Don't tell a soul....

[Kimberlyfaye]

Well I'm thinking about telling my mum what I do. I'm not sure whether to as I've had to make a mental list with pros and cons to help me decide. On the plus side it will mean I can dress and be myself around her. And we might become closer because of it. On the other hand some people will see me or will find out so it means more will know.

She has asked me about it in the past and has been told and shown photos of me en femme but I denied it. Stupid, yes, I know that now. But maybe that's a good thing because it means I can say, "hey remember that time when.... well I'm sorry but it was true. I do dress in womens clothes."
So I guess she still has her suspicions and probably believes it and knows anyway. She said that day that I'm still her son no matter what. That must be a good sign. It allcomes down to whether or not I can take other people like neighbours, family and work talking about me. But like my SO says I shouldn't care what other people think about me. She's right. It would be great if we all had the confidence to be brave and say this is who I am. Deal with it.

Sorry about the mini rant. What advice would you suggest? Should I tell? I'm not 50-50. More like 60-40 on telling her.

Thanks for listening :)
Hugs

[Kimberlyfaye]

I should add she did catch me when I was younger. So maybe she's always had a feeling I was different. I remember apologising for wearing her clothes when she caught me. I was a silly girl lols.

[Renee_E]

You are probably right, she already knows. As far as others finding out, if you haven't been caught or noticed yet you will be someday and yes they might talk about it, would you rather your mum find out the truth from you or from somebodies gossip.

[kristinacd55]

So I guess she still has her suspicions and probably believes it and knows anyway. She said that day that I'm still her son no matter what. That must be a good sign.

Hi Kim, By that statement she'll definitely support you. I would bump up telling her to 90/10 :) This whole thing happens when step at a time and having her alongside you is a giant step. Lots of luck!

[Katie83]

I'm curious, if she saw a picture, how could you deny it?
If her reactions in the past were positive i guess there should be no problems by confirming what she probably already suspects?
I've been to a few fancy dress parties as Katie, no one knows i cd regularly. After seeing pictures my family's reaction has always been fairly anti. My dad laughed, my mum tutted and shook her head and my sister said she would deny that we were related!
Katie

[alexa_steele]

i would say go for it as well! if shes accepting of it, it opens up a whole new world for you! good luck darlin :-* <3

[Sara Jessica]

On one hand, from what you are saying it definitely sounds as if it wouldn't be a big shocker if you were to come out to your mom.

On the other hand, I cannot recommend that you disclose on the basis that you might be able to dress up around her. She may be all good and fine with knowing about this side of you, or at least confirming what she already knows...but she may not want it to be in her face in any way, shape or form. Just something to consider.

[Courtney_Glenn]

If you guys have a good relationship, go for it. You are her child, She will love you unconditionally. Telling my mom was nerve racking....but in hindsight...it wasn't that bad.

[bridget thronton]

Only you know what is right for you - trust is eroded when others find out we are not answering questions truthfully

[kimdl93]

As you said, she's already found out, she's assured you of her love and she
S waiting for you to find the resolve and trust in her enough to come out on your own volition. You really should come out now. And listen to your SO. You cannot live your life in fear of who might find out or in fear of their talk.

[Jenniferathome]

She knows. Admission of a fact is easier than "telling" someone. Absolutely tell her but more than that, explain what it is that you want going forward. You still need to live within her comfort zone if you are in her house.

[FrillyShelly]

It sounds like she already knows & accepts..... Perhaps she's just waiting for the word from you ???

It's not an easy thing to do though - good luck with whatever decision you make.

[Tracii G]

If you did tell her is she one that would tell the whole world what you do?
You could ask her to keep it to herself.A secret between the two of you maybe?

[UNDERDRESSER]

My opinion is that you have the most important thing going for you already. An understanding and supportive SO. I think the most common fear of most CDs, is being thought of as Gay. My SO has already told me, that if anyone question her on that aspect, she'll put them right most emphatically!

[~Joanne~]

If she saw a picture and didn't recognize it was you, I would saying your very passable between guy mode and femme mode! I would agree with the other girls that Your Mom already knows.

Between catching you wearing her clothes and the talk she gave you. She was looking for confirmation which you denied her which is probably long over due. She does seem as she would be supportive and having someone that knows and supports your decisions in life can only be a good thing.

