Came out to three older GG friends.

[Alice Torn]

In the last week, I sent photos of me to an 80 yr old lady i have been friends with for years, and also came out to a lady around 45 yrs old. The first lady sent some of the photos without my permission, to a 75 yr old lady friend i have. Well, I called the 80 yr old lady, and she is very disapproving of me dressing as a woman, that i was meant to be a man, because i was born male, and God wants me to be the man i was born as. The 75 yr old friend says basically the exact same. The younger lady, thanked me for trusting her with my secret, however, she believes it is also wrong. She said she had a big laugh, at my pics, and videos i sent! But, she does not think it is good, but a sin, and i need to understand why, and overcome it, because i am not a woman, but meant to be a man. That is why I now call myself Alice TORN.

[xdressed]

Sounds to me like religion has stopped these three women from opening their eyes and being generally accepting and open minded people. I bet they wear trousers as well (pants to anyone from USA), which is forbidden for women in the bible.

[Cynthia Anne]

Win some! Lose some! I guess you will find out who your friends are now!

[kimdl93]

Alice, I am aware that you are a member of a rather conservative religious congregation, one that by your own words, is not accepting of transgendered individuals. Is it fair to assume that these three ladies are members of that group? If so, then it should come as no surprise that these ladies are less than accepting or encouraging.

If you're seeking to find individuals to share this part of your life with, I'd like to suggest that you look outside the boundaries of the religious world and in particular consider joining a local/regional transgender support groups and social groups. You're much more likely to find friendship and acceptance.

[larry]

It is always interesting to me to see that THOSE people who are SO VERY (Religous) have the audacity to tell others what to do !!

[BRANDYJ]

I wonder.... I wonder if you had simply told them that you like to wear ladies clothes every now and then and NOT sent them pictures that they never asked to see, if their reactions might have been tempered some. That is IF they were truly friends and not just acquaintances. Especially for the 2 ladies 75 and 85 years old.

Personally, I would never send pictures to anyone that did not ask to see them. This reminds me of those CD's that instead of sitting down and telling their wife they like to dress en-fem, they pop in the room dressed to the nines and say "surprise"! That never works and is foolish, insensitive and will most likely be met with shock and distaste.

I'd say you did not choose wisely as to who to tell and how to go about it. Sending the pictures was a big mistake in my opinion. The next time you want to tell someone, don't send pictures, don't offer pictures. If they want to see them, let them ask first. I've told well over a dozen women friends over the years. Not one reacted anything like your 3 women. None of the friendships were harmed and in most cases, only strengthened the friendships. Thinking back, maybe only 2 or 3 asked to see pictures and another few wanted to see me in person dressed. But I never solicited the pictures or the dressing in front of any of them.

[Sara Jessica]

Both Kim & Brandy are right on the money.

I hate to be insensitive but have you not read the countless tales on how best to confide in others? Not to mention know your audience.

Had you presented this idea here beforehand, I bet we would have talked you out of it. Too late now, that genie is so out of the bottle. Best of luck to you in managing the fallout.

[Lorileah]

You can tell a religious zealot...you can't tell them much but you can tell them. Too bad that the God they all believe in would make a huge mistake. Oh well... People are people. Older people are pretty set in their ways. I don't try and convince any older (let's just say over 70) that they are in any manner wrong. It is like teaching a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig. The younger woman...well some people just are not worth the oxygen they use.

I try an gauge how I think a person will react long before I tell them. So far I have been OK 90% of the time. The other 10% either didn't matter if they went away or they just tend to pretend they don't know. On the religious side you could have pointed out many flaws in their belief system, many contradictions and maybe even quoted how (I am making a huge assumption here that they are part of the biggest religion in the west) the founder never told anyone they were wrong or bad but instead loved everyone equally. They would have just tuned you out.

[Marleena]

.

Had you presented this idea here beforehand, I bet we would have talked you out of it. Too late now, that genie is so out of the bottle. Best of luck to you in managing the fallout.

Agree with above.

Sorry to hear of the intolerance you received Alice. It's always a crapshoot when telling others. It seems the younger one is definitely NOT a friend and sounds plain cruel.

It's so sad that you had good intentions and these women were so mean to you. I feel bad for you but I think it's a lesson learned too.

[Alice Torn]

I did tell the oldest lady on the phone a feww weeks ago, that i like to put on a dress once in a while, and she laughed, and sounded not angry then. The 75 year old , I have discussed gays and lesbians, and how i tend to get along well with the ones i know, and she seems more open. I have known her 31 years, been in heated arguments with her, but she always comes back as a friend. I agree, that opening up to Bible people, is not a good idea. But, sometimes, i just get tired of hiding all the time. There are no support groups for TG, within 85 miles- Chicago! I am afraid of even driving in the greater Chicago area! And with gas over $4.00, can't afford to go more than once every few months. There is a VA group in Madison Wi, every once in a while. The younger lady, is under tons of pressure, now, as she is seperated from here abusive husband, out of work, almost homeless. She is a pretty woman, and has been hurt and abused by family, as I have. We c are still friends, in spite of my emailing the pics. She also told me maybe i should be a play actor, that i seem that type of personality. There is a website that shows what kind of personality type you are, and i have heard good things about it. She also said she cannot condemn me. Everyone has skeletons in the closet, and sins. Let them who are white as snow perfect, cast the first stone! I made the mistake of sending a letter with pics, to my lawyer friend once! I suspected he was gay. It tllk about two years before he would use my cleaning service again, and we are friends again. You all are so right, when in doubt, tell before any pics.

[Marie-Elise]

Once again, we find folks who know what God wants.

I'm not sure there is any way you could have approached them with this and had a positive outcome. I feel for you.

As a rule, I don't divulge my hobby to anyone who gives off any indication of being religious. I will be friends with them but will not let them have any idea of this side of me. It really doesn't add to the relationship.

[Beverley Sims]

Think that your three older girlfriends are an age apart and their up bringing would have been very different to yours.
You could try emailing the photos next time.......I rest my case.:)