Wife thinks I'm.....

[Jessica86]

I have been gone for a while. I actually almost purged all of my things. I tried to get away from it all. I built a car up and sold it. Now I have my dream car, and bought it as a project to build up. Tried to make that my hobby. Then out of nowhere Jessica showed up.....with a vengeance. Seems the longer I try to put her away, the stronger urges I get when she comes back. Well, for those who don't know my story, my wife accepts me for doing this. She participates, but not sexually. That's where this story is leading.

My wife tells me one night after a few drinks to go make myself sexy. At first, I'm like (heaven!!!) Then, skeptical that it was just the alcohol talking. She assured me she wanted to see me sexy. I ask what for. She says to "fulfill my fantasy." Wow! So, I get up, but she says "no makeup though. I want to see you the first time we do this....sexually." I stop, telling her "you know what that is gonna look like? Horrible!" She persists, so I go to get sexy. I dress up in a sexy male outfit (in male mode) (few touches with my work uniform....I'm a cop) and walk back out. Needless to say she was surprised and almost cried. I knew she liked the last time I did that on our anniversary. So, she said it should be about me tonight. I tell her it should be about her. Well, let's just say I made an arrest.

So, after that (sorry so long) she says again she wants Jessica around for a night of....fun. So I go get dressed just like she says. To paint a picture, I picked out a white spaghetti top (satin) a pink checkered skirt, white thigh highs with bows, and some high heels. I straightened my hair, and put NO makeup on as instructed. When I walk out, and say "This too much?" She starts laughing her head off. "Oh my God that is just hilarious! You look hideous!" Wow. I was so crushed. I did this because she asked me to, and then she did this. Why? I don't get it. I felt so crushed, I didn't even eat dinner. I just had a few more drinks to ease the pain and help me fall asleep. I don't understand why she did that. She then tells me she wasn't planning on doing anything with Jessica. I asked her why she made me do that, and all I got was "Well, shouldn't hurt you.". Type anwers. Kind of a get over it attitude. What was she thinking? It's been bothering me. Why now? Maybe I should have known better.

We both agreed to give each other a fantasy night. She got her end, and when she offered me something, she backed out...saying she wasn't going to anyway. I think that's just wrong. Big part of why I am upset. I know I'm not the most beautiful woman out there, but I know I look better than "hideous." That really hurt.

[stacycoral]

i would understand your hurt girl, i would too be hurt if i was told that, take care hugs

[MarcyRex]

Yeah, Been there with a makeover mockery. My sympathies for the heartbreak situation. Even though its been a long time, I still harbor some resentment and no longer let my wife dictate my dress code or approach me with the intention of a makeover.

[Kaz]

Sounds awful Jessica. That would have crushed me too. :hugs:

I try to keep Kaz separate from my 'guy' life. The two are touching at times these days in that I don't hide things like I used to, but I will still not present in Kaz mode to my wife, but then she has never asked me to. She knows but doesn't want to see any part of it.

Reading posts here, I am so envious of people who have accepting partners who also are engaged, but I suspect that this is rare. To ask and then put you down is not nice though and I would question her motives... although you mention alcohol was involved? That could distort things somewhat... Maybe she wants you to stop and this her way of doing it? You guys need to talk about it... Share your feelings with her!

[Jessica86]

Yeah, Been there with a makeover mockery. My sympathies for the heartbreak situation. Even though its been a long time, I still harbor some resentment and no longer let my wife dictate my dress code or approach me with the intention of a makeover.

That sounds like my future. I am planning on going out later tonight. Haven't in a long time. I miss the night air while not having to work in it....

[Marie-Elise]

That's gotta be tough and I'm sorry that happened. The first time my wife saw me in a dress she laughed. Since then, I have dressed in front of her without the same reaction. But, yeah, we never have sexy time while I am dressed and I don't know that it will ever happen.

Hold your head up. It sounds like something unnerving to go through. But we always get over it.

[Jessica86]

I dress in front of her all of the time (I say all the time...but really it's been over a month since I last dressed). When we first discussed this, I admitted it has been a fantasy for me to be sexually involved while dressed. Just has. She does not mind me dressing, but to tell me to go get sexy....then do that...is just wrong. She doesn't mind any other time though.

