WELL, now everyone knows!!

[May(be)]

So, I work professionally as a curator, but I am also in school to get my Master's degree in Curatorial Practice. Today was the first day; show and tell!! YAY! So, I was thinking that because I am embarking on this journey, I should tell all of my contemporaries (For the record, there are 9 women and no other men in my program) just in case this journey might lead to awkwardness down the road.

I was going to tell them all as part of my Powerpoint. I asked my confidant, a lesbian in my program, if it is wise. She told me that she wouldn't do it, but because I feel the need, I should. Well, I chickened out and didn't put anything in my powerpoint.

Long story short, we use one computer to connect to a projector to share presentations. As it was not my own computer, and I didn't have a flash drive, I sent it to myself over email and then logged in to access it. I made sure that there were no messages from this website on the main screen of my gmail. Unfortunately, I left my email logged in and in 2 presentations someone else tried to get to their presentation through their gmail account only to find out that I was still logged in.

What was the first email on the list? A BRAND NEW notification that I had a private message waiting for me on CROSSDRESSERS.COM!!! One girl says "does that say cross dresser?". I froze. I had nothing to say and the silence was thick and pregnant. One girl eventually changed the subject by saying "do you remember when everyone saw your baby butt in one of your pictures?"

Great, she changed the subject by bringing up another time I was exposed in front of the whole group...

I was mortified. I wish I had just put it in my introduction so I would have been in control of how the secret came out. Total disaster.

No one has talked to me since. That was about 4 hours ago.

[reb.femme]

Hi May,

I think that is probably the best example of the phrase 'sh1t happens'.
Think I would have been absolutely mortified had that been me but it is now a fete accompli.

I think the lack of conversation is probably down to the girls feeling awkward too.
Looks lik the time is now for your not so secret secret to be disclosed.

Rebecca x

[StaceyJane]

Well you could have said it was spam. I think everything will be alright, it ill give the ladies in your class something to talk about tonight but they'll get over it.

[xdressed]

I would have calmly said a friend of mine is a crossdresser and that I joined the forum to better understand and support them. I've also made it so that I don't get email notifications from this site incase something like that happens.

[Erina]

You could dismiss it as Spam, perhaps they already presume it is Spam. Perhaps telling is risky if this is your first day, you don't know each other and you are going to be working together.
I don't know any commonly negative outcomes from telling. But there are good outcomes as well. If this is out of your hands then you should think optimistically and not worry.

[May(be)]

Well you could have said it was spam. I think everything will be alright, it ill give the ladies in your class something to talk about tonight but they'll get over it.


I would have calmly said a friend of mine is a crossdresser and that I joined the forum to better understand and support them. I've also made it so that I don't get email notifications from this site incase something like that happens.

I wish I had done either of these... My brain was the blue screen of death. I know it's too late for that. One girl gave me a long gaze and I responded with a pensive smile. Her raised eyebrows were all I needed to know that I was outed. She's the chatty one...

[Michelle V]

May you felt it was time, you were prepared to come out and say it, it is no ones business what you do at home BUT you are planing to come out and bring it to work which makes it everybody's business, you already have one supporter in the group and I am pretty sure the girls from your work are already talking about it. My suggestion you need to take control back and discuss it like adults. The first day of the rest of your life, don't forget to take in consideration what your wife may think, is she also ready? Best of lucks.

[May(be)]

You could dismiss it as Spam, perhaps they already presume it is Spam. Perhaps telling is risky if this is your first day, you don't know each other and you are going to be working together.
I don't know any commonly negative outcomes from telling. But there are good outcomes as well. If this is out of your hands then you should think optimistically and not worry.

Also, I was trying to be brief so I didn't want to go into too much detail, but this is the second year for my program. In my year, there were 9 women and me. This year there are new students; another 6 women and one man from China making 15 women and 2 guys. The 9 women from my year have known me for a year. The new ones barely know me, hence the introductions. I should have fully disclosed to you all, but I was trying to be concise. I'm more worried about the 9 women that I've known for a year before now. Believe it or not, I was their paragon of masculinity in this program. Ironic, no?

