" But Tomorrow I Will Be Sober, And You Will Still Be a Fool"

[Lorileah]

Winston Churchill

Lesson 1...never go out on an empty stomach and decide to stop at the grocery store on the way home
Lesson 2...sometimes you cannot think of a come back quick enough to make the other person feel stupid


My primary purpose here is to get people out and in public because I believe that the more we are seen the less we will be marginalized, Most the time no one really pays any attention to me or they have the common decency to keep their narrow minded unwanted opinions to themselves. And let me add that usually I am a tough old broad who could not give two rips what another says. But still when you meet morons it does hurt.

Ok, cue music to go back in time. Night 3 of a series on the town, so the odds were coming up on me. Three previous nights where I was accepted and complimented on how I looked. Now I know I will never "pass" as a woman in real life. I have said that before and I will stay with that forever. No amount of cosmetics or surgery will ever get 100% of the people to see me as a woman. Don't care, isn't important. I have physical characteristics that will never change. I also present as a well dressed maybe business chic person. Not a garish or fetish person (not that I don't like fetish but that is another story for another site). Maybe I was feeling a little too confident...maybe.

(BTW the first night was piano bar...sing along or sing alone...freaky blonde in skirt and heels singing in a baritone...got raves...now back to the story)

Tonight I went out (OK don't look so shocked..). Was kind of a slow night, holiday and all. At 11, having had enough to drink and bored with the entertainment, decided to head home before I became bait for the local constabulary . Besides the two scallops for 13$ didn't fill me up. I have on many occasions stopped at the local grocery store to stock up while dressed . Never had an issue. Until tonight.

I had paid and was walking out with my two bags when I passed a woman, well shall I say dressed kind of "Who cares what you think...sweats and crocs are comfortable". I cannot go into detail because of site rules but just imagine...not pretty. I smiled at her (always smile they wonder what you are up to) and I could tell she was conflicted. Quietly I say "hi" (some, will say that is a mistake) and she looks at me and says "You are hilarious". I don't mind being funny, I work hard at being funny, but "Hilarious"? I was unprepared for that (I know hard to believe...the smart a$$ blonde didn't have a comeback). All I could muster was "uh..thank you? I guess?" But it hurt. Now the hurt is anger but it hurt. I wasn't going for hilarious. The woman evidently assumed that once again TG's are clowns. That we go out to make people laugh. I didn't insult how she was dressed (would have been easy though).

Afterward I had two great comebacks but it was too late. One was Churchill's quote when a woman at a party said told him "You sir are drunk" and he said "Yes ma'am, and you are a fool and tomorrow I will be sober but you will still be a fool" That is the truth. Fools are everywhere and though we may be unusual they will remain fools. I wonder now what made this woman so bitter that she felt she had to insult someone she didn't even know. How her mind could be so narrow that she believed that she was "holier" than thou.

Tomorrow morning I will awaken and still be me. A me that is confident and kind. Tomorrow she will awaken and still be....angry and rude. I like me better

(BTW don't order the scallops...at 6$ a piece you could get a full meal...:))

[ReineD]

I'm sorry, Lori. :hugs:

Put it down to ignorance.



Tomorrow morning I will awaken and still be me. A me that is confident and kind. Tomorrow she will awaken and still be....angry and rude. I like me better

Exactly. :hugs:

[paulaprimo]

how miserable is her life that she needs to insult a stranger?? crap flows down hill so i guess you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
ignorant people never cease to amaze me. you are one of my favorites on this forum and i think you are gorgeous!!
you can always do what i do when i'm down in the dumps or having an "ugly" day...i go to walmart, look at all of the "people" in there shopping, and i suddenly feel beautiful and happy again...lol

[flatlander_48]

Bummer, kid. Too bad that people don't realize that everyone shouldn't necessarily be entitled to their opinions.

Anyway, the Churchill quote is something like:

Lady Astor: "You, sir, are DRUNK!"
Churchill: "And, you madame, are UGLY; but tomorrow I will be sober!"

[Maria in heels]

Lori...some people just don't have class, and that woman that you ran into definitely is one of those. I know that its hard for you not to feel down after a comment such as hers, but always try to keep in mind that we are who we are, and more importantly, a person like you is not ashamed to show who she is, and therefore makes you the stronger one of the two.
Kudos to you and those who just want to and show themselves.

