emmicd
08-24-2012, 03:55 AM
I am a writer! i am a CPA! I am a sweet person! I am transgender! I am Emily!
This is my writing that depicts my struggle!
I trust you all will enjoy it and understand what i am going through.
Please read, watch and hopefully enjoy!
http://edwardi.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-importance-of-expression.html
What's on my mind? That is a really good question! Lots of things! I hope my family and my friends don't mind my need to write and express myself. I feel we all need to open up sometimes and cleanse our souls. It is what makes us feel alive and what helps us to sort things out. I won't be long in this post but I truly feel it is important to reach out to others in times of need. It is also important to discuss the things that are so important to us. Our lives do not have to be closed books! We can tap into our emotions, find our true passion and open up so we can share our lives with the ones we love. We can experience change, true change, real change, positive change that makes us better and happier! We all have the right to be free and happy and live our life. Truly live and be happy! Why not? I am now living my life and you know what? It feels really good! I never felt happier since opening up and coming out. I have no secrets and I am so much happier now. Life is too short to live with secrets and not open up. I know people have gone to their graves bearing secrets and I want no part of that. I want to be free! I want to be liberated! I want to be happy! I want to be me! I want to be accepted! I want to be loved! I want to love! I want to be there for my family! i want my family to be there for me! i want to enjoy my hard work and efforts! I want to enjoy the opportunity to work for a wonderful organization! I want my employer to enjoy my efforts and hard work! I want to have friends who appreciate me! I want to have friends I appreciate! I want to live! I want to experience! I want to have joy in my life! i want to be emily! I want people to know emily! I want to have peace! I want to be the support system for my family! i want to know I have God in my life! I want to do so many things! I want to write a book! I want to start a foundation to help my son and protect him. I want to find a way to help other autistic children! I want to help the less fortunate! I want to make a difference! A real difference that means something! I want to know I had an impact! I want to stand for a good cause! I will make a promise to live my life, to take care of my family, to work hard and be dedicated to my employer and to find peace, happiness and joy in my life and want to share that with my family, my friends and all those who have touched me in my life. I want to die knowing that I truly lived and made others smile for just being me!
These past two days were very difficult for me. i was alone and in great pain. My wife, son and mother-in-law are in the Philippines while i an home recovering so i can get back to work Friday. I did three things over the course of these two lonely and painful days. I met with doctors, took medicine to ease the pain I have and I slept for hours and hours. This was a much welcomed rest for me as I had not slept like that since the time i was sick with the flu back in February. i don't sleep well so when I do it is a real necessity. It was very important that i rested and slept. I needed to as my body made that very clear. I don't know why I push myself until my body completely shuts down. It has happened to me before and you would think I would have learned my lesson but no, i find myself in the same situation and I wonder how I got here. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. For me I guess I think I can be all things to all people and i wind up running myself into the ground. One day it will kill me but i hope that will never happen. I am now old and wondering where the years have gone. I am 51 years old and yet I want to be a kid again! I have a wife 9 years younger than me and a teenage son who i try to keep up with. He really tests me and I must say he keeps me on my toes all the time. There were times I had to chase after him and believe me it is not something I enjoy. I enjoy spending time with him and doing father-son things despite my personal issues I am dealing with. You see, my son is my pride and joy and I will always be his father no matter what. It seems I am dealing with so many things all at once and I am trying to keep a smile and a good sense of humor about it all. Who said things have a way of working themselves out? I sure am trying to have everything work out but have learned you can't please everyone no matter how hard you try. i have been trying to keep a hectic schedule up and deal with all my personal issues and I have learned that eventually things will catch up with me as they have. You can only do so much in a day. If I could do more i would but the fact is we can only do so much and we will not be able to please everyone no matter how hard we try. We must first please ourselves before we could ever please anyone else. If we are not happy with ourselves how could we ever see that anyone else in our life is. It is impossible and we also must remember that we really can't make anyone else happy. That is beyond our control. What we can do is let them know we care about them and will always be there for them, no matter what. That should truly make a difference.
