wifes threats

[CdD Janessa]

My wife just today mentioned that I need to get over my dressing or get over her. Don't know what to do I have been extremely patient with her hoping that she would come around and maybe accept my dressing. I got to completely shave and dress a while back while she was out of the house and told her thank you and how much I appreciated the opportunity to do it and now she tells me this . I don't want to lose her but I also dont want to give up dressing

[NicoleScott]

Jeremiah, you and your wife may be good candidates for a don't-ask-don't-tell policy. That's where she knows you do it, as you are compelled to, but she doesn't like it doesn't want to see it. Your part is to keep your dressing out of her face and keep being the man she married. In return, she must acknowledge your need to dress and allow some private time and place. I said SOME private time and place, maybe scheduled, maybe whenever you can get alone, but not just whenever you feel the urge. Gotta respect each other's positions.

[AllieSF]

I truly believe that you can not "give up" dressing. You maybe be able to put it on the back burner for a while, maybe a few years, but from everything that I have read here, only one member here believes that you can give it up, and she dresses everyday now. So, I think you need to get your mind around what you can do, like keeping it out of her presence (sight and hearing), have a long chat with her about it, go to counseling, relationship, not gender related, and hopefully a third party will be able to tell your wife that giving it up completely is not in the books, and maybe start figuring out how you would live without her if it ever comes to that. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it. Maybe she can compromise some, but it sounds like she may not be able to do that. She has her right to live her life without certain interferences and so do you. Maybe there are other issues at play here and this is a good one for her to use to .... do whatever she feels she needs to do. Good luck.

[reb.femme]

Well, that pretty much equates to an ultimatum in my book. Sorry to hear this.
I would like to say approach this carefully and tactfully with your wife but such a statement appears to have trampled on that response.

It appears black and white from what you say, so what are your options now?
Maybe the crossdressing ultimatum is exactly as it appears or is symptomatic or a more deep rooted problem. Such as this ultimatum being the vehicle for raising the other dissatisfaction. Pure surmising on my part with no greater detail, but all options are on the table, including the getting over her. Some GGs never accept, and that's that unfortunately.

Rebecca x

[Julie Gaum]

I didn't read any room for compromise in the wife's statement! Hope I'm wrong and that an experienced therapist can sit down with both. Fact:
The urge will never leave you so question is how to get the spouse to find a wee bit of understanding or is it possible?
Good luck
Julie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jeremiah, Maybe it's time to tell her , Be careful what you wish for.

[Tracii G]

Time for mediation with a therapist.
Ask her if she is willing to see one.

[linda allen]

I think that when it get to the point where one partner in a marriage gives an ultimatum to the other, the marriage is pretty well over. Over unless one partner is calling all the shots and the other is willing to go along with everything the other demands.

Marriage should be a partnership and each person should be willing to compromise and understand the other person's needs and feelings.

I can't tell you what to do and nobody else should try. It's up to you. Marriage counselling is an option, but if both parties aren't committed to it, it's waste of time and money.

Best of luck.

[heatherdress]

Seems like an odd choice - "get over crossdressing or get over her". What does the "get over her" mean? May be other stuff going on. Maybe a therapist is appropriate. Don't do anything too fast. Get some help. Maybe you need a therapist for yourself. Good luck.

[Brianna612]

If she is willing find a good therapist, one that understands CD. Maybe a local CD group would be a good place to ask around. If she is not willing well it will be a hard road. I hope there are not any kids in the mix. My X found out six years into our marriage, tried to accept it then turned about face, told me to quit, the next 4 years were misery and ended up in a messy divorce. Now I couldn’t be happier have a great girlfriend so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The facts are:
1. You will not quit CD with out a huge struggle that will not stop and you would not be satisfied.
2. Your wife will either accept you or not, you will not be able to change the way she feels no more than she can change the way you feel.
3. Compromise works if it satisfies both of you.
4. You would benefit from therapy with or without your wife.
5. Life goes on so you might as well enjoy it.

[STACY B]

Yea I agree with the Ladys ,, Maybe some one in the middle to help ? But I dont think thats it ? More than meets the eye Ill bet ,,, Dressing is not the end of the world . She has deeper things going on ,, Might not be what you want to here ,,No one does ,, But if she loved you an wanted to stay then she would agree to it . Transition is a different thing ,,But just dressing in private ,,WHats that hurt anyone ,,, An when she is not even home ? Uk---Oh ,,,, Something smells !!

