Today can go F itself . . . .

[Anne2345]

I hate life today.

I hate being me today.

I don't want to be the way I am. It's too hard. It's too damn painful. It just plain sucks!!!

I am weak today. I am sooooo pathetically, repulsively, and disgustingly weak today.

I am also pissed off.

I want to scream, scream, scream at Mother Nature for making me this way!!!

Why has she done this to me??!! Why has she done this to any of us??!! Why??!!

All I know is that Mother Nature is a ****ing *****!!! She is cruel! She is mean! She is spiteful and vindictive! I hate Mother Nature for doing this to me! I do not deserve this! Nobody deserves this!!!

I am not handling today very well. I am welling up with tears, on the verge of completely falling apart here at work. I have no focus, no control, and no desire to do anything but wallow in a pool of self-imposed pity, loathing, frailty, and dejection.

**** life today! **** life yesterday! **** life tomorrow! It's all the same, and it all sucks!!!

I expect nothing in response to this post. I am not looking for any response to this post. I just really, really needed to release this, and vent my emotions. I just couldn't take it any more . . . .

<<Sigh>>.

[LeaP]

That's EXACTLY why I didn't want to be a lawyer!

[Lisa Gerrie]

I have been there, Anne. Recently. Are thinking about ending the pain?

[suzy1]

I am thinking of you Anne. If I could do more……

[wanagione]

Sometimes its just helps to vent and put it down in writting. I hope you feel better.

[RADER]

Remember; there is always Tomorrow to look forward to.
Try not to be so hard on your self; Yes Mother nature might have dealt you a bad hand,
but you did not do the dealing, but you do have the ability to play the hand to a winner.
Just think of better times ahead, and not how bad it is now.
Rader

[StephanieJ]

So sorry about your day. Sending prayers and hugs.

[Kaz]

Hey Anne.... come on girl... survive! Life can be a b***h, but it is also full of hope and opportunity... a day at a time...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::love:: love:

[kellycan27]

Remember; there is always Tomorrow to look forward to.
Try not to be so hard on your self; Yes Mother nature might have dealt you a bad hand,
but you did not do the dealing, but you do have the ability to play the hand to a winner.
Just think of better times ahead, and not how bad it is now.
Rader

Tomorrow may be a better day, but the day after might not be.. It's how this thing works at times.

[ColleenA]

I hate being me today.

Wanna trade places for the next 48 hours? (I've got a big project due Thursday that I'm trying to avoid.) :straightface:

[Linda Z]

Mother Nature just does not care!

it is what it is for her, you chose your course!

[Anna Lorree]

I just read your post moments after posting this from my own perspective. (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?179964-I-ve-been-absent-a-lot)

Anna

[Kathryn Martin]

wow that was a non sequitur if there ever was one:heehee:


That's EXACTLY why I didn't want to be a lawyer!

[PaulaAnn]

Hi Anne;Well hon, you don't let mother nature win ; you pick yourself up ,look her in the eye and say F*****U and move on ,be it one day at a time .It's a bitch at times to hold it all together but you have to if you're going to make it .That's why we are all family here,to help and support each other.Hang tough girl ,you know there are better days ahead.
Hugs,Paula.

[ReineD]

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Anne. Here's a rose to help you feel better. :rose2:

But, you never say if anything specific happened to cause the blues, or if it's the general impossibility of your situation that's getting you down. :hugs:

[abby39]

Anne I have three words for you. AGREE AGREE AGREE! I feel like this at least twice a week!

[KellyJameson]

I do not know how you could hate Mother Nature Anne, she gave you such a cute nose.

Personally I blame my mother for not breast feeding me, I'm sure it was something they put into the baby formula.

[Rianna Humble]

Mother Nature just does not care!

it is what it is for her, you chose your course!

What makes you think that any of us chose to be transsexual?

If you haven't lived through the sorts of conflicts that Anne and most of the rest of us on the TS forum experience on a regular basis you have little chance of understanding. If you have then your words are totally incomprehensible.


I hate life today.

I hate being me today.

I don't want to be the way I am. It's too hard. It's too damn painful. It just plain sucks!!!

Don't mince your words, Anne, tell us how you really feel :heehee:

I'd love to say that it gets better and stays that way, but I try to be as honest as I can with my friends on this forum.
But don't forget that we are out there and we are your friends in the bad times too.

[Diversity]

Hi Anne,
You'll never win with a self-defeating attitude. Focus on the positive things in your life - both internal and external. Then dissect the negative aspects you feel Mother Nature gave you and define them. Next take one item at a time and decide how to conquer it. Once you have a plan in place move to the next aspect and decide how to conquer it.
Once you do this, you will have a plan in place and as you conquer each aspect, your world will become more positive and you will have more energy to conquer the next aspects more quickly. Maintain your positive course, and soon, you will unleash the real beauty within and have a positive attitude. Then nothing will stop you!
I wish you well in your journey. Good luck!
Di

[Jenny Doolittle]

All I can say Anne is your thread and the hope that I see another one tommorow by you that speaks of a great experiance is why I come to this forum everyday. Each day is a new oppertunity to smile and enjoy life is alwasy my hope.

