'What are you doing shaving your legs?' Here we go again.

[GinaMarie]

I almost found myself caught by my older brother; it is not the clothes. It's the shaved legs. Having done stupid work that led to spread-out cuts, I was using Bactine on my legs because they started bleeding. I didn't shut the bathroom door, which was where I was treating my cuts, and big bro walks by noticing what I'm doing with my legs. I was "backed into a corner" for the first time since the day I came out to my mom.

Walking out of the bathroom after working on getting the spots on my legs to heal, I get into a verbal argument about shaving my legs. I told my brother to "stop being insensitive." It made the argument worse. Worse, worse, worse.

I now see myself being beaten up for what I could be or what I am doing behind everybody's back. Is it time to finally fess up to it; tell him I am a crossdresser? My mom wants me to, but as my mind says to me, "you are not ready to tell him. You may be responsible for being what you are and/or 'what you do,' but you will eventually have to confess and stop hiding it from the rest of the family." The way my family is, no one is willing to be on the same page as one another about my "secret life," or at least I don't want anyone else there yet. Now it's getting harder to "escape from that dark corner of mine." But don't scrutinize every move I make.

Why the hell do people have to be so intolerant and insensitive against our kind? That's what blows my mind.

[Amanda_P]

They say there are a lot of us out here. Maybe 1 in 20. But being from a small town as I am. Guys just don't go around in womens clothes. So I know what you mean when you say why can't we be accepted.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is a tough one, but I would err on the side of caution and not tell him. He already has something against you (I bet it is something more than just having shaved legs), don't give him any more ammo against you. He knows you shave your legs, he has no reason to know why you do it.

[GinaMarie]

Vickie, he doesn't need any ammo. He has more than likely already found out. Like I said, I will eventually have to tell the truth. Not to my friends, not even big bro's GF.

Amanda, I hardly see our kind in my area. But I easily imply that the general population speaks poorly of us. We may not see or know it, but they make remarks against us. And if you try to stand up for the person, you might be beaten up or humiliated by everyone on the Internet, specifically Facebook.

Whether I tell or keep hidden, nothing will stop the truth from getting out to others. How else can I put it? It could prevent me from realizing my "purpose in life," for one.

[Noel Chimes]

For some odd reason some in the general public are scared of us. And they refuse to find out what makes us tick. [/CThe best we can do is be selective as to who we come out to and try to be as positive as possible. However we also must realize that there are a few "knuckle daggers"out there that no matter what you say or do they won't open their minds to anything.

[Marlana]

I was at Macy's yesterday and saw a girl trying on watches. Mens watches. Yes it may have been a present for someone, but then I started looking around, and noticed a few women wearinga mans watch. One more thing for them to wear, but not vise versa. :(

[BRANDYJ]

Even if your brother knows or even suspects that you crossdress, you don't owe him an explanation as to why you shave your legs. If he asks why, just tell him you like the look and feel of it. That is the truth. But no need to tell him why. If you do not plan on going public or 24/7, why in the world tell anyone other then those you know will accept it and keep your secret. So why is it you say that nothing will stop the truth from coming out? Are you planning to transition because this is more then just crossdressing? Are you TS and not CD? If so, then I agree that it will have to come out. But for us that are just CD's, there is no reason for it to get out as general information other then those very close to us.

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree you do not owe your brother any kind of explanation! It's none of his business!

[EllieOPKS]

show him a pic of Micheal Phelps or Lockte. Give him a pic of a baboon and tell him you made your choice. BTW, if I can help in any way, let me know. I love Maui.

[Beverley Sims]

I bought a couple of women watches at Ross, dirt cheap.
Shaving your legs is no big deal.
Unfortunately for you testosterone filled big brother and a bad razor job.
Try and make sure you shave out of sight or establish one of the macho reasons for shaving.
You need not tell the truth.