[Beverley Sims]

It is sad that happened, you do have to watch out for the drink talking.
Try and ignore this type of episode and play it from there.
Hugs and all the best in your game of chess there.
Just watch those moves and moods.

[Ashley D.]

All I can think is ouch! I'm so sorry that your having to go throu that. I know you must be hurting.
I think the two of you really need to talk this. This is the kinde of thing that can stay in the back of your mind and be a big problem later in life.

[kimdl93]

After the sting fades a bit, sit down and have a talk with her. Just let her know how you felt, the pain she inflicted. Leave it at that and return to the subject some other day.

[Ashley D.]

After the sting fades a bit, sit down and have a talk with her. Just let her know how you felt, the pain she inflicted. Leave it at that and return to the subject some other day.

I agree don't make it a heated discussion.

[Kim D.]

ouch hun i'm so sorry how things have turned out for you. y'all really need to have a long talk about what happen. Maybe it was the drinks that made her say them mean things. Hopefully things will get better for you. its going to take her some time to get use to seeing jessica cause to be honest her and you could have alot of fun doing things. like me and ashley do. I believe she will come around sweetie i hope this helps sweets.

[Tina B.]

I'm sorry, but there is no other way to say it, that's just mean! I don't know her issue, but that was done to hurt you, it can't be mistaken for anything else.
protect yourself, emotionally I mean.
Tina B.

[JenniferR771]

Be patient. She will probably come around. She didn't realize that it could affect her that way when she saw you. Something just was not right that night. Next time try an LBD, with tall heels. Remember women like to watch porn both with man on man and woman on woman. They are wired different.

[Stephanie47]

I think I can imagine your pain. If she truly had no intentions of fulfilling your fantasy, she should not have led you on. That was cruel. Frankly, it sounds as if alcohol fueled the situation. If you have been en femme in her presence before with no 'destructive' criticism, then it is especially unfortunate and cruel. Her reaction would be something I would expect if I were to dress up for Halloween and that was a truthful commentary on my appearance. However, if my wife knew I was a cross dresser and she asked me to be en femme, I would expect constructive criticism. There is at least a bright side to this. Your wife did not break out in uncontrollable sobbing and crying, which I would have interrupted as outright rejection of cross dressing. Hopefully, your wife will apologize when she realized the hurt she inflicted. However, I wouldn't be too surprised if she does not clearly remember it at all.

[Thera Home]

Jessica
Im sorry to hear about your expierence, I suspect your wife may wanted to hear "NO I will not shame you in that manner". Those are my feelings on this crossdressing ordeal. One of my biggest fears is making my wife lust something that she morally despises. Therefore I choose not to dress in her presense at all,period.

Just my thoughts
Thera

[Allsteamedup]

Asking you to be enfemme did not imply acceptance for bedroom games!

Would you have preferred her to lie?

Did you suggest wearing something of her level of expectation?

Did she offer to improve your appearance?

Only half a story here...?

[TeriAnn]

I am lucky my wife loves the fact that I dress as a woman. She is the one who found this site for me. Now if my wife asked me to dress drunk or not and she did that to me I would kick her to the curb. There is no one on the planet that can do this and not expect a repercussion. Don't get me wrong I love me wife but there is only a certain amount of abuse that anyone should take especially from someone who says they love you. I am sorry but as for me I would kick her to the curb

[ColleenA]

She does not mind me dressing, but to tell me to go get sexy....then do that...is just wrong.

If that happened to me, I would lose some ability to trust my SO.

[Robynts]

Jessica, sorry you had a hurtful experience. I must tell you, however, there is nothing hideous about you or your look. I went back and looked at your boy mode vs girl mode pictures and you look terrific. It is not a fair comparison to ask you to ask Jessica to show up with no makeup -- an awful lot of women look pretty hideous without their makeup!

Hang in their girl, you are beautiful!

[NicoleScott]

You got set up, in a way. If my wife saw me dressed but not made up and called me hideuos, I would agree with her. Some women can pull off a pretty look without makeup, but not most guys.

[suchacutie]

Actually, I'm not at all surprised.

