keeping busy

[Bree-asaurus]

So I spent most of my life keeping myself busy with detailed, time consuming hobbies to keep myself from dealing with my problems.

Now that I've been transitioning for two years, I find myself in the same place. If I have too much time on my hands, I get depressed and think about 'the final solution.'

But I've been keeping myself busy lately with work and hobbies again... and when I'm not busy doing those, I find myself thinking about the same thing...

What is my goal here? Is it to just keep busy until I die?

[kimdl93]

That's a pretty good goal. At least set a goal of keeping yourself busy until you have worked your way through the various personal dynamics that are contributing to your depression. You'll get there eventually, and besides, think of all the things you'll get done until then!

[LeaP]

Large question, Bree.

I discussed my own situation with zillions of hobbies and interests (most of them solitary) with my therapist, only to be met with the question of whether they serve to enable me to escape - from myself. The answer is, in large part, yes, and all the activity just burns time and life. So in many respects my questions are the same as your own.

Do I have a goal? Not being the least goal-oriented, I never really thought about it. As I consider it, though, my desire, if not exactly a goal, is just to be comfortable enough with myself to allow me to actually engage and enjoy people, real-time, face-to-face. To feel like I'm in the world and not outside of it.

Life doesn't provide meaning by itself. You have to find it for yourself, and sometimes the more you look the more elusive it seems. But it seems the answer is in relationships. For me, anyway, but I need to fix myself first.

Look for things you can't bring yourself to do. They are powerful indicators of the things you need in your life, as well as the markers of things holding you back.

You are so much further along in addressing who you are, Bree, and at a younger age. I envy you for that.

[Melissa Jill]

What is my goal here? Is it to just keep busy until I die?

If you figure this one out, tell me. Because honestly sometimes that feels like what Im doing, just doing stuff to fill up my free time.

[melissaK]

Bree sweetie, such big questions. Such a bad day. I'm so sorry.

But I have a degree in big questions for people with too much time on their hands so I am sure I can help! Ok it's just a minor in philosophy but still me and my classmates and professors sat around for hours (can you say too much time on our hands) obsessing over the meaning of life questions. So let me share what I learned.

First, the Styx song about "too much time on my hands" is no help. Google up the lyrics and see for yourself. Whiney self employed musicians. And you can't really even dance to it. Though it does have a good hook.

And if you have "way too much time on your hands" you need to google up a more obscure country song. Do that at your own risk!

I am sure the meaning of life has nothing to do with gender issues or transitioning though. But I only have a minor not a pHD so you might want to check a primary source I used in college - "Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life". Very quotable in blue book exams. I got a A. You should rent It. You've got time on yor hands.

And a secondary source for "The answer to the Ultimate question of life the universe and everything" can be found in a handy guide book. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Really was great aide in philosophy class. I gave my copy away after I got a car and stopped hitch hiking so you'll need to hit up half.com for a copy.

And my final advice is wear sunscreen. I heard that somewhere too. Comes with lots of other good advice. Probably a You Tube of it.

Well sweetie, I love your posts her on the forum and I'm sure you'll get through this. You've come too far not to. And I hope you feel better.

Hugs,
'lissa.

And ps. Trust me on the sunscreen. :-)

[Anna Lorree]

Like others here I have solitary hobbies in which I lose myself for a while. They are usually either something that requires intense concentration in order to divert thoughts, or they are completely mindless repetition so that I simply don't have to think. Lately, I have replaced them with college classes. I am able to bury my mind in new facts and assignment deadlines, leaving no time for "other" thoughts. Right now I am working 56+ hours per week while carrying 10 units at a local junior college. There are two problems I see with this, at least for me. First, I'm not dealing with anything. Second, I am robbing my family of my presence. Sadly, I don't have a better answer right now...