[Sara Jessica]

Anne, I have adapted your words, changing them to something positive for you to consider. And then they morph into a little insight about my own situation over the last week or so...

I love life today.

I love being me today.

I am the way I am. It's hard sometimes. It's damn painful sometimes. It just plain sucks sometimes!!! But it is what it is and I'm going to make the most of it because there is happiness and joy all around.

I sometime weak, like today. But there is a strength within to embrace who I am.

I get pissed off at being trans at times. Who wouldn't? But...

Despite the fact I sometimes want to scream, scream, scream at Mother Nature for making me this way, the joy I feel when being myself sometimes makes me want to thank thank thank Mother Nature at the same time. I know nothing else.

It doesn't matter so much why has she done this to me...or why has she done this to any of us. Again, it is what it is.

There are days when Mother Nature seems cruel, mean, spiteful and vindictive! There are days when I hate Mother Nature for doing this to me! I do not deserve this! Nobody deserves this!!! But there is beauty within my body that deserves to be cultivated. There is much joy to be found in doing so.

I may not be handling today very well. I often well up with tears, on the verge of completely falling apart here at work. I have no focus, no control, and no desire to do anything but wallow in a pool of self-imposed pity, loathing, frailty, and dejection. But I need to remind myself...

**** life today! **** life yesterday! **** life tomorrow! It's all the same, and it's a gift. There is so much love in this world.

=================================================

Today, I find myself emerging from a very dark place to see hope in the morning light. On this middle path of mine, I feel nothing but pride and joy for my children along with love for my wife. And at the exact same time I can retreat into my thoughts about the fulfillment that has come with the cultivation of my feminine existence over the last 7 or 8 years, a self-described renaissance period. I have to often remind myself of these things, the importance of balance. That the changes I have made may very well be driving my wife away from me so if these things even remotely repulse her, I need to take other steps to bring her closer. Maintaining focus can be so damn difficult. Balance, balance, balance. It sometimes seems like more work than giving in to transition. So while Mother Nature gave me no choice as to who I am, I have a choice how to deal with it. I will continue to do so with a love of life, a love of who I am and a love for all who surround me and give me their love.

That includes you Anne. And in return, you have my loving friendship. I will keep you in my thoughts, wishing wishing wishing and hoping hoping hoping that today is a better day for you, a more beautiful day, a happy day. I wish for you a renaissance of your own, there is so much happiness to be had.

[ReineD]

:yt: This is awesome.

[RADER]

Tomorrow may be a better day, but the day after might not be.. It's how this thing works at times.

How true.
The sunlight is getting shorter, Fall is coming, We get depressed real easy because deep down we know
Winter and very little daylight is coming fast. That is one reason the Stock Market always falls like a rock
in September and October, The Months we lose the most sunlight.
Thain of the Holidays, joy and the coming of the new year. Things have to get better. Rite.
Rader

[GingerLeigh]

Ohhhhhhkayyyyy...... Was just checking your latest post to see how you were doing and... well I guess I got an eyeful!

Chill woman! Everything will pass (except me that is). Not sure what brought all this on but on your way home go pick up a six pack of some kind of exotic imported beer, chug it, and scream at the walls for awhile. Other than a being a little buzzed and having a sore throat, you'll likely feel better.

As for mother nature being a er...well... you know... I doubt many people will disagree. Just ask the folks in The Big Easy right about now.

Take care Anne...
Ginger

[kimdl93]

....There are days when Mother Nature seems cruel, mean, spiteful and vindictive! There are days when I hate Mother Nature for doing this to me! .....

And I took the liberty of adapting this from Viggo Mortensen's speech near the end of "The Return of the King".... A day may come when the courage of TG persons fail, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of TG people come crashing down, but it is not this day.

[ColleenA]

And I took the liberty of adapting this from Viggo Mortensen's speech near the end of "The Return of the King".... A day may come when the courage of TG persons fail, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of TG people come crashing down, but it is not this day.

oooookkkkaaaayyyyyyy ... that was so unexpected it gave me the best laugh of the day :lol2:

[kimdl93]

I couldn't resist it... movie quotes are my life. And that's all I have to say about that.

[TxKimberly]

Welcome to our little world and way of life. No doubt about it that it sucks from time to time!

[Breanna Jaqueline]

Today is one of those times. I was just yelled at and called names for the past hour, because I'm now happy and my spouse is not. I know everything sucks, but i can't do crap about it.

