Reality bites.......oh so sweetly

[Inna]

As I am becoming, and constantly more sure of core SELF, I am setting out to pick my grown confidence off the floor. I await the possibilities of work and slowly am putting all necessary details in place to start up the business as I realize that that is the only way I will be professionally fulfilled.
But all that is good, except I need the money more then ever and so I just took a job which at first seemed degrading and way below my still ever so often inflated self.

I will be cleaning movie theaters at night all week long without a day off.
My first night was so scary as I was battling the femini9ne against relentless feeling of disappointment and a question which kept on nagging, "what did I do all that for" to loose dignity, position, favor and then after few tears of disappointment I got it!

For nearly half the woman in this world this is the reality as they work their fingers to oblivion, making just enough to barely feed their children if at all. Working two jobs or three, I should really feel lucky!

I suddenly felt honored to be in my shoes as I am becoming humble as they are, and strong to tackle the worst for their child. Unselfish and still with the smile on their face they go on, and I am so proud to be a part of that womanly spirit of survival!

[STACY B]

HEY ,,, I'm a cleaning Lady twice a week ,,, So join the crowd !!

[Marcia Blue]

Inna, I really am proud of you.

Many years ago I lost my job, during a recession. I knew my unemployment benefits, would run out before I found another job, that paid as well as, the job I lost. I did menial labor jobs every where I could, and never felt better after realizing. Just like you did, we have to do, what we have to do. Feeling sorry for our selfs does not help anyone. Helping yourself, means even cleaning theaters. I have been their, done that, and have the T-shirt.

You should be proud that you are one of the people that, just gets the job done. I sincerely mean it when I say, "You go girl". Any job well done, is great, and a strong work ethic will result in a better life in the near future.


(I am not implying that you have or had a poor work ethic.)

[Badtranny]

Many years ago when I was between the first career (broadcasting, that I sabotaged with my poor attitude), and my current career (construction, which I had to start from the literal bottom at 27), I knew a guy that was starting a little business. He was going to clean office buildings at night and he asked me if I wanted to help him. I was about 25 I guess and still suffering a bit of an attitude problem, so I said no way am I going to be a janitor.

A couple of years later he had several people working for him while I was a 27 year old grunt schlepping boxes of cable around after a hard-ass electrician.

Moral; There are no menial jobs, only menial people.

[Stephanie-L]

It is my opinion, be it ever so humble, that there is no honest work that is demeaning. Of course some jobs have greater compensation than others because they require a more specialized skill set, but the guy who cleans the floors is no less worthy of respect then the CEO. I have been there also, doing janitorial work, and loading "fertilizer", neither fun jobs, but they paid the bills. Good for you, and I hope your perseverance pays off..............Stephanie

[ReineD]

Add my voice to the congratulations for doing what you can. You're a survivor, and it can only get better from here, Inna. :hugs:

But I'm curious,


"what did I do all that for"

Before transition, did you have a mental image of what your life would look like, and what was it?

[Inna]

Thank you all for warm words of understanding.


Add my voice to the congratulations for doing what you can. You're a survivor, and it can only get better from here, Inna. :hugs:

But I'm curious, Before transition, did you have a mental image of what your life would look like, and what was it?

The answer is NO! When I have attempted to end my life I was done, the powers intervened and I was proposed the ultimatum, go on and finish with pain, or be taken care of but embrace the truth disregarding the pain it may cause.

And pain it caused, but ever since, I have experienced miracles every step I take, and I am pretty sure this is one of them, however I have a tendency to fall out of connect with the universe and become unfaithful and that leads to depressive mood.
Such was my feeling when I was cleaning and though of my self pre transition, highly successful businessman, living luxurious life, having all comforts one can ask for, and enough money to do as I please, but on the other hand thinking of being highly depressed from trying to prove to the world of who I wasn't, and the deceit which was eating me alive.

So No, there were no visions, no plans, and here I am trying to be humble but honestly it isn't easy when one had experienced power and comfort all that time before.

[Kathryn Martin]

I suddenly felt honored to be in my shoes as I am becoming humble as they are, and strong to tackle the worst for their child. Unselfish and still with the smile on their face they go on, and I am so proud to be a part of that womanly spirit of survival!

During my life time I have had the opportunity to some of the most menial jobs. When I was a teenager an old woman friend of mine once said to me that if something needs to be done then do it - it honors you. There is so much dignity in living your life. Life pays you in spades when you learn humility.