Anna

[Raquel June]

I could use a goal. I get too wrapped up in relationships, then I feel like my goal is being in love. Then when I get cheated on and dumped I want to die. And that's not healthy. I need a goal that allows me to have some self-respect. For now I suppose I'll try to continue to focus on not being the loser that people seem to think I am.

I've fallen into "just trying to keep busy" mode for years at a time. But for me, it was blatant avoidance of my problems. My trans-ness is the only problem I seem to have a handle on. Well, hopefully I won't fail out of school a 5th time or get in another abusive relationship.

[Debglam]

Bree honey!

Women like you make it possible for lazy b***hs like me to lie around and do nuthin! :)

Thanks!
Debby

[melissaK]

At Raquel: here's a goal. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mI7upqJieE&sns=em

I know, I know, it's a serious thread and I'm being silly and satirical. I truly get how hard the questions for purpose of our being is, but sometimes laughter is the best medicine. And as the wise man Jimmy Buffet once penned in song lyrics "If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane." (changes in latitude) I'm just trying to head off the insanity. :-)

And my apologies to you Bree sweetie for loading my posts up with references to the wrong generation of pop culture. Hopefully the references aren't totally obscure.

Hugs,
'lissa

[kimdl93]

Like others here I have solitary hobbies in which I lose myself for a while. They are usually either something that requires intense concentration in order to divert thoughts, or they are completely mindless repetition so that I simply don't have to think. Lately, I have replaced them with college classes. I am able to bury my mind in new facts and assignment deadlines, leaving no time for "other" thoughts. Right now I am working 56+ hours per week while carrying 10 units at a local junior college. There are two problems I see with this, at least for me. First, I'm not dealing with anything. Second, I am robbing my family of my presence. Sadly, I don't have a better answer right now...

Anna

There's the downside of pushing problems behind you with work. I did the same thing in the terminal year of my first marriage. I didnt deal with the issue, instead I kept my mind focused on less painful issues. I don't know that there's a better answer.

[Bree-asaurus]

At Raquel: here's a goal. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mI7upqJieE&sns=em

I know, I know, it's a serious thread and I'm being silly and satirical. I truly get how hard the questions for purpose of our being is, but sometimes laughter is the best medicine. And as the wise man Jimmy Buffet once penned in song lyrics "If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane." (changes in latitude) I'm just trying to head off the insanity. :-)

And my apologies to you Bree sweetie for loading my posts up with references to the wrong generation of pop culture. Hopefully the references aren't totally obscure.

Hugs,
'lissa

S'all good. I don't know if I had a reason in mind for this thread other than to vent I guess... so make of it what you will :P

[Stephanie-L]

Bree,
You have a whole passle of problems to deal with, besides being trans you have other issues as well if I rememeber correctly. So, if keeping busy works for you at the moment, fine. I know you are working on all of those issues, and someday you will get to the point that you can just enjoy yourself in the stillness of your soul, but it is fine if that day isn't yet here. The biggest thing is that you recognize your problems, you are working on them, and you have a mechanism in place to keep yourself from backsliding. I wish for you the best, and if there is anything I can do to help, please ask...............Stephanie

[Bree-asaurus]

Bree,
You have a whole passle of problems to deal with, besides being trans you have other issues as well if I rememeber correctly. So, if keeping busy works for you at the moment, fine. I know you are working on all of those issues, and someday you will get to the point that you can just enjoy yourself in the stillness of your soul, but it is fine if that day isn't yet here. The biggest thing is that you recognize your problems, you are working on them, and you have a mechanism in place to keep yourself from backsliding. I wish for you the best, and if there is anything I can do to help, please ask...............Stephanie

I have other issues, but they pretty much all stem from being trans. Like my alcohol problem isn't really an alcohol problem... it's just one of the many ways i've tried to cope, or numb myself so I can live with myself. Alcohol, drugs, hobbies, shopping, anything to keep me from thinking.

I've learned to accept who I am, but I still don't like what I see. What I am stains every aspect of my life... so I'm still running away...