[prettytoes]

Now that the cat's out of the bag, you may as well wear a skirt to work tomorrow! haha

[Pexetta]

You wanted to tell them all everything, then 'chickened out' as you said - then got accidentally outed anyway. Don't take this as a criticism, but isn't the end result what you thought you wanted in the first place?

I think I'd ultimately be pleased if I unintentionally outed myself. At least then I wouldn't have to do it again. It'd be out there and people would have to deal with it.

[GaleWarning]

The truth is always better in the long run. Saves us having to worry about how well we have hidden a secret which is NOT dirty!

[ReluctantDebutant]

I have been in this situation on more than one occasion. Anxiety and fear of always felt like there to kill me. Luckily they're all false alarms.

My advice is to just play it cool. Even if you don't feel calm and collected during the situation you should do your best to look it. If anyone is going to make a big deal about the situation they are waiting for cues from you. If you show them that this is not a big deal to you they will not act as if it's a big deal to them. This will probably blow over with your classmates in a couple weeks anyway.

If you still want to try the e-mail mistake saying. Tell them you ordered a chest of drawers from an ironically named Christian furniture store :)

[Marleena]

I agree, just act like it's no big deal. If you look scared they'll go for the jugular.

[May(be)]

If you still want to try the e-mail mistake saying. Tell them you ordered a chest of drawers from an ironically named Christian furniture store :)

That's HILARIOUS! Nope, I'm past that point now. I'm all in. It's the endgame for me. I'm just going to go ahead and be me.

[kimdl93]

I don't think you're "out" really...you just roused some curiosity. I think you should just be yourself, and let it flow.

[MichelleMiles]

That's HILARIOUS! Nope, I'm past that point now. I'm all in. It's the endgame for me. I'm just going to go ahead and be me.

It sucks not being in control of the situation, but like you said, just be you. That's all anyone can expect of themselves and from others.

I actually don't think putting it in your presentation would have been wise either. I think that would have put the others in your class in a more awkward situation, they might have felt you expected something from them. At least with this accidental 'outing' people were just caught of guard, and each can handle it in their own way, maybe even forgetting it happened.

Computers are evil though aren't they, when I was in college I always made sure to have my browsers history cleared, photos stored elsewhere and all emails logged out. Better yet I would just use someone else's laptop for presentations.

[Frédérique]

One girl says "does that say cross dresser?"

We have met the enemy, and she happens to be the one we emulate...:sad:


So, I work professionally as a curator, but I am also in school to get my Master's degree in Curatorial Practice.

You can curate my exhibition. I work professionally as an artist... :battingeyelashes:

[TxKimberly]

Well, I don't really intend to make light of your situation, but you really only have one choice here - you go to work tomorrow and do your best to do your job well. The next day, you do the very same thing, and so on and so on. In the end I'm absolutely sure that this will make no difference at all.
Stay calm, go to work and do your job. If someone asks you a question, THEN you have a decision to make.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Be cool, as everyone has said, you will be fine! This happened at class, not work? Kim has offered great advice...

[Megan_Renee]

Now that the cat's out of the bag, you may as well wear a skirt to work tomorrow! haha

This! Do this! You have the perfect opportunity. If they get grumpy with you tell them to jump off a cliff!

[docrobbysherry]

First off, May, I'm sorry this happened when u weren't prepared for it!

Secondly, altho I'm probably the LEAST computer knowledgeable of ANYONE HERE, I know enuff to have a SEPARATE Email address and SERVER for all of Sherry's communiques! $8 a month is what it costs!

3rdly, it looks like u can either cruise down that famous Egyptian river or come out to the folks at work u care about! Because until u do, they're most likely too shy and/or shocked to talk to u about it! And, it will be uncomfortable there until u do SOMETHING to clear the air! Your move, May!?

[Sarah Doepner]

So, I work professionally as a curator, but I am also in school to get my Master's degree in Curatorial Practice.


One girl says "does that say cross dresser?".

"I'm preparing an exhibit of religious artifacts and one of the items is a beautiful crucifix from 14th century France. Historically they are displayed with the finest of fabrics draped around the base. So I've been in contact with someone who has done this kind of cross dressing before."

