Outed!

[Marlana]

Last friday, I went to visit my sister, her kids, and my father. It was late in the day and so around 5:00 I had a drink and we got to visiting. At 6:00, with no dinner on the menu, I called my wife and asked her to join us. She said sure so I asked her to pick up a pizza on the way.
We have a second drink and talk and visit. My wife shows up at 8:00 with the pizza and sits down to eat already semi-aggitated. Then after dinner, disappears with my sister to the porch. After a half an hour they come back in and we leave. Come to find out later that she was mad we had some drinks before she got there.
So cut to yesterday, my sister tells me that my wife told her about my crossdressing! I was shocked to say the least. I have always been somewhwat content to be in the closet but able to dress when she's away. Betrayed is how I feel now. That's a secret between me and my wife and she knows that. Now, it's a matter of time before others find out...if they don't know already!:eek:

[Jill Devine]

Sorry to hear that. What your wife did was wrong and I think she knows that.

Hopefully something good comes from this: maybe it will be better now that it's not a secret.

[Marleena]

Marlana that is not good if it was to be kept between you. I hope things go well for you. We can't predict how others will react. Hang in there, hopefully they don't see it as a big deal.

[linda allen]

I don't think your wife was showing the respect and trust partners are supposed to show for each other and I would question her sincere love for you. That's a pretty serious breach of trust.

You'll just have to see how ig goes from now on but you can bet that if you end up in divorce court she will have photos of you dressed.

[*ROXY*]

I'd be very surprised if this was purely down to the drinks, has she asked if she can confide in someone else ? It's a big burden to carry on your shoulders alone. I've told my s/o that if she feels the need to tell anyone then go ahead. What they think is what they think. Speak to your sister about it and if you feel comfortable tell your family. If they love you they will accept this side of you. Hope it all goes well for you x

[Princess_Andria]

Wow seriously? Thats really kind of messed up, i mean a relationship is about trust & jsut because you had a few drinks she kind of broke that by going behind your back and telling of something that was just between you 2. Personally if it were me I'd have a big talk about it, i knwo to me that would be quite a big hit, somone who i trust more then anyone just did that. Sorry to hear its gone like that :( hope it all works out hun.

[Kate Simmons]

Bummer! One thing I didn't know was that years ago my ex told a number of people about me without consulting me. Then it made sense why their attitude towards me changed.:straightface:

[Jorja]

What your wife did was wrong and betrayed your trust in her. However, how did you expect her to keep a secret like that? It is a big burden to carry around on her shoulders alone. Keeping secrets has caused many problems for many people through out history. They tend to come out when we least expect it. Hopefully it will all work out in your favor.

[Princess_Andria]

What your wife did was wrong and betrayed your trust in her. However, how did you expect her to keep a secret like that? It is a big burden to carry around on her shoulders alone. Keeping secrets has caused many problems for many people through out history. They tend to come out when we least expect it. Hopefully it will all work out in your favor.

i agree to some extent on this, my GF knows and has told BUT, theres a huge difference in telling people and then people close to you (family, best friends etc) i don't agree on what shes done. My SO has told her family and a couple of friends, dosn't bother me and she knows not to cross that line.

[BRANDYJ]

If your wife sis this because she was agitated simply because you had a couple of drinks before she got there, Then that would be a bad thing. I took the liberty to look at your other posts and see that your knows but does not approve. Sorry to hear that.
If you and your wife had agreed to not have her or you tell anyone, then yes, this was a breach of trust. My feelings lean toward her reason to tell, how much she trusts your sister, how close they are and a few other things. But if it was a spiteful thing just because you had a couple of drinks, or for that matter, a spiteful thing for any reason, then I think she was out of line and it appears you have other fish to fry in the marriage then just her telling your sister.
My SO knows, accepts, likes and supports my crossdressing. I have 100% trust in her decision to tell whoever she wants to tell since she would not without a very good reason. Like me, she is a very private person. She definitely would not tell someone out of spite. She has told a few of her long time trusted friends and I don't have a problem with it at all since I know why she told them.

