My Therapist

[linda allen]

As I read posts here, one phrase keeps popping up - "My Therapist". "My therapist said this, my therapist said that", etc.

This makes me wonder if and why crossdressers need therapists and therapy. Do we feel we are somehow mentally sick? Do others feel we are sick and in need of therapy to make us well? Did we choose to seek therapy or did a family member insist that we go to a therapist? So:

Are you seeing a therapist for crossdressing issues?

If so, was it your idea or someone else's?

Were you pressured by someone to seek theraapy for crossdressing issues?

Or, do you feel that crossdressing is not something that needs to be "cured"?

[Laura912]

The role of the therapist is often to help the client find their way out of a conundrum. One is not "sick" to see a therapist. Of course this discussion could get confusing if we do not define "sick.". Sickness or illness is usually considered some form of a pathological condition whether mental or physical or both, as each can impact the other. There are healthy people who, in some circumstances, benefit from the counseling or guidance of a good therapist.

[kimdl93]

I saw a psychologist during a period of depression. Crossdressing wasn't the motivation for seeing the therapist, but it certainly came up in the course of the conversations. I do think that many people suffer from emotional and behavioral health issues that can be resolved through cognitive therapy. Often times, what we experience as depression is the consequence of a lifetime of mistaken beliefes and faulty thinking patterns. these are problems that can be resolved through the therapuetic process...basically by practicing new ways of thinking.

[Erina]

I don't think he helps much really but I cannot speak about this with anyone else. Don't want to suppress my emotions.
Not visiting him often. Just seeking him when I'm feeling torn or lost and just need to talk.

[Jenna J]

My wife and I have been going to a therapist for a few years now for marriage counseling to solve and work through communication issues that we encounter. My crossdressing has of course come up and our therapist has helped greatly in finding my comfort with who I am and also helped my wife greatly with being supportive of my dressing. I know that we would be divorced without that help. We continue to go to improve ourselves and make our lives better. It did take a while to find the right person to help us (we went through 6 therapists prior).

Just want to add that I really think a female therapist is more helpful in these situations.

[suzy1]

Some members seem to need a therapist and benefit from it. Others like me would never even entertain the idea.

I have been told by some other members that I might one day change my mind or find I do need one.
To those members I say, you don’t know Suzy!!!:)

[Kate Simmons]

I've never had a problem with the dressing itself. I went to a therapist to try and figure out how to deal with family members and friends who did have a problem with it.:)

[Tara D. Rose]

I went years ago for marriage counselling just to appease my then wife. That was many years ago. Now days, I don't believe in them at all.

[Jill]

I'm going to chime in here because I am a therapist and work in mental health. In terms of crossdressing, the stance of the mental health community is pretty neutral. For those who see a therapist specifically about their crossdressing it's probably because they feel ashamed which comes from culture or society. My experience is that a lot and I mean a lot of people feel broken, sick or crazy whether it's centered around crossdressing or something entirely different. The job of a therapist is too provide a safe, objective and confidential place for people to work on their issues. As a therapist, if someone came to me with crossdressing as their central issue, I would want to know what their goals are, where they want to go or what they want to do with it. Even if someone came in and told me that he wanted to quit forever and was sure that's what he wanted, I would help him work towards that.

[JenniferR771]

I saw a counselor (MSW), at the insistence of my wife and her therapist, ten years ago. It was good to have someone to talk to. He convinced me to show all my hidden stuff to my wife and then purge it all--and ask for her forgiveness. I am still waiting...and I bought a lot more girly stuff.

[Ashley D.]

I saw a counselor (MSW), at the insistence of my wife and her therapist, ten years ago. It was good to have someone to talk to. He convinced me to show all my hidden stuff to my wife and then purge it all--and ask for her forgiveness. I am still waiting...and I bought a lot more girly stuff.

OMG a counselor told you to purge!

[Kate Simmons]

I once surprised my therapist when I went to a visit in a maternity dress and a form I had made up that made me look about 7 months pregnant. She asked me why I felt the need to do that. I responded that I felt I was bearing a new life (mine) and that I was near to giving birth to it.Sometimes we subconsciously do things in a symbolic way to strengthen our convictions.My new life was born when I finally accepted and embraced ALL of my feelings, including the so-called "softer" ones.:)

[Monicamaryjay]

Hi Linda,
It seems to me that crossdressing is a gift; however, society does not always feel that way. In fact, we are persecuted by many.
Now that alone, makes us emotionally vulnerable. There are strong personalities in the crossdressing world that can overcome adversities and move on with life easily but there are others who need help.
I like to think of emotional fragility on a continuum, just like gender and sexual orientation (which is even more complex).
I have found skilled counselors who listen, help build trust, validate and mirror for the other to learn on her own.