[Babeba]

I don't know if passive-aggressively avoiding the topic always counts as 'extremely patient.' I do, however, think that you may need to work towards 'extremely understanding' of her position and open dialogue a bit about it.

Is she a member here? Would she consider joining us in FAB?

[Eryn]

Her statement certainly sounds like an ultimatum to me and ultimatums are never a part of good relationships.

I suspect that she does not appreciate the importance of CDing to you. This isn't unusual because to her the way that you want to express yourself is just a mundane part of her life. From her point of view how could that have great importance to anyone?

Well, we do know how important it is and somehow have to get it across to our spouses. Babeba has suggested a good way to accomplish this.

[Wildaboutheels]

Not nearly enough info to offer any suggestions such as how long have you been married, how long has she known, how did she find out etc.

Regardless, her ultimatum seems to have come out of the blue, but my guess is that SOMEthing or things triggered it. Are there other issues going on that might have set her off? I think you need to find out precisely WHY all of a sudden it's an issue and go from there.

Some people are easily influenced by others and perhaps she confided your CDing to someone recently who proceeded to tell her that CDers are _________________.

If nothing else both people in a couple deserve some private time and it might turn out to be something you must simply keep to/for yourself.

[BRANDYJ]

If she loves you, this could be just a cruel threat. Like others have said, not enough information to make any clear suggestions on how to handle it. Other then try to talk to her and for now keep all signs of crossdressing out of her sight until and if you two can come to a compromise.

[Leah Lynn]

You can stop dressing and purge. For a while. Then, out of the blue, you need to get some clothing. It's not the same as drugs. It's not an addiction; it's really who you are. Try to stay away, and you'll be miserable. Life sucks when you're miserable. In a relationship you could become caustic, rude, just plain unbearable if you feel totally miserable and denied. I'm relating how I was; at one point I was near suicidal over it. Counselling may help, but life is too short to be unhappy.
Sending love your way, Leah

[celeste26]

One big consideration that was unsaid from the beginning. Did you fail to mention the CDing prior to marriage? Sounds to me like you did not. By doing that she would have an active choice to make and she could have opted out at that time with far less turmoil. Now that you are in the middle of it all, its your choice but the lesser of two evils instead of merely missing out on one potential partner.

You tell us you dont want to lose her but it seems you've lost her already. There are many ladies out there who actually do support this activity we do, so cut your losses and leave. There is no reason to make both of your lives miserable.

[CdD Janessa]

Married almost 3 1/2 years she didnt know bout this before we got married I didn't do this hard core till after we got married dnt knw why I also dnt knw why this all of a sudden got this bad. All I know is she said this is affecting our intimate and social life so just don't know what to do. I however dont plan on purging and dont own any clothes I usually just borrow het bridesmaid dressers cuz she wont allow me to buy any clothes. She has said from the get go shes not going to put money toward my fetish.

[Missy]

question is this

which one do you want and love the most

1) Wife ____ or 2 ) crossdressing_______

life is though and unfair

I know that I love my wife and do not want to lose her and that if she ever told me that I need to stop crossdressing or she would leave me for good I would find ways to stop dressing

[ReineD]

Jeremiah, you don't have many posts, so I took a few moments to read them. In just about every post since you've joined, you ask how you can get your wife to allow you to dress. You said that your wife was against this, she doesn't want to join the site, and she doesn't want to talk about it, even though she did allow you to dress once when you were together, and once when she was gone. So you've been waiting patiently and hoping that somehow if given time, she would change her mind. You are both young, and you live in what I gather is a rather conservative small town.

I think you need a different approach.

This may not be effective, but I would tell your wife that you love her a great deal and you do not want to divorce. I would also tell her that she owes it to you to not throw your marriage out right away and the two of you should talk this out (it's not about having her give you permission to dress), and then ask her what she believes motivates you to dress. Ask her to TELL YOU what she thinks it is all about. And then listen carefully to what she has to say.

She no doubt believes it to be something that it isn't. Some wives believe that CDing husband are hiding gay tendencies. Other wives believe that the femme persona is like having another woman in the marriage, and they feel when their husbands dress it is almost as if they are having affairs. Other wives believe that the act of dressing turns their husband into a woman, and the wives get totally turned off because they are not lesbians. Still other wives feel that their husbands are dressing because the wives are "not enough" for their husbands sexually. And most every wife is as terrified of people finding out, as are the husbands. Find out what exactly bothers your wife about this, and let her talk without interrupting. When she is done, ask her if she wants to know the truth about what the CDing really means, and what it really does for you (take some time to KNOW what you get out of the CDing, before your talk).

