Oh How I Wish

[melissacd]

I have been reading posts here for well over a year. I have made a few posts as well, expressing my feelings and my situation. I have learned much about myself, but I have much more to learn. I read about other CDers who were up front with their SO's and while there have been some blow outs I am amazed (and pleased) with the number of cases where it has worked out at some level.

If I knew even 8 years ago what I have learned since reading things on the Internet, perhaps, just perhaps, the way that I handled my own situation may have worked out better than it did. An important thing that I have learned from reading the stories of others is that we must learn to accept who we are, we must embrace who we are and we must stand our ground when revealing that fact to a significant other. If we back down, if we show guilt, fear, embarrassment about this, then we are saying in a non-verbal way that regardless of what our words are their judgement of us is correct. They are right to feel threatened, hurt, insulted, betrayed...

I can see now that even though it is painful (and it certainly was that) that we must be proud of who we are, accepting of who we are, we cannot give any ground on who we are. Now I am not proposing that we rub it in anyone's face, especially an SO. I am not proposing being mean, nasty, selfish...I am proposing that we draw a line in the sand, state most clearly that that is who we are and that no amount of bullying will change who we are, no demand to stop will change who we are, we must remind them that that is who they fell in love with, it is the fabric of our character...

I can see clearly now that if I stood my ground, perhaps the outcome today would be very different.

Mel

[Maria2004]

Well said Mel, now you can be free. Welcome to the club. Hope you don't use too much time looking back at what "might have been", kinda hard walking forward if your looking backward :) . Stand your ground, lift your eyes to the far horizon and move forward.

Love Maria

[Helana]

Good words Melissa.

I believe the CD community is starting to get a real sense about itself. I am sure statements like yours resounds strongly with other movements that have come before us like the femminist, black and gay movements. There is nothing wrong with us, the issues lie in the minds of the rest of society where prejudice resides. We should never feel ashamed or guilty of who we are especially to our SOs.

The internet is proving an invaluable means to allow our secretive community to come out of the closet all together. I can only imagine what it will be like 10 years from now. I suspect by that time there will be so many CDs outing themsleves to girlfriends and wives and family that it will become a common topic in women's magazines and talk shows about what a CD boyfriend/husband means to a relationship and what to expect, the advantages and disadvantages etc.

We will always be a fringe group for sure and will always be subject to prejudice but we can definitely educate people far more than ever and gain a far wider acceptance among family, friends and SOs than we get now. Once our condition becomes common knowledge future generations of CDs will never know the fear, shame and guilt that we have endured in our lives.

[TGMarla]

Hi Mel. I agree with you completely. To thine own self be true. I wish when I had been dating my wife, that I had been totally open with her. I might not ever have married her, but I would have a relationship with either her or someone else in which I could be open and honest. To do so certainly would have saved me some pain in the long run, and to this day I still feel that I have to hide my dressing from my wife, even though she knows I do it.

Another part of the result of this is something many of us probably feel. When I'm dressed, I have a great fear that others will see me this way. It causes me to run from that, and to hide myself when dressed despite the fact that I really feel no shame from it. This behavior may have been born from shame, but it lives more because of consequence. I am not ashamed of myself, but neither do I wish to be the source of others amusement and ridicule.

I am slowly...very slowly....emerging from this cocoon. I have purchased myself more clothing this year than at any other time in my life. It's a start. Sometime over the next year, I hope to go out and actually live a night as Marla. That will also be a big step. But that cocoon I wove for so many years is a thick one and a tight one. It takes time for the butterfly to fully emerge.

[Holly]

Melissa, nicely stated. It is true that our acceptance of ourselves will be THE bigest factor of our acceptance by others, be they significant others, parents, kids, co-workers, neighbors, or anyone else! Confidence is contagious. And although we always want to look our best, it is far more important that we feel our best.

[Kathleen3359]

I agree with acceptance.. we are who we are and that all there is to it..
Some people agree and some people dont.. Too bad.. But we are a great plave to get that support.. Glad i am here..
Kathleen xoxo

[darcyann]

Well said. We crossdress and rule the world.. no serious we have to accept yourselves and only do what we want and not what others expect us to do.


Love

Darcy Ann

[Clarissa3d]

Melissa you have a way with words.

Thank you for your post it brings so much in focus and in the light of truth.
and oh yes I agree:)