[Kaz]

Vickie, he doesn't need any ammo. He has more than likely already found out. Like I said, I will eventually have to tell the truth. Not to my friends, not even big bro's GF.

Amanda, I hardly see our kind in my area. But I easily imply that the general population speaks poorly of us. We may not see or know it, but they make remarks against us. And if you try to stand up for the person, you might be beaten up or humiliated by everyone on the Internet, specifically Facebook.

Whether I tell or keep hidden, nothing will stop the truth from getting out to others. How else can I put it? It could prevent me from realizing my "purpose in life," for one.

Hmmm... It looks like the problem is yours to me... you want to be 'out' really don't you? Purpose in Life? My purpose in life is not CDing... This is part of me and how I get through stuff... My purpose in life? Earn enough to keep me and family going and make sure everyone has the support they need until all the chicks can take care of themselves and my wife is sorted. I can then, hopefully and 'gracefully', expire!

My other 'purpose'... to inspire others to make the best of their lives and to develop their innate and often unrealised capabilities...

If you are sure the truth will get out then it will... so plan for him knowing the truth... it seems to be what you really want?

[Michelle03]

You don't owe anyone an explanation of why you shave your legs. I would not tell your bro even if he might think you do or suggest that you do. I would just deny. I was caught by my parents when I was in 6th grade. They left an an anonymous note in my backpack (which I found at school that morning) explaining what they had found and that I need to confess. I acted like it never happened and the subject never came up again even to this day. I was almost caught by my bro when we were young but I hid under my bed until he left my room (Thank God!) but there were some clothes still on the bed. I would rather them not know for sure and just suspect. Just think about what you will do (and the good and bad consequences) before you go and do it.

[Stephenie S]

I agree. Why is it HIS business? Does he tell you what he does in private?

Remember. Crossdressing is just something you do. It does not define you as a person.

Whether or not you shave your legs is just none of his business at all.

S

[~Joanne~]

I agree you do not owe your brother any kind of explanation! It's none of his business!

I agree with this statement. Why do you feel you "owe" your brother an explanation? Does he explain everything he does to you? I doubt it. I would keep it to myself as he has already shown signs that he is closed minded. It really is none of his business or anyone else. Tell who you want, when you want.

[Tracii G]

About a year ago a friend and his wife and I were having dinner.
I had crossed my legs to scratch my leg and she saw my bare leg she smiled and said nice legs.Obviously it was the lack of hair and her way of kidding me.
He looked and said dude do you shave your legs?
I said I do is that a problem? He said yeah thats kinda weird for a guy.
I asked don't pro wrestlers shave theirs? Swimmers, body builders etc. He never brought it up again.
She told him if he wants to shave his legs its his business I said exactly right thank you.
You owe him nothing IMO.
I do see you seem to feel the need to tell people of your lifestyle but some people don't need to know.

[GinaMarie]

I wake up this morning to so many replies. I'll start with Kaz. When I said "purpose in life," I wasn't specific. That "purpose" is beyond crossressing; it's what I should be doing with my life.

The problem is standing up for myself. I don't know how to without fallout. And now that my brother is aware of me shaving my legs, I'll have to rethink that epilator I've had plans to purchase. He's weary about what comes into the house because my mom "recklessly spends money on unnecessary s**t." You know what? It really is none of his business. From now on, I should wear long pants more often, not shorts, after shaving my legs. It's my only way of concealing the fact that I do. Keep "denying" I CD, and anger builds up, guaranteed. Will his GF need to realize that I could be gay? Who do you think you are? No one needs to know unless I'm caught or tell someone myself. If they notice, they better not tell any of their friends on Facebook or anybody else, and not get in my face about it. Big bro & GF turn 23 in December and October, respectively, and to me, age is dominant in the household. It's awful being the only person feeling insecure and defenseless about my "dark secret." Though I do have an ally: my mom. Still, all I can do is deny what they "suspect I do."