[Cynthia Anne]

Perhaps some good can come out of this! Who knows your sister may be fine with it! We can hope things will be better for you! Please let us know if things change between you and your sister!

[jillleanne]

Don't mean to sound harsh here, but the reality of it all is just that; when in a closet and a relationship of any sort where the partner knows of ones' gender issues, the partner holds the trump card when it comes to keeping things private. no different than when two split up in a relationship. Trust is just another type of warranty and we all know what warranties are worth. You shouldn't feel violated at all in my opinion but thankful it finally came out. It will sooner or later anyway for the most of us, one way or another.

[Marleena]

Don't mean to sound harsh here, but the reality of it all is just that; when in a closet and a relationship of any sort where the partner knows of ones' gender issues, the partner holds the trump card when it comes to keeping things private. no different than when two split up in a relationship. Trust is just another type of warranty and we all know what warranties are worth. You shouldn't feel violated at all in my opinion but thankful it finally came out. It will sooner or later anyway for the most of us, one way or another.

Good point! I think we all have to be prepared to be outed. It does not excuse what Marlana's wife did but there's always a chance people will find out. I have seen a number of threads here where people accidentally outed themselves. In my case my wife does not want others to know about me. If anybody does ask I'm prepared to come clean though.

[BRANDYJ]

This could be a burden that the wife has had to carry on her shoulders and needed someone to talk to about it. Just as many here, like the OP needs this place to talk about it. It's unfair to think someone can carry a secret like this if they are not comfortable with crossdressing and have little knowledge about the topic. They, like the OP, needs someone to talk to.

[Marie-Elise]

That's a little disturbing to me on a couple of fronts. First, I think that placing trust in your wife with something so personal is what everyone should do. However, she intentionally violated that trust. That is not good.

Second, she did it because you guys had a couple of drinks before she got there? I'm sorry but I could not trust anyone who did this. Like someone else said here: sounds like you have some bigger fish to fry in the marriage.

At least your sister is cool with it.

[Marleena]

This could be a burden that the wife has had to carry on her shoulders and needed someone to talk to about it. Just as many here, like the OP needs this place to talk about it. It's unfair to think someone can carry a secret like this if they are not comfortable with crossdressing and have little knowledge about the topic. They, like the OP, needs someone to talk to.

Umm yeah but why tell Marlana's sister instead of one of her own friends or family? It doesn't sit right with me. It sounds malicious. it's up to Marlana to tell her own family.

[suzy1]

This is not something trivial, a small secret that you have asked you wife to keep like chewing your toe nails or something.

I have to disagree with some here that say it’s a hard secret for your wife to keep. No its not, it’s a very important secret to keep!

If it was my marriage then the trust would be gone. Simple as that.
And how can you ever get it back after this?


SUZY

[~Joanne~]

Yeah, this whole thing is messed up. We hear all the time how we all need to come out as soon as possible to our SO's, the one person you should be able to trust in the whole world, and then things like this betrayal happen. Over drinks? really? I am wondering what is it NOT being told here but I agree with the trump card statement. When you tell anyone, you might as well tell everyone.

I am hoping there was sound reasoning for her doing this, hopefully an update? There seems to be some issues in the marriage beyond the dressing. Sad as it is to say :(

If this happened "last friday" and it is now "next Friday" and you haven't talked with her about her actions, Communication might be a huge part of the problem.

[BRANDYJ]

Umm yeah but why tell Marlana's sister instead of one of her own friends or family? It doesn't sit right with me. It sounds malicious. it's up to Marlana to tell her own family.

Again, we have very little in the way of facts here. Maybe the sister is a very close friend to the wife. If not, then I agree.



At least your sister is cool with it.

The OP never said how his sister took it. We don't know if she is cool with it. We don't know how she feels about it.

