Unlucky Teen Life

[missattitude]

As, A teen growing up, crossdressing was the biggest part of my life and still is today as I speak. I don't know how much further or where my dressing will take me. I was reading a some posts recently how unluck that I had with this such fethish.

There many strange things about it. I hated the fact I do such a thing. Being caught or discovered thought couldn't existed. But it did happen. My dad had laughed at me and didn't talk to me for a week. My mom thought I was going to be a girl, and in the mean time I was drinking and druging my life away so that I could face people when they knew the darkest of secrets.

Another thing that threw me off not to long ago as that I am gay. I wish I could be normal. I just want to have a life where I can live my life and not to hide and deal with people. If such a place exists, let me know, lol. But for the mean time I feel somewhat left out on alot of stuff that I haven't done yet. But , I amonly 21. SO along ways to go. Anyone else have similar experinces and if so how did you get threw with them to be what you are today?

Misss Thangz

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

OK, I'm a little confused, because here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=251242&postcount=19) you said your friends and family know and it's cool -- to the point where your Mom shops with you.

[jenni96]

Im sure many of us have similar experiences growing up. I was just talking to my wife about it a couple of days ago, and broke down. I know I cant change the fact that it was difficult growing up feeling different and having to hide part of myself. Here's a couple of things that I just cant seem to forget.

1. I must have been 4-5 yrs old and it was my little brother, cousin (male) and myself were horsing around and being goofy. I remember my grandma coming out of her apartment, and started yelling at me that I was acting like a girl... blah, blah, blah... I told her I was sorry and that I was not a girl. When my dad returned my grandma ripped him apart, outside the apartment. I felt horrible with all the other apartments and houses around. After my grandma belittled my dad for my unmacho joking around, he came over to talk to me. again I apologized and told him I was joking around and we were all being silly. If you have ever watched mexican tv comedy/entertainment shows, you will see they are pretty goofy and thats what I grew up with. Im pretty sure my social and general anxiety issues started off around this point. My parents over my time at home didnt make it better, but further belittled me quite a bit. I see it now as if they were "toughening" me up, but it still didnt make it right. My little brother was a cry-baby and mama's boy, but he didnt get the same treatment growing up. I acted a lot more "tough" and macho than he did and hid my emotions. I wont get into anymore details here... yet

Fast forward now because I dont want to lose anyone reading...

2. It is Junior high-High school (7-10th grade) where there was mandatory physical education. My chest always appeared a bit different and used to be made fun of having girly bodily appearance like boobs since I was a kid (and this is family Im talking about. Anyway, Before and after PE we had to change into/out-of our PE Clothes. It didnt take long for me to realize that even for a chubby kid, my chest didnt look right compared to everyone elses with a weight problem. My development of body hair was also slow (its only been in the last couple of years talking androgel HRT that I started to grow thick hair and had to actually shave my face everyday).

Sorry got off on a tangent again, well during these before and after PE sessions there was not to many days gone by where I was groapped (chest), and touched inappropriately for my smooth and curvy features.

Im 27 now, and have been seeing a therapist for about 1 year. I have not gotten into my gender issues in high school, yet. While I really like the therapist and I feel he has helped me tons with my anxiety, panic, and depression I dont know if I can make the jump to this part of my life. Yeah, I felt like I lost so much of my childhood, but there were good times in there. As I grew up I didnt have any girlfriends (some actually gave it a shot), because I was too scared and timid. To this day I feel bad, that maybe I made these girls feel insecure, unattractive, etc. I definitely did not like guys though.

Once I started living on my own with my girlfriend from college (married soon after), and she new from the first few dates that I crossdressed. She was supportive and not really in the begining. She did belittle me quite a bit here and there (her parents did that to her as she grew up). But had also been helpful during our relationship. Over the last year in therapy we have come closer and more supportive of each other, and our personalities that were shaped by others to feel bad about ourselves.


I too went through a self-destructive phase in high-school where I started to smoke and drink quite heavily. I kept it up until I got my BA, then thats were I started working in a professional setting and had to be a role model to kids. I straightened up QUICK, and have always kept the idea that the kids I work with have their own issues outside of class. I strive to make the class as safe as possible, since I new as I grew up home or out I was never safe.

misssthangz, you hit a spot on me with your post. I hope I have helped, if not at least let you know that your not alone. But dont let the last 21yrs stop you, they are lost. Dont end up depressed until your 50 and decided to finally confront whats inside you.

[jenni96]

OMG Darla, I just read your post after I got done replying. Your right, I feel pretty bad now for my long post. If Missthang is not for real and just trolling, that is wrong. I dont understand the previous post by Missthang either.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Jenni, even if this is a troll, I'm sure others will find your post useful.

[TGMarla]

Perhaps it should be a new thread, and drop the first one.

[missattitude]

OK, I'm a little confused, because here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=251242&postcount=19) you said your friends and family know and it's cool -- to the point where your Mom shops with you.
I haven't said gotten into the whole story. Parts of my family know's about it, some don't. If I had been a little more detailed it would of sounded better. I just did that post I did becuase I read the post about the one telling his parents and it went so good and was curious is to see if anyone had been threw some of the shit I have endured over the years of being what I am !!

[Jesse69]

I haven't said gotten into the whole story. Parts of my family know's about it, some don't. If I had been a little more detailed it would of sounded better. I just did that post I did becuase I read the post about the one telling his parents and it went so good and was curious is to see if anyone had been threw some of the shit I have endured over the years of being what I am !!

What kind of shit have you endured because of crossdressing ?

I admit I have a reduced social life and that it has hurt my career. But I'm well employed now.

[jenni96]

It would help if you did elaborate a bit there Missthangz. It sounds to me that if your mom is cool with it and takes you shopping, well... that doesnt seem too bad, how have you been unlucky? I wish my mom and/or dad were cool with it. As far as I know, I never got caught (well kinda, I can explain this one later) by anyone. But it kind of drives me nuts that I dont know/remember my first few years of life. I may have done some crossdressing then or displayed myself a bit girly. I just know that I never spoke to my parents about this, but subliminally felt that they were aware and were frustrated with me. My relationship with them is OK, only because I see them more as people than my parents. And have forgiven them, even though I cannot forget.

Thinking about it all makes me very sad. I had to stop for a bit because I started to cry. Maybe this thread needs to be moved to the Depression Help group forum? Im not sure it belongs in the General Forum...