[kimdl93]

I think you should just tell your older brother the truth. If you're a CDr, tell him your a CDr. If you're gay, tell him....what his GF has to do with this I dont know... You don't need him to 'be on the same page' nor his consent. Just tell him you're still his brother and you'll always love him. How he reacts and responds is his choice.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Even if he suspects, confirming his suspicious may not help ease anything and even might be adding gas to a fire.

From what you describe, your brother needs to "get a life" and stay out of other peoples' affairs.

[Amy R Lynn]

Its really up to you how you handle this. No one's answer will be the right one, except for the one you choose! I do agree with everyone else that you don't owe anyone an explanation. Keep em guessing. I wouldn't even hide the shaed legs. Wear shorts! You bro aloready knows so that cat is out of the bag. I would just offer up that you just don't like body hair. You could go onto a tirade of askgin why do we need it anyway? What purpose does it serve? Then you deflect the conversation from you and into a conversation of understanding that body hair is useless.

As for your brothers GF thinking your gay... I'm thinking she may have already said something. Otherwise you wouldn't have even said this. Let her think. I don't know if you are gay or not, but once again none of her business. If you aren't then keep on hooking up with girls and having fun with them. Sure they'll probably talk, but let them. As long as its talk, its not hurting anyone.

I'm not sure how old you are either. I know life in Hawaii is a little different from here on the main land. However, if you can get your own place somewhere that would give you th freedom to do as you would like and won't have to worry about Big Bro, or the family except when you want to.

[GinaMarie]

How the GF comes into this, well, she would turn against me. I have the feeling everybody will... at least in the family. Is it my fault that I CD? In some ways, yes. I don't want my brother getting angrier than he has to. He will hate me but I will have to realize at some point that the truth will haunt me, and it will be necessary to confess that I am a CDer.

Just now, I saw another message and Vickie, I don't know if he is "adding gas to a fire," like you're saying. But he does need to be more open-minded about what I am doing behind his back. Otherwise he should mind his own business like everyone here is telling me.

Now I have to avoid triple-posting! What's wrong here?

The GF is suspicious in some sort of way. When my brother & his GF isn't home and I'm screwing around with his big screen plasma (because I feel HD envy), they think I'm raiding the dresser in their room. All I'm doing is looking for the remote but I have the alternate: my tablet.

By the way I am 21, so that answers the age question. Like I said, age seems like the dominant force in the house. I won't reiterate the dominance of age unless there needs to be a full explanation.

[outhiking]

We had an outdoor mass the other day and I noticed due to shorts that several of our choir members (men) had shaved legs. Maybe my city is progressive and does have a lot of bicyclist, but really, no one seems to care or even notice.

[JohnH]

From now on, I should wear long pants more often, not shorts, after shaving my legs. It's my only way of concealing the fact that I do.

Don't feel bad that you shredded yourself when you shaved yourself for the first time. Like you I cut my arms and legs the first time I shaved the fur off my body.

Also, why should you have to wear long pants after you shave your legs? I read about your travails, and all I can think is maybe your brother ought to go to a very warm place - not a very nice thought on my part. Not only should you feel free to wear shorts, you ought to feel free to wear a denim skirt as I frequently do when the weather is warm.

John

[GinaMarie]

I wear long pants after shaving to avoid embarrassing remarks about my legs. But when I go to the beach, nobody cares. Then again, it's summer. Don't expect me to wear a skirt, though.

Really, who cares that guys shave their body hair? It's harder to justify it when a sibling is insensitive and intolerant of what (he thinks) I do.

[hisboo]

If you don't want him to know, why not just admit that you shaved your legs? A LOT of male athletes shave their arms and legs (apparently it's an advantage).If you were to say you were imitating an athlete or were trying to improve your game, I would accept that as a legitimate reason for shaving and wouldn't ask any more questions about it. He may even do decide to shave too...