[Angela Campbell]

The woman Churchill was speaking to then said "If I was your wife I would put poison in your tea." To which he replied...'If you were my wife I would drink it!"

I might have said to a woman dressed like that who told me I was hilarious is .....go look in the mirror!
What it comes down to is some people just hate a crossdresser. My ex wife was like that. You should have heard some of the comments she made when seeing one on tv. That is why I never told her. She wouldn't have said anything sao rude to the persons face but she would say awful things later.

[linda allen]

Many insecure people try to make themselves feel better by putting other people beneath them. Think back to when Southern white people made the black people ride in the back of the bus and wouldn't let them eat at lunch counters.

There's nothing you can do to change these people except set a good example for the rest of the people. They will still be afraid of you, but they will keep it to themselves if they don't think they are in the majority.

[Shelly Preston]

Three previous nights where I was accepted and complimented on how I looked. Now I know I will never "pass" as a woman in real life. I have said that before and I will stay with that forever. No amount of cosmetics or surgery will ever get 100% of the people to see me as a woman. Don't care, isn't important.
.

I had paid and was walking out with my two bags when I passed a woman, well shall I say dressed kind of "Who cares . All I could muster was "uh..thank you? I guess?" But it hurt. Now the hurt is anger but it hurt. I wasn't going for hilarious. The woman evidently assumed that once again TG's are clowns. That we go out to make people laugh. I didn't insult how she was dressed (would have been easy though).



I dont think many of us can pass 100 % of the time. If we are lucky we can create enough doubt that people will not be rude.

You will always get a few rude ones

Saying thank you may not have been the response you would like to have given but I bet it annoyed her as she would not be expecting you to say that.

It just proves you have more class that to argue with her

[kimdl93]

Snappy comeback or not, you conducted yourself with dignity ...something that lady may never do.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lori, You do know that you just can't fix stupid.

[linda allen]

.... At 11, having had enough to drink and bored with the entertainment, decided to head home before I became bait for the local constabulary . Besides the two scallops for 13$ didn't fill me up. I have on many occasions stopped at the local grocery store to stock up while dressed . Never had an issue. Until tonight.

I had paid and was walking out with my two bags when I passed a woman, well shall I say dressed kind of "Who cares what you think...sweats and crocs are comfortable". I cannot go into detail because of site rules but just imagine...not pretty. I smiled at her (always smile they wonder what you are up to) and I could tell she was conflicted. Quietly I say "hi" (some, will say that is a mistake) and she looks at me and says "You are hilarious". .......

Not to excuse this woman's comment, but it could be partly because, at least to her, you seemed overdressed to be shopping for groceries after 11:00 PM.

Unless we intentionally go out looking for trouble, we usually aren't prepared for this kind of situation so you probably did the best thing, just smile and move on. It could have been worse, three drunken guys looking for a confrontation.

[Stephanie-L]

Lori,
The best thing I can say here is, consider the source. From your description, she sounds like a low class, white/trailer trash type, if you are worried about the opinion of people like that, then you need some therapy girl, I recommend serious shopping. The only way I would let a stranger's comment affect me is if they were someone whose opinion I might care about, and since they are a stranger, that is not very likely. As to an appropriate response, a simple "Thanks, so are you" would have worked, or even "Takes one to know one I guess", or as was suggested, "Have you looked in a mirror lately honey?". Of course all of these are Monday morning quarterbacking, I probably would not have had a ready reply either. As you know, we have to develop a thicker skin than most just because of people like that, so don't let it bother you. You are a wonderful and lovely lady and I am quite pleased to know you via this forum, who cares what the rest of the world thinks..........Stephanie

[Anita Luken]

Hi Lori; 9 times out of 200 you are going to be greeted with a smile when approached by strangers, but the one super rude one will ruin your whole night. These people are rude to everyone they deal with and are a real pain in the A--. You are a beautiful lady and handle yourself well, most ladies on this forum would love to have half your self confidence and composure. Keep up your wonderful posts.

[Kelley]

Thanks for posting this story Lorileah. We read alot of posts about the wonderful times had when out and about but few about the bad experiences. As I am just starting to venture out myself, I am trying prepare myself mentally for that run in with ignorance. I know it will happen and hope I can handle it as you and so many others have. Thanks again for your help and encouragement to set myself free. I could never do it without the help of this forum.