I am going to be back at work tomorrow and must be in my best form so i can carry out my responsibilities and resume back to normal. I love my job and the people I work with and there is a sense of loyalty and respect I hold for them and the company. I am truly grateful I have such wonderful memories and I am sad that I will be moving on. I really enjoyed my stay and was taken good care of. Sure i worked hard and tried to always do my best. I had a very favorable experience there and that is why I find it difficult to leave. i know i will be very emotional and most certainly will cry. I also know it is time to move on and I will be working for another wonderful company with wonderful people who will support me and will accept me for who i am with no questions asked. They will accept me with open arms and I will take on a position of controller which is a big step up for me and I will work to achieve all that is expected of me and I will work to achieve a whole lot more. I will also be planning my transition and will workout a timetable with them that will allow me some freedoms with how I dress and how I present myself. I will be very dedicated to the position and am very eager to start. I will be very happy about this wonderful opportunity and do all in my power to help the organization achieve all they expect to and much more that I will work on. I view it as a special challenge that I am very excited about. I am also facing the sadness I feel of having to say goodbye to a company I love and believe in. I was ready to commit myself to be there for the rest of my working career but my personal situation got in the way and they were trying their best to accommodate me and I am so truly appreciative and grateful. They really came through for me in a big way and it really touched me in so many ways that i truly felt so bad when i made the decision to move on. I was not expecting to leave but things happen for which we sometimes have no control over. I am just so happy they understand and are very caring of my situation as i am of theirs and that is why I have arranged for some people i know to interview for the position. I don't want to leave them in a bind. i even will offer my services in a special arrangement if it meets with their approval and suits their needs. That is just my way to help them as they have helped me. I will never try to hurt anyone. that is not my nature.
So a new chapter starts in my life and I will do all I can to make it a smooth transition in many ways. As a career transition and as a gender transition. I will focus on the matter at hand which is to maintain a strong presence within their accounting department and be successful as their controller and then I will slowly integrate my transition from male to female so I can finally achieve true happiness and so I can achieve success in my career. I really want this to be my life's career and where I work the rest of my life until I die. I have come to the conclusion that I will never retire. I don't want to. I want to work because work is my life too. My family is my life as well and i need both to be happy and successful. I love life now that i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. i am truly living my dream and taking people along for the ride. That is not my intention but i feel there are people who are curious about the male to female transition and the process involved. I am very aware of this and to be honest with you all, i am curious too as i embark on this very special journey in my life. It is a dream come true and i will be very sensitive to all in my life who will witness it. I wish to keep all i love and are a part of my life with me as i go through this and wish to keep them after transition as well. It will be a challenge but one i must take on if i wish to survive and be happy.
emily
This is my writing that depicts my struggle!
I trust you all will enjoy it and understand what i am going through.
Please read, watch and hopefully enjoy!
http://edwardi.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-importance-of-expression.html
What's on my mind? That is a really good question! Lots of things! I hope my family and my friends don't mind my need to write and express myself. I feel we all need to open up sometimes and cleanse our souls. It is what makes us feel alive and what helps us to sort things out. I won't be long in this post but I truly feel it is important to reach out to others in times of need. It is also important to discuss the things that are so important to us. Our lives do not have to be closed books! We can tap into our emotions, find our true passion and open up so we can share our lives with the ones we love. We can experience change, true change, real change, positive change that makes us better and happier! We all have the right to be free and happy and live our life. Truly live and be happy! Why not? I am now living my life and you know what? It feels really good! I never felt happier since opening up and coming out. I have no secrets and I am so much happier now. Life is too short to live with secrets and not open up. I know people have gone to their graves bearing secrets and I want no part of that. I want to be free! I want to be liberated! I want to be happy! I want to be me! I want to be accepted! I want to be loved! I want to love! I want to be there for my family! i want my family to be there for me! i want to enjoy my hard work and efforts! I want to enjoy the opportunity to work for a wonderful organization! I want my employer to enjoy my efforts and hard work! I want to have friends who appreciate me! I want to have friends I appreciate! I want to live! I want to experience! I want to have joy in my life! i want to be emily! I want people to know emily! I want to have peace! I want to be the support system for my family! i want to know I have God in my life! I want to do so many things! I want to write a book! I want to start a foundation to help my son and protect him. I want to find a way to help other autistic children! I want to help the less fortunate! I want to make a difference! A real difference that means something! I want to know I had an impact! I want to stand for a good cause! I will make a promise to live my life, to take care of my family, to work hard and be dedicated to my employer and to find peace, happiness and joy in my life and want to share that with my family, my friends and all those who have touched me in my life. I want to die knowing that I truly lived and made others smile for just being me!