[GinaMarie]

I won't state the obvious but unless he makes a negative remark, I will not tell the truth. And don't expect big bro to follow the same path as me in terms of shaving other areas of my body. The way I see it, I'll have to come up with a system for shaving my legs, arms and chest; the latter two hasn't been attempted yet for obvious reasons. I have to come up with a time to talk with my mom privately about the leg hair issue. Perhaps when I save up $60, I'll finally convert to an epilator. That way, less cuts on the legs (after awhile). By then it might get bro to stop questioning me as to why I shave my legs.

At the moment, my temporary solution is to stop working on the legs for awhile and refrain from any discussion of leg shaving. Who else will know if no one talks about it?

[Chickhe]

Me thinks you worry too much. Just be proud of who you are and forget about what anyone else thinks. If your brother says anything negative to you, just respond kindly with, "why do you want to know so much about my legs?"... that will shut him up. ... and this halloween, you better dress in drag just to show him up... don't explain then either...beyond..."I figured my legs are already shaved...I figured why not!". I've had the best results when I explain nothing, but I just do it... I joke about it, I have fun with it, I listen a lot, and I if anyone makes a negative remark, I ask THEM to explain...

[GinaMarie]

Going drag for Halloween? It depends on how long my hair gets (it's not close to the base of my shoulders) and how much I am willing to invest into my "secret hobby." And how about what his GF? That plays a part in what to wear for Halloween. Neither would appreciate the idea, just mentioning it would bring hell upon me. Or, how about going along with the idea given to me and "deviating from it" a la crossdressing?

You know what, I might let my left leg heal from the cuts and then return to leg shaving and even in secret with only my mom knowing get an epilator I've been wanting ever since I joined this site. That will keep the cuts from happening, and I will get used to it.

This is more about anger about my shaved legs, not buyer's advice. Will that solve my problems? It may very well be. But joking about the legs will not provide a good explanation, nothing good enough to stop the intolerance against me.

[Amy Fakley]

you know ... after reading this thread and your "purpose in life thread", Gina ... at 21 ... you need to get your ass out of the house.
Just do it. You have feet, use them. Get a job, get some roomates and an apartment and get out there and do it.

There are probably a million reasons why you feel you can't, but there are a billion more reasons that you need to. Crossdressing is only one of them.

just my two cents.
hang in there.

[Madam Rose]

I agree with mfakley on this. It's your life and news flash sweetie if your brother puts one hand on you, you can have him arrested or just kick him between his legs where his brain is located. You do not have to take this kind of crap or anything. I told my whole family. Why simple I don't want to keep this a secret and also My cousin is a Furrie so that helped to. But still.

[DonnaT]

Seems to be a lot of anger in your household.

You're 21, and an ADULT! So be an adult. Shave your legs, epilate your legs, makes no nevermind, they are YOUR legs.

I don't know what you are afraid of. Being beat up? Call the cops. Taunting? Tell him/her to just shut up.

You shouldn't live your life in fear of anyone else, or let anyone else rule your life.

As others have said, you don't owe anyone else an explanation. Just do what you want to do.

Seems pointless to shave them and wear long pants to hide them. What kind of pleasure will you get from that?!

[kimdl93]

.....This is more about anger about my shaved legs, not buyer's advice. Will that solve my problems? It may very well be. But joking about the legs will not provide a good explanation, nothing good enough to stop the intolerance against me.

Your brother's anger issues are a matter for concern. Are you worried that he'll become physically abusive, that he'll assault you if you tell him the truth? If so, he's the one who needs therapy. Why not have a family discussion - moderated by your mother, since she seems to believe that you should tell him. Get it out on the table and make it clear that this is YOUR choice to make...and YOUR life to live.

While we're at it, I don't understand what his GF has to do with this? Surely, its none of her business. What's the deal there?