[TGMarla]

You may be hilarious, but she's the one running around looking like a slob......in Crocs no less. There oughta be a law. I mean, please. You just keep right on being you. Maybe it's the CDs in the world who keep the elegance going in how women dress. But it doesn't seem to be working most of the time.

[Sophia Claire]

Don't let 'em get you down, hon. a-holes will be, and well continue to be targets for it.

"you, sir, are drunk."
"yes, but in the morning, I shall be sober and you will still be ugly."
Is how i've always heard that exchange told. Still funny. Remember that one in case you find yourself in this position again.

[Cynthia Anne]

Very true some people are fools! It amazes me how some of ''them'' go to great depts to prove that your opinion of them is correct! Hugs!

[Cheryl T]

When people like that say something rude just remember....An empty barrel makes the most noise.

[Gillian Gigs]

Winston Churchill, one of the greatest leaders of all time! He had an excellent grasp on the human character, and nature. As far as people go, I have heard an expression that goes like this, " in safety you make things idiot proof, until a bigger idiot comes along". There always seems to be a bigger idiot just around the corner too. If this is true, then, " even a fool is thought as wise, if they keep their mouth closed". You must have run into a idiot walking around the corner, who opened their mouth and revealed that they were also a fool! So we move on, because there are many corners to walk around!

[Debglam]

Tomorrow morning I will awaken and still be me. A me that is confident and kind. Tomorrow she will awaken and still be....angry and rude. I like me better

Hey Lori!

Sorry this happened but you GET it! You can't let other people spoil your fun. I guess a better way to put it is that you can't let them steal your joy!

I was out with my friend Melissa Rose the other night and we were having a lovely evening. We exit the theater and were walking down the sidewalk when a drunk comes up and starts with "Hey, I wanna talk to you. . . I know you two are guys. . ." etc. Yes, it was kind of unnerving (this is a "sketchy" neighborhood) and upsetting but I/we will be damned if one incident or several for that matter will take away the bliss of being myself and out with a good friend!!! Of course, the cocktail afterwards helped fade this into a distant memory! :battingeyelashes:

This sort of thing is THEIR problem and not ours!

Debby

[Marleena]

Lorileah it might be a good thing that you didn't have a good comeback. That woman sounds like the type that would star screaming in the streets.lol. Once in a while we'll run into idiots, the majority of the times we'll enjoy ourselves.:) You're an old pro at this so I'm sure it didn't phase you much. Us other girls can learn a lot from you! Thanks for opening doors for the rest of us.:)

[Lorileah]

Shock turned to hurt and hurt turned t anger then anger is now who cares. If she thought I was hilarious last night (can one be overdressed? One should always look the way they want to be found if something untoward should happen...) she should see me today. Ball cap, hair pulled back, light make up (lipstick and eye liner and blush) fuschia polo and short shorts. AND I am going to Nordies Rack to look for shoes. :) This could be fun.


But remember, in the long run...it just doesn't matter. The world still turns :)

[Raychel]

in the long run...it just doesn't matter

wise words, as long as you enjoy your day.

[Claire Cook]

Tomorrow morning I will awaken and still be me. A me that is confident and kind. Tomorrow she will awaken and still be....angry and rude. I like me better

(BTW don't order the scallops...at 6$ a piece you could get a full meal...:))

Lori, Sadly this is something that is likely to happen to any of us. I agree you were right not have a come back. Insensitive oafs like this person are not going to change their prejudices no matter what we say. Let's just hope that they are a very small minority,or am I being naive?

Yikes, $6 a scallop? THAT may have got me more upset!


...she should see me today. Ball cap, hair pulled back, light make up (lipstick and eye liner and blush) fuschia polo and short shorts. AND I am going to Nordies Rack to look for shoes. :) This could be fun.


But remember, in the long run...it just doesn't matter. The world still turns :)

Go for it girl! Nordie's is BY FAR the better solution :battingeyelashes:!!

[sterling12]

Lori, consider that for every dumbass comment like that, we get about a hundred like: "Bravo for you," "Wow, can I ask you a question," "Your very pretty/cute," or "can I buy you a Drink?"

