Does my therapist know something i don't?

[Breanna Jaqueline]

Hi everyone, this is my first time back to the forum in over a couple years, and the first time I've posted in the TS section. I have enjoyed lurking the past few weeks though ;)

So I went to the therapist for the first time last week. We talked about some normal stuff from my life: parents, work, friend, hobbies, marriage... I made a point to discuss my CD'ing early on, the therapist needs to know that right! and that took over the session the remainder of the time. What I thought was odd, maybe, is after 30 min talking with her, she tells me she thinks I'm TS. I'm not saying I disagree, honestly i don't have an effing clue, it's mostly why I'm going to talk with her, but how can she know so quickly?? or why would she say that if she wasn't pretty damned sure?

I don't think anything I said to her should of set off *that* alarm in her. I told her i CD since I was 7 or 8, was totally closeted except to my wife, I'm a little depressed about where I am in life, and don't see much room for it improving... ever. I told her about my spouse and our problems, and that we decided to unofficially separate the week before.

Ok, the more I write the more I realized how much I told her. Perhaps she has good justification for making the call. But right now, I'm scared shitless, and questioning everything I think or anyone else says about me.

So is she gave me the magic wand exercise to work on this past week. To imagine what i want to be and who i want to be, anything is possible. Well, all I CAN think about is mtf transition, but it's not a fun exercise as I can't help but focus of all the extremely difficult parts of doing so. Acceptance from family, friends, work? Can i keep my same job... it's an annoying circular argument in my head that I can't answer until I get there, but obsessing over the outcome anyway.

I suppose I can't accept what the therapist said, until I accept it myself. And not until I accept myself, which I am trying to do, but fighting years of years of repressed feelings, from years and years of trying to be the guy everyone expected me to be. Problem is, I never really wanted to be that guy.

-Jacki

[STACY B]

Welcome to the fun club ,,An trust me it never ends ,,, I think I know exactly where your at an what your talking about ,,There is no answer maybe some of the more seasoned chix can shed some lite on it,,, Im still feeling my way out of the dark to ,,, Just one step ata time ,,, Good luck,,Ya gotta a long ride so get comfortable ,,LOL,,,

[Aprilrain]

Welcome to the forum, our stories tend to be pretty similar and that maybe why she diagnosed you so quickly. I do think you should take your time with this and make sure transition is what you want and need. Being TS and transitioning are two very different things. Good luck and keep us informed.

[elizabethamy]

Jacki, I have been doing a lot of therapy and there is always this sense that the therapist knows (or at least has a highly educated suspicion) much more than she is willing to share with you. There's a good reason for that -- it's supposed to be about self-discovery rather than pronouncements from the Supreme Court -- but at the same time it's hard not to want to ask her to just lay it out for me. Will I have to transition? Can I keep my marriage? and everything that goes with it. But that's really not her job -- she's a therapist and not an oracle. Stacy is right -- strap in for the ride.

Having said that, I'd have to wonder about someone telling me I was TS after 30 minutes. It seems more than a little fast! Keep going to therapy -- ask what kind of experience the therapist has with gender identity/TS folks. How many clients like you has she seen? etc. If they're going to make pronouncements and rulings, you need to know where they are coming from.

all the best in your journey!

elizabethamy

[FurPus63]

Hi Jacki
I started my full time transition including hormone therapy about three months ago. I have to tell you, it was the best decision of my life! I'm so happy it's amazing. Life long depression is gone! I feel great. It's not as scary as you might think. Write me privately if you want more details. Being TS is awesome!

Paulette

[LeaP]

... our stories tend to be pretty similar and that maybe why she diagnosed you so quickly. I do think you should take your time with this and make sure transition is what you want and need. Being TS and transitioning are two very different things.

:yt:

Such a familiar ring ...

Still, I always wonder at therapists who say such things so quickly. Particularly "transsexual" and not "transgendered". In talking things through with my own, she has said that people can think they are TS when they are not, sometimes wish to be for a variety of reasons, and others that show the typical emotional and behavioral patterns but which are actually other issues. Similarly, seemingly unrelated issues can lead to gender. It takes time to be certain and arrive at a real diagnosis.