In a few of your older posts, you refer to the CDing as "your fantasy". I don't know what you mean by this, is it a sexual fantasy or fetish (do you dress only to have sex), or do you get something more out of this? Few wives are OK with fantasies and sexual activities that do not involve them and if is the case I understand why your wife would not appreciate it when you dress. But, if looking like a woman is helping to connect you to a feminine side and doing this makes you feel right, then you must find a way to tell your wife that you are wired differently than other men, and the CDing does not supplant or replace her in any way. It is rather your attempt at getting in touch with your feminine side and it has no effect whatsoever on your feelings about her. Be sure to also tell her that your male identity is very strong, you like being a guy, and you do not want to become a woman.

I'm sorry my post is so long. Also, a while back I gave you some resources to prepare you for a talk. I don't know if you ever read them, but if I were you, I would read them carefully before you talk to your wife, and think about what fits and what doesn't fit for you. Here's the post with the links:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?171221-concerned-wife-of-crossdresser&p=2790305&viewfull=1#post2790305

If you want your talk to be successful, you need to take an active role and prepare. You'll want to be able to answer your wife's questions, if she does agree to talk this through with you.

Good luck!
:hugs:

[Stephanie47]

I see you're 23. First, if you do not already have children, do not have any at this time. Second, you may want to try counseling. However, if there is not a meeting of the minds, I'd say part your ways. You will not change. Yes, maybe for several years you may be able to 'quit.' The urges will come back. The self inflicted torment will kill you. Your wife will never forget. You will be subject to her whim of throwing it in your face, even if the argument has nothing to do with cross dressing. It takes many years for a couple to get to know each other. From the posting I've seen over the years, it seems a cross dresser with a long history with his wife are better able to survive his wife finding out. I suspect the marriage survives because the wife realizes her husband has many more positive attributes than the perceived negative cross dressing. Ultimatums never work in a marriage.

[Lorileah]

a marriage based on ultimatums is not a marriage it is a hostage situation. When someone says me or whatever, they run the risk of being the odd one out

[kimdl93]

It's impossible to understand a complex relationship from a couple of sentences. But from the little bit you shared it seems that a long series of thoughtful conversations is in order. She neds to understand a great deal more about gender issues and you need to understand what's at the heart of her objection to CDing. I don't know if those conversations are possible...but it's worth a try.

[Brenda79135]

If I read the comments above correctly, you and your wife were married either right out of High School or during the first year of college. You both are still in the discovery stage of your lives. Not having the security of mom and dad is hard on both of you. She is still working on her conceived notion of what married life is supposed to be. that is something that is going to be hard to overcome. Ask her what she thinks the perfect marriage is. What her prince charming is supposed to do for her. This will give you insight into what needs to be done. Reality can be crushing on dreams. Most of all, talk to her. She is the only one that can help you understand her feelings.

[Claire Cook]

Jeremiah,

We all sympathize with your situation, and you've had some seriously good advice. I'd pay particular attention to what Reine (sometimes I think she is our Mother Hen) and Brenda have said; you have to be sensitive to and empathize with your wife's feelings. A marriage is truly a partnership, and somewhere I hope you find the balance between your needs and hers. In the long run, what is most important?

[Silmaril]

I too recommend you read what Reine wrote ....then read it again. I can't tell you what to do, but I'll tell you what I'd do faced with an ultimatum from someone I love and whose love I believe in. I would meet her terms immediately ...at least temporarily. I would want to offer that as a sign that she comes first, without question. That also might provide a bit of a pressure valve to deflate some of her tension. Then I would look for the very first opportunity to have the conversation Reine suggested.

I suppose it goes without saying that this will be difficult. That she has delivered an ultimatum tells me she has reached the end of her rope; she may already have made up her mind about your future together, but is forcing you to pull the trigger. I agree with everyone who has said that getting a counselor involved is probably a must.

Keep in mind that anger is a secondary emotion; it is usually powered by underlying fear.

Best of luck to you in all of this.