I'll bet you she was a "Fundie Nutt," possibly very bitter, probably spends a lot of time hurting all sorts of people, and not just The Transgendered!

Yeah, I probably would have been flabbergasted, and at a temporary loss for words. But, what did happen was probably appropriate. If you had come back with some sort of cleaver retort, then you would have gotten The Tirade of obscenity, and A Huge Scene in a Place where you probably often shop. So, I imagine you didn't need that kind of Grief! If you ever see her again, walks in and wants her Dog or Cat fixed, just imagine The Sheer Joy of looking at her unrecognizing face, and knowing that you now have The Control! What goes around, comes around. Your A Pro, and I know would never do harm to The Animal, but you could just decide to torment The Hell out of it's owner!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[LilSissyStevie]

Drunks are always full of excuses.:heehee:

[Badtranny]

I was out with my friend Melissa Rose the other night and we were having a lovely evening. We exit the theater and were walking down the sidewalk when a drunk comes up and starts with "Hey, I wanna talk to you. . .

LOL, she must attract riff raff.

Her and I were walking down the street in downtown Berkely once and some dude comes up,"heeeeey ladies, yal'll look like you wanna party" and he pulls out this bottle of vodka or something that still had the giant theft proof cap on it!

Very funny.

[Brianna612]

In reality she was more mad at you for looking better than she every could.

[ReluctantDebutant]

I'll bet you she was a "Fundie Nutt," possibly very bitter, probably spends a lot of time hurting all sorts of people, and not just The Transgendered!

I don't know how you got that out of this.



I had paid and was walking out with my two bags when I passed a woman, well shall I say dressed kind of "Who cares what you think...sweats and crocs are comfortable". I cannot go into detail because of site rules but just imagine...not pretty. I smiled at her (always smile they wonder what you are up to) and I could tell she was conflicted. Quietly I say "hi" (some, will say that is a mistake) and she looks at me and says "You are hilarious". I don't mind being funny, I work hard at being funny, but "Hilarious"? I was unprepared for that (I know hard to believe...the smart a$$ blonde didn't have a comeback). All I could muster was "uh..thank you? I guess?" But it hurt. Now the hurt is anger but it hurt. I wasn't going for hilarious. The woman evidently assumed that once again TG's are clowns. That we go out to make people laugh. I didn't insult how she was dressed (would have been easy though).

It appears this woman took something Lorileah takes seriously as a joke. And as insulting as that can be to the recipient it still might not have been the intention of the woman. I would say more information is needed to understand the intent(Who know maybe right before seeing Lorileah she had a conversation with a friend about cross-dressing that would have been an odd coinsidense ) Unfortunately we are just not ourselves out there but also we are the other cross-dressers that have come before us.

Cross-dressing is often a form or entertainment and humor whether its a profession DRAG Queen using self deprecating humor in her act, an episode of Kids in the Hall, or the ameteur nature of Holloween Drag or Frat Pranks. For many people men in women's clothing equals humor.

The circumstance of the time and place reminds me of videos I am seeing on youtube. Mixed groups of teenagers guys and gals get together someone thinks it would be funny to makeover one of the guys into a girl. Then the group will think it a hoot to go to walmart or some other store that is open late and have the transformed guy parade around all the while its being filmed. Just another example of frivolous cross-dressing used for humor and fun being shown to the world. Again prejudice comes from the examples of Cross-dressing that have come before us in the minds of the individuals that we meet. Can we reallly blame a person if they have ssen too much Jerry Spring or Rupauls Drag Race and haven't met any real Cross-dressers?

Is this woman a bad person or did she just draw the wrong conclusion in the brief seconds she met Lorileah?

[Marguarite]

Lorileah, ALWAYS consider the source, would you trust anything this women said . She was just envious that you looked better than she. HUGS

[linda allen]

.................. Is this woman a bad person or did she just draw the wrong conclusion in the brief seconds she met Lorileah?

She is a bad person. Repeat, a BAD PERSON. :Angry3:

Anyone who would try to humiliate another person in public without a good reason is a BAD PERSON.

Let's say someone is out in public with a deformity, missing limb, etc. Is it ever appropriate to make fun of or try to embarass that person? Would it ever be appropriate to walk up to a severely overweight person and say out loud "Why are you so fat?"

If you think it, fine, there's no hope for you. Just learn to keep your negative thoughts to yourself.