[Stephanie-L]

Jacki,
While I agree that 30 minutes is probably a tad fast, I do know that we give off tons of clues that any experienced therapist can read. So, I would not be at all surprised that yours figured you out in the first session, especially if you spent a lot of time talking about CD stuff. My advice would be to keep at the therapy, and be open to the possibilities. Are you TS? Maybe, even probably, and you will work that out, fairly quickly I would expect. Give it a month or two, perhaps talk to your wife, and see where it goes. Just be careful, it may freak your wife out. Of course, mine is far more accepting of me being TS than she was of me being a CD, go figure. Best of luck to you...............Stephanie

[ReneeT]

. Being TS and transitioning are two very different things.

I totally agree with you on this. Interestingly for me, I never even considered NOT transitioning once it was clear to me who I was/am. In my particular situation, not transitioning would be like being diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that, left untreated, would kill me but, with proper, albeit very, very painful, treatment, could be cured. I took the cure, and am now living through the pain of the treatment. I wouldn't have it any other way

[Inna]

What you just wrote above in your OP points directly at TG/TS. If you have shared those facts and more with your therapist for 30-60 min and she is trained and well experienced TG therapist I can totally see how she can come of so quickly about such heavy prediction. Believe me that therapist, unless really inexperienced, will try to avoid heavy confrontations of such nature unless they are quite sure.

And yes, welcome to the family yet I must say, sorry hon that you too have been dealt this set of circumstances, I know how badly it hurts, and hurt it will, however, once it begins it crawls its way towards beauty, love and serenity......it is a promise!

What you now need to decipher is WHERE DO YOU FALL WITHIN TG CONTINUUM?
Too many TG folks go towards supposed womanhood yet with expectations full of sexual fantasy, unrealistic goals, and thinking that life will just become a one big pink pony.....well...... it wont!
But reading through your post I come away with rather more positive and unclouded sense of where you are going!

Lots of love hon, you will need it, Inna

[Jorja]

What you now need to decipher is WHERE DO YOU FALL WITHIN TG CONTINUUM?
Too many TG folks go towards supposed womanhood yet with expectations full of sexual fantasy, unrealistic goals, and thinking that life will just become a one big pink pony.....well...... it wont!
But reading through your post I come away with rather more positive and unclouded sense of where you are going!

True but the pink elephants are pretty cool especially when your friends see them too. ;)

[Breanna Jaqueline]

Thank you all for the advice and support. It really means a lot. Tomorrow is my second therapy session, I very excited and eager to see what happens.

[kimdl93]

I think the point of the exercise is to help you clarify your thinking and to get some relief from the inner turmoil you feel. your atmthe first step of getting past the emotional duress caused by years of hiding something or denying it, or worse yet, hating yourself for having these feeling. Emphasis on the first step. This does not mean that you MUST immediately (or ever) embrace transition, tell your family, quit your job...etc. just get yourself comfortable with acknowledging that you may be TS and leave the other decisions for later.

[Chickhe]

The hard part about life is knowing what you are. I think sometimes it can take a lifetime to find out. If you are lucky, you can figure it out earlier and then you can decide what to do about the rest of your life. It sounds to me that you haven't seriously looked at yourself and are scared to admit the therapist might be right. Park your fears, open your mind ...figure it out for yourself, then later decide what you need to do. I did something like this..I now feel great...I accept who I am, but I decided to honor past commitements I made in my life which limit what I will change... but instead of constant fear, I feel happy just knowing who I am.

[Lauren B]

Wait- I thought I was at my computer, not standing in front of the mirror.

I'm where you are- I know what I am, but I'm having a hard time overcoming the years and years of conditioning and expectations. It makes accepting this really difficult and thus difficult to move forward with a clear head. One day at a time, I guess...

I agree with those who said that for your therapist to have said that after a mere 30 minutes might have been a bit hasty. Ultimately, she might be right, but only you know for sure. Whatever path you choose, good luck... we're both gonna need it!

[Breanna Jaqueline]

It makes accepting this really difficult and thus difficult to move forward with a clear head. One day at a time, I guess...

Oh yeah i hear that. It's pretty much all I can think about nowadays, and making it near impossible to get anything else done.

