It won't do any good to deny it. We ALL have...

[Wildaboutheels]

Issues? Issues of one kind or another. No matter how open minded we consider ourselves to be. Some people might refer to them as hot button items. Whether it is religion, politics, abortion, Evolution, gays, bad drivers, dumb laws and on and on. Surely YOU have thoughts on something where no amount of "evidence" is ever going to get you to change your mind or opinion on the matter?

LOVE does not conquer all. Does it? Aren't there some things that you simply can't or won't compromise on with a SO?

Does it really do either party any good to have a conversation with a partner who has an opposing opinion? And is never going to change their mind.

Isn't DADT the simplest solution to such "problem areas"?

[Annaliese2010]

I believe in love, it's the only thing that's real.

Everything else is, in time, unimportant. Maybe you don't understand. I don't understand it all myself. It's like...if it came down to it would you give your life? Would you make that sacrifice?

If you would, for her... That's love. The only 'issue' that ultimately matters.

[Ashley D.]

My wife and I differs on about everything. But we always talk about our views and over the years I have changed some of mine and she has changed some of hers.
I believe a partnership should be open so I don't like the idea of DADT.

[Dawn cd]

I have definite ideas about politics, religion, art, and many other things. It's called "Having principles." I would hate to stop talking about these things because they're the only things really worth talking about. However, while I'll never surrender my principles, I'm quite flexible in how those principles are lived out. I've changed a lot over the years and plan to keep on changing.

As John Henry Newman said: "To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed frequently."

[AllieSF]

DADT regarding opinions on religion and politics is one thing and probably a good idea if the discussions become arguments and then verbal battering. However, regarding crossdressing within a marriage or committed relationship, that is a very difficult situation because it really deals with who a person is, what that person wants and needs to do to be whole within themselves and it is something that you would want acknowledgment and tolerance from a partner. I agree that something is better than nothing, but to me all those DADT are on rocky and unstable ground where I believe that the CD may be compromising much more than necessary.

[sterling12]

No, we all have "Tissues!" Toilet Paper, handi-wipes,paper towels, Kleenex. These are The Things We believe in! Oh, forgot....I also believe I'll have another Beer!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[STACY B]

No, we all have "Tissues!" Toilet Paper, handi-wipes,paper towels, Kleenex. These are The Things We believe in! Oh, forgot....I also believe I'll have another Beer!

Peace and Love, Joanie


HEYYYYYYY YOU WERE READING MY MIND ,,, I never compromise on toilet paper ,,I like the exspensive stuff an will not get the cheap ,,, Argue all the time about it but I buy it so I win ! Love Always ;';; Happy wiper ,,,,,

[flatlander_48]

DADT was a bad policy for the military and hasn't improved with age in the public arena...

[Tracii G]

Accepting ones differences and working together to find a solution has to be done in a relationship.
My current SO accepts all of me and I of her.
Sure we don't see eye to eye on everything but holding a partner back from being themselves isn't something we believe in.
She is liberal and I'm conservative we talk about political stuff and voice our opinions but say your piece and be done with it.

[Miriam-J]

My wife and I have different opinions on some matters that are very important to each of us, and these variations sometimes make discussion very difficult. But we stick by the most important agreement we have, that communication is the most important facet of our relationship even when it takes thoughtfulness and sensitivity. This means there can't be any DADT.

I left a twenty-plus year marriage a few years ago which featured huge amounts of DADT, and I never even got to the point where I felt I could tell her about this facet to it was even more secretive than DADT. Useful communication was nearly non-existent, and the relationship was hopelessly doomed - a very sad event.

Don't ever underestimate the value of open communication, and once you have it don't ever let it go through your own selective silence - no matter how much effort it takes on your part.

Miriam

[Barbara Ella]

Issues all have degrees of impact. When my wife fell into her DADT phase, it was with the complete understanding of what i do, and her complete support that I could do what i felt necessary as long as she never was involved. She just could not handle being told about the day to day activities, and she would not ask. I had no guilt about dressing, but no joy in her reluctant position. If DADT involves keeping secrets that the other person may have a vested interest in knowing, it can get hurtful.

Fortunately, her intellectual side has tempered her emotions, and we have been talking, and she is moderating her position. Time and communication can temper the impact of issues.

Barbara

[Wildaboutheels]

I agree that given enough time, anyone including SOs, MIGHT change their mind or at least soften their stance on almost anything. Might being the definitive word. Certainly a declaration of DADT from a SO is better than "make a choice between me and your CDing", isn't it? There ARE people here who have lived in such a situation for years. If DADT was that bad, I doubt if they would still be in the Relationship?