Good luck and keep us posted :)

[Tracii G]

Please do keep us posted I really want to know what Mom says.

[Cheryl T]

Remind her of that time she "caught" you....then say...well, it's like this. I really do enjoy it...then you're on your own...

She probably knows...I'm pretty sure mine did and just never said anything.

[xdressed]

Sounds like she already knows and is accepting. I think she's probably just waiting for you to come clean with it

[Jorja]

STOP! NO! It is a trick! :)

As others have said, Mom already knows she is just waiting for you to admit it.

[sometimes_miss]

THis could go 2 ways; either she already knows, and will be o.k. with it, OR.....she will assume, upon confirmation, that you must be gay, that you have brain damage, or are a pervert and need to be 'fixed', or you are confirming her worst suspiciains. Don't ever assume anything. Don't fall victim to wishful thinking; being on this site can give you a false sense of security. Probe further. See how she feels about gay celebrities, that may give you a heads up about how she might feel about gender benders (Chaz Bono was on some program last year, find a celebrity magazine with him on the cover, there must be one, and leave it around and see what kind of reaction she gives you about it, you can say something about taking up ballroom dancing as a cover). Just don't ask about it obviously; just bring up someone when they're on TV or in a movie or something, and see what she thinks. Consider the worst possible outcome; if you can live with that, then go ahead. If you can't, then think twice, three, four times, before squirting the toothpaste out of the tube, because there's no turning back.

[xdressed]

THis could go 2 ways; either she already knows, and will be o.k. with it, OR.....she will assume, upon confirmation, that you must be gay, that you have brain damage, or are a pervert and need to be 'fixed', or you are confirming her worst suspiciains. Don't ever assume anything. Don't fall victim to wishful thinking; being on this site can give you a false sense of security. Probe further. See how she feels about gay celebrities. don't ask about it obviously; just bring up someone when they're on TV or in a movie or something, and see what she thinks. Consider the worst possible outcome; if you can live with that, then go ahead. If you can't, then think twice, three, four times, before squirting the toothpaste out of the tube, because there's no turning back.

I wouldn't worry about any of that judging from this quote



She has asked me about it in the past and has been told and shown photos of me en femme but I denied it. Stupid, yes, I know that now. But maybe that's a good thing because it means I can say, "hey remember that time when.... well I'm sorry but it was true. I do dress in womens clothes."
So I guess she still has her suspicions and probably believes it and knows anyway. She said that day that I'm still her son no matter what. That must be a good sign.

[Engendered]

1) You have an awesome SO
2) Tell your mum
:)

[Cynthia Anne]

Ask yourself what do you have to gain by telling her; and what have you to lose by telling her! Weigh it out!

[Ressie]

Why not just let her see you wearing a girl's T-shirt or other women's garment that isn't obviously fem? See if she brings it up.

[Samantha_Smile]

If she has seen pictures (that you denied - Not sure how that works, but I digress) and already suspects and hasn't been out of sorts with you, then I say take the plunge.
Cats head is out of the bag, so you might as well let it have a bit of a run around now!

[Kimberlyfaye]

In terms of dressing around her, I wouldn't be full femme. That would probably be a little weird. But I might be more open and comfortable around her. She was told I dress and possibly shown a picture. I denied it by saying how some people do look alike. I showed the picture to someone else and they didn't know it was me. Anyway I was stupid to do it and I think now the time is right to tell her. I haven't done it yet as I was torn the other day and decided to put it off a bit longer. I was afraid, might as well admit it. But I'll get there soon.

And of course I will keep you all informed when it happens. If it wasn't for this place I wouldn't be at this point :)

Hugs

[Stephanie47]

It does sound as if she already knows. I would tell her your cross dressing is a very private affair between you and your S/O and you want to keep it that way. I would not take revealing yourself to her as a green light to suddenly start wearing dresses around her.

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Kimberly,
My mother knows that I enjoy women's fashion magazines and we comment on all of the styles that the models wear. She has made comments about me wearing women's clothes as a joke and I have never really flatly dismissed the comments. Would I directly tell her, no. Sometimes a little hint here and there is better than a full disclosure. Let people decide for themselves and they can deal with it on their own terms. That is my opinion.

I wish you all the best on your ultimate decision as it can never be reversed once it is out in the open. We are all here to help you consider all of the options before that big day.

Hugs,