A thought: The wife was agitated over the OP having a couple of drinks before she got there. Which on the surface sound pretty petty and maybe even childish. I get that. But what if they agreed to never drink without the other present? Then wouldn't it be a betrayal of the OP to go against her wishes about those drinks? That would be breaking trust too. So what would be the difference.
But I sense a lot of things or issues are present that we don't know about. I'd sure like to hear the wife's side. Not just the OP, but all of us only tell our side and how we see it leaving out a lot of details that would perhaps change our opinions.

[Marleena]

Again, we have very little in the way of facts here. Maybe the sister is a very close friend to the wife. If not, then I agree.

Consider this: if the wife was bisexual and asked Marlana to keep it a secret and Marlana outed her to her sister is that proper? It comes down to principles and trust, it's a two way street. I'll side with a GG or a CD if they are in the right. I consider them equals in a partnership. Not arguing with you btw, just my thoughts.:)

[Sara Jessica]

I understand there are a couple disparate lines of thought in the replies, empathy for you in that perhaps your wife betrayed you somehow and empathy for your wife who shouldn't have to suffer in silence with such a burdensome secret. I side with the latter. I doubt her disclosure was a malicious thing. I would talk to her, and perhaps your SIL, and talk about the fact you would prefer that no one else be told.

[Marleena]

I think if we find out the reason the wife did it we'll be able to answer this better. I'm out until I find out what the intent was. We need a reason why or it's a lot of speculation.

[kimdl93]

Last friday, I went to visit my sister, her kids, and my father. It was late in the day and so around 5:00 I had a drink and we got to visiting. At 6:00, with no dinner on the menu, I called my wife and asked her to join us. She said sure so I asked her to pick up a pizza on the way.
We have a second drink and talk and visit. My wife shows up at 8:00 with the pizza and sits down to eat already semi-aggitated. Then after dinner, disappears with my sister to the porch. After a half an hour they come back in and we leave. Come to find out later that she was mad we had some drinks before she got there.
So cut to yesterday, my sister tells me that my wife told her about my crossdressing! I was shocked to say the least. I have always been somewhwat content to be in the closet but able to dress when she's away. Betrayed is how I feel now. That's a secret between me and my wife and she knows that. Now, it's a matter of time before others find out...if they don't know already!:eek:

Your wife's actions were juvenile. I'm sorry that your sister had to hear about your CDing in this manner, but at least your sister was willing to discuss it with you in an adult manner.

So, the next step for you is to have a conversation with your wife. I rather doubt that she was only upset because you'd had two drinks before she arrived...and its important that you get to what is really bothering her. But please take the high road though. Let her know that its one thing to be upset about something - and quite another to retaliate.

[BRANDYJ]

Consider this: if the wife was bisexual and asked Marlana to keep it a secret and Marlana outed her to her sister is that proper? It comes down to principles and trust, it's a two way street. I'll side with a GG or a CD if they are in the right. I consider them equals in a partnership. Not arguing with you btw, just my thoughts.:)

I know you are not arguing Marleena. Not to worry. lol And you are right in your example. And I aggree, i will side with the GG or the CD based on who I think is right or the one that got hurt.

But again we don't know all the facts, so it's really hard to say who is right or wrong. To many assumptions to make about the OP and the wife. And we all know what they say about the word assume. Makes an a$$ out of u or me.

[~Joanne~]

I understand there are a couple disparate lines of thought in the replies, empathy for you in that perhaps your wife betrayed you somehow and empathy for your wife who shouldn't have to suffer in silence with such a burdensome secret. I side with the latter. I doubt her disclosure was a malicious thing.

I agree that it may have been a burden to carry for the wife, I can only imagine, but ultimately it should have been discussed, first and fore most, between the two in the marriage if it was ok to tell this to someone else and to whom. I fail to see why a husband always needs permission while a wife doesn't and she clearly violated his trust in her by making that decision on her own. Communication is the key in any relationship, without it you have nothing. worse case you have a master and a slave.

She got pissed off over a couple of drinks, which is childish unless marlana is a full blown alcoholic who is suppose to be on the wagon, and I think it was a VERY malicious thing when she should have address her drinking if this was the case instead of running around tell very private secrets instead.