[Tracii G]

Ooops! well I think that they are still processing the minor info that got shown.
Act like nothing happened and it may blow over.It may not keep that in mind and deal with any questions as you see fit.
They may be OK with it you never know.

[Jorja]

What is done is done. Just be your normal lovable self and go with the flow. Some will like it. Some will hate it. There is an old saying that fits your situation.... F*&% them if they can't take a joke.

[AmiFL]

and you look as lovely as you do in your picture. Nothing to fear I have found that most young people that I talk to online I'm much more open minded then people from my generation I'm sure you'll find your lifestyle accepted by your peers

[bridget thronton]

Sorry it happened - I suspect your classmates will not change how they treat you (I have had transexual students who transitioned over their 4 years undergrad - I did not notice any poor treatment by their peers)

[ColleenCD]

Hi May,

The old saying "be careful what you wish for" certainly applies here. Some may become understanding and curious, asking questions. Most will probably say little to nothing. Your reaction is the difference. If you show weakness and fear, no one will respect you. If you are confident in yourself (in either gender) and your abilities as a curator, this will become less important to your colleagues, especially through time.

Your masculinity rating may have dropped, but your man card wasn't a requirement to begin with, right?

Best wishes,

Colleen

[Candice Mae]

This also why I have a separate email address for my CD and TG stuff, so it stays private.

[Inna]

Obvious is seldom seen, but often explained as coincidence. You had a good feeling in your heart about revealing your secret, final step to truth, yet your intellect calculated all the reasons you should keep quiet. Guess what.....you had been heard, and in the light of you wanting to come clean universe made it happen, regardless of what stopped you.
The path unfolds in front of our noses however we are often blind to the obvious, and take the miracles in front of our eyes as coincidental nuisance.
In a sense the job was done for you, that had been an experience of mine for the past two years of my long meager life before in denial. I am glad you are in good hands!!!! :)

[Silmaril]

"Yaa, I'll come clean: I'm a cross dresser. I get super angry every time I put on clothes. Last week, I put on a tee shirt that *totally* ticked me off, and I ended up ranting for 15 minutes. So I realized I need to do something about it, and I joined a group of other cross dressers. We meet once a week and talk about which articles of clothing make us the angriest. Last week, this guy in the group was telling us about a bow tie he owns, and he was ... wait a minute: you didn't think I was a *crossdresser* did you? Like putting on women's clothing?!? Ha ha ha!! That's so funny! I can *totally* see why you would have thought that when you saw my e-mail..."

Seriously: I think it would be a mistake to hope it just goes away. I agree that the cat is now officially out of the bag. I think I would let people come to me and ask though, rather than bringing it up. You haven't heard the last of it, I'll bet. But I'd also wager that things are going to work out just fine. Stay cool ...and keep us posted, will you?

[Brittany CD]

That sounds terrifying. I'm an undergrad student and the very thought of being exposed like in front of over 100 people that scares me. I once had a powerpoint presentation to do that was on a flash drive and I checked it repeatedly the night before making sure no photos of me crossdressing were on it

[lingerieLiz]

Just be your self and wear what you want. I assume to one else in class stood up and talked about their sexual orientation or fantisies. Why would you? Don't make up a phony story to hide it. You wanted it out so just accept that all know.

I find that being nice to people and being yourself goes a long way. I wear a lot of silk blouses. It doesn't take the brightest bulb in the class to figure that I'm wearing women's clothes. Sometimes you can see the lines or lace. If my bra strap slips I pull it back. I've been writing and sure that my bra encased boobs were being peeked at.

[Beverley Sims]

Time heals all wounds,maybe tomorrow.
Always look on the bright side of life. :)

[ReineD]

It seems as if by happenstance, the universe decided to go with Plan A after all! :)

If they haven't mentioned anything to you, it is probably because they don't think it's a big deal. They're women, they're young, and you're all in a liberal-minded milieu. They also likely haven't put two and two together.