[Sam-antha]

Truly being out in the world is always a new experience. Mostly good, sometimes disapointing but always and often fun - certainly before, after, well not so much as during. Shme that you will not see her again, especially with those shorts. Now i have been stripped down for running and that is one thing, but short shorts in a shop that takes courage and will be a true hapeniong in your diary. You are looking forward to it and all of us should be looking forward to doing their courageous thing out there too.

~Samm

[STACY B]

Back awhile ago ,,Kinda testing the waters still trying to find my nitch on my dressing style ya know ? Any how ,, Me an the wife stopped at a small store to get a coke ,, I had on Black slacks ,, Nice top with all the trimmings an some Shooties ,, Walked in the store am a Big Black guy was in there buying something ahead of me ,,,He seen me plain as day an walked out without saying anything so I thought ,,He didn;t see mt wife sitting in the car ,,, An he said fagget ,,,,,, AFTER ---- AFTER that PUNK went outside ,,,LOL,,, 10----4 ---- ,,,,,,,, NOT INSIDE ,,,, OUTSIDE ,,, Ya know WHY ? Cuz OL FAT GIRL WAS INSIDE ,,,,LOL,,,,,,

[ReluctantDebutant]

She is a bad person. Repeat, a BAD PERSON. :Angry3:

Anyone who would try to humiliate another person in public without a good reason is a BAD PERSON.

Let's say someone is out in public with a deformity, missing limb, etc. Is it ever appropriate to make fun of or try to embarass that person? Would it ever be appropriate to walk up to a severely overweight person and say out loud "Why are you so fat?"

If you think it, fine, there's no hope for you. Just learn to keep your negative thoughts to yourself.


I would agree that this woman is bad if she had shouted "freak", "pervert", or somethingelse to that effect to Lorileah. This woman's reaction sounded as if it was coming more from amusement which in my book is 100 X better then a reaction coming from disgust or hate. And it doesn't seem that this interaction lasted any longer then that intial reaction. So if there is more to this story that you are privy to and that I am not please tell me. My sympathy goes out to Lorileah. Despite a possible intent Lorileah's feelings were hurt. But isn't more positive to believe that this woman acted out ignorance rather from hate. I was giving reasons why this woman was ignorant and why she might react with amusment.

But no you are right it is being more positive to support the idea that Lorileah has a rabid, right-wing, "fundi", anticross-dressing hater, not only in her neighborhood but shops at her grocery store. No again you are right it is being more positive to bash a woman none of us know.

[Debglam]

LOL, she must attract riff raff.

Her and I were walking down the street in downtown Berkely once and some dude comes up,"heeeeey ladies, yal'll look like you wanna party" and he pulls out this bottle of vodka or something that still had the giant theft proof cap on it!

Very funny.

:lol:

That IS funny! A real "ladies man!"

I guess we all need friends that introduce us to the finer members of society! :D

[Frédérique]

The woman evidently assumed that once again TG's are clowns. That we go out to make people laugh. I didn't insult how she was dressed (would have been easy though).

I’m sorry, but I don’t see how this type of encounter helps to un-marginalize TG people… :sad:


I wonder now what made this woman so bitter that she felt she had to insult someone she didn't even know. How her mind could be so narrow that she believed that she was "holier" than thou.

Do I have to point out the obvious answer? You aren’t allowed to discuss religion here... :straightface:


But still when you meet morons it does hurt.

OK, let’s not assume that the woman is a moron – she may be prejudicial, but that doesn’t necessarily make her a moron. Within the confines of society, some people can’t help the way they think, and they are not encouraged to think otherwise. To YOU, anyone who doesn’t welcome transgendered people into the fabric of society may be morons, but they feel just the same way about you, the one who is practicing highly visible gender-blurring in public. You can’t expect the average citizen to have the patience or compassion necessary to understand your personal relationship with existence, or why you choose to dress the way you do – they are too busy trying to juggle their own circumstances, and there’s no time for nonsense (by their definition)…

“Moron” is a strong word, indicative of feeble-mindedness. How about saying “bigot” instead? :idontknow:


“We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.” (Winston Churchill)

[Debglam]

You can’t expect the average citizen to have the patience or compassion necessary to understand your personal relationship with existence, or why you choose to dress the way you do – they are too busy trying to juggle their own circumstances, and there’s no time for nonsense (by their definition)…

No Freddy they don't have to understand us or even like us, although the vast majority of people DO have the patience or compassion to do so in my experience. What they DO have to do is to keep their freaking mouths shut!!! No one has the right to comment on people they don't know, to their faces, in public. End of story. The only person, IMO, that would say something negative to a total stranger about the way they look, or talk, etc. IS a complete moron (or idiot - the difference between the two is a measure of IQ under that law) or a hater. Fortunately these people are a dying breed. Maybe someday we will only find them in the zoo. . .