I expect you dressed in your view of sexy. You didn't dress in her view of sexy.

It's the Mars and Venus problem, and it's one that has occupied hours and hours of conversation between my wife and me, and my wife and Tina. Girls and boys do NOT grow up in the same environment. We all get "genderized" and it's a long hard hill for us to climb to learn that our instincts about being a girl are simply all wrong.

If anything similar comes up again, I would suggest that you engage your wife in conversation to get her opinions. If my wife were to ask me I'd turn around and ask her what she thought "sexy" meant so as to meet her expectations.

The only way we will every really interact as the women we wish to be is to reeducate ourselves, hard as it may be! (IMHO)

[StacyChambers]

I expect you dressed in your view of sexy. You didn't dress in her view of sexy.

This was my first thought because "sexy" is a subjective term, and to me the outfit you describe sounds more "girlie" than "sexy."

I commend you for giving her her night and don't condone her reaction. I'm sorry you got hurt; perhaps you and your wife just weren't on the same page on that night. Good luck.

[Sharon B.]

Sounds like she was trying to hurt you emotionally.

[reb.femme]

I am lucky my wife loves the fact that I dress as a woman. She is the one who found this site for me. Now if my wife asked me to dress drunk or not and she did that to me I would kick her to the curb. There is no one on the planet that can do this and not expect a repercussion. Don't get me wrong I love me wife but there is only a certain amount of abuse that anyone should take especially from someone who says they love you. I am sorry but as for me I would kick her to the curb

I have some agreement with this reply but the kicking to the kerb bit may be a bit extreme at the moment.
Without knowing your wife, I can't for the life of me think why the hell she would do as described, unless we factor in the alcohol.

I think I would be devastated if this had been done to me, but on my old and ever recycled comment, only you can make the call on this one. Just seems like a calculated round of ritual abuse to me. Mind you, it's not like I've never made a complete ar5e of myself whilst under the affluence of incohol!

Chat is definitely required between you.........but bloody ouch!. I feel you're pain!

Rebecca

[Amy A]

I don't think I could ever describe anyone as hideous, especially to their face, drunk or not. My conscience would give me a good kicking for that. If that had happened to me it would have felt like a real abuse of the trust i'd put in someone. Ultimately though, I have no idea what you wife is like normally so I won't make any judgements on her based on this. I think communicating your hurt in a calm way as others have suggested is the best way forward.

Hope it works out ok!

[heatherdress]

Jessica - Sorry, but you have to accept that she had a few drinks. People say stuff they shouldn't and behave poorly when they drink. No excuse, but I think the booze was talking and laughing.

You were hurt by her behavior and need to address it - not hold it in. You will be better off by opening up, telling her you were hurt. The sooner the better. And tell her she owes you your fantasy.

By the way, most of us look funny if we fully dress in something sexy without our makeup. You probably looked rediculous, and funny, and she was drunk. Don't feel so bad. We all would look sort of silly. Sorry you were hurt.

[Aprilrain]

Remember women like to watch porn both with man on man and woman on woman. They are wired different.

not this girl. besides what does this have to do with anything???

[kendra_gurl]

Buy her some new sexy lingerie and ask her to dress up sexy for you.

If she has a great figure buy the lingerie at least 2 sizes too small or if she is thin and small busted buy it 2 sizes too big then tell her how hidious she looks in it.

The you can start a real discussion on why she did you that way and she will know the hurt she caused

[Amy A]

Jessica - Sorry, but you have to accept that she had a few drinks. People say stuff they shouldn't and behave poorly when they drink. No excuse, but I think the booze was talking and laughing.
.

I suppose as well that the extent of any change in behaviour when drunk varies from person to person... I only drink beer and ales, because the one time I drank spirits all night I acted ridiculously and damn near broke my foot trying to drop kick a bowling ball. Live and learn eh?

Would you say this was out of character for her?

[Anna B]

Hi Jessica. I think that was a really mean trick to play on you. Why did she do it? Does she feel so threatened by your feminine appearance that she has to belittle you? Not very nice.

Anna x

[Lorileah]

Buy her some new sexy lingerie and ask her to dress up sexy for you.

