Interaction as Jen

[jsunic_1978]

I went to my first 12 step recovery meeting as Jen last Sunday. it was a straight meeting. no one was rude to me, but people seemed a bit afraid and shy ed away. Usually, females are more warm and accepting and just say hi. I prefer females talking to me while im dressed anyhow, but everyone else doesn't have to shy nor avoid me.This isn't a meeting I usually go to. A couple close friends know of this meeting, one meat me up there. I didn't hear any negative feedback, but just that people were afraid to say anything. why are so many people so afraid of us at first, afraid we will be offended? I haven't attended any GLBT meets yet, nor gay 12 step recovery meetings. I am not gay, well lesbian while dressed. I don't want to just limit my self to the gay, GLBT population. any advice? It gets old just hopping store to store trying on shoes and not much interaction.

[Melissa Rose]

There is a very simple solution.....get out in public and engage other people, start a conversation yourself and don't wait for others to do all of the work. You are going to wait around alone and in silence most of the time if you depend on others. When someone does not know what to say or whether it is even okay to engage you in any way, most tend to stay away and say nothing since it is the safest thing to do. Usually they are uncomfortable or bafffled, and it is up to you to break the ice. Others will follow your lead when they do not know what to do or say.

I'm going to use a few quotes from someone who wrote about their experience of makeup shopping with me about 6 weeks ago (they were in drab if it makes any difference). I think some of her comments illustrates my point.
"After a bite to eat it was off to Nordstroms and the MAC counter. Oh boy! I know a few folks who work at the mall, but it seemed to me that Melissa knew everyone. She owns the joint."
"Melissa walks right into the area and just started chatting up this little cosmetologist like they had known one another for years."
I did not wait around for everything to magically happen. I interact and chat with everyone just like any other woman shopping at the mall. I say hi, ask questions or for opinions, give a compliment, talk about whatever comes up while waiting in line, and so on. No one has ever freaked out, started laughing, hid their children or run away.

At the risk of generalizing, women will chat with others, especially other women, more freely than men will. Of course, there are exceptions, but if you are observant, you will see it. So, go to mainstream places, be the one that engages others and starts the conversation. It does take effort and some courage, but the pay back is fantastic.

[jsunic_1978]

thanks so much Hun :) That really helps a lot. I went to some clubs with a friend and when i got my first pedicure, yea, they were freaked out. I knew i was going to be there for a while and Everyone started to warm up. I was just talking SHOES, make up LOL this is one place now, im comfortable going and Im getting better with sale ladies (i mean associates) Next time at a thrift store and mall and payless, dits, I will comment to the person in line, NICE SHOES I was looking for them, but in blue. :) you are REALLY PRETTY. are you a T girl? I would like to date you :)

[Tracii G]

Don't try that in Euclid.

[PretzelGirl]

This isn't a meeting I usually go to.

Listen to what Melissa has said. There is a lot of good experience there. Sometimes interaction is completely up to you.

But I wanted to highlight the above also. In my experience, each meeting group has its own personality. I have seen some that everyone knows each other and there is a lot of chatter. I have seen others that were as somber as possible. It sounds like you didn't really know what you were getting into, so you may have just run into the general experience for that group.

[jsunic_1978]

did you use to live In Euclid? I dress here sometimes I never have problems. I use to live in smaller apartments., quieter and everyone was cool and the rest didn't talk.

[reb.femme]

I went to my first 12 step recovery meeting as Jen last Sunday.

Hi Jen,

Read your post with interest but help this old Brit out. What is 12 step recovery? :o

Rather than try to guess, I thought I'd ask straight out.

Reb

[Kate T]

I'm guessing 12 step recovery is some sort of addiction recovery program. With that in mind then I would ask you to ask yourself a serious question. Did you attend as Jen because you need to or was it just to get out and show yourself and talk to some people? I would imagine that someone on a 12 step program has all sorts of problems going on in their head and to many of them you may have just presented another problem for them to process. Now if you need to attend as Jen, that's fine, everyone in the group needs to learn that you are the same person and how to interact with you in a normal manner, but if it was just a way to have a bit of social time as Jen, I'd say drop it, there is a time and a place and that is not it.

[jsunic_1978]

Were all friends here. its AA I tried it before, but mow its really helpful because m really dealing with me and accepting of my self. Acceptance is the key to any recovery and really for anybody, to live happy, really.

I didn't really plan on hitting a meeting. Well, im lying just a little, but I was just in the area and I wanted to show my self. My best AA buddy showed up and he didnt have much to say but WOW The rest of the people were just shy. I guess I need to break the ice and Id like a little advice.

[Jackiefl]

Whats wrong with euclid ?

[jsunic_1978]

EUCLID ROCKS! mostly elderly, ther nice. Certain areas for us still single, we can dress and still not minimize our chances of meeting a female. Want to meet females, Gotta be a guy and go where all the single young to mid age females are. I'm just exploring my dressing and overcoming my shyness now finally :)