So something strange is happening...

[Sarah27]

Since I joined this community and have had support in one way or another I have felt different ways about myself and my appearance in everyday life differently by the hour, sometimes I look in the mirror and am like I almost look like a girl seriously and I need to stop and then I remember the last 20 something years of stopping and it's so easy to say **** it now i'm going to do what I want because what i'm doing now is for the first time in my life causing my deep happiness and the only thing refuting my feelings is what other people think. Surprisingly since shaving every day and using moisturizer my face as well as just lightly plucking my eyebrows and growing my hair long, I look incredibly androgynous if not feminine. And even more surprisingly people have been treating me better at work and home, there is less stress, less accusations, less everything stressful. This may be because I feel a lot better about myself and a lot more carefree than I ever have, or maybe it's because people see me for who I am and are hiding their true feelings, but I don't think that's the issue because the people I work with, some of them are very anti anything "abnormal" and they are treating me better than ever, so am I giving off a vibe of confidence that overpowers their assumptions of hierarchical disposition over what I am? I talk much more clearly and more assuredly now. But, I had a customer the other day that i'm pretty sure made a joke about me, I recalled it after it happened, the assumingly "normal" guy with her made a joke that the makeup she was buying was for him and she said oh then maybe you two could hang out, I was devastated for about 48 hours before I realized that yes I do like to wear makeup, though I wasn't wearing any and had no residue so why am I mad that someone saw that, what cause is there for me to be mad that someone smirked at me about seemingly wearing makeup, they weren't mad they even smiled. Was I embarrassed that maybe everyone knew and wasn't telling me that I looked like a chic? Even if everyone realized that I looked so different and made the assumption that I was gay, which i'm not but is what society assumes with any female attributes generally, I realized that with confidence and self assuredness which I've never had before in my life I could control these people into rethinking what they thought they knew just by being confident. Even the people that will never talk to the gay guys that work at my job and make fun of them constantly behind their backs are treating me better than before I decided to change the way I look, and I know they're not talking behind my back because I have very many people at my workplace that are either relatives or people that know about me as I am. My entire life I've been tortured for being assumed gay for my looks and lack of confidence, and I've suppressed what I really am with much mental hardship because I thought that would be worse to people, but when I recently have sort of inadvertently drunkenly embraced what I am and increased my confidence and stopped thinking that anyone is thinking anything, though it's hard when I look in a mirror, I realized that my relationship with everyone I know including customers greatly increases positively and genuinely and have actually had people asking to hang out with me for the first time in like 5 years.

[eire emma]

Great for you Sarah. It's amazing what a little self confidence can do. Work colleagues,some of them can try to wear you down,I've been there. It's good that you're in control of this one. Keep it that way! Emma.

[Beverley Sims]

It seems you have hit on a successful formula here. Keep it up and progress slowly.

[Sarah Doepner]

Strange? Maybe. When we have spent so much of our lives hiding and being critical of who we are, it is strange to finally accept and nurture ourselves. But the thing is, that's the way it's supposed to be. That's the way all those folks you respect or fear or watch move natually through life have felt about themselves all along. They have never felt there was something inherantly wrong with them and now you are discovering the same thing about yourself. Enjoy the feeling because it's the way things should be and the foundation for the confidence that will make your life better.

[kimdl93]

If the changes you are making are improving your life, then you must be doing the right things.

[STACY B]

They can smell it on ya,,,lol,,, Your being yourself an nothing else . Its amazing when ya finaly come to terms with it how much of it was in your head ? Its your life to live ,, You live it an dont let the other people live it for you . Be strong ,, Thats a common misconception about our kind ,,,They take the Female persona for a weekness ,, But low an behold you are what ever your physical makeup is as far as strenth ,,,Mind ,,,Body an Sole ,,, So dont give your POWER to an unworthy person or people . They have enough trouble keeping up with there own bizzness let alone minding yours .

[Pexetta]

I giving off a vibe of confidence that overpowers their assumptions

Empowering stuff Sarah :thumbsup:

[Marcia Blue]

You have realized that self-worth and self-image are more powerful than others thoughts and words. I had problems like that when I was much younger. I eventually came to the realization, you have also made. I have to be happy with my-self, to really be happy.

The great people here, offer more support than they sometimes realize. We all lean on one another, that is what makes this a great community. I am so glad you are coming to grips with who you are. Please enjoy your journey of self exploration, and remember to pay forward when you can.

[dsmth]

I've felt similarly recently too. It seems that to the extent that I am just myself, I find, so is my confidence, clarity of thought and overall sense of control over my life. It's amazing. At work others keep asking for my advice on problems. I'm able to figure things out so much more quickly than before.

[Amy R Lynn]

Its amazing how that happens when you begin to accept yourself for who you are! For me, I have stopped caring what people see in me. I am still very much in the closet. I'm peaking around the corner though! If people want to think that I'm gay, then that's their bad. If people want to think of me as weak because I am starting to look a little more fem, that is their problem. While I'm not coming out to the world with Amy, I am accepting that people will have their opinions and I don't care what they are. Sounds like you are on the same path Sarah! It is empowering and a confidence booster when you finally don't care what they think. Good for you!