[Ashley D.]

I agree that given enough time, anyone including SOs, MIGHT change their mind or at least soften their stance on almost anything. Might being the definitive word. Certainly a declaration of DADT from a SO is better than "make a choice between me and your CDing", isn't it? There ARE people here who have lived in such a situation for years. If DADT was that bad, I doubt if they would still be in the Relationship?


I lived for years without dressing in any way. I wanted to so bad!
But I would not hide any thing for my wife. Our Relationships was bad really bad do to my needs to be me. When I come out to her thing turned great. What I'm trying to say is keeping things for
Your SO I feel will turn bad in time.

[NathalieX66]

Anyone who dares to ask the question what's up with me?, I just respond that I am transgender.

I don't shove it in peoples' faces, I let them figure it out on their own. If they want to talk about it, I ask if they have a few minutes. If not, then oh well, see ya later. So much for their understandiing..........jerk.

[Angela Campbell]

When a SO goes for the DADT it means she is putting her head in the sand and trying to pretend it isn't happening. It may be enough of a shock to just bring about the end of their world in a way so they ignore it instead of facing it. It must be hard for a woman to face this from her husband. Everything you thought about him is shatterred in a moment. Some people just cannot face something this traumatic. I guess with time some may come to accept it but the expectations of society are hard to live against. We have endured this all of our lives, most of us. We have felt the embarrassment, shame, fear...for a long time. Long enough to get used to it. For something to be thrust upon us as big as this can cause all kinds of problems.

My first wife started to have emotional problems about a year into the marriage. Started blaming me for all kinds of emotional misdeeds I was not aware of doing. All closeness stopped, intimacy died, all physical contact ended. Years later she admitted she was abused by her father all of her life as far back as she could remember. The shock to me was emmense. I did not know how to deal with it. She refused counselling and we just plodded on. It was a 20 year marriage and the end had nothing to do with this but imagine how different things could have been had I known before we married?

[Miriam-J]

There ARE people here who have lived in such a situation for years. If DADT was that bad, I doubt if they would still be in the Relationship?

I lived in a hopelessly bad marriage for years, with far too little communication - and the little that we had was generally bad. I stayed for two reasons: (i) belief in the necessity to fulfill my lifelong commitment and (ii) concern that my son's emotional state would be endangered by life in a home with her. It was only when I realized that the issues between my wife and me were causing huge problems for my son, and he was old enough to choose to come with me, that I was brave enough to act. There are many such reasons for staying in a marriage even after the relationship has been extinguished.

DADT is merely a symptom of a relationship in which communication is stifled. Unless the couple can find a path to open communication, including all topics important to either partner, there can be no real intimacy or closeness. It's hard for me to consider such a relationship as successful and worthwhile.

Miriam

[Angela Campbell]

Anyone who dares to ask the question what's up with me?, I just respond that I am transgender.

I don't shove it in peoples' faces, I let them figure it out on their own. If they want to talk about it, I ask if they have a few minutes. If not, then oh well, see ya later. So much for their understandiing..........jerk.

I feel the same way. I was born this way and did not choose it. I was a good boy for many years doing what the rest of the world wanted me to do. Now I figure why should I explain myself. Ellen was always here but was stifled for over 50 years. She deserves better.

[Brianna612]

DADT is a relationship killer!!

My true personality was stifled in its early years by my parents saying DADT. I got in a lot of trouble because of DADT. When so call friends find out things after the fact they get pissed at you. I lost my Marriage and it hurt my kids because of DADT. My marriage with her wouldn’t of happened if I had told her, but that would have been way less painful and kids wouldn’t be involved.

Now I am very open. I made sure that my SO knew before we went to far. I now have a great relationship with my SO, my kids, my parents and my friends. DADT does not work for me. Make it real.

[Erica2Sweet]

...Isn't DADT the simplest solution to such "problem areas"?

I'm of the opinion that DADT isn't a solution so much as it is a mutual admission that ignoring relationship issues is just easier than addressing them.

[KellyJameson]

I would fear that DADT could lead to or reinforce a shame based life devoid of personal acceptance because you are hiding who you are.

We do this as children to avoid punishment by those more powerful than us but to continue into adulthood with those relationships that are only possible when built on transparency destroys intimacy so you perpetually share your life only with strangers even when you are sharing your bed with them.

The relationship may last but do we measure the quality of relationships by how long they last or by what is experienced when we are in them ?

