Using Public Washrooms while Dressed. Advice Please.

[Daphne]

Not sure if this is the right forum place to ask this or not, but I will anyways.

Im planning on going away for the day at the end of September, dressed and I have this nagging nervous feeling about having to "use" the public washrooms, like in shopping malls.

One part of me wants to contact the malls administrations and inquire, but the other part of me says screw it, 'If you have to go, just go'

Anyone have any advice or suggestions?

Thanks :)

[Jeanna]

If they have family washrooms use them. If you are confident in your appearance and blend in, then no problem, use the restroom like you own it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Daphne, If you pass just go ahead and don't make eye contact or speak.

[RADER]

A lot of mauls and large public places have family room rest rooms; It is where you can take
someone in a wheel chair, and assist them even though you are not the same sex.
A mother can take her 4 year old boy without going to the mens. or woman's rest room.
If you are dressed in Female attire, and are reasonably passing, Go to the womens bath room.
Just go in, do what you came to do, and leave. Be sure to wash your hands, as most women do.
Do not play with makeup, or other such time killing tasks. Smile a lot, and do not stair at anyone.
Rader

[linda allen]

As Jenna posted, you should use "family" or unisex restrooms if possible. The best plan is to scout around for them in advance.

If that's not possible, you know there will be problems if you use the men's restroom while appearing to be a woman. There may be problems with you using the ladies restroom, it all depends on if anyone is uncomfortable with you being in there. My choice would be the ladies room but I would look for one in an out of the way location that's not busy.

Whatever you do, don't stand to pee! :eek:

[susangirl]

The family rest room is always a good choice but see how things are going. If you feel good about yourself and are not have any problems then go on into the one your dressed for. It's amazing how nice the ladies room is at some stores. Never had a problem with the ladies room but have gotten a few looks though. What your able to do has a lot to do with your confidence and attitude. It's that simple.

[Debglam]

Daphne,

If you are out en femme and you need to use the ladies room, use it. Walk in, expect to wait in line if it is crowded, go into a stall (and sit) and do your business. Go out when you are done, wash your hands, check hair and make up, then leave. If you act like you are supposed to be in there you will be treated like you belong there. That includes chatting if you have to wait.

However, if you think you will be too nervous, or you will freak if someone talks to you, then find a unisex restroom. If you want to use the restroom for a "thrill" or just to say that you have done it, then again, use the unisex restroom. I'm not trying to be mean, but when someone uses the ladies room and creeps people out, it makes it hard on your sisters that are out and just want to pee in peace!

Have a great outing!
Debby

[carnut62]

Just don't drink ;) Use family washrooms, I won't go into a regular bathroom if I know any kids have gone in.

[AnitaH]

I would agree with most here. My first choice is the family rest-room if there is one otherwise I try to find a ladies room that's not very busy. However I have been in some busy one's when I had to. Dress appropriately, do your best presentation, be confident and not nervous, slip in the best you can, do your business, wash your hands, perhaps check your hair if it's not too busy and leave. I've never had any problems.

If you really are being a woman and need to use the rest-room then do so. Be as self-assured and confident as you can and don't do anything suspicious, such as changing directions several times because you changed your mind.

If you just want to add this to your list of accomplishments or have other motives then please don't do it. It could create problems for you and all of us.

AnitaH

[Brittany CD]

It probably would be more awkward if you went into the men's room in a wig and makeup. I'm kind of surprised no one mentions walking into the men's room dressed as a woman.

The only other thing I can contribute is that the women's room is generally cleaner than the men's room

[docrobbysherry]

My advice would be: BE VERY CAREFUL!

[Eryn]

I would advise against contacting anyone in authority. Unless you have progressive TG rights laws where you live they will simply say "stay away!" because it is the easiest thing for them to do.

If you are reasonably passable, you should do OK. Walk in, go straight to a stall, lock it carefully, do your business sitting down, walk to the sink, wash your hands thoroughly (universal among women!) and walk out. Act like you belong there, because you do.

If there is a line you have to make a judgment call. If you're nervous about going in at all you probably won't want to stay. Just do an about face and walk out. GGs do that too.

Don't get flustered if the person in the next stall says that their toilet paper is out and asks you to pass them some. Just do it. Women's stalls are out of paper a lot more often than men's so this isn't an unusual occurrence.

[JohannaSophia]

You should check out the State/Local Law where you are going if you plan to use the Girls Room in Drag. Good to know where you could potentially stand or fall!

Otherwise if you can definitely carry off Damen I would say just do it like you own it. If available you can fall back on the various Unisex Bathrooms for Families, Crippled, etc.