A good therapist will ensure dependancies are minimized and the person finds her own power and own way through the issues, and there is a planned ending to the counseling.

We all neeed support and some of us are isolated. I think it is wise to seek counseling from a skilled counselor as needed.

Hmmmm...I wonder which stigma is greater.. seing a therapist or crossdressing?

Monica

[Lilly Black]

i go to my therapist as a way to maintain emotional balance and alignment. like seeing a chiropractor for my mind. i resisted going for years but finally at my wife's insistence we went together and i continued on afterwards. i am happier, a much better communicator and have more tools in my emotional tool shed to deal with all the shit in my life from people who are not in therapy. :D

[Melissa Rose]

A good therapist can help you see things from other perspectives besides only your own, and to work through some of the baggage we all carry. It is commonly said we are the most blind to own our faults, shortcomings and biases. Couples therapy often revolves around understanding how the other feels and sees things. Having a neutral outsider can often help one to gain perspective and acts as a reality check.

Therapy is not for everyone, and the particular therapist makes a big difference. While shopping around for one that tells you want you want to hear is not the idea, but finding the right one is important.

[whowhatwhen]

Are you seeing a therapist for crossdressing issues?

If so, was it your idea or someone else's?

Were you pressured by someone to seek theraapy for crossdressing issues?

Or, do you feel that crossdressing is not something that needs to be "cured"?

I can only speak from my experience, but here goes...

1: I'm seeing my therapist to discover the extent of my gender identity issues.
2: It was completely my idea, no one else knows and keeping all of my issues to myself was so stressful it was making me physically sick.
3: No one knows :P
4: It's definitely not something that can be cured, and if I heard "reparative/conversion therapy" being used I'd have run out the door.

I wouldn't trade seeing my therapist for anything in the world, I knew minutes into my first consult with her that I could trust her with the most secret part of myself.
That is the biggest thing, if you can't trust and open up to your therapist you won't get anything out of it.

I'm not sure how therapists work for other things, but when it comes to gender identity she made it clear that it was something for me to discover.
Hell, she probably has a good idea what my deal is, but it's up to me to come to the conclusion myself.

[KellyJameson]

Sometimes a therapist will give you the tools to navigate other peoples sickness that is making you sick.

Crossdressing is a benign behavior that many people have a visceral reaction to but it is not the crossdressing that is the problem but the reasons for the negative reaction.

Crossdressing bends gender making life confusing for those who like life to be black and white.

A good therapist will help you step out of this rigid thinking that rules the world if you are being hurt by it by helping you to find your own voice.

[Amy A]

I've been referred for counselling as part of my treatment for depression. I haven't told the doctor about my crossdressing but I will have to tell the therapist/counsellor if its to be worth while in any way, as it is obviously quite a major part of me and an element of what gets me down.

So to answer your questions:

- Yes, for depression but I think my crossdressing/gender identity issues are part of that
- It was my idea because when I get low I can't see a way out other than.. y'know! And that scares me. No one else knows I'm going.
- No one knows about my crossdressing, if they did, I don't know if they'd make me see a counsellor or not...
- I don't feel that cross dressing is something that needs to be cured because a lot of people on here embrace it to the full and gain a lot of enjoyment out of it. Their confidence and acceptance of themselves is inspiring. Just because I have had a hard time dealing with it, it doesn't make it a sickness.

For all other problems though, I still find metal at loud volumes to be the best cure!:D

[Cheryl T]

My therapist sleeps next to me at night. She is always there, always listening, has very reasonable rates (a birthday gift, something at Xmas) and is always supportive.
That's all I need....

[Marlana]

I have been seeing a therapist for a little over a year now. It all started with a couples counselor telling us that I was depressed and needed to work that out before we could go anywhere. I have told my therapist about my crossdressing, but I don't feel like he really understands what we as crossdressers feel or go through. I don't want to be the teacher here,ya know. So now I think that I have to either really get into it with him, or find a gender therapist. I feel most of my depression stems from crossdressing and acceptance of it. I don't feel "broken" or "lost" or anything, hell, I didn't even know I was depressed. My wife is getting fed up with the whole situation so I gotta work fast. See him every other week.

[reb.femme]

Some members seem to need a therapist and benefit from it. Others like me would never even entertain the idea.

I have been told by some other members that I might one day change my mind or find I do need one.
To those members I say, you don’t know Suzy!!!:)

I have to say I agree with Suzy here.
I can't conceive of a time when I might need or even welcome the help of a therapist,......it is the Brit way to me!