I wouldn't worry about it, but if anyone has questions down the road I'd respond truthfully. It's likely you'll have many allies. :)

[Celeste]

May,you have to turn right on back to your work day and classes,it's just not their business and your private life shouldn't be of concern to them.I would not give it credence and stay focused on the class.Sure right now your still shocked over it, so the true test is to see if you can retain your focus.......try not to make it a disaster in your mind and don't over think it,that will make it hard to move on....remember you never have to fully disclose anything about yourself until you are entirely ready.

[Sharon B.]

As one has said sh*t happens and life goes on. Just be who you are and carry your head high, don't be ashame of who you are. I'm sure they have something in their closets that they are ashame of.

[DonnaT]

If the topic should come up, just show them your best picture. That usually gets good comments from others not in a relationship with the CDer.

[Kaz]

Hey May, sage words indeed... there are two paths you can go by... I would would ignore and carry on... but it is a potential turning point if you want to be 'out'. There are lots of ways of diffusing the issue... I have used WTF before and got away with stuff... everyone gets spam and things like that. If there are no other 'clues' people just agree with you and it is over. If, however, they think you are CD based on previous experiences, this could be a confirming moment... well to one at least.

So... in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on...

It's choice time... bluff it out or run with it! I would bluff it out, because it gives me choice in the future. There are others here who would disagree and say 'go for it' it is an opportunity...

I can't advise... it really is your call... but whatever... we will be 100% supportive!

[~Joanne~]

Well, I really don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already but this may open new doors for you since it's put you in the place you wanted to be in the first place.....out. Just concentrate on your job and getting through the classes. If anyone asks about it, tell them what you will but most probably won't. Good luck :)

[Stephanie47]

You really do not have to explain yourself to anyone. Some may want to know, others not. Some will judge you, others not. Chalk it up to the experiences of life. It will give you some idea how your cross dressing will be viewed among the general population. Women tend to be more accepting than men of alternative sexual lifestyles. I wouldn't get on a stage and declare your personal life. It may even be after having watched you for over a year, some will realize their preconceptions of a cross dresser are wrong.

[katie_barns]

I am so sorry that happened to you. I will tell you from experience, it will probably blow over.

I had a co-worker get a hold of pictures of me dressed. He emailed them to all my co-workers and HR.
HR came in and did an investigation of what they called "inappropriate material in the work place."
Talk about being outed !!! I almost didn't go back to work the day HR called me. But guess what?
Within a couple weeks it was old news and today its mostly forgotten. No one treats me any different now than before.
Again I am sorry this happened, but you will survive, and in time almost nothing will change.
My best wishes!

[linda allen]

Well you could have said it was spam. I think everything will be alright, it ill give the ladies in your class something to talk about tonight but they'll get over it.

Yes, spam. I get stuff all the time from sites I have no contact with. And by my wife using my email address, I get offers from lots of female oriented stores.

[Annette Todd]

That's HILARIOUS! Nope, I'm past that point now. I'm all in. It's the endgame for me. I'm just going to go ahead and be me.

Sounds like you have bought a license to be whoever you want to be. (and wear what you wish) OMG if they were shocked by an e-mail show up in a dress, made up with your toes and fingers painted! Then sit back and grin. They may even expect something like that now any way. Have fun with it. What better way to find your own path than being honest rather than trying to back-track now. I actually find women more accepting than men.

Good outting... uh I mean luck :)

[Annette Todd]

As one has said sh*t happens and life goes on. Just be who you are and carry your head high, don't be ashame of who you are. I'm sure they have something in their closets that they are ashame of.

I wouldn't use the word 'ashamed' personally. Sounds like we are all moral maggots. I don't want to grow up to be a fly... too many people out there with fly swatters!:devil:

[Sophistic8d_grl]

If I may add just 1 of my 2 cents on your "paragon of masculinity"...I'd bet that you embody more traits (character, honesty, inner strength, honor...) that a "man" (for lack of a better term) should posess than the vast majority of "men" around you.

Plus, you're waaaay cuter. (please don't let my shallow attention to your appearance detract from the aforementioned "inner strength" and all that)

[Diversity]

Hang in there. They'll come around.... Keep positive!
Di

[Nibor]

Everyone knows and you are still alive - 2 points to the good