[Paulette]

Debbie and Eryn have nailed it, the ladies room is not a merit badge you can earn, it someplace you go when you need to go potty. I have been going to mainstream venues for several years and have not any problems at all. When standing in line expect to be talked too by the other girls waiting in line, there is a universal complaint among women about the lack of enough stalls. Join in th fun and learn to do the two step because you are going to wait. Lesson number one do not wait until last second to get in the line, I always heed my bladder at the first sign that I will need a restroom I head right for it and get in the line before I become disparate.

[ReineD]

What your able to do has a lot to do with your confidence and attitude. It's that simple.

Well, a little more than that. Confidence is important, but Daphne needs to also not stand out as a man who is wearing a dress, no matter how confident she is. This is entirely doable though, as long as there is no beard shadow, the hair looks realistic, the makeup is not overdone but there is enough contour to soften angularity in the face, and the clothes blend in relatively well (not screaming "CD").

That said, my SO uses the single user bathrooms when available, but if there are none she will use the ladies. She doesn't waste time in there though. Even though my SO has her own very long hair (no wig), small hands & feet, no square chin and no protruding forehead, and she is not much bigger than me, up close some people who are more adept than others at reading the subtle male gender cues (face width, etc), can still tell that she is not a GG, which is not a problem outside of a Ladies' room. There still are plenty of women in our culture, however, who do not understand a CDer's need to express herself, and who out of ignorance may read less desirable ulterior motives into a man who uses the Ladies' room. Unfortunately.

Also, some Ladies' rooms are better than others. I should think there would be fewer problems in larger cities than at a family mall in a small town.

So passing is rather important, in addition to confidence. And Daphne, if your voice is not perfected I wouldn't chat women up, just to be on the safe side. :)

[Vickie_CDTV]

The best advice out there is "know before you go". Scout out a place in advance and determine if there are single user gendered restrooms, or non-gendered single user family restrooms, handicap accessible restrooms etc. If you can scout out the information yourself, you can find a list of safe bathrooms around the country at safe2pee.org

[ColleenA]

... wash your hands thoroughly (universal among women!) and walk out.

I know I'm probably going to step into something by saying this but: Women may be more likely to wash their hands, but no gender group achieves a 100% record.

[jennyday]

I will have to jump on the bandwagon and suggest the famiy restroom if one is available. When my wife and I go out I try to avoid using the restroom unless I really really have to. When we were at the mall on a Friday afternoon, my wife went in first and kind of scouted it out first, then I went it and took care of business. As luck would have it, 4 little girls came in just as I was opening my stall door. Nothing to do then but head to the sink, wash up and walk out.

[Cheryl T]

When we go out to a mall we always go to Macy's. They seem to be very accepting and have never had a problem with the restrooms. Also, the larger department store restrooms are usually a lot less crowded than the mall restrooms.
As for men's or ladies...for me it's When in Rome...If I'm dressed it's always the ladies room or the family washroom.
As someone said, be confident and act like you belong there and you will be fine.

[linda allen]

It probably would be more awkward if you went into the men's room in a wig and makeup. I'm kind of surprised no one mentions walking into the men's room dressed as a woman.

I did. See post #5.

In that post, I recommended the ladies room if the only choice was that or the men's roo. When I posted that, I was assuming a crossdresser who might "pass" even if not 100%. If you are obviously a "man in a dress" (beard, bald head, etc.) you would have to rethink that. Some GGs will be seriously offended to see a man in the ladies bathroom. They might call the manager, the police, or their boyfriend/husband. This could get ugly.

Many members here put themselves somewhere between male and female. Society is not ready for that. When it's time to pee, you have to be one or the other.

[michelle64]

never done it..this is the 1 rule i agreed to with mrs snoots and in all these years i have stuck by it..state laws regarding restrooms are not what you should be concerned about..the catch-all is arrest for disorderly conduct (1 complaint by 1 lady is all that it takes) which dont have any bearing on any state gender policy law..the end result is your still going to be detained by the police, charged, post bond (or sent to male cooler while you await bond monies), and issued court date...i shop at the local malls quite often but before i go to the mall i use the single restroom at the dress barn which is not a store at the mall..problem solved

I have been in the ladies restroom at o'hare at 3:00am once..surprised the hell out of a women walking in..damn if i didnt enter the wrong restroom after a long, long flight (bone tired)..i apologized and then we laughed about..my one comment was how clean that restroom was compared to the guys (i should have known something was amiss due to lack of cake urinal smell)

[Stephenie S]

I think I have mentioned this before, but I was at a Hotel recently and the signs read:

Bathroom with stalls

Bathroom with urinals

My friends and I went to the one marked "Bathroom with stalls". As I was finishing up with checking my hair and washing up, a GUY walked out of one of the stalls! It didn't seem to faze my friends or the other women in the room. I was taken aback, but I certainly would never have called the cops. That seems a bit extreme to me.