Rebecca

[RitaJanelle1964]

I've been seeing a therapist for almost two years now, not because of my crossdressing, but for other personal issues that I'm trying to overcome. However, I often attend my therapy sessions dressed as Rita, which my therapist totally welcomes and encourages. If anything, she's helped me to embrace my femme side even more than I already did.

[Stephenie S]

My BFF's husband is a psychiatrist.

He describes therapy as "Facilitated Reasoning". I thought that was a good definition.

Stephie

[linda allen]

Thank you everyone for the replies. They helped me to understand.

My parents took me to a psychiatrist weekly for a year or so when I was a teenager. I'm not sure exactly why and I don't recall any particular change resulting from the visits. Later I went to a marriage counselor at the insistance of my eventual ex wife, but that didn't change anything either. Neither was related to crossdressing.

I suppose I'm lucky as I've been able to deal with whatever has been thrown at me throughout my adult life without outside help. Obviously, there's a need for therapists and for those seeing one, I hope it helps. I'm sure it's important to find the right therapist as well.

[Sarasometimes]

First my answer: I went on my own to explore my crossdressing and I don't think CDing needs to be cured or even can be.
I find your last post interesting in that you have gone to a marriage counselor and that it was unrelated to your cding. Maybe one reason the therapy didn't help was that a big part of who you are was never being considered in therapy. You also state that you have managed to make it through life without outside help but you have seen a psychiatrist and marriage counselor.
Two things I believe about therapy/therapists. The only way you have any chance of having it work is through a wide open reveal of who you are and the therapist needs to be capable and a good match for you. No therapy will work if you don't honestly participate.
I also believe it takes courage to seek help, be it a routine medical exam (they my find something you didn't want to know about), a trip to the dentist (same deal), or seeing a therapist. I have gained so much more understanding about those around me and who I am and some of it has been tough to consider but it has made me a better father and husband.

Jennifer, clearly had a unqualified therapist! No therapist should ever be that direct and none should suggest a purge! Good therapists:) lead their clients to make those discissions freely (not to purge should have been her option as well). Glad to hear you got newer girly stuff out of the deal!!

[linda allen]

......I find your last post interesting in that you have gone to a marriage counselor and that it was unrelated to your cding. Maybe one reason the therapy didn't help was that a big part of who you are was never being considered in therapy.
It didn't help because my then wife didn't want to continue the marriage.


...... You also state that you have managed to make it through life without outside help but you have seen a psychiatrist and marriage counselor.

The psychiatrist was about 55 years ago as a teenager. The marriage counsellor was about 40 years ago.

I honestly don't think either one changed my outlook on life.

[NicoleScott]

You can pay someone to tell you that crossdressing is OK, or you can come here for free.

[Thera Home]

Listen to me people................
You are all fine, everyone has different things we all struggle with, just fact of life. Own it and move forward. Just be careful to what some want you to believe. You know whats right and wrong, you ain't a dumba$$.

Thera

[tiffanyjo89]

Without reading any of the replies, so I don't know if this has been said yet...but I feel some people go to a therapist (not just crossdressers) because they need someone to spill their guts to, so to speak.

It isn't necessarily that they feel sick as much as they feel confused or just in need of an ear to talk to. Many of these people are in situations where they don't have anyone to talk to personally (no matter how much forums like this help, it still doesn't replace a person-to-person conversation) about a "thing" that's going on in their life.

Onto crossdressers specifically, many are closeted (at least to some level) and don't feel like they have anyone to talk to about their desires that they feel won't pass judgment on them.

[Nicole Brown]

I work with a therapist for a very simple reason, you are required to and to obtain a letter from them prior to your being allowed to begin HRT. With this letter you are allowed to have FFS and BA performed as well as having estrogen proscribed for you. A second letter from a second therapist is then required prior to having bottom surgery performed. All of what I have just stated is based on what my endocrinologist and my surgeon have told me. These steps are in place to ensure that the person seeking HRT and surgeries is a valid candidate.
If not for these requirements, which BTW I happen to agree with, I do not feel the need to actually work with a therapist.

[tiffanyjo89]

And of course, Nicole brings up the other part that I knew I was forgetting...in most areas, you have to go to a therapist as part of HRT and SRS. But that gets away from my post as it relates to crossdressers and into trans stuff there.

[whowhatwhen]

You can pay someone to tell you that crossdressing is OK, or you can come here for free.

I think we're more referring to therapists that either specialize in, or have experience with gender identity issues.
Sometimes you need to talk it out, maybe it's not exactly clear where you stand.