If she has a great figure buy the lingerie at least 2 sizes too small or if she is thin and small busted buy it 2 sizes too big then tell her how hidious she looks in it.

The you can start a real discussion on why she did you that way and she will know the hurt she caused

ohhh the old passive aggressive take that approach...usually leads to anger, resentment and someone sleeping on the couch.

It wasn't right when Nat's wife did it, it isn't right when we do it back.

Natalie, sorry you had to go through this. I can empathize since I got the "You look hilarious" line a few weeks ago. It hurts, we know that. Why she did it? Who knows, lets just say she had a lapse. But it is something you two need to discuss. Otherwise it will fester and grow. Then things will get really bad. Do you think she was trying to be mean? Often when you are so close, we say things that we think is just funny but in reality it hurts.

Welcome back :hugs:

[Michelle (Oz)]

I dress in front of her all of the time (I say all the time...but really it's been over a month since I last dressed). When we first discussed this, I admitted it has been a fantasy for me to be sexually involved while dressed. Just has. She does not mind me dressing, but to tell me to go get sexy....then do that...is just wrong. She doesn't mind any other time though.

Jessica

While that would have been very hurtful, you are in such a good place compared with many of us here, don't let your hurt spill over to ruin what you have. You know the tolerance that your wife shows could easily be withdrawn. Suck it up and get past the hurt.

(Envious) Michelle

[JamieG]

Jessica, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm not sure what your wife was expecting to see when you dressed without makeup. In any case, it sounds to me like she asked you to do it because she originally wanted to do something nice for you, even though she was very unsure of it. When faced with the actual situation, she couldn't handle it as well as she originally thought, and the hurtful comments were part of her nervous reaction. If she ever asks you again, and if you trust her enough to go through with it, maybe do something very basic, like just a pair of stockings and nothing else. Or ask her to choose an outfit for you.

By the way, I've seen your pics and you are far from hideous. :hugs:

[nikitataylor0210]

wow I would be pissed.... :Angry3::Pullhair::spank:

[Jessica86]

Asking you to be enfemme did not imply acceptance for bedroom games!

Would you have preferred her to lie?

Did you suggest wearing something of her level of expectation?

Did she offer to improve your appearance?

Only half a story here...?

Actually she directly told me it was going to be sexual. Then, I did recommend wearing makeup to not look different than when we usually hang out. She didn't make any offer for me. That's all posted. I guess you didn't see it.

Thanks to all you other ladies! I don't feel like this is my fault at all. She told me to go get dressed to have a sexual night with her. I only did what I was told, how I was told, and then I got hurt. I've talked with her since this day. I explained how I felt, and she just got up and walked off, saying I shouldn't be hurt. I don't get it. She tells me she is fine with me dressing, which she has been for a long time. I don't do it often at all. Like once a month. I don't know what the issue is because she just isn't talking about anything. I don't know how much longer I can deal with her. It isn't just this, it's other things. I'm starting to think I've gotta leave to be happy again. Tired of being depressed. This was just icing on the cake.

[Kristyn Hill]

Well, we are all putting ourselves out there emotionally and physically when we come out to our spouses and for her to do and say this to you when sexy time is supposed to be engaged is...I don't even have the words. I would be crushed just as you were and are. I hurt for you. If you conveyed her exact response it sounds very intentional.

My wife and I had sexy time today with me partially dressed and, as you know, it is so hot. She knew your anticipation, eagerness and raw desire to be with her dressed only to be humiliated to the nth degree. I have lost a bunch of weight and still have not put myself completely together but my wife is 110% behind my desire to be beautiful and if she was not, then, at this point, I would be moving to happiness.

As you said, you know Jessica is not hideous. Per your avatar, so do we. Hottie is what I see. Others have said to talk about it but as your last comment states, no success at this time. Sounds like she is driving you away daily and that may of been her last nail in her mind. We know she wouldn't like to be degraded once she is made up and I bet you worship or worshipped her until recently. As CD/TG, We make the best husbands!

Keep your head up and stay pretty.