S

The guy just left, incidentally. He never washed his hands at all.

[Claire Cook]

The best advice out there is "know before you go".

I might amend this: "Go before you go [out]." Yes, family / unisex rest rooms would be the best options. However, I've used the ladies' room often and never have had a problem. All of the advice above works. I'd add "don't spend any more time there than you need to" and the obvious: always sit, and always use toilet paper (women always do).

[kimdl93]

Daphne,

If you are out en femme and you need to use the ladies room, use it. Walk in, expect to wait in line if it is crowded, go into a stall (and sit) and do your business. Go out when you are done, wash your hands, check hair and make up, then leave. If you act like you are supposed to be in there you will be treated like you belong there. That includes chatting if you have to wait.

However, if you think you will be too nervous, or you will freak if someone talks to you, then find a unisex restroom. If you want to use the restroom for a "thrill" or just to say that you have done it, then again, use the unisex restroom. I'm not trying to be mean, but when someone uses the ladies room and creeps people out, it makes it hard on your sisters that are out and just want to pee in peace!

Have a great outing!
Debby


I like this answer. For the record, I have used womens restrooms in malls, strip malls, McDonalds, and Convenience stores from Texas to Minnesota. Its never been a problem.

[sonna]

use the bathrooms inside the stores alot of times there not busy at all.

[reb.femme]

If you are reasonably passable, you should do OK. Walk in, go straight to a stall, lock it carefully, do your business sitting down, walk to the sink, wash your hands thoroughly (universal among women!) and walk out.

Have to say I'm amazed that washing hands needs to be mentioned, not a criticism Eryn. However, when my son and I go to football (soccer) games, we attempt to pick out what we call washers or walkers. Amazing number of walkers.....yuk! :straightface:

Many opinions given and all valid. Go in with confidence. Only if you pass, etc etc. I got read more times than a newspaper on a train last time out, but I still used the ladies. Oh,...and I washed my hands and did my lippy. :heehee:

Rebecca x

[kimdl93]

Have to say I'm amazed that washing hands needs to be mentioned, not a criticism Eryn. However, when my son and I go to football (soccer) games, we attempt to pick out what we call washers or walkers. Amazing number of walkers.....yuk! :straightface:

Rebecca x

OK, believe or not, walkers are my BIGGEST pet peeeve. I always use a paper towel to open the door when I leave...so many people seem to have missed this little bit of kindergarten etiquette and sound health advice.

[Eryn]

Ok, speaking delicately, it is common for males to use the facilities for #1 without getting #1 anywhere near their hands. In that case those hands have no more microbes on them as they had when they entered the restroom. The sinks in public washrooms are hardly a fortress of cleanliness and sometimes it is prudent to cut one's losses and exit with only the germs one came in with.

If you're a germophobe who uses paper towels to open doors (kind of silly because the least drop of moisture will penetrate a paper towel!) you had better use one on the handle entering the restroom as well as every other handle in existence!

Women's restrooms and anatomy are another matter. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

[27th Jennifer]

A list of gender-neutral bathrooms:
http://safe2pee.org/new/

And a guide for restrooms:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/94930982/PIP-Resource-Guide#download

[linda allen]

Ok, speaking delicately, it is common for males to use the facilities for #1 without getting #1 anywhere near their hands. In that case those hands have no more microbes on them as they had when they entered the restroom. The sinks in public washrooms are hardly a fortress of cleanliness and sometimes it is prudent to cut one's losses and exit with only the germs one came in with.

If you're a germophobe who uses paper towels to open doors (kind of silly because the least drop of moisture will penetrate a paper towel!) you had better use one on the handle entering the restroom as well as every other handle in existence!

Well, the other side has been heard from. And I always thought it was a "macho" thing.

Guy #1 - "Didn't your mama teach you to wash your hands after you pee?"

Guy #2 - "No, she taught me not to pee on my hands!"

We have to wonder though, are all the state health departments wrong for insisting that restaurant employees wash their hands after using the bathroom?

If everyone washed their hands after using the toilet, the doorknob would be clean and we wouldn't have to use a towel.

[linda allen]

A list of gender-neutral bathrooms:
http://safe2pee.org/new/

It's nice thought, but very incomplete.

[27th Jennifer]

It's nice thought, but very incomplete.

It gives the option to add more to the list.....