[BRANDYJ]

My SO would never give me an ultimatum to stop Cding or she's done. But I love and respect her enough that IF faced with that, I know I'd do all I could to stop crossdressing. It might be a struggle at times, but I'd do all I could to keep her in my life. I once asked her how she's feel if I stopped dressing, her answer kind of surprised me. She said she would not be happy if I stopped since I then would not be the same man she got to know and love. She said it's part of me and that she wants me the whole package.

[Rachel05]

that is a tough one for sure and I am equally sure this is going to be impossible either way, if I was given the ultimatum I absolutely know I couldn't give up, I might try but I would fail, it is part of me and who I am !

[CdD Janessa]

I appreciate all your support and suggestions. I am also needing to know how to start the conversation she just blows it off and starts threatening me if i ask if we can talk about all this. every time i ask she says dead subject and she doesn't want to talk. Just extremely hard to try and talk to her when she don't want to talk. Any help would be appreciated and all the help i have gotten i appreciate.

[BRANDYJ]

Jeremiah, I am sorry you are dealing with this. The big problem is that you have a wife that is not willing to talk about a serious issue. I would bet this is not the only topic she has trouble in discussing with you. It sounds like she has not allowed herself to feel close and comfortable enough to discuss anything that is hard on her to divulge. In my opinion, her lack of ability to talk is a bigger problem then the crossdressing itself.

I'd suggest you write her a letter that you carefully and openly tell her how you feel and that from all the study you have done about crossdressing, that even the experts say it won't just go away and that it is harmless and quite common among men including many men in positions of authority including law enforcement, government and even among top CEO's of major corporations. I would then ask her to at least read studies about it to help her understand that it's not as simple as giving up like golf, fishing or other activities. Ask her to at least open her mind enough to understand what you are faced with. Ask her to join here too. Tell her that an ultimatum is not an option, that you love her more then words can express and don't want to lose her. Explain that you are the very same guy she fell in love with and that's not going to change how you feel about her and that you enjoy being the man you are.

Well you get the picture. This way she will read this in private and hopefully while you are away. let her digest this very serious letter and invite her to respond in writing too.
If you have good hand writing that is easily read, I'd do this by hand and either give it to her or leave it in a place for her to find while you are away. Perhaps leave it with a single rose or other expression of love that you know she likes. Perhaps enclose it with a romantic card.

She can't or won't talk to you, but I bet she will read the letter. With you away she has time to digest it all and maybe respond in kind.

I wish you a lot of luck.

[ReineD]

Jeremiah, I can't fathom a relationship where only one partner dictates what you both will talk about. This is a conversation, and not crossdressing! She is basically telling you that only her concerns are important in the relationship, and not yours. Or, she is putting her head in the sand and telling herself that if she doesn't talk about a problem, then it doesn't exist.

She (and you) need to learn relationship skills: how to respect, how to communicate, how to listen, how to define boundaries, how to be flexible, and how to compromise. You are both equal partners in this relationship.

I suggest you shelve the CDing completely for now, and drag your wife to a marital counselor so the two of you can learn proper relationship skills (that you can apply to a variety of marital issues and not just the CDing), which will then give each of you the tools required to at least TALK about your gender issues. This will not guarantee that she will ever become OK with the CDing, but at least if you both can get to the point of talking about it, it will provide you with better closure should you decide that your marriage won't work, and you should each move on.

[JenniferR771]

Jeremiah,
my wife is about like yours. Refuses to discuss crossdressing. Hate it when I mention the word. She is the dominant person in the relationship. We are both a bit self-centered. Many threats, but 10 years after she found out she has not left. She has uncovered a tiny bit of acceptance--very slow--baby steps progress. Last month she rearranged a bit of my storage while I was out of town. Bought a new storage container and placed all my shoes in it and got rid of the old beat-up plastic storage container. Yet she pretends that she didn't do it. Likewise she found a box for my 10 wigs. And two storage containers for around 30 dresses. She is OK if I go to the CD Weedend at the Dunes in October--IF--I dress after I get there.

[giuseppina]

Hello Jeremiah

Reine, as usual, has a lot of good sense in her posts. If your wife is unwilling to go with you to a duly qualified and licensed marriage or mental health counsellor, go yourself, with or without her knowledge or consent. If that causes conflict, frankly, that indicates to me she is not willing to accept her share of responsibility. I am not qualified to give a professional opinion on this, but it strikes me, on the basis of what you've posted here, that there are abusive dynamics in your relationship.