[Ressie]

I'm getting a control issue here. She told you to dress, you dressed. She told you not to wear make up, you didn't. Do you always do what she tells you to do? This along with your depression and hurt feelings reminds me of my marriage that became hell. Although not related to dressing, my ex would push my buttons with hurtful talk. She was controlling and manipulative. If that's what is going on, you need to stand up to her IMO. If I'm not reading this right, I apologize.

[Maria 60]

I am not you but, what I would do is the next time she dresses her best for a party or something when she looks her best, maybe you can just look at her and start laughing. But then again that's me, Italian style, eye for a eye.

[Jessica86]

Well, we are all putting ourselves out there emotionally and physically when we come out to our spouses and for her to do and say this to you when sexy time is supposed to be engaged is...I don't even have the words. I would be crushed just as you were and are. I hurt for you. If you conveyed her exact response it sounds very intentional.

My wife and I had sexy time today with me partially dressed and, as you know, it is so hot. She knew your anticipation, eagerness and raw desire to be with her dressed only to be humiliated to the nth degree. I have lost a bunch of weight and still have not put myself completely together but my wife is 110% behind my desire to be beautiful and if she was not, then, at this point, I would be moving to happiness.

As you said, you know Jessica is not hideous. Per your avatar, so do we. Hottie is what I see. Others have said to talk about it but as your last comment states, no success at this time. Sounds like she is driving you away daily and that may of been her last nail in her mind. We know she wouldn't like to be degraded once she is made up and I bet you worship or worshipped her until recently. As CD/TG, We make the best husbands!

Keep your head up and stay pretty.

Kristen, thank you so much. You really made me feel so much better! I do love her so much for what she has done (accepting). I don't think that gives her a right to make me feel bad at will though. I am trying, and today has been hard. Every relationships has rough spots. I haven't been happy in a long time. I think she is getting the attitude of "I accept what you do, therefore you owe me." That's a seperate story though.

[pj]

I think the idea of "liquor talking," or people "saying what they shouldn't" when they're drunk is a red herring. She might have been saying things she shouldn't, but the things you say when you're drunk are still your thoughts. It just takes the liquor to bring them out.

I wish I could be supportive, but I wouldn't take that kind of treatment from anyone, let alone someone who was supposed to love me. But that's just me.

[Lady Slipper]

I'm sorry you were hurt that way, I think I would rather hear that from 100 strangers than from 1 loved one. You are not hideous, you are a beautiful person, and its good to see you back (I'm a long time lurker). I hope things get better for you and your wife.

Hugs, Stephanie Marie.

[Julie Gaum]

Let's bring in a factor that wasn't mentioned above and also make the assumption that the wife while under the influence really wanted to have sex with her hubby while he was en femme. However let's guess that she asked for no makeup because she still wanted to be intimate with her male hubby.
We can estimate that close to 40% of CD wives and girlfriends are not really certain of their own gender identity just as many males are not for certain that they are not gay. For many ggs who are unsure of themselves they are fearful that they would be declairing themselves lesbians if the SO was completely en femme. That would set the stage for the initial desire while slightly drunk (but not so drunk that their SO is allowed to present himself properly --- with makeup). Then the lesbian fear kicks in and the laughter is an emotional release. Assuming this could be the underlying and not unusual reason then instead of getting mad a long talk together or with a therapist who knows the score would straighten this problem out --- over time.
Julie

[giuseppina]

Hello Jessica

It seems to me your wife has a lot to answer for on this one. I am saddened she behaved in the way she did.

I would not let this go, as it seems to me a betrayal of trust, regardless of the booze. I agree with Julie's idea of a duly qualified and licensed counsellor if that is required. It's going to take some work and time to put this behind you.

[ReineD]

I don't feel like this is my fault at all. She told me to go get dressed to have a sexual night with her. I only did what I was told, how I was told, and then I got hurt. I've talked with her since this day. I explained how I felt, and she just got up and walked off, saying I shouldn't be hurt. I don't get it. She tells me she is fine with me dressing, which she has been for a long time. I don't do it often at all. Like once a month. I don't know what the issue is because she just isn't talking about anything. I don't know how much longer I can deal with her. It isn't just this, it's other things. I'm starting to think I've gotta leave to be happy again. Tired of being depressed. This was just icing on the cake.

OK, I may be seeing this the wrong way, and of course I don't know your wife, but I'll go ahead with my opinion anyway.