[Miranda09]

You rock Sis....You handled well, besides, as others have said here, she was the one who was in crocs and sweats (how glamorous is that??). People like that will typically make fun of others just to make themselves feel superior. Now, with this note, she's no longer worth the time or thought! :)

[Lorileah]

I’m sorry, but I don’t see how this type of encounter helps to un-marginalize TG people… :sad: So what you are saying is that we should just what???Hide??? Not dress up to go out and then stop on the way home? Maybe we should just wear jeans and T-shirts? I don't really know what you mean. I was dressed to be out in public on a Saturday night. I wasn't dressed in fetish gear, nor was I dressed in what I have seen other GG's wear to clubs downtown. I had on 2.5 inch Mary Janes. I didn't have stockings on I was bare legged. I had on make up that would be appropriate for dinner, it was nowhere near drag. So how was I making "us" look bad? I didn't do anything to this woman except smile (both my hands were holding plastic bags) and quietly I said "Hi".

Her attitude as being described "holier than thou" wasn't really religious. Maybe a better way would be that she had a superiority complex? Religion wasn't part of the encounter.

And we are not academicians here, we are not linguists. You want precise meanings for how I describe people then this woman was rude, ignorant and obnoxious. You don't like moron? I will take idiot.

Freddy you can take the woman's side. I don't care. The majority of the world sees the TG community as clowns, perverts or criminals. I know that. It is because the majority of the TG community won't stand up and say "I am everyday people". Seems to me that you are not out in the world (forgive me if I am wrong here). I believe that instead of railing against the wind from the safety of my home, I go out. I go out and present as a good person, not a fetishist, not a drag queen, not as some would say a skank. I also don't believe that the way we get the right to be out and seen is to to dress like we are invisible. Those who want to wear jeans and T's good for them I buy my clothing at common middle of the road stores. It is the same thing a woman who dressed for a job would wear or a woman who was going to somewhere for dinner where they had tablecloths. Those who have met me know this.

I do in fact expect the average citizen to have patience and compassion. I expect that for anyone in any circumstance. Ignorance and bigotry are things that "civilized" people don't accept. We are supposedly evolved beyond this. This was no different than if someone had stated to any other minority some sort of stereotypic drivel. It was shocking at first, then it was hurtful, then it made me angry, then it made me sorry for her. In the big picture? It was one person out of maybe 200 I saw last night who could not be grown up enough to keep her unsolicited opinions to herself.

[docrobbysherry]

--------------------------------------------Freddy you can take the woman's side. I don't care. The majority of the world sees the TG community as clowns, perverts or criminals. I know that. It is because the majority of the TG community won't stand up and say "I am everyday people". Seems to me that you are not out in the world (forgive me if I am wrong here). I believe that instead of railing against the wind from the safety of my home, I go out. I go out and present as a good person, not a fetishist, not a drag queen, not as some would say a skank. I also don't believe that the way we get the right to be out and seen is to to dress like we are invisible. Those who want to wear jeans and T's good for them I buy my clothing at common middle of the road stores. It is the same thing a woman who dressed for a job would wear or a woman who was going to somewhere for dinner where they had tablecloths. Those who have met me know this.

I do in fact expect the average citizen to have patience and compassion. I expect that for anyone in any circumstance. Ignorance and bigotry are things that "civilized" people don't accept. We are supposedly evolved beyond this. This was no different than if someone had stated to any other minority some sort of stereotypic drivel. It was shocking at first, then it was hurtful, then it made me angry, then it made me sorry for her. In the big picture? It was one person out of maybe 200 I saw last night who could not be grown up enough to keep her unsolicited opinions to herself.
Lori, PLEASE! It's NOT Freddies fault the world is at it is! One thing u CANNOT QUESTION is how PEOPLE FEEL! If they feel about us as u say, then they DO! It's NOT rite for them to feel that way, but they do and u won't change that with a snappy comeback! You'll only drive them and anyone listening, further down the, "they're ALL CLOWNS and PERVERTS", road!