No therapist will say "yeah, you're TS" or, "from what you describe, you're likely just someone who likes to crossdress", but by talking it out and being open to both him/her and yourself you can discover and explore who you are.
Some people can work it out on their own, others benefit from getting help and there is zero shame in asking for help.

The best world would be the one where everyone has free access to mental health care.
:)

I just got back from my therapy session and I'm a bit exhausted, but relieved to get a few things out.
I also have a few more perspectives to consider, IMO it's worth every penny even if I have to sell everything I own to keep going.

[Erica2Sweet]

S...Crossdressing bends gender making life confusing for those who like life to be black and white...

I feel this is very well put! It definitely resonates with me. :)

In reference to the OP:

1. No, I don't see a therapist.
4. No. In most cases I don't see crossdressing as something that is to be cured. But, those of us do blur the lines of binary gender are wise to find ways to deal with it so that it has a positive impact on our lives as opposed to being a dead weight dragging us down in a mire of guilt, shame and loneliness.

[AnitaH]

I've seen a therapist at the insistence of my wife. Crossdressing was only one of several issues. One thing I will say about therapy is that it can help you see things from a different perspective. As someone else said sometimes we all have blind spots about ourselves. The therapist gently nudged from time to time which enabled me to see some fundamental assumptions that needed to be revised. In time this led me to accept the women within me. (not the result my wife was looking for) It was the suppression of myself that led to many other issues. Because of the environment I grew up in I may never have been able to accept Anita if not for therapy.

I also agree with others here that finding the right therapist is crucial. Any therapist that would suggest purging or reparative therapy is suspect in my mind.

AnitaH

[NathalieX66]

I'm meeting a therapist next week, not because I am a crossdresser, but because I need to figure out where to go from here. My meeting date got postponed because my 101 year old grandma died today. God bless her. Family business first, me later.

[Eddie]

I started seeing a therapist while going thru my last divorce. I was depressed and felt ashamed about my CD'ing and I felt my depression getting worse with each passing day. I wasn't looking for a "cure" for my crossdressing, I just needed to talk with a neutral person about it and get things off of my chest. Keeping it bottled up for 40+ years was really starting to get the best of me mentally. I always had wondered about why I felt the need to dress up. I did blame it for both divorces and that made me a bit sad. Both of my exes had asked me to go to counseling, but I would never go. After a short search and a few phone calls, I found a great counselor. I felt comfortable with her the first time we met. The first two sessions were the hardest for me. Lots of tears and anxiety. It wasn't easy to let out all my secrets and be totally honest and open. After that 2nd session, I felt like a new person! A huge weight had been taken off of my shoulders. Long story short - I am sooo glad that I did it. I am not ashamed of who I am anymore. I am a sweet, carring, good looking guy that like to crossdress that also has a submissive side. I love who I am, and that's what matters.
Some people have the ability to handle things on their own, others just need a little helping hand. I was the latter. One of the best thing I have ever done. It has given me a new courage and confidence to try new things and to let more of the real me out into the world.

Hugs,
Eddie

[Eddie]

So sorry to hear Nathalie. My deepest condolences. Take care

[NathalieX66]

So sorry to hear Nathalie. My deepest condolences. Take care

Thanks, Eddie!.....only if we all can be so lucky to live that long. You make the best of the life you have.

[NicoleScott]

It's strange. So many members post on various threads "I AM ME", then go off to their therapist to see if they can discover who they are.

[Amy A]

Listen to me people................
You are all fine, everyone has different things we all struggle with, just fact of life. Own it and move forward. Just be careful to what some want you to believe. You know whats right and wrong, you ain't a dumba$$.

Thera

I wish it was that easy. My black days are truly scary; something needs to be change, and I'm hoping a counsellor can help me figure out what. If I don't agree with what they say, I'll move on and look for another way.

[Brianna612]

My parents sent me to therapy to fix me. There was nothing to fix except the way they looked at me. That didn’t happen until 25 years later when I went through a divorce. My X and I went to a therapist for marriage problems when CD issues came up. The therapist didn’t know how to deal with that so we found another therapist. This guy said the same thing to my X that the other therapist said to my parents. My X couldn’t deal with it and my parents finally came around. My therapist helped me to deal with my conflicting feelings and live my life with confidence instead of hiding all the time. Nothing needed to be fixed, but not being afraid of what others think is worth it. That was a huge turning point in my life and I am glad I did it.

CDing is considered a metal illness for insurance purposes. A good therapist does not look at CDing that way at all.

[whowhatwhen]

It's strange. So many members post on various threads "I AM ME", then go off to their therapist to see if they can discover who they are.

Because being yourself isn't necessarily linked to gender identity, some people just need a bit of help is all.