Stigma

[Inna]

As a follow up of sorts to the thread posted in CD section (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?179911-A-question-to-CD-s-from-a-TS-about-employment.) regarding hire-ability for TS women, I have expanded the subject into reality check for all those who do plan transition but feel that things once somewhat cleared up will bring all the joy deprived to them in the past.

Simple answer is simple...................it will NOT!

I shall base this on my own account of circumstances and wont go into detail as I did on the above mentioned thread, but will mention it briefly and I hope others can shed bit more wide understanding what transition and future of employment will most likely look like.

I am for the better lack of description looked upon, dealt with, and occasionally whistled on as a genuine woman. So sure enough, "I have arrived" clout fulfills my joyful heart. But wait there is more, as I was applying for jobs I wasn't fully complete with logistics, I thought I would be understood, Hmmmmm yeah! My name change papers were still in due process and so I had to eventually use my still legal name. And walls came crushing down as soon as managers had learned who I really was, or did they! NO they didn't, they only, as most in society assumed that I was a freak, twisted sort of deformed individual and that perhaps I will cause them to think outside of the box a little.

So did I get the positions, NOooooooooo, not a beep, where before i was invited to meeting after meeting after meeting and enthusiastic "looking forward to working with you, maam" statements.

[ReineD]

I'm sorry, Inna. :sad:

It's just not right. When will your legal name change be completed and when it is, is there a chance that the people who do know will be in contact with your future potential employers, to tell them? Or is your field large enough to start from a clean slate once your papers are in order?

[CharleneT]

Inna,

Once the name change is complete and after the court order you have a lot to do to make it "complete". You need to go and get it changed anywhere your name is stored. It can seem endless... But you will find the change does help. In terms of employers though, a simple background check will uncover the name change. Almost all employers do this check now. But, get the ducks in a row and things will get better. I have applied for and gotten two jobs since I started transition. In both cases prior to my surgeries, but after my identity change. The one good thing is that the HR managers are bound by law to keep your private info, private. They'll know, but they are not supposed to tell the other people - so you are more in the clear than you might think. It's complex and not everyone will play by the rules, but that is true all the time for all people seeking employment.

It can and will work out :bighug2:

Sorry to hear of the rough experiences you have had. The name change really will help ! Especially if you can combine it with a DMV gender change ( some states do this).

[Inna]

I'm sorry, Inna. :sad:

It's just not right. When will your legal name change be completed and when it is, is there a chance that the people who do know will be in contact with your future potential employers, to tell them? Or is your field large enough to start from a clean slate once your papers are in order?

Thanks hon, it will be done in days as I have stepped up the effort to the max, just got the court order 4 days ago, today did Social Security name change with Gender change, 2 days from now as I have to wait 48 hours for the data base to update a new Dr. License and voile, all done except for the passport which will be done in coming weeks but not necessary for the job.
In fact I am applying into quite entry level job types in retail but however, I am going to work at name brands such as, BEBE, BANANA REPUBLIC, ARMANI, BCBG, ANN TAYLOR, SEPHORA, etc, as their girl, it will mean way more for me now then any corporate high up job. I will be able to personify Inna to the max, this shall become my ultimate arrival, I shall be confirmed in the most of sexy, girlish presence! I am not asking much but I am stepping over the bounds of comfort enjoying every inch of it, just to think 2 years ago.........LOL, wow!

I WILL GET THIS JOB, god my witness!

[stefan37]

I have no illusions that my life after I fully transition will bring more happiness. In fact I may end up losing people that are very close to me. My wife is not at all happy about the I changes we are experiencing and is fearful of our future together. (Her biggest fear is what will others think and their reaction).We are seeking therapy together to keep our marriage intact. I may alienate other family members and also lose friends. These events I have little control over. I can't say I didn't enjoy my life to date. That said I my find inner peace yet be saddened by my losses. I have experienced much joy and happiness building a business with my wife, raising a family and just about doing everything I wanted to accomplish. I wasn't depressed or unhappy being male but I found the anxiety extremely difficult to deal with on an everyday basis. It was the constant thorns sticking me reminding me that I should have been born in the opposite gender. I tried many different hobbies and projects to occupy my mind but they never really satisfied me. I had a prescription for sedatives and they made me sluggish and tired. I made the decision to go in hrt and immediately I felt the anxiety disappear with no impairment. I will be transitioning on the job as I have no other option for employment. I employ approx 6 people and if the economy improves I will be adding more.

