Big Step with my SO today

[cdtraveler]

It's been a while since I last posted here but felt the need to update you all on the ongoing discussion with my spouse since she found the e address to this site on our search history back in March. Let me just say that I never thought my SO would be with me now. Completely underestimated her but have also been careful to take it slow. We've been seeing a gender therapist and this morning i finally presented her with a list of the CD activities and fem items I'd like to pursue/obtain for myself and she seemed OK with it. Will hear more from her on her feelings tomorrow I'm sure when we meet back up with the therapist but I'm hopeful we can work this out. I think the key for me is reading about your experiences and taking everyone's advise about taking it slow and backing off my dressing to give her time to adjust to the idea . It's been very hard but i think she needed to see I could manage my commitments to her and the kids which I've continued to do. Hope it continues to go well for all of you and us and who knows I could be shaving my legs for the first time come this Oct!

AMANDA

[kimdl93]

I'm glad to hear that you and your wife have worked through this process slowly, carefully and with professional support. I'm hoping that all goes well for you in the coming days.

[BRANDYJ]

I'm glad to hear it's working out. She loves you as you love her. Now only one little piece of unsolicited advice. It's one thing to tell a spouse that you love her, but as important, let her know how much you appreciate her and that love. Good luck to you and her both.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you are doing well but the road may still be a little rough for a little while.

[RADER]

It is great that you and your wife are getting help.
I always try to get little things that make my wife extra happy;
Like today, on errands, I stopped at a special Dell to get her some special Herring,
From Sweden, and some Liver Sausage you can not get just anywhere.
She is OK with my dressing, as long as I stay in the closet. But Getting these
little things sort of reaffirms my love for her, and not just dressing.
Rader

[Jill Devine]

Good for you for working it out. Fingers crossed that both of you can find a happy balance.

[ReineD]

Hi Amanda, it's so nice to read about your situation!

If I may suggest, perhaps your wife can join this forum and become a FAB member?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum

As supportive as I was to the concept that my SO had a need to express femininity, in the beginning I had an entirely different definition of what this meant than I do now. When my SO and I met, s/he was still pretty much dressing in private and I could understand this. But it never occurred to me at the time that she might want to do as many things out in the mainstream as he does in guy mode and I must say that during the first few years when she set about doing just that, (which also involved some minor changes to his guy appearance like doing something about his hair, nails, and body hair) and making friends with people who only knew her in girl mode, I became convinced that he was on his way to transition. Newbie wives do not really understand the difference between CDs, TGs, and TSs. Also this was an exciting time for her as you can well imagine, together with the wardrobe accumulation it requires to find a style that works in the mainstream, and it was my perception that she would never again be happy in guy mode!

This is just to say that what you might experience, and what your wife might perceive, can be two different things and it might be helpful for your wife to talk to other people in this community, the GGs in FAB and also the CDs in the M2F. :)

[Diversity]

Good luck, Amanda. You and your wife are definitely on the right track with the added bonus of having professional help. I wish you and your family well.
Di

[Claire Cook]

Hi Amanda,

Thanks for sharing this. Yes, we have to take it slow (even if we want to hit the gas pedal in our heels). It's a big step to see that a long-term relationship needs nurture, understanding and effort from both sides. Sometimes I think the pink fog clouds our view of what our relationship are, and we lose sight of the really important things. It's great that you are both working together on this, and I hope the next step is a positive one for you!

[Kaz]

Hi Amanda,

Looks like you just made a giant step... I have not had this experience and so am not adding words as wise as others here, but all I will say is... slowly... move at your SOs pace and ALWAYS keep her interests at the front of what you do. She needs to know that you are the same person that she thought you were... if a little more 'augmented' :heehee:

Seriously... my heart goes out and I hope it all works for you.. :love::hugs:

[linda allen]

Amanda, I'm glad to hear that the situation is improving and that your wife seems to be somewhat accepting or at least tolerant of your dressing desires.

It worries me a bit that you are seeing a "gender therapist" because that implies that crossdressers are in some way "sick" and in need of therapy.

But, in the end, what is important is that you and your wife are happy together, no matter what it takes.

Tell your wife how much you love her. Tell her several times each day, and especially while you're dressed.

[Tania D]

Amanda you are where I was last year, if you proceed at your SO's pace things will only get better