This is however just my opinion as We don't have the full story here and I am trying to piece it together from what was told while being one side of the coin if you will.

Like Marleena, I think I am done with this thread until we get more details about the intent and such as i am not a giant fan of speculation either.

[Sara Jessica]

I can just as easily side with those who are chastising the wife in this scenario. It's not like there is such a stretch to say that perhaps she betrayed a trust. And I agree, there seems to be more to this than meets the eye.

Yet at the same time, I can see that sometimes people need a confidant. Someone they can trust with their own deepest secrets and issues. If my wife were to come to me and say she told one or two of her closest friends about me (with the caveat that it was to be kept amongst just them), I'd have no problem with it. If her entire group of friends were to be told, then yes, I'd have some issues with it.

[Serana]

Wow, that's kinda.. odd for anyone to do. I must admit, in some ways it is a big secret, and keeping it can be 'difficult'. But then there's also the wonder how anyone's conversation can go from anything, even agitation of drinks to telling them that you crossdress. I think it's odd, and perhaps sitting and chatting with the wife seems most appropriate.

Hopefully, your wife has confidence in your sister as maybe someone she can confide in? I can only imagine it was something she needed to get off her chest, and needed someone to talk to perhaps, still doesn't make it right though.

I'm very much on the fence on the issue, but I do feel you have the right to be slightly pi**ed off about it. I certainly was when a 'friend' of mine went telling people who knew me about my being TS. Lol, that annoyed the hell out of me, and so I can relate in some ways. I sat down with them, asked them why and such, perhaps that's the best approach here~. Do hope it all manages to get worked out though :/

[STACY B]

Yall girls can fight all you want about it ,, All I know is the CATS out the bag ,,, All I can say is Lets Party ,,,,OHHHHHHHHHHHH-------- NO--- To late now ,,,, I said lets PARTY ,,,

[linda allen]

People keep saying that it is a burden for a wife to keep her husband's crossdressing a secret. Perhaps, but it's not like he is a pedophile, a robber, drug dealer, tax cheat, etc.

How does telling another person, especially the husband's family lessen this burden? It would seem to me, that makes it worse because if she is ashamed of her husband, it's now public.

In my opinion, the wife struck a low blow here and she is not to be trusted.

[Barbra P]

Well my curiosity has been awakened and I’m wondering how the sister is handling this revelation about her brother. Is she cool with it, shocked, accepting, hopefully not repulsed. If it turns out that Marlana has an accepting sister this whole episode could turn out just OK, maybe even better than just OK. I’ve read several stories here on the forum where a sister found out and was delighted about having a new sister – let’s hope this story turns out that way.

[Tracii G]

I would just ask my sister how she feels about it.
Tell her its a part of you and has been for a long time and maybe she will understand.
Me I would blow off the CDing part of it and admit to it and focus on how the wife betrayed your trust.

[Marlana]

Update: my sister has told me that if I want to talk to her about it, she is ok with that. No judgements. I don't want to talk to anyone outside of my circle of trust about this. This is a private thing. My wife found some of my things years ago and I purged what she found. Now the feelings are back a little stronger. It never went away. I just sort of "back burnered" it. I was stunned when I found out my wife told her so I had to take some time to digest it. Apparently, she has questions, but doesn't want to talk to me about them. I ask her everyday if there's anything to talk about, and she say's no... everything's fine. To be honest, I thought she would keep it between us. I was wrong. BTW, she only drinks hard cider, and there's never been an agreement regarding drinking.

[Tracii G]

Sounds like she is having a hard time with it and when she says everything is fine means she isn't fine just doesn't want to talk about it just yet.
Maybe you have pushed the boundaries a bit too far for her this time.She is obviously upset about it.
Telling your sister was spiteful but seems your sister is willing to talk and thats a good thing.

[Beverley Sims]

I think starting the party without your wife was just an excuse.
I am sorry there is something not right here.