Maybe in a hundred years the vanilla's will show us some of the patience and compassion u mentioned. But, that time is NOT NOW! If u go out dressed u always stand the risk of embarrassment, ridicule, harassment, and belly laffs! Anyone that CAN'T take the heat should stay at home and dress! And, as I'm one of those, I take me own advice!

[Leslie Langford]

Ummm...you "...present as a well dressed maybe business chic person..." and your nemesis was wearing crocs and a track suit and she thought your outfit was "hilarious"??? Clearly this woman needs to spend some quality time with Stacy and Clinton of What Not To Wear and be preached to from the Gospel according to Yves St. Laurent to atone for her fashion crimes.

Metaphorically speaking, Lori, you cast your pearls before swine here, and that was your mistake - nothing else. Let this incident roll off your back like water off a duck's @ss, move on, and if anything - feel pity for this woman who is so bereft of good taste and style that she wouldn't recognize either one of them even if they literally bopped her over the head.

Sadly, though, her numbers are legion...

[Chickhe]

Its too bad you could not have stopped and asked her what she means by what she said. If you have that chance, either you learn that what you thought is not what she thought, or she meant what she said, but she is going to feel pretty bad having to repeat it...especially if you tell her how much she just hurt your feelings. ...anyhow, I've had some small situations where I could read the distaste of the other person and at first it hurts, then I feel angry and sad at how sheltered their lives must me.

[heatherdress]

Lorileah - Sorry that you experienced those bad feelings. She was obviously an insensitive jerk, to say the least. But don't feel bad you did not have a come-back line. Don't second guess yourself. You handled the situation appropriately. Why even waste your time with an exchange. She does not deserve a moment of your time.

[ReineD]

Its too bad you could not have stopped and asked her what she means by what she said.

That's a good point. I know she caught you off guard, but if we can recreate the incident just in this thread, you might have stopped in your tracks, and asked her politely, "What do you mean?" She might have said something like, "I think that men who dress like women are hilarious, that's all", to which you might have replied, "I don't dress this way to make people laugh. It is a part of who I am. I'm transgender, and your comment was cruel", then walked away. YOU would have felt better, even if your words appeared to not have made a difference.

She might not have immediately gotten it, but I bet you would have planted a seed of discomfort in her mind. And who knows? She might have later googled transgender to find out what it means. :)

[Lorileah]

Its too bad you could not have stopped and asked her what she means by what she said..


That is absolutely correct. my ideal situation would have been to ask her why, Maybe I missed something, Toilet paper on my shoe, my panties tucked in my waist band. My lipstick smeared (It has happened,) Now I am convinced she was just stating a point that she thought I was going for. Will give benefit of doubt on that, Maybe she just watched Priscilla and though we like doing camp. Maybe it was a compliment. Maybe her side was when she went home. :I saw the funniest thing today I won't know. doubt I will ever see her again, But it was a missed opportunity, One where she could learn that I am not a pervert (anymore) that I don't rob banks (anymore) that I don't wear size Z breast forms and a headband skirt (anymore). I really doubt she understands the nuance of the life. That what she "knows" is very little, She knows the humor part. And we can ever extrapolate that to she was giving me a compliment, Lets go with that now, It was her way of saying "Where do you perform"?

Fact one is I am over it. It was a speed bump. Might have to have the alignment checked but it is fixed. But still drivable.

Fact two: I went out shopping today dressed and make up and no one cared. The store people loved it making time to help.
BTW I got the cutest open toed pumps and patent pumps. Clothes budget gone but these should last a few years.

[Amanda_P]

I had a situation one halloween. I just finish at the bar and stopped in 711 to get a six pack to take home when some guys from a car next to me started crap. well just so happens a guy from work was also there and told them to be quiet and leave me alone. Now he always jokes at work about having to save my ass while I was in a dress.

[Jane-C]

Thats how i remeber the quote of Churchill too and I think it was on a bus!?
We can't please all the people all of the time, comes to mind so dont even try sister, so many are just not worth it.