[~Seana~]

I think there is a high possibility our therapist is right. Sometimes we just need these things pointed out to us. Does that you knew where to come to discuss the issue tell you anything?

She's asking the right questions. Where DO yourself wanting to be. Only you know the answer.Nowmake a plan to get there.


Seana

[celeste26]

Having a therapist suggest that maybe you are TS is not the same thing as signing you up for an immediate SRS. Even for those who are sure, they should take the time to do go through the various steps. To do it right takes awhile, and for those who still are in the questioning stage it takes far longer if ever. So take the journey, there will be a time when you want to either step off the train or go all the way.

[Breanna Jaqueline]

I need to stop paying the therapist and just come here for advice! This last session she didn't say anything that you girls didn't already tell me! She harped on my big issue, self-acceptance, along with a huge desire to please everyone, and be the person they expect me to be. Throw in a little denial, and a lot of fear, and there you have it = me. She recommended a book for me to read, 'The Disease to Please', I haven't gotten it yet, but I will be sure to pick it up.

The past week I've been shopping..way to much. Spent $500 in clothes to build up my girly wardrobe. My spouse made me throw everything out a couple years ago, so I had to start from scratch. Anyways, I feel a little better having something to wear, even though I'm still confined to stay upstairs while my spouse is home. I will admit, that I'm not as excited about clothing as I once once, now putting together an outfit is fun, but I'll still stare at myself in the mirror and fret about my hair line, weight (i'm 6'1 and 155, and still feel a little fat, yeah i know that is a issue i should get help with), manly face, and on and on.... This reminded me of a post Inna made in another thread, I'll paraphrase in my own words, 'CDs care about their clothes, TSs care about their bodies.' (Inna, i hope i got that right). While thinking about that, I believe I've made a small step in accepting myself, and trusting that what I feel deep down is the same thing as what I imagine I want.

Jacki

[sandra-leigh]

The things you say you discussed with your therapist in your first session, were not very different than what I discussed with my therapists, with the major exception that I was not closeted (I started going out in public about 3 weeks after I realized I was a cross-dresser.) However, even now it is far from clear that I am a "transsexual", at least as is commonly understood. There are, as Inna alludes to, other stops within the TG continuum.

On the matter of "CDs care about their clothes, TS care about their bodies": I know that has an element of truth, but I don't think it is that simple. I did go through the initial phase of "dressing up", but within a relatively short time I was needing to wear female clothes every day, including at work. I didn't understand it then, but it turned out to be part of my transition, in that it was part of RLE, part of my integration into the world as being 24/7 no-longer-male. By the time I started HRT, I was already at the point of not bothering to hide the physical changes, as I had already gone through a fair bit of the angst of integration into every-day life.

[Stephanie-L]

, 'CDs care about their clothes, TSs care about their bodies.' Jacki

Yes, there is a huge element of truth to that. Obviously some GGs obsess about clothing, while others could not care less, and that is probably the way it is for TS girls. I wear female clothing because it feels "right", it is not an end in itself. I do not need the clothing to be female, I already am. The clothing is simply a way for the outside world to know who I am. I have pretty much quit wearing my breast forms and wig, since I don't need them to feel feminine, and I wear makeup daily, not because it makes me look girly, but because it makes me look better. This is a step I suspect most TS girls get to at some point, and it appears you have too. It sounds like you are on the right road with this therapist, but you do need to work on the body acceptance thing. I am also 6'2", and I have not seen 155 in 20 years, right now working hard to get below 200. You are lucky in that respect, actually you may even be a bit too thin. Good luck to you.....Stephanie

[Love2Dress]

Thank you for posting this, I feel the exact same way about you, I've been fighting this for a while, and I'm still learning to accept it. The magic wand exercise sounds interesting, but it also sounds scary for me. I know you feel like your life sucks now, but it will get better. What I have done, is, without accepting it, acknowledged the fact that I do crossdress, and I can't stop, this way I can have a fun with it and not feel so guilty afterwards. It sounds like the therapist is helping, so I would advise you to keep it up, I believe it will help you deal with your problems, it's always good to talk to someone