You'd be surprised at how many GGs (me included in the beginning) have NO IDEA how deep this is, and how hurtful it is when a part of you is rejected. Many GGs believe the CDing is a choice, some kind of kink maybe, and it is very difficult to come to understand that Jessica is actually an integral part of you, especially if you're rather stoic about it most of the time and you do not dress on a regular basis. And it is even more difficult for a wife to understand, if she has known her husband for years without seeing any traces of his femme side. Does this make sense? There is nothing in a wife's internal landscape that comes remotely close to knowing what it feels like, to experience a need to express a different gender than birth. Your wife did not grow up knowing or having seen any CDers, so I'm not surprised that she cannot understand how hurtful were her actions.

Another aspect is that she may have gone along so far because she knows that you enjoy it, but privately she would rather you didn't. Her fundamental attitudes about the CDing have been influenced by a world that mocks the CDing and a media that portrays it negatively.

And so she may be burying her head in the sand right now (denial) by telling herself these things, some of them subconsciously:


We were just having fun the other night, why is he taking this so personally?
He's the person that he has always been (my husband, the sexy, manly cop) ... isn't he?
He doesn't "really" want to be a woman ... does he?
So why is it such a big deal, we were just having fun!
I don't want the CDing to be any more than a harmless little kink.
I don't want him to care so much about it that his feelings are hurt.
I'm afraid.
What will happen if this is deeper than I think?
Will he want to come out to everyone?
Will he lose his job?
What will people think?
Will he stop loving me?
Does he love me now? Aren't I enough for him? Why does he need to dress anyway? Does he want men?



... she just doesn't understand how you feel about it all right now and it's going to take a lot for her to get over this hump.

So please don't be angry with her. Try to understand where she's coming from, and instead, embark on a mission to educate her. This will involve you talking deeply about your feelings. A lot. Let her see the truth that lives inside you. But don't do this while you're angry. Wait until things are good between the two of you again, and then begin to bring it up. The less confrontation, the better.


Edit - Oh, and to everyone who mentioned the makeup, I want to share something. My SO and I go out a lot dressed together. Unless she is talking to someone at length, most people do not read her. On the rare occasions that she decides to dress just when it's the two of us at home, she doesn't bother with the makeup so much (maybe a little lipstick), or the forms, pads, etc, since it's comfier without them. She calls it her "in between" look. I just want to let everyone know that I do not see a different person. To me, my SO is my SO, whether she has makeup on or not when she is dressed.

... but, I must say that he would look odd to me if he wore makeup without the forms, clothes, etc.

[Eryn]

Reine has already said most of what I could say.

The only advice I can add is that next time please leave the liquor in the bottles. Nothing good comes from lowered inhibitions at times like that.

[heatherdress]

"I've talked with her since this day. I explained how I felt, and she just got up and walked off, saying I shouldn't be hurt." - seems there is a real problem, maybe deeper than acceptance of crossdressing. If a spouse opens their heart and identifies behavior that hurts them, and their partner walks away, you may need some help. How does she communicate? How does she empathize? If she is making you "feel bad" and if you are not happy, seems like you need some help. It's OK for marriages to have difficulties. It is not OK for you to be depressed and to continue feeling bad.

[Kate T]

Jessica

I would have felt the same way in your position. Whether intended or not, what your wife said was hurtful and unfair.

My wife and I are close. VERY close. We never shout, we rarely argue, not in a heated shouting, beligerant sort of way. We have different opinions on things but we talk about it. BUT sometimes we say or do things that hurt the other person. Sometimes we don't even know it. And then we will sort of "sulk" a bit like you were talking about after your wife said that to you. Again, BUT, neither of us let it ride. We will talk it out. Not always the same day but usually soon afterwards. It usually involves one of us saying "I know you love me and you didn't mean to hurt me but what you said the other day made me feel really upset.....". We will discuss it. And we will accept correction, understand that what she did or I did was hurtful, even if it was not meant to be, apologise and move on.

You have done everything I could or would do in your situation. I don't know how to help you. Youo mentioned other problems. Can you talk together to someone who may be able to help you guys overcome these difficulties? Counsellor, spiritual leader?