I'm afraid that a divorce, if it comes to that, will be very hard on you. Abusers rarely accept responsibility unless they are convicted of an appropriate crime in a court of law, and even that doesn't always do the trick. Unfortuneately, it is extremely rare for a prosecution for psychological abuse to succeed because the evidence is not visible in a picture, photograph or document. The "beyond a resonable doubt" standard of proof is very high for good reason: to minimise the probability of convicting an innocent person.

We don't know your wife's side of the story, but what I see here is troubling. I am saddened your wife is unwilling to budge and shuts down attempts at communication.

I wish you and your wife well.

[franlee]

I had written a pretty long reply and by some freak error I lost it, so it wasn't meant to be. I was trying to rationalize why there is so many thing wrong with your situation and be tachfull while doing so. But It's this simple from an older and tried CDer. First I would look arround for any outside influances or interest on the SO's part. Next I would not settle for anyone dictating my happiness or lack there of. I would decide if I was ready to cut my loses and what the results would be and then act on it. I see marriage as 50% each way but as head of the household I have to cast the deciding factor at the end and then live or deal with it. From your decription of your situation you haven't been married long and wether we like it or not many marriages fall apart even without our uniqe spin thrown into the mix. So I would ask myself honestly if I could hold on to such a marriage and how long is it really going to last. But most importantly is other's such as children and family going to be drawn into it by putting off the inevitable. There is just to many bad warning signs you have disclosed for me to continue in such a one sided affair. I do hope the best for you and wish any and all marriages succeed but I am a realist.
Sorry if I sound cold or hatefull, I'm neither. I just don't think anyone has pointed out the seriousness or your decission either way you go.

[missmars]

make promise to youe wife do CDing at special few day.

[NicoleScott]

I would advise against writing her a letter. Two reasons: it may be viewed as cowardice, unwilling to go face-to-face, is spite of previous attempts. Also, if things really turn ugly, it may be used against you, as others have experienced. You can prepare, though, and use notes to make sure the conversation stays on track.

[linda allen]

I would advise against writing her a letter. Two reasons: it may be viewed as cowardice, unwilling to go face-to-face, is spite of previous attempts. Also, if things really turn ugly, it may be used against you, as others have experienced. You can prepare, though, and use notes to make sure the conversation stays on track.

I agree on both points but mostly on the "being used against you" part. You don't want this letter read as evidence in your divorce trial.

[BRANDYJ]

I would advise against writing her a letter. Two reasons: it may be viewed as cowardice, unwilling to go face-to-face, is spite of previous attempts. Also, if things really turn ugly, it may be used against you, as others have experienced. You can prepare, though, and use notes to make sure the conversation stays on track.

I respectfully disagree. We have a wife that will not talk, she won't listen. Point is, there is no conversation and if pressed to converse, she may become angry and it will only turn into an ugly fight.

I don't see how anyone reaching out in any form, including a heart felt letter could be deemed a coward. The only cowardly act I see is his wife's reluctance to communicate and talk. I think the contrary,it's a brave step to take to save the marriage.

As the saying goes, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make um drink." Well also, "You can lead a wife to conversation, but you can't make her talk"

I am convinced that a well written letter formed with love, understanding and non-confrontational is the way to go. The odds are she will read the letter. She will not have a chance to interrupt as we sometimes do when in a conversation. That causes us to get off track and the whole message can be lost in those interruptions and the potential argument filled with angry words spoken in haste. She will have time to comprehend and think about her spouses position before reacting in anger, fear or whatever it is that puts her off about the topic and the troubles in the marriage. It may well cause her to finally want to have a conversation. It may raise her compassion and the beginning of understanding. If she does not want to talk, she may well respond in writing a response herself. Again, without the risk of hurt and anger interrupting her own thought process.

The fear of the letter being used against her husband in a divorce court is only a slight risk. She may feel so embarrassed about anyone knowing her husband is a CD, that she would not use it in court. If she used his being a CD against him or a reason for the divorce, she can do that without the letter and if inclined to want to use the CDing as a reason, she is going to even without written proof.

Jeremiah, needs to reach out to his wife in anyway he can. He made it clear she will not talk about it. So to me, the letter is a good tool to reach her. And like I said, it may cause her to finally have that much needed talk.

[linda allen]

That letter could end up with the OP's employer and it could end up on facebook or some other public site. Some women (and men) are spiteful.

[BRANDYJ]

That letter could end up with the OP's employer and it could end up on facebook or some other public site. Some women (and men) are spiteful.

