something in my head

[Sophora]

I was talking to my therapist on friday and we were talking about me not being able to save money for my operation. First she suggested that maybe I don't really want it. That is silly of course I do. Then why can't I do it. Then she suggested that maybe there was something holding me back from doing it.

So I had been thinking about what would hold me back so much. Then it came to me last night while I working. There is something holding me back. and this reason comes as no shocker. MY FAMILY! They are not supportive with this at all although they are starting to(I still can't wear dresses or skirts around them).

I am not afraid of strangers and I have lost a few friends. One of the first pieces of advice I give to people is to be prepared to lose everything. Yet, I am very afraid to lose my family. I don't know why.

[Inna]

Fear of inevitable pain, the step forward which really is stepping off the cliff without knowing if you land safely, yet trust in the inevitable! You must first die to be reborn, that is the hardest of conclusions to accept. Through death into light armed with only truth stepping through gates of hell to walk the path of love.

[Traci Elizabeth]

If your family truly loves you, they may get mad as hell, stop talking to you for a bit, tell you they are going to disown you, and throw you out of the house if you are living with them. BUT true love WILL win out at some point.

My advice to you if you are an adult is to not let your family prevent you from living your life. After all it is YOUR life not theirs. As morbid as this may sound, one day your parents will pass away and you will be left with yourself. At that point in your life, you don't want to say "why didn't I," or have all the "what if's" running through your mind. All the "what if's" in the world gives you absolutely NOTHING when you are near the end of your live. SO LIVE IT AS YOU WANT NOW not at the end of your days.

[KellyJameson]

Sometimes we fear losing families because we sense their love is conditional.

[Stephenie S]

!!INNA!!

I just LOVE your new avatar!!

S


And Sophy?

It's your FAMILY, dear. Of course you're upset about it. They're family.

Although being "out" is wonderfully fulfilling and rewarding, it's still not gonna be easy.

[Raquel June]

I moved 2,000 miles away from my parents to transition. It seemed to work better that way.

But I think this comes down to self-esteem in a way. Standing up to people is a lot easier if you have a healthy self image. It's hard to tell your dad, "Hey, this is who I am, and this is the way I'm going to live," when inside you don't necessarily accept yourself, you don't quite believe that you have the right to exist.

Facing my family, I know they think I'm just a crazy person who's spun out of control mentally and emotionally. And that's how I feel myself sometimes. But it really comes out around my family. Because they certainly weren't particularly good parents, but I know they loved me in their own way. When your family is angry and hurt by who you are, it's hard to get it out of your mind that maybe it is your fault for hurting them.

I guess that's what therapy is for. To get over how screwed up your family is.

[Mia-Ts]

go through transition at your own pace, self acceptance isn't easy and takes a while as it processes through all the layers of yourself down to your core. Now that you know what the next step is that is a good thing! Take care of yourself and stay positive!

[elizabethamy]

I was talking to my therapist on friday and we were talking about me not being able to save money for my operation. First she suggested that maybe I don't really want it. That is silly of course I do. Then why can't I do it. Then she suggested that maybe there was something holding me back from doing it.

Perhaps off the topic of family -- and I agree with the advice of the other posters -- but people who have money, or access to it (like many doctors and therapists) frequently give advice like what was said to you, and while it might be true once in a while, usually it shows that a wealthier person doesn't understand what it's like to be less well off. So I think a grain of salt is in order here.

And yes, family: they love you but they feel that it's their job to keep you as they envision you should be. Break the shackles if you can, and eventually they'll understand.

[kimdl93]

I don't know how one would go through life without a family....they are the core to my life. I think what you need to do is to keep talking to your family...keep trying to reach them...and keep trying to open any channels of communication that have been closed off. Never give up on your family.