Pink fog perception

[Darla]

Okay - so as things work out between my wife and I (or rather as we inch through the stasis that we're both in) I basically have given up dressing. So I rely on my imagination as an outlet. Thinking of dressing up, what looks to go after, how to pair a certain pair of shoes with a bag, what foundations would I buy to get a more feminine shape etc. at least my imagination isn't outlawed.

But a really curious thing has started to happen. I'm a visual guy, an artist and creative professional, so the way I perceive things is intensely acute for me.

When I look at myself I'm starting to see a woman body.

I see women's legs, only they're covered with hair and are in need of a damn good waxing. Really - not guy legs. It's like a switch has gone off and I don't see boy parts anymore.

And hips, chest, collarbone, neckline. I see a woman's form under a mat of men's hair growth. It's like my perception is rebelling, and gives me this idealized gender viewpoint.

Now don't get me wrong - I don't see Heidi Klum under my chest hair - I see all the imperfections and differences between a male body and female one. But like I said, the switch has flipped and I see where and how I would need to augment with pads or forms, but it's like I can visualize my chest with breasts, or my hips with ...more hips.

Does this happen with anyone else? It's a little scary - and I feel a little crazy. And there's a lot of questions that it's bringing up. Any TS's every have felt this way or began to feel this way?

I'm turning here because I described it to my therapist and shes a little dismissive. Which also worries me - maybe I need a therapist who can understand this?

Thanks
Darla

[Kate Simmons]

Planning is a lot of work.Once the planning is all done, the execution is relatively easy to follow through with. Every time I dress to the nines, it's like a work of art. Kind of like a sculptor with a block of stone. The sculpture is already in there he (or she)just has to bring it out. :)

[Laura912]

One wonders that we all might think a little that way. We obviously must allow for some flaws in the diamonds. If shear willpower could cause physical changes, how different would we look so why not visualize ones self differently? Just do not confuse you perception with reality or the therapist is going to start looking for schizophrenia treatment! :). BTW, you might need a new therapist if she does not fully grasp CD issues.

[kimdl93]

When I saw a psychologist, we weren't making great progress at first. One day she asked me what I thought was the point of the therpay. My response was "to make me feel happy". She responded, "No, its to help you accept reality". I'm not sure you're therapist or any other would be doing you any good if they didn't help you confront the reality of who you are.

[DonnaT]

Seems you are expressing your trans characteristics with what you have available, your body and imagination, instead of through the unavailable clothes you want to wear.

When I've not dressed for a while, I'll have more vivid dreams.