-The insensitive douchebag

[docrobbysherry]

There's not much I can add, Anne!

Except that there may be THOUSANDS of us here who CARE and would MISS U if u stopped visiting us for any reason!

[Marlana]

Anne,
I'm sorry to hear that yesterday was one of those days. I hope you know that we are here for you anytime you need to talk, chit chat, or just vent. If today was a better day, remember how you got through it and hold you head up high.

Marlana

[steftoday]

Anne- we haven't heard back from you since your vent yesterday. Please let us know that you're ok?

[Anne2345]

Anne- we haven't heard back from you since your vent yesterday. Please let us know that you're ok?

I'm o.k. Better than yesterday. Especially given all of the kind words of support and love I have been offered by you all, for which I am quite thankful for. There are times, though, where I feel that my sanity is just being torn to absolute threads, being completely trashed, and viciously and mercilessly ripped completely apart. Yesterday was one of those days. I have had many days like that before yesterday, and I am sure I will have them again in the future. I hate that, I don't want it, but its there. It helps soooooo much, though, to know I am not alone, that people do care, and that we all have support, friendship, and love within the hallowed electronic pages of this forum.

[Alice Torn]

Anne, At 58, alone, with bipolar and depression lifetime, and ridiculing older siblings, I feel this way days without number, and have come close to ending it all, putting self to sleep. But, if there is only a little good i can do for an animal, or person, and enjoy the little things, and "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." Mama said there'd be days like this! I agree, that i wonder why was I cursed from birth in some ways, and not just crossdressing. Like John Denver song said, "Somedays are diamonds, some days are stones."

[Kathi Lake]

But I need to remind myself...

**** life today! **** life yesterday! **** life tomorrow! It's all the same, and it's a gift. There is so much love in this world.Thank you, and bless you for this, my friend - as a reminder to Anne, as a reminder to us all. Will there be negative days? Duh! But there are also those blissfully positive ones. Forget the negative ones, Anne, and embrace the positive ones.


-The insensitive douchebagYes, we've all been there. We are insensitive for the fact that we would occasionally like to have our needs and desires met - no matter how 'perverted' they may be. Sigh. I hear ya, sis.


It helps soooooo much, though, to know I am not alone, . . .Anne, grab onto that thought. You are not alone - in either your experiences or your life. We know what you're going through, and we are here to help.


I agree, that I wonder why was I cursed from birth in some ways, . . .Alice, we alone can choose whether or not we see this as a curse or a blessing. Call me simple, call me odd, but I see this only as a blessing. No matter how much pain I endure (or cause), I cannot see this wonderful gift in my life as a curse. It has enabled me to see, to feel, to be more than I ever could, and for that blessing I am grateful.

Kathi

[Barbara Ella]

Anne,

you have looked into my soul and commented directly on what I feel and think, and I owe you so much for your support. You have seen the support you, and all of us, have from the girls here. i am part of these girls, and I have a great empathy for all the hurts we suffer. I know that from day to day we get shit on regularly. Maybe not always from our fellow workers (dont have any of those any more) but moreso from our own mental fatigue of dealing with what we are forced to deal with in our dual lives. I know it is not fair. i am dealing with my wife and her mental acceptance/rejection right now, and am in disarray.

Just do this. When you feel the lowest, look into your daughter's eyes and see the love she has for you. remember her comments about you being a boy tom, and the acceptance she had for you. Take solace in this unconditional love for you, knowing who you are without really being forced to make any judgement of any kind. With her love, whatever the day wants to do to you will pale in comparison. Hugging your daughter truly makes the rest of the day take a back seat, and wait until tomorrow to be dealt with. go swimming with her. tell her how much you love her. With this love your worries will be put into the file cabinet for another day, and by that time, you will have other worries that will supersede them...lol.

You have had a couple rough days, and i wish i could be there to hug and comfort, but I doubt I would be any good at that. I know you are strong. I know you family is strong. take refuge in them during the days you are put upon. Like us, they do not judge, they just love you for being you. Just continue to be you, and love them in return.

Barbara

[morgan51]

Hugs Anne Thanks for letting us be a small part of your life. We all have those days, I'm sure I'll be the one next . Transition is not for the weak or fainthearted and some days I'm both. Morgan

[chrismy]

yes .. you are correct... life does suck for us ... still beating the crap out of the alternative though babe..). one day at a time i guess..

[Pamela Kay]

Anne,

Can't top the advice and good wishes that have already been given. I will just say that we know what you're going through and we all love you and will be here for you when you need us.

It's a daily fight for us all and we can't afford to give up.

[Alice Torn]

With me, it is my dear two cats, who love me dearly, that help keep me going. I believe in God, and in spite a of all my sins and faults, cry out for mercy.