I invite you to the war you voyeurs from afar...

[Miss Mandy]

For those of you who peek but never enter!

For so long, I was ashamed of my desire to feel feminine. Thus, the post-dressing depression was a natural manifestation of my inner turmoil. I can't tell you the countless hours and endless brain cells that I exhausted trying to figure out this desire. Finally, I just said "so be it". I am who I am. Perhaps I am a mystery to myself..

I have now accepted the mystery! There is no clear reason why any of us shoulder this load upon ourselves, especially with the interpersonal and societal consequences that come with being a crossdresser. It is illogical, potentially destructive to our personal and professional relationships, and utterly ridiculous by the looks of some of our members (including perhaps myself) Nevertheless, I accept all of this. I choose to plung into the fray. To those who volunteer to enter our arena, I say sincerely "welcome to the war." But, in war there are always casualties...Can you stand the sight of blood upon the field (or your make-up table)?

MJ

[Meghan]

I have never thought of it as a war, but that's exactly what it is. A war.

It's there all the time, there are truces here and there as we try to talk it down but it always comes back stronger than ever.

Like a war, it can become years and years of struggle for a few minutes of peace.

Those who are watching from the sidelines at some level must understand that this isn't easy. But maybe that's why they're watching? Because they don't have the will or a way to fight the war themselves?

Is it possible they are watching to see if we find a way to make it work? If that's the case, I am glad to help however I can...

Meghan

[Miss Mandy]

Meghan,

That is a wonderful response!

[Meghan]

Thank you MJ,

Self acceptance has often been an illusion for me. I thought I had it in my teens, my late 20's and then again in my early 30's before it got away from me. It was only after I brought my wife in that I really believed self-acceptance was possible.

I think I have it now, but I know it can get away from me at any time. That's what the war is about, right? The fight to make it OK to feel sexy instead of "in the way". The fight to feel natural even if it's just for a night?

I don't know what it really feels like to be a female. but I do know what it's like to be natural. I think most people looking in would say those two things look the same :)

Really, really great topic by the way, thank you for expressing it so eloquently :)

Meghan

[Beverley Sims]

MMMM! This looks like a fresh and interesting thread.
I am not sure how to answer it yet so I will wait for some more interpretation to enter the fray. :)

[outhiking]

I think for some, myself included, the jump from reader to participant was a big leap. I accepted myself, but could never quite get around to joining in. Once I did, I was almost overwhelmed by the generosity and support of this community. I'm still a bit shy infront of the camera, but I'm slowly growing.

[NicoleScott]

Those who are watching from the sidelines at some level must understand that this isn't easy. But maybe that's why they're watching? Because they don't have the will or a way to fight the war themselves?


No, it's because we don't have a reason to fight, being perfectly content to live the crossdressing part of our lives in the closet, in private. There's nothing to be gained in the fight for us. And if there is, it's still up to each of us to decide for ourselves if it's worth the risk. So far, no.

[Kaz]

Joining this community and getting involved, interacting with others changed my life forever. I have grown as a person and understand myself so much more... and the war?

I have seen it as more of a battle - a battle with these two sides of me that I now understand as being two sides of the same coin and therefore making me a greater 'whole'... the battle is ever there.

Once you engage in the other forums open to members though you do realise that you are not alone and others are fighting the same and similar battles and so yeah... maybe we are all in the war together. But like every war, our personal battles are often the hardest and I am so pleased to have this amazing community to help me win through..

So forgive me for this...

... and as Kaz looks away from camera to an open field with a new dawn breaking over a hillside vista, she says, "And it us, this band of sisters, that has brought us so far, through so many trials and tribulations, with so much personal loss and yet collective victory, on this epic struggle to achieve our ultimate goals. Without each other we would never have achieved what we have done. I want to personally thank every one of you for your dedication and endless support but... hang on... there are 20,052 of us... this could take all day!"

The fight is with ourselves, every day... I am so glad the people here allowed me to understand who I am... the war may go on, but I am now more in command of who I am and a better person as a result.