Hugs
Jane

[jennylogan]

Ignorance is bliss and there are some very happy people out there.

[sterling12]

I don't normally respond when somebody doesn't agree with me. It isn't necessary for them to think exactly like myself, and I don't take that as some kind of threat to my ideology....possibly because I don't have such a thing.

But, I got misquoted, and I take exception to that! I NEVER SAID or wrote that she was "Right-Wing" Anything! I did say I would BET that she was some type of "Fundie nutt." I didn't say she was, I mearly conjectured that she was likely to fit that category. Apparently, someone is very sensitive about their views and takes everything as an attack on their much-cherished philosophies. I repeat, I DID NOT use "Right-Wing," and although I probably won't get an apology, I would expect one! Just as I would feel obligated to apologize if I misquoted someone.

My thinking is that The Woman took an Opportunity to say something, and in reality only Lori was there to hear her tone, watch her expression, and get some sense of her body language. Lori took that statement as some type of "inference," and I believe she originally thought it was Hurtful. Otherwise, I doubt she would have written about it on This Forum.

Over The Years of the hundreds of people I have met as Joanie, I've had two antagonistic encounters. Both Occasions featured people from Fundamentalist Church Backgrounds who felt "compelled" to start ragging on some T-Girls out having Dinner. They identified themselves as members of two different Mega Churches in my area, and somehow felt that it gave them "license" to comment and confront.

Now that's why, I said I would BET she was A Fundie. Other People just don't care! If we get "Read," they might smirk, or gently giggle, but they don't come up to you and say anything! I made an Assumption, based on her actions. Do I think everyone who belongs to some Megachurch is "agin" us? Absolutely not! But they certainly have their share of people who would make The Day more difficult for people transgendered.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[linda allen]

............. I said I would BET she was A Fundie. ........

OK, I had to look that one up. And once I did, it made me mad. You see, if we fail to have tolerance for other people, how can we expect them to have tolerance for us? Using a pejorative slang term to refer to somone whose beliefs don't agree with yours is no better than someone using the term "fag" when talking about you.

Can't we all just get along? :love:

[Badtranny]

Can't we all just get along? :love:

No we can't because the other side is working against us socially and politically. When THEY decide that WE can live under the same rules as everybody else, THAN maybe we can all get along.

[Tracii G]

I have had a few encounters like that and always try to be civil and friendly but give said person a look of "mind your own business huuny".
Only a few times has a woman done that to me its mostly crude men who have no class or dignity.
I do have a smart mouth but keep it contained most of the time.Kind of a pick your battle thing.If I can get away with a put down I will.
One that caused the most harm was a lady that said I was "an abomination to God for dressing as a woman". I replied your hair looks worse than I do hows that Missy?
She stood there with her mouth open trying to straighten up her hair.I think I hurt her feelings.LOL
Lori she was an idiot you are much better than her remember that always.

[April_Ligeia]

It's a shame, but I have had encounters like this too. I have literally said to people, "I really don't care what you think, you're a jerk." You can see the wheels in their heads seize up like a jackknifing tractor trailer, but, honestly, why do people feel as if they can insult you AND you're going to stand there and take them seriously? Fine, you have insulted me, but understand that your opinion is worthless, and you are an ignorant, closed-minded waste of skin. Suffer.

[Melissa Rose]

I was out with my friend Melissa Rose the other night and we were having a lovely evening. We exit the theater and were walking down the sidewalk when a drunk comes up and starts with "Hey, I wanna talk to you. . .

LOL, she must attract riff raff.
Her and I were walking down the street in downtown Berkely once and some dude comes up,"heeeeey ladies, yal'll look like you wanna party" and he pulls out this bottle of vodka or something that still had the giant theft proof cap on it!


That IS funny! A real "ladies man!"
I guess we all need friends that introduce us to the finer members of society!

Hey! I can't help it if I'm a "riff raff" magnet. It must be my pheromones. :D

It is easy to forget women, especially attractive ones, have to deal with bad behaviors and comments on a too frequent basis. There are always drunks, jerks, idiots, ignoramuses or misguided souls in public places. Most will keep their thoughts to themselves, but a few feel the need to express themselves. Your intuition is usually a good guide whether to let it go or do something about it. As the sayings goes, choose your battles wisely or retreat to fight another day.