to hear you have a little time to be yourself! Enjoy it to the fullest! Hope things work out better with your SO! Hugs!