A funny story I was talking with a younger client of mine we do all their hvac and electrical work that I had an appointment at 3 and he retorted "yeah and your gyno at 4". I replied not for a year or 2 and we both had a good laugh. I do not anticipate losing many clients while I transition as long as we perform the jobs they need us to in a timely, cost effective, professional manner.

[kellycan27]

Thanks hon, it will be done in days as I have stepped up the effort to the max, just got the court order 4 days ago, today did Social Security name change with Gender change, 2 days from now as I have to wait 48 hours for the data base to update a new Dr. License and voile, all done except for the passport which will be done in coming weeks but not necessary for the job.
In fact I am applying into quite entry level job types in retail but however, I am going to work at name brands such as, BEBE, BANANA REPUBLIC, ARMANI, BCBG, ANN TAYLOR, SEPHORA, etc, as their girl, it will mean way more for me now then any corporate high up job. I will be able to personify Inna to the max, this shall become my ultimate arrival, I shall be confirmed in the most of sexy, girlish presence! I am not asking much but I am stepping over the bounds of comfort enjoying every inch of it, just to think 2 years ago.........LOL, wow!

I WILL GET THIS JOB, god my witness!

Forgive me, but to me this sounds like settling. Are you shooting for Inna the woman or Inna the person? A "girl" who works in a clothing store or a "woman" who seeks their true potential? "I shall be confirmed in the most of sexy, girlish presence!" Sorry I don't get this. What happens when the "girlish" and sexy" wears off and you're schelping off to work some mundane job, that doesn't even cover the rent?

[abby39]

When I started transition I could not find a job for almost a year. Then the place I worked at was shut down a year later, so it had left me unemployed. I do have a lot of trans friends who work in the medical field and informed me that it is more welcoming to trans people, or any LGBTQI persons in general. So I put myself through a CNA/HHA course sponsored by the county(at a much reduced cost) and have been hired by two health agencies, and maybe a third. Now I am waiting for placement. So technically I am hired, but not employed...kinda weird...limbo thing. Anyway, this may not help your situation but it may help others trying to find a way to get work.

[Jorja]

I know things would be much better if you were gainfully employed but just give it a little time. Let the smoke clear if you will. Continue to make your mark in this world as Inna. It will happen.

[Kate Simmons]

It can be a lot of work and anguish Inna but know that we, your friends, are behind you and want you to be happy. You will get there, I have foreseen it.:)

[StephanieC]

Inna, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles in getting a job. I wonder if this your situation is the cause. I know personally of a number of people who are extremely well-qualified, highly educated, and people with certifications in their field but still are out of work after a year or more. I, myself, was out of work for a year after 911 and I believe the current situation is much worse than the aftermath of 911.

I suspect it's easy to pin our situation on what we perceive to be a personal deficiency. But perhaps that's not necessarily the main cause.

-stephani

[arbon]

As a follow up of sorts to the thread posted in CD section regarding hire-ability for TS women, I have expanded the subject into reality check for all those who do plan transition but feel that things once somewhat cleared up will bring all the joy deprived to them in the past.

Simple answer is simple...................it will NOT!

I guess did not think of it in terms of joy, but, for me, despite the losses and difficulties that need to be faced, it is still worth it. I may end up broke and unemployed, but I at least get to be those things being true to myself and not carrying around all the self loathing, shame, and confusion that I used to when trying to be something I hated being, a man, which sucked. That is a pretty big deal. I am not exactly joyful, but my life is definitely a lot better.

[Inna]

Thanks girls, I have just started to seek employment as my true self because for the period previous to now I was simply enveloped by full on concentration on my internal growth and quite seriously not looking a part female to be thinking of opportunity of working in the busy client environment. I have a remnant of business, really now though I simply help my friend run the business and so it is just not enough even for basic survival, hance the need for supplement by working elsewhere.


Forgive me, but to me this sounds like settling. Are you shooting for Inna the woman or Inna the person? A "girl" who works in a clothing store or a "woman" who seeks their true potential? "I shall be confirmed in the most of sexy, girlish presence!" Sorry I don't get this. What happens when the "girlish" and sexy" wears off and you're schelping off to work some mundane job, that doesn't even cover the rent?

