LeaP
08-23-2012, 01:04 PM
There was a comment in a recent thread that has stuck in my mind for some time. It was that you could distinguish CD from TS threads from how depressive they (the latter) are! It also ties into other comments that I've read over the last year or so, including that the TS members are mean, ferocious, harsh, sarcastic, intolerant, short-tempered, unwelcoming, and political. Even that we bite!
What I would like to put out for discussion is the view from the other side of the fence - not by way of debating whether we are truly the way we are sometimes perceived - but simply to explain why the view across the divide is SO different.
First, I wish to acknowledge that a significant amount of "TS content" is serious. Fun and games, not so much. Whether that is negative, however, depends. More below.
Specifically, on the point of "depressive", I'll acknowledge that we have a lot of posts on depression! That is, honest to God clinical depression, antidepressants, treatment, etc. Unfortunately, this also segues into discussions of suicide on occasion. This entire set of topics truly is somewhat depressive, at least from one point of view, but the other side of that is that for those who need the support of the forum members who are involved in the same issues (gender, that is, not depression per se), these discussions actually come across as very constructive and relieving.
Are TS numbers welcoming? Depends. As a general statement, I would say that the BS detectors are on high. They don't fit everyone, but there are very well-known patterns of life experience and issues that ring true, right down the way they are expressed. When someone posts something that is suspicious, or that seems more fantasy-like, or even if it's somebody who's brand new to the forum and goes right to the TS section, it often does raise suspicion. On the other hand, when things ring resoundingly true, people tend to get a warm welcome. Both patterns can be seen all of the time in the TS forum. Before my first post in the TS section, I was warned in PMs that the TS members would tear my head off. FWIW, the response was quite gentle.
Why should we care either way? Because the tendency among the TS members is to invest significant time in real-world support. People get involved with each other, in depth. There is a web of connections where people know each other in the real world, with contacts outside of the site, visits, even help in postsurgical situations. Wasting people's time in this section is not suffered gladly as a result, and posers are not tolerated at all. The genuine are welcomed and they are helped.
It is important to understand that how TS members react is due to the fact that the impact to your life from being transsexual is unavoidable and real time. This is often misunderstood by CD members because CD members sometimes also have impacts in their life and their relationships. The key difference, however, is that a TS is affected in every area of their life, all of the time, at least in transition and often after: in relationships, at home, at work, with extended family, with legal transactions, with documents, with medical care providers, schools, officials, police, and, of course, in ordinary social dealings ranging from friends to things as simple as passing someone on the street. Finally, they are subject to a special type of discrimination and harassment. And it can't be escaped when it is what you are.
Is the above depressive (from a forum perspective)? Nope, again, not if you need the support. THIS (the forum) is where it doesn't hurt! There's a reason people like tragedies and why people like to help one another - it makes them feel better. Not only is there a lot of help here, for some it's hard to find anywhere else. So what looks depressive to one person can feel like a safe haven to another. And indeed the private TS section is called Safe Haven!
How about mean, short tempered, and biting? Is it our meds? LOL! (OK, sometimes) The simplest perspective I can offer on this perception is "no BS." Ask a straight question, get a straight answer. Ask a complicated question, expect to be educated. Say something glib and expect to get called on it. Your thinking will be challenged, as will your assumptions, and even your self understanding. In normal conversation, people associate such exchanges with aggression. The perspective here, however, is that the stakes are success versus failure, and even life versus death. To one embroiled in a battle with these stakes, the conversation is not usually perceived as blunt or mean. Rather, it's welcomed, as it's very hard not to get an answer elsewhere that is knowledgeable or doesn't pander.
Cliquey? Short fused? Not really. It's no different than other area of the forum, or life for that matter. There are pretty strenuous debates here. No one has a problem with that. And there are fights here once in a while, as well as a few people who like to stir the pot. Again, I don't see any difference here versus other areas of the site. As for cliquishness, the insularity of the TS members can put other members off sometimes. I can assure you that that has more to do with needing to focus on discussions of particular TS concern rather than being unfriendly, however. There are any number of warm, compassionate TS members here.
In summary, the TS members deal with a high percentage of serious topics all of the time. It's about as depressive, however, as a hug from your best friend. Beyond that, there is humor, celebrations and victories, congratulations, and high points, as with anyone. Because of the critical mass of TS members - from questioning to in-transition to settled and long time post-op, the impression that one gets from the side of the fence is that of community. Not only do I not find it depressive, I find a place where depressiveness is lifted.