[Amy A]

Reine, thats a great post. I only wish everyone took your attitude to crossdressing or any other issue they don't understand eg learn more about it and be open to ideas and other people's viewpoints, until you do understand or can accept it.

Jessica if you do love your wife and want to make it work then everything you need to think of to understand her position is in Reine's post. If it's really gone too far and the relationship isn't working for you anymore then you do have to think of your own happiness. I suffer from depression and, much like my dressing, had to come to terms with the fact that I was depressed and needed help. Only you can decide how you feel about her, but for a start, you don't owe her anything for accepting your dressing, and that shouldn't be seen as reason to keep the relationship alive.

All the best.

[Diversity]

Sorry to hear this. It is thoughtless for sure. Sounds like you both need to talk about your feelings. Good luck!
Di

[DonnaT]

That was so uncool!

But now you know not to fall into that trap.

And don't do without the makeup if you don't want to.

[RachelF]

Jessica, I had no time to read all posts. Just yours. I understand your wife had some alcohol influence. You have to consider that situation. Many times we do stupid things under alcohol influence. Now, you say there are other things ... not too much information to give my opinion. Anyway I am not an expert on couples, just consider the alcohol influence and maybe she is now not exactly proud of that and she does not want to talk about the matter. My 2 cents.

[Jessica86]

Thanks Reine. I have tried to understand her point of view on it, but can't. I have seen so many posts, and read so many stories of women who accept or don't accept. I know my wife accepts, as she has just told me we have plans to go out tomorrow together. We have no problem doing these things. When things got sexual...just for kink...even I had red flags going up. Would I love to? Sure! I'll admit it is a fantasy of mine that I have shared with her. I'm still trying to figure out why she would do what she did when she "wasn't going to anyway." That's the only part I haven't figured out yet. All of the other things make sense when you say she is trying to cope in a different manner. Doesn't seem like coping when her mind was already made up before it happened. That's one thing crossdressing takes...an open mind.

[donnalee]

Hi Jessica
Wow! That's got to hurt. You have all my sympathy.
The good thing about this is that it didn't turn into a knockdown dragout fight. I've herded enough drunks in my time (as I'm sure you have), to understand that alcohol makes you stupid, and the last thing you want to do is to start a "discussion" while under the influence.
The betrayal of trust your wife showed is unfortunate; perhaps she just forgot herself.
The best suggestion I can give you is to write your wife a letter explaining how the incident made you feel; take some time with it so it expresses your feelings clearly. Make sure to also say how much you love and appreciate her. Hand it to her or email it; give her time to absorb what you wrote before discussing it. The point is to keep things from getting overheated so as to avoid something being said that can't be taken back.
Good luck,
Donna

[ReineD]

I'm still trying to figure out why she would do what she did when she "wasn't going to anyway." That's the only part I haven't figured out yet. All of the other things make sense when you say she is trying to cope in a different manner. Doesn't seem like coping when her mind was already made up before it happened. That's one thing crossdressing takes...an open mind.

I agree, the CDing does take an open mind. But sometimes it takes a while for an open mind to develop (for some GGs), depending on too many variables to list. Also, the "open mind" continually needs to stretch, as the husband's own needs progress. If the husband's needs progress faster than the wife can catch up, it can be difficult. Still, did you ask her why she did that, and what did she say? I'm guessing that she wasn't trying to hurt you and whatever fears/concerns were going through her mind just came out sideways.

The thoughts I had posted earlier about what may have gone through her mind ... some of those thoughts crossed my own mind in the beginning of the relationship with my SO, and these are things that some of the other GGs have told me over the years. But everyone is different, everyone has their own fears, their own concerns. Like I said, we don't grow up in a world that embraces the CDing (as is evidenced by the length of time it takes many CDers to accept it even within themselves and by their purges), and we GGs don't live in your skins, can't fathom why you would want to present in a feminine manner, if you are not transsexual and if it isn't a fetish for you. So there is bound to be two steps forward, one step back with a husband and wife who are struggling to get on the same page. And if either of them digs in their heels, then it becomes a power struggle and there is even less chance of both of them eventually developing the same understanding about it all.