You cannot compromise your soul if you want to keep it.

[Anna B]

When a SO goes for the DADT it means she is putting her head in the sand and trying to pretend it isn't happening.

Almostalady, I do believe I agree with you on that one.

I haven't told my better half about me yet, but I suspect that if I did DADT may very well apply!

Anna x

[Wildaboutheels]

So, apparently no one here considers themselves Closed Minded on ANY "subject"?

Sorry, but I don't believe that for one second.

Closed minded as in nothing anyone can say is going to change your mind?

I'll make it easy. I'll pick just ONE of many listed in the OP.

EVOLUTION. You either believe in it or you don't. No matter your opinion, NO ONE is going to change your mind about it I am guessing?

[suchacutie]

To us the important point is to know where we agree and where we don't, i.e. to know all about each other. Ok, there are many things my wife and I agree upon, but these do NOT include religion and politics, for example.

Communication and love are the key, not complete agreement!

[Miriam-J]

So, apparently no one here considers themselves Closed Minded on ANY "subject"?
Sorry, but I don't believe that for one second.
Closed minded as in nothing anyone can say is going to change your mind?

You can discuss a subject openly even if you know that you won't reach agreement. This shows respect for one another's beliefs, confirming that the other has a valid perspective. It also helps in finding a middle ground where each can accept the disagreement. My wife and I have one subject where we're in hard disagreement on a subject of deep importance to both of us (wholistic vs. scientific approach to health) and have no expectation of reaching agreement, yet we can have open discussion about our views and neither of us feels driven toward a DADT approach to our beliefs.

As I've said before, respect and communication are paramount. DADT denies both.

Miriam

[Allisa]

Yep evolution and UFOs hand in hand we are genetically enhanced apes.Welcome to the great experiment.

Lisa

[Julogden]

So, apparently no one here considers themselves Closed Minded on ANY "subject"?

Sorry, but I don't believe that for one second.

Closed minded as in nothing anyone can say is going to change your mind?

I'll make it easy. I'll pick just ONE of many listed in the OP.

EVOLUTION. You either believe in it or you don't. No matter your opinion, NO ONE is going to change your mind about it I am guessing?
I believe in evolution because there's a lot of proof that its true. I've been a nature nut all my life and in the course of learning about nature, I've seen that natural selection is real and that's what drives evolution. If someone came up with convincing evidence to the contrary, then I'd have to take that into consideration. I always try to look at the facts, and if someone can come up with facts that contradict my opinion, then I'll reconsider my opinion.

What you're talking about is being closed-minded, and I strongly dislike closed-mindedness. I try very hard to always keep an open mind.

Carol

[heatherdress]

Communicating is essential for a successful relationship. There are always going to be disagreement, but respectful understanding results from effective communications. Intimacy is a product of sharing our feelings. Acceptance comes from accepting. This is all work - but it is rewarding when your spouse or SO and you can listen, try to understand each other, and communicate innermost feelings. I think more of our partners would be accepting of our crossdressing if thy were able to communicate better and if we were able to communicate better with them. Too often, DADT is an alternative, or secrecy.

[Beverley Sims]

Sometime DADT is the best way to go especially if the difference of opinion involves nonsensical arguments.

[NicoleScott]

It seems that those who are opposed to DADT are not in such relationships, and such opposition has no personal experience from which to draw. Many of us are in DADT relationships that WORK for us, but we don't say it will work for everybody. Where it works, it works. If it doesn't work for you, OK, but don't say it won't work for others.
DADT is not secrecy, and it's not imposed or forced as some have suggested. It's an agreement, whether directly negotiated or "settled into" an unspoken understanding. She acknowledges his need to dress and allows him to do so in his own private time and place, but she doesn't want to see it, talk about it, or sometimes even know when it happens. He understands that she doesn't want to see it, and keeps it out of her face. She wants him to be her man, and he is.
Most all of us have areas where DADT works for us:
- a couple may disagree about politics, and agree to disagree without needing to "resolve" differences. (They'll just cancel out each other's vote -haha).
- a couple may have religious differences, but practice their faiths separately, believing that this is a personal, individual matter.
- some couples resolve financial differences by having separate discretionary spending money.
- couples may have different interests: he likes golf and she hates golf. She likes square dancing and he hates it. They enjoy their separate interests without sharing every little detail, knowing that such discussion is unwanted.
Crossdressing isn't golf or square dancing, but it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. Yes, politics, religion, finances, and separate interests can be deal breakers when one or both parties makes it a litmus test for the relationship. Same with crossdressing.