These past two days were very difficult for me. i was alone and in great pain. My wife, son and mother-in-law are in the Philippines while i an home recovering so i can get back to work Friday. I did three things over the course of these two lonely and painful days. I met with doctors, took medicine to ease the pain I have and I slept for hours and hours. This was a much welcomed rest for me as I had not slept like that since the time i was sick with the flu back in February. i don't sleep well so when I do it is a real necessity. It was very important that i rested and slept. I needed to as my body made that very clear. I don't know why I push myself until my body completely shuts down. It has happened to me before and you would think I would have learned my lesson but no, i find myself in the same situation and I wonder how I got here. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. For me I guess I think I can be all things to all people and i wind up running myself into the ground. One day it will kill me but i hope that will never happen. I am now old and wondering where the years have gone. I am 51 years old and yet I want to be a kid again! I have a wife 9 years younger than me and a teenage son who i try to keep up with. He really tests me and I must say he keeps me on my toes all the time. There were times I had to chase after him and believe me it is not something I enjoy. I enjoy spending time with him and doing father-son things despite my personal issues I am dealing with. You see, my son is my pride and joy and I will always be his father no matter what. It seems I am dealing with so many things all at once and I am trying to keep a smile and a good sense of humor about it all. Who said things have a way of working themselves out? I sure am trying to have everything work out but have learned you can't please everyone no matter how hard you try. i have been trying to keep a hectic schedule up and deal with all my personal issues and I have learned that eventually things will catch up with me as they have. You can only do so much in a day. If I could do more i would but the fact is we can only do so much and we will not be able to please everyone no matter how hard we try. We must first please ourselves before we could ever please anyone else. If we are not happy with ourselves how could we ever see that anyone else in our life is. It is impossible and we also must remember that we really can't make anyone else happy. That is beyond our control. What we can do is let them know we care about them and will always be there for them, no matter what. That should truly make a difference.
I am going to be back at work tomorrow and must be in my best form so i can carry out my responsibilities and resume back to normal. I love my job and the people I work with and there is a sense of loyalty and respect I hold for them and the company. I am truly grateful I have such wonderful memories and I am sad that I will be moving on. I really enjoyed my stay and was taken good care of. Sure i worked hard and tried to always do my best. I had a very favorable experience there and that is why I find it difficult to leave. i know i will be very emotional and most certainly will cry. I also know it is time to move on and I will be working for another wonderful company with wonderful people who will support me and will accept me for who i am with no questions asked. They will accept me with open arms and I will take on a position of controller which is a big step up for me and I will work to achieve all that is expected of me and I will work to achieve a whole lot more. I will also be planning my transition and will workout a timetable with them that will allow me some freedoms with how I dress and how I present myself. I will be very dedicated to the position and am very eager to start. I will be very happy about this wonderful opportunity and do all in my power to help the organization achieve all they expect to and much more that I will work on. I view it as a special challenge that I am very excited about. I am also facing the sadness I feel of having to say goodbye to a company I love and believe in. I was ready to commit myself to be there for the rest of my working career but my personal situation got in the way and they were trying their best to accommodate me and I am so truly appreciative and grateful. They really came through for me in a big way and it really touched me in so many ways that i truly felt so bad when i made the decision to move on. I was not expecting to leave but things happen for which we sometimes have no control over. I am just so happy they understand and are very caring of my situation as i am of theirs and that is why I have arranged for some people i know to interview for the position. I don't want to leave them in a bind. i even will offer my services in a special arrangement if it meets with their approval and suits their needs. That is just my way to help them as they have helped me. I will never try to hurt anyone. that is not my nature.
So a new chapter starts in my life and I will do all I can to make it a smooth transition in many ways. As a career transition and as a gender transition. I will focus on the matter at hand which is to maintain a strong presence within their accounting department and be successful as their controller and then I will slowly integrate my transition from male to female so I can finally achieve true happiness and so I can achieve success in my career. I really want this to be my life's career and where I work the rest of my life until I die. I have come to the conclusion that I will never retire. I don't want to. I want to work because work is my life too. My family is my life as well and i need both to be happy and successful. I love life now that i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. i am truly living my dream and taking people along for the ride. That is not my intention but i feel there are people who are curious about the male to female transition and the process involved. I am very aware of this and to be honest with you all, i am curious too as i embark on this very special journey in my life. It is a dream come true and i will be very sensitive to all in my life who will witness it. I wish to keep all i love and are a part of my life with me as i go through this and wish to keep them after transition as well. It will be a challenge but one i must take on if i wish to survive and be happy.
emily