What I would like to put out for discussion is the view from the other side of the fence - not by way of debating whether we are truly the way we are sometimes perceived - but simply to explain why the view across the divide is SO different.
First, I wish to acknowledge that a significant amount of "TS content" is serious. Fun and games, not so much. Whether that is negative, however, depends. More below.
Specifically, on the point of "depressive", I'll acknowledge that we have a lot of posts on depression! That is, honest to God clinical depression, antidepressants, treatment, etc. Unfortunately, this also segues into discussions of suicide on occasion. This entire set of topics truly is somewhat depressive, at least from one point of view, but the other side of that is that for those who need the support of the forum members who are involved in the same issues (gender, that is, not depression per se), these discussions actually come across as very constructive and relieving.
Are TS numbers welcoming? Depends. As a general statement, I would say that the BS detectors are on high. They don't fit everyone, but there are very well-known patterns of life experience and issues that ring true, right down the way they are expressed. When someone posts something that is suspicious, or that seems more fantasy-like, or even if it's somebody who's brand new to the forum and goes right to the TS section, it often does raise suspicion. On the other hand, when things ring resoundingly true, people tend to get a warm welcome. Both patterns can be seen all of the time in the TS forum. Before my first post in the TS section, I was warned in PMs that the TS members would tear my head off. FWIW, the response was quite gentle.
Why should we care either way? Because the tendency among the TS members is to invest significant time in real-world support. People get involved with each other, in depth. There is a web of connections where people know each other in the real world, with contacts outside of the site, visits, even help in postsurgical situations. Wasting people's time in this section is not suffered gladly as a result, and posers are not tolerated at all. The genuine are welcomed and they are helped.
It is important to understand that how TS members react is due to the fact that the impact to your life from being transsexual is unavoidable and real time. This is often misunderstood by CD members because CD members sometimes also have impacts in their life and their relationships. The key difference, however, is that a TS is affected in every area of their life, all of the time, at least in transition and often after: in relationships, at home, at work, with extended family, with legal transactions, with documents, with medical care providers, schools, officials, police, and, of course, in ordinary social dealings ranging from friends to things as simple as passing someone on the street. Finally, they are subject to a special type of discrimination and harassment. And it can't be escaped when it is what you are.
Is the above depressive (from a forum perspective)? Nope, again, not if you need the support. THIS (the forum) is where it doesn't hurt! There's a reason people like tragedies and why people like to help one another - it makes them feel better. Not only is there a lot of help here, for some it's hard to find anywhere else. So what looks depressive to one person can feel like a safe haven to another. And indeed the private TS section is called Safe Haven!
How about mean, short tempered, and biting? Is it our meds? LOL! (OK, sometimes) The simplest perspective I can offer on this perception is "no BS." Ask a straight question, get a straight answer. Ask a complicated question, expect to be educated. Say something glib and expect to get called on it. Your thinking will be challenged, as will your assumptions, and even your self understanding. In normal conversation, people associate such exchanges with aggression. The perspective here, however, is that the stakes are success versus failure, and even life versus death. To one embroiled in a battle with these stakes, the conversation is not usually perceived as blunt or mean. Rather, it's welcomed, as it's very hard not to get an answer elsewhere that is knowledgeable or doesn't pander.
Cliquey? Short fused? Not really. It's no different than other area of the forum, or life for that matter. There are pretty strenuous debates here. No one has a problem with that. And there are fights here once in a while, as well as a few people who like to stir the pot. Again, I don't see any difference here versus other areas of the site. As for cliquishness, the insularity of the TS members can put other members off sometimes. I can assure you that that has more to do with needing to focus on discussions of particular TS concern rather than being unfriendly, however. There are any number of warm, compassionate TS members here.
In summary, the TS members deal with a high percentage of serious topics all of the time. It's about as depressive, however, as a hug from your best friend. Beyond that, there is humor, celebrations and victories, congratulations, and high points, as with anyone. Because of the critical mass of TS members - from questioning to in-transition to settled and long time post-op, the impression that one gets from the side of the fence is that of community. Not only do I not find it depressive, I find a place where depressiveness is lifted.