[GinaMarie]

My brother has no anger issues whatsoever, though each of us does find ourselves getting into verbal arguments every other day. That includes my mom. And I talked with her earlier today about the leg issues. I told her I was really stupid screwing around with tweezers as an inexpensive but time-consuming way of removing leg hair. The scars were what started this mess to begin with, and that's why I won't be trying the tweezers again. I can't handle the rashes from the foolishness of leg tweezing. I do see that epilator in the near future; all it takes is at least $60.

I'm sure everyone is looking for answers about my brother's GF having to do with this. In reality, she has no involvement in the issue. If she were to see me like this, she would take sides with my brother. But it's my mind that sees the GF getting angry over the crap I'm doing to my legs. All everyone can think of is that I am "cutting myself."

[Annette Todd]

At the moment, my temporary solution is to stop working on the legs for awhile and refrain from any discussion of leg shaving. Who else will know if no one talks about it?

Why should you have to be bullied into conforming to your brother's view of life? Tell him to get stuffed, live his life not yours. As for the GF? Who the bloody hell cares?

[GinaMarie]

Why should you have to be bullied into conforming to your brother's view of life? Tell him to get stuffed, live his life not yours. As for the GF? Who the bloody hell cares?

Okay, she has not taken notice at all. Nor has she seen them. She probably wouldn't care, at least the poor job I did with my left leg. That stands out the most. As a matter of fact, I never got around to working on my right leg in a few months. In the end, it's making less mistakes that matters. Anyone will notice and it goes without saying. People will get on my case about what I do with my body hair because, you know, I'm the youngest and most vulnerable member of the household. Eventually, they will get used to my legs without hair.

Now that l think about it, the epilator purchase is on hold. It will be Nair instead, because epilators are "not worth buying. They are painful after use and are considered 'torture devices.'" A stupid question: for those with experience with epilators, do you see them as "torture devices," or are they perceived as such and aren't money wasters?

[Annette Todd]

GinaMarie
I had no intent to offend you...
I was basically saying what others have said. It's your life to live and you don't have to allow ANYONE else manipulate, control, bully or otherwise lead you into feeling ashamed of being who you want to be. As log as you aren't infringing on anyone else they do not have any right to infringe on you. Someone who tries to dictate how I chose to live my life is not worthy of my time or acknowledgement.

That being said...

Epilators can be painful, yes. Especially the first use. Also, some areas are more sensitive and will be more painful. I have found that using an epilator has caused me some problems with ingrown hairs and red spots that can ruin the whole affect. I have epilated for some time now. However, I have chosen to try a depilitory cream (nair). You do have to be careful with that too as you can end up with a nasty chemical burn if left on too long. read the directions and warnings closely before you use it if you decide to go that route.
Maybe one of the problems you had with you shaving was pressing on the razor. It's not like shaving the face. Use only enough pressure to keep the blades in contact with the skin but the the blades do the work of cutting the hair. Nicks and cuts on the legs are painful too.

Good luck

Cheers

[Laura912]

Use the Gillette Fusion razor...very rarely cuts, last long time, and perfectly acceptable for face so no reason to hide it.

[GinaMarie]

GinaMarie
I had no intent to offend you...
I was basically saying what others have said. It's your life to live and you don't have to allow ANYONE else manipulate, control, bully or otherwise lead you into feeling ashamed of being who you want to be. As log as you aren't infringing on anyone else they do not have any right to infringe on you. Someone who tries to dictate how I chose to live my life is not worthy of my time or acknowledgement.

That being said...

Epilators can be painful, yes. Especially the first use. Also, some areas are more sensitive and will be more painful. I have found that using an epilator has caused me some problems with ingrown hairs and red spots that can ruin the whole affect. I have epilated for some time now. However, I have chosen to try a depilitory cream (nair). You do have to be careful with that too as you can end up with a nasty chemical burn if left on too long. read the directions and warnings closely before you use it if you decide to go that route.
Maybe one of the problems you had with you shaving was pressing on the razor. It's not like shaving the face. Use only enough pressure to keep the blades in contact with the skin but the the blades do the work of cutting the hair. Nicks and cuts on the legs are painful too.