[Daphne]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Some of the posts seemed to have gone off topic a little bit. Rest asured I will take everyones advice into consideration. :)

[Janet Bern]

If you look and dress like a woman, use the woman's room

[I Am Paula]

Great advice here, I'll just add one. Don't use either one in a public park. Unlike mall security guards and the like, park police really are looking for pervs. They won't listen to your explanation, just haul you in. To a park patrol there is very little difference between a child molester and a c.d. just tending to a nature call.

[linda allen]

Great advice here, I'll just add one. Don't use either one in a public park. Unlike mall security guards and the like, park police really are looking for pervs. They won't listen to your explanation, just haul you in. To a park patrol there is very little difference between a child molester and a c.d. just tending to a nature call.

Some public parks use portapotties, which by nature are single occupant, unisex. Other than the fact that they are often a mess and there's no way to wash your hands, they are safe to use.

[Beverley Sims]

Use unisex if possible, otherwise use tact when going in, and wash your hands Jeffrey. No that's Jennifer. :)

[linda allen]

Just FYI: It was a year or two ago a group of teenaged girls attacked and beat up a transgendered girl who used the ladies restroom in a Baltimore, MD McDonalds restaurant.

There was a question of whether the transgendered girl had been flirting with one of the attacker's boyfriend and the transgendered girl was white and the attackers black, nevertheless, she was attacked and severely beaten.

It's a wakeup call to be alert to what is going on around you when you venture out in public, especially as a crossdresser or transgenered person. Some places are safer than others.

[Eryn]

We have to wonder though, are all the state health departments wrong for insisting that restaurant employees wash their hands after using the bathroom?

As a general rule it is probably a good idea and heck, it gives the impression that the Pols are "doing something" about public health even though they've actually passed a law that is totally unenforceable. Never underestimate the value of an issue where a legislator can take a firm position without making someone angry!


Use unisex if possible, otherwise use tact when going in, and wash your hands Jeffrey. No that's Jennifer. :)

Although I see some wisdom in this advice, I think that using the unisex/family/handicapped restroom sometimes draws more attention to oneself than simply walking into the ladies' room. The fact that few people use them and that they are prominently placed with large doors tends to make one stand out.

I think that it's a judgment call and that the specific situation has to be considered. I was very nervous about restrooms when I first started going out but now they're just a place to do business.

Another common piece of advice that I haven't seen repeated here is, if you're apprehensive about visiting the ladies' room, use it right before you're going to leave the establishment. Not much that anyone can do to you if you're not there any more.

Humor: I was out to dinner with a friend who lives most of the time dressed, but in this case we were both in drab. He excused himself to go to the restroom. My thought, as he left, was "choose carefully!"

[NathalieX66]

New Jersey, USA:
You can use whatever restroom in the gender you present yourself as....it's the law.

[lynn27]

It's nice thought, but very incomplete.

Safe2pee can be incomplete..

Safe places few might think of, almost ALL public buildings have public restrooms. Police stations, fire stations, court houses, administration buildings, recreation centers, senior centers.... Churches may have restrooms available while they're open.

Funniest one I have is I normally use the ladies room while out clubbing except when I am in a lesbian bar. I figure the men's room isn't that busy... So I wander into the men's room one nite and find two gals halfway between the wall and the floor, I excused myself, stepped over them and used the toilet. We all had a good laugh.

[Debglam]

Ok. One more restroom comment. . . there is a local department store with a ladies room tucked way in the back. IF you can find your way to this out of the way restroom, you will find that all of the stalls are floor to ceiling enclosures with their own sinks and mirrors! This is ladies room nirvana and I'm not telling where!!!! :tongueout

[Daphne]

Thanks for the advice everyone. After thinking about it, I've decided to play it bye ear. I'll see how things go.:)

:devil: Hehe. On a slightly related note I guess. Yesterday I went into the Shoppers Drug mate I go to, and got a box of thoes glue on finger nails. Went up to the cash at the cosmetics counter to pay, and the girl there asked if they were for me?:eek: For a split second, I was almost tempted to say yes, but didn't. Maybe next time I might say something the next time I get a pair of Pantyhose there.:devil:

[luscious]

I have went into the mens rest room dressed as a woman I got the funniest stairs and some problems of the men feeling uncomfortable.
it caused a ruckus

I was surprised to not get any issues when I used the womens rest room. I have more confidence now.

so now I use the WOMENS REST ROOM ONLY.

if I use the mens rest room it is a problem but it depends on how you are dressed and how you look. caution!


It probably would be more awkward if you went into the men's room in a wig and makeup. I'm kind of surprised no one mentions walking into the men's room dressed as a woman.

The only other thing I can contribute is that the women's room is generally cleaner than the men's room


My advice would be: BE VERY CAREFUL!