If she is the spiteful type, she can and might just inform his employer that her husband is a CDer. She already has the knowledge of it, letter or no letter, a bitter spiteful woman can blab to whoever she wants to.
I see no need to think the worst of Jeremiah's wife. She may be the sweetest woman in the world and not stoop to slander and defamation of character. She may not want to have this reflect on her.
Not to mention the fact that if she is upset in reading this letter, she may just tear it up not wanting to see it or read it again. Not all women faced with something she does not understand, fears, or just dislikes are that vindictive. I think they are in the minority. Worth the slight risk to reach her and perhaps save the marriage.
he has already risked by lust letting her know he is a CD.

[rachel38]

I to have been dressing since my early teens . Came out to my my wife after twenty years she didnt take well kinda got a similar ultimatume . Right now its like dont ask dont tell.Im sure she knows I still dress but she wont talk about it.I have purged many times some times for month to over a year and then I get the urge and it wont go away . So I dress while shes away and she trys to ignore it.

[bridgetta]

well, .then,, good luck!

[kittypw GG]

Do her and yourself a favor, get over her and set her free. She won't change her mind and she won't talk about it. I see no real solution. Things are going to end badly. Hope I'm wrong but .... don't think so. Sorry.

[Diversity]

Hi Jeremiah,
It's unfortunate your wife issued the ultimatum. You are now backed into a corner and you will need to respond. I'd suggest asking again, if there is any opportunity to discuss this openly and honestly with one another. If not, then perhaps you both may entertain seeking professional help. If this is not in the cards, then ask yourself if your wife and your marriage is more important to you than crossdressing. If it is, and you want to keep it that way, then you should put the CD'ing in the closet and do it privately. Perhaps over time, when things cool down, you both can discuss this again in the future. The key is to respect each other's feelings and keep the marriage in tact if you are truly in love with your wife. None of this is easy, but I do know that honesty, understanding, and open communications with one another is essential. Good luck to you.
Di

[bridgetta]

explain to her that you cannot get over who you are.. maybe in time and if she loves you, she will come back.. you may have the space to explore who you are and learn about yourself in such a way that you will be able to explain who and why and what you are what you do to her in a way that she can understand.. we all suffer from miscommunication.

she will respect you for standing up for what you believe in.. that is all we can do ..

[max]

You're young with I assume no kids and little assets?

If your "spouse" is throwing ultimatums like that at you it isn't a relationship you should stay in.

Get out now while you still have a chance.

[BRANDYJ]

I just love the way people give advice like just get out, move on, find someone new etc. Makes it sound so simple. It's not when you truly love that person. Especially if you feel that person still loves you too. I am not saying love conquers all. I wish it did. But it can change us. Right or wrong, good or bad, I say follow your heart.

[bridgetta]

Brandy. I understand your point but i believe eberything happens for a reason. If we are living false lives those lives will not work. Sometimes standing up for yourself is the only way to solve a problem

[BRANDYJ]

Brandy. I understand your point but i believe eberything happens for a reason. If we are living false lives those lives will not work. Sometimes standing up for yourself is the only way to solve a problem

Bridgetta, you are right, everything happens for a reason. Not sure what you mean by living a false life, but my statement had nothing to do with standing up for ourselves. We can fight and try to hang on to a relationship out of love and still be standing up for ourselves. In fact, by just leaving or moving on and finding someone new is the coward's way out.
Others and myself suggested idea on how to reach to wife and save the marriage. We don't know the facts, it may be worth the effort if we are brave enough to try. Why do so many want to give up so fast and easy?


explain to her that you cannot get over who you are.. . we all suffer from miscommunication.
she will respect you for standing up for what you believe in.. that is all we can do ..

I like most of what you said in your post #45.

[bridgetta]

by standing up for ourselves i mean. that we have to accept ourselves first .. if we cant accept who we are then our S.O will not be able to.. this simple fact would cure alot of the problems we face and are posted about here.. accept our journey and do not purge retreat or apologize for it. being sensitive to our s.o. needs is fine.. but if you structure your life that you are more sensitive to someone elses needs before your own. you will be living a lie.. and that lie will manifest itself in destructive other ways.. hidden activity. . passive aggressive behavior..


anyone who has been on this site for a while.. i have been here 3 years, can see that the SAME issues are repeated over and over every day.. its time we actually start to solve them..