Good luck

Cheers

No one has said a thing about the legs since yesterday, when I briefly mentioned the subject to my mom privately. We worked out that finding myself getting cut more has influenced me into going either route: Nair or epilator. So has the not-so-smooth effect of shaving. The latter, I can't convince my mom into getting for me even after showing her reviews of the $55 Braun epilator at my Walmart. Epilators, well they have been "throwaways," according to a few close friends. As long as I keep quiet about it where big brother can't hear what I'm doing with my legs, I can take the step to moving up a tier for leg grooming, starting with Nair. Don't forget, I have long legs, so it makes leg work time-consuming and a larger deciding factor.


Use the Gillette Fusion razor...very rarely cuts, last long time, and perfectly acceptable for face so no reason to hide it.

But my mom encourages me to use the inexpensive single-bladed, disposable razors on my legs. I tried one once and it f**king hurt! I blame myself for it because I find myself "dry shaving" every time, not to mention that I'm broke. And have you any idea how much cartridges are?! They're very expensive, even a 4-pack, no matter where I shop. My mom and I have ruled out razors on the legs, given the cuts "inflicted and looking like my leg is infected (which diabetes can do if blood sugar is out of whack)." If anything, like I mentioned above, it's Nair first, then epilator.

Still questioning my leg shaving, from which technique(s) will I feel the least amount of pain without showing bloody spots or feeling stubble? Money is an issue too, so is it really worth the investment for an epilator in the long run?

[Laura912]

Am I to understand that you must be concerned about blood sugars? If so, do not use the epilators. In the long run, the Gillette fusions will last a long time even though pricecy to start. Maybe good motivation to watch your diet and exercise? :)

[Richelle423]

Well since this is the first time I have been shaving my legs the whole summer long. When I go out to the mall or dept. stores
I have had no negative reaction so far but my GF does say from time to time "you shaved your legs" or "you naired your legs you look like as girl!"My response to someone from the street would be "I shave because I don't want deer ticks and catch Lyme disease. So far no one has commented on my legs.

[GinaMarie]

Laura, you nailed it in the head when I brought up my diabetes. It affects how long it takes for cuts to heal. I have been making attempts to bring my "A1C" to normal. Nevertheless, I still need to be very careful with any cuts I get. I don't want to lose a leg or arm, or my vision.

Richelle, you're lucky no one has "commented on (your) legs" other than your GF.

For now, until I want the hair slowly disappearing for good, it's Nair that I'll "graduate to." Otherwise, when I have the money and I can tolerate pain from an epilator, I'll step up to that level. Other than that, everybody better "put up or shut up." If leg shaving is what I want to do, then that is a decision of my own.

[DonnaT]

Note that Nair may not work. It doesn't for me, so I use Neet sometimes.

I'm diabetic but it doesn't affect healing time.

I dry shave my legs occasionally, and have never cut them. I usually shave while in the shower, however, and use the shower gel to soap up the legs, and on rare occasion get a cut.

I use two bladed razors, and can get 5 to 7 shaves with one (even arm pits), when not dry shaving.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gina, Maybe it's time to take him out back and beat some sense into his head.

[GinaMarie]

Blue, I won't go that far. You know what, he shaves his head. I do my legs. At this point, who cares? I should just throw it in his face. That's what my mom wants me to do the next time he asks.

Oh, about the Nair, though, I know of a few alternatives but the one I can think of the most is Veet. If Nair doesn't work, I at least know of an alternative type of product. I better learn to avoid burns from those kind of hair removal products. Don't shop for them with brother's presence, and hide it from him.

[simplykaelyn]

Hi Gina, I can attest to the effectiveness of Veet as I use it myself. Once you get the bulk off (following the directions), shaving is a LOT easier and less chance for cuts as long as you use a sharp/new razor and go gently. I don't have much to add as far as your brother is concerned besides what has already been said.