[Thera Home]

I have other issues, but they pretty much all stem from being trans. ...

Hey Breester

Then why continue to do it:thinking: I wonder. Let the crap go for now and regroup. This crap aint worth you trading in you happiness for. But it's your call and your decision kiddo. Wish you peace of mind.

Thera

[Anna Lorree]

I have other issues, but they pretty much all stem from being trans. Like my alcohol problem isn't really an alcohol problem... it's just one of the many ways i've tried to cope, or numb myself so I can live with myself. Alcohol, drugs, hobbies, shopping, anything to keep me from thinking.

I've learned to accept who I am, but I still don't like what I see. What I am stains every aspect of my life... so I'm still running away...

Sounds really familiar, anything to keep from thinking about it. I am also able to accept that I am trans, but I don't like it. It is slowly and systematically destroying my marriage, reducing it to a friendship. It will, in the future, destroy some working relationships. I know it will affect my children, I obviously hope that they can get past dad suddenly becoming a woman. I have no idea where my parents and siblings will come down on this. All of that combined with no idea how I will pay for FFS or SRS when the time comes. It is a lot of stress, and none of it wanted.

Anna

[Traci Elizabeth]

Bree, count your blessings, I have 37 days until iI fly out for my SRS. I am sitting in front of the clock counting each and very second of every minute of every hour of every day and I now have giant "bug eyes" and have gone stir crazy. So when you think you have it bad just think of poor Traci sitting there with here nose 1/4" from the face of the clock counting those seconds off.

[Bree-asaurus]

Bree, count your blessings, I have 37 days until iI fly out for my SRS. I am sitting in front of the clock counting each and very second of every minute of every hour of every day and I now have giant "bug eyes" and have gone stir crazy. So when you think you have it bad just think of poor Traci sitting there with here nose 1/4" from the face of the clock counting those seconds off.

It's okay Traci, I'll do you a solid. I know how crazy you must be going, so since your surgery is paid for, I'll take your appointment so you don't have to go. I don't want you going nuts in anticipation! I'm here for you! That's what friends are for, right? :devil:



On another note... thanks to everyone for your replies and PMs. I don't really post here that much these days and sometimes I forget about the friends I have here. Apparently there are people out there that like me... I have no idea why. I seem to be totally oblivious to any good qualities I have... always have been. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks... it really touched me and now I have to hide my tears so I don't worry my boyfriend :P

[Nicole Erin]

The goal is to live life. Do what makes you happy. people obsess over transition but honestly - I think most of us TS do the same things before and after. We may look different and have different social circles but for real - get out there and live life. There isn't some ultimate "goal" or anything.

[ColleenA]

... sometimes I forget about the friends I have here. Apparently there are people out there that like me... I have no idea why.

Because they don't know you like you do ... :tongueout


I seem to be totally oblivious to any good qualities I have... always have been.

... they don't know you like you do for better and for worse. :bighug:

Your post, though, reminded me of the words of that well-known philosopher Barbra Streisand:
People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.


Hang in there, hon. Life has its sweet and its sour.

[morgan51]

The goal is to live life. Do what makes you happy. people obsess over transition but honestly - I think most of us TS do the same things before and after. We may look different and have different social circles but for real - get out there and live life. There isn't some ultimate "goal" or anything.

I agree 100% with Nicole. Get out there and have a great life!

[Frances]

Before transition, I used to keep my mind busy all the time to avoid thinking about my gender incongruence. I became a hoarder. I had a ton of collections, which filled every wall of appartments. I had shelving everywhere. I also modified all my electronic guitar gear. I would stare at schematics all day long and change parts in my amps. Anything to occupy my time. I spend an incredible amount of time on eBay, looking for stuff to add to my collections.

All this slowed down as I finally started transitioning, and it stopped completely after SRS.

I am now going in the opposite direction and getting rid of stuff, and I don't think about my gender anymore. I just live.