I have gone out Kelly, to seek the most customer interaction because this was one think I feared the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I make strides to face my fears, and working in the retail business in the shop is the best way of confronting this fear of acceptance. Yes, I know it isn't the most glorifying job there is, and surely it doesn't involve my fullest potential by a mile, but working for hi end retailer, where presentation is required, good looks are a plus and passability is a rather necessary feat, if I get hired I will once and for all proven my self, and NO not to you nor any one else, but proven to my self!!!!!!!

I am slowly starting up my own operation back up, because I realize that in this economy and for that matter my potential, I am capable to regain what I lost, and what I had before I misused and misunderstood because of my own internal battle of gender dysphoria. I will once again be a giant as I was however this time around I shall be a gentle giant!!!! :)

[elizabethamy]

Inna, you could always be a life coach. You have a way of knowing what people need to hear (whether they want to or not), and you can thank me when you get rich from doing it.

elizabethamy

[Thera Home]

Hi Inna

Just give em hell at whatever you decide to do.:heehee:

Thera

P.S. Still waiting on the salad pic :heehee:

[Badtranny]

There is indeed a stigma. For those of us who don't pass all the time yet, or who have transitioned in place, there is a challenge that we didn't have before. For, MTF transitioners we go from being invisible as men, to being visible the way all women tend to be, but with the added burden of looking different. Lately I've been noticing a lot of unfortunate looking women. They are obese, or way too skinny, or terribly unattractive, or deformed in some way, (birth marks, skin tags, etc) I don't know why I'm noticing them more, but I am and I can't help but feel extremely fortunate when I do. I am an odd looking woman in many ways, but there are those that have it much much worse.

I am trans, and with that comes the burden of being unusual but I am smart, and healthy and capable and I think in many ways we ourselves add weight to our burden by even acknowledging it. For Inna, the name change is a big deal and her life will change yet again when that happens (it was huge for me too) but for those of us who have become legal in all respects, I think we (and maybe it's just me) tend to remind ourselves of our "handicap" much too often. I am not happy with the way I look, but I'm extremely happy with the way I feel and that feeling just might be strong enough to at least lighten my burden.

[morgan51]

I can't imagine working for someone else I've been doing my own business since 1978 and am too set in my ways to change now. In that time I've gone thru some really good times and some really bad times but I would not trade it for working for someone. I work in the service industry and have learned a lot and am confident I can transition in place and keep my current job. Most people don't care about your gender they just want the help and at a reasonable cost and promptly. One client actually stated he prefers women b/c the can do as they are asked not go out with thier own way of doing things and ruining his equipment.

[Breanna Jaqueline]

I'm very sorry Inna. Their actions do nothing to improve my view of humanity. Maybe these weren't the right jobs for you, and the right one will come where you will be happy and accepted. I know happy thoughts and wishing don't pay the rent, but having faith that things will work out might help reduce the stress of the situation.

Jacki

[Kathryn Martin]

I could not agree more. What handicap? I just had my handicap fixed and have nothing to complain about

And not being happy with how we look, Well, all women have unhappy feelings about how they look. I have hammer toes and side boob fat, I wish my ass was a little less flat. Can't think of anything else right now.


There is indeed a stigma. For those of us who don't pass all the time yet, or who have transitioned in place, there is a challenge that we didn't have before. For, MTF transitioners we go from being invisible as men, to being visible the way all women tend to be, but with the added burden of looking different. Lately I've been noticing a lot of unfortunate looking women. They are obese, or way too skinny, or terribly unattractive, or deformed in some way, (birth marks, skin tags, etc) I don't know why I'm noticing them more, but I am and I can't help but feel extremely fortunate when I do. I am an odd looking woman in many ways, but there are those that have it much much worse.

I am trans, and with that comes the burden of being unusual but I am smarty, and healthy and capable and I think in many ways we ourselves add weight to our burden by even acknowledging it. For Inna, the name change is a big deal and her life will change yet again when that happens (it was huge for me too) but for those of us who have become legal in all respects, I think we (and maybe it's just me) tend to remind ourselves of our "handicap" much too often. I am not happy with the way I look, but I'm extremely happy with the way I feel and that feeling just might be strong enough to at least lighten my burden.