Who ARE you?

[Anne2345]

Who are you?

Seriously. Who are you?

It's a simple question, right?

It’s sooo simple, in fact, that the question is composed of just three words, and a total of nine letters.

The obvious answer, also coming in at three words, but only five letters in total length, is even simpler.

I am me.

But am I really me?

Are you really you?

Or are you someone else altogether?

I don’t know how much the question matters to you, or even if you believe the answer is of any real significant consequence. But, for better or worse, I have been all-consumed and obsessed with both the question and answer for some time now.

And I can say with no amount of uncertainty that I am currently more me than I have ever been before in my life, by far.

But my answer, even as partial as it may yet remain, has not come easily, and it has not come without having paid a steep, heavily interest-laden price.

The ironic thing, though, is that I spent years and years and years doing everything I could do to not be me. In this, I denied myself. I hid. I ran. I deceived. I was someone other than my true self. I sold myself out to myself for pennies on the dollar. I betrayed myself. I lied to myself, and I lied to the rest of the world.

And much worse, to put salt in the wound, throughout it all I had convinced myself that I really was me. For whatever it is worth, though, I will give myself credit - I was quite convincing.

I was convincing, that is, until reality reared its ugly, merciless, unforgiving head, thereby causing my life to completely and totally fall apart around me. Although a substantial price most certainly was paid (and will continue to be paid for some time to come), I learned an invaluable and life-saving lesson from the experience - being someone other than your true self just doesn’t work. In the long run, it is not sustainable.

For me, I have had to let it all go. I have had to be completely honest with myself. I recognize that I can be afraid, and that it is ok to be afraid, but I ultimately have to stand up to, face, and conquer my fear.

When it’s all said and done, the easy answer is actually quite simple – I just gotta be me. The thing about this simple, easy answer, though, is that it also just so happens to be the correct answer. I gotta be me. Funny how that works, huh?

So do you think you know who you are? I mean really know who you are? If you do, are you sure about that?

[Thera Home]

I am legend.......................................:heeh ee:

Thera

[Erina]

Think its difficult getting to know yourself.
I don't believe that pre made models of individuals can describe them fully.
What I know for sure is that I can feel my own presence, after comes the challenge of trusting whatever nature that stands behind it.
Perhaps full understanding of that nature won't be revealed until later

I don't know. Think such questions can drive you mad

[Kimberlyfaye]

I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be...

I'm a CDer. I'm a lesbian girl who happens to have all the biological working parts of a man. I don't know who I am anymore. When I find out I'll let you know.

[sterling12]

The Question might be simple.....But Humans are complex! I think each of us, as Shakespeare espoused, plays "Many Roles" in our lives. I don't think that's being false or phony, maybe just 'coping" with The Realities.

If Today, One can grow? If Today, One can learn something, and take another step forward on The Pathway of Life? Then, it's a Good Day!

I'm happy for you, if you have taken one of those Steps Forward. Sure beats being Stupid, don't it? Of course, tomorrow is another day, and we start all over again. Hmmm, that sort of sounds like my Half-Ass Philosophy for navigating A Life? Must remember not to take myself too seriously.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[LeaP]

Anne,

Sometimes I think you need more sleep when you ask questions like this. :devil:

But I'm game! I think I'd ask your question differently, though. My question would be whether I know enough about who I am. That is, though I get what you're saying about having your life and self understanding turned upside down (my words), much of what I understand about myself has not changed.

Consider this: If I was conflicted and alienated because the way I think and express myself didn't conform with typical male behavior, even though I now have a different framework to understand why that is so, I nonetheless am not going to start thinking differently. In other words, the essence of who I am has not changed at all. What has changed is where I place these things (and myself) in relation to others. Even gender, as profound as it is to one's self understanding, is an issue of conflict and labeling more than essence.

One of the interesting things I've noticed about post ops, especially those years after transition, is that they so often remark that they still feel like themselves. I had a conversation on this topic with my physician on Monday. I asked her how she felt about her life these days. Her response was to wonder aloud rhetorically whether she would transition if she were to do all over again. Her answer was probably! She did not mean this to indicate any ambivalence about her need to transition. Rather, it was a comment about how much she was still the same in many respects. She went on to say that "sometimes it feels like I just switched places."

All the falseness we build up seems to reduce to the labels, the categories, the frameworks that we employ to give meaning to what we feel and think. But those things are never who we are. Nothing can illustrate this more clearly than the fact that we actually don't get anything meaningful from them before we accept our gender identity – because they don't fit!

So why is my question about understanding enough? It's because I separate the question of who I am into two pieces: identity and meaning. Because my innate, innermost sense of self never changed, I cannot say that at some level I did not know who I was, riddled as I might have been with doubt and confusion. I didn't understand enough, however, because without the proper framework to bring the innate self understanding into the real world, I had no place in the world. No meaning.

[Amy A]

I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be...

I'm a CDer. I'm a lesbian girl who happens to have all the biological working parts of a man. I don't know who I am anymore. When I find out I'll let you know.

Ha ha, the crossdresser Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now! :D

This pretty much sums me up right now as well. Only time will tell...

[Kaz]

Great thread as usual Anne! Who am I? I am getting closer to understanding, but that only comes with being really open with yourself and allowing all of your preconceptions to leave.

I have many facets that do not sit well together when you tell people. My wife cannot resolve the CD with the hard rock guitar player. To her they are diametrically opposed, but to me they are both part of who I am. I am getting on a bit now and have always been reflective and introspective. I love self-analysis. So I have had many years trying to figure me out.

One of the many milestones that helped was to realise that I CAN be who ever I am. I do not have to conform to any stereotype. This may be hard at times and I must admit recently I realise that I play many different roles, a bit like an actor (actually I always felt like that). But I am OK with that as long as I feel that I am intrinsically me inside and growing in my understanding of myself. I beat myself up a lot and my wife doesn't like this side of me, even when I am agreeing with a criticism she might have of me. It is certainly not helpful, and I am at my best when I am just plain accepting of who I am in all my many facets and with all my foibles and issues.

I also realised that I do not have to CD to be me... the drive and urge comes from within and can be channelled at any time. Being me is all in my head and in my attitude to life.

I also learned that it is okay to not like aspects of myself, but that I need to accept them as part of the overall deal.

I do know that nobody else understands who I really am... that is hidden and others only see part of the whole. I also know that I also only see part of the whole... and so I keep growing and developing and learning, day to day.

[kimdl93]

I'm not certain. I've changed so much over the years.

[Carol Elizabeth]

"Who am I?"

I am nobody!

There are those who say that everybody is somebody, but I maintain that I am nobody.

After all, Nobody is perfect, and I am nobody.

Sorry. I will go sit in the corner now.

CE

[janet54]

Kimberlyfaye. Had the best answer to this question.

[Beverley Sims]

A very searching question Anne and one I really don't know how to answer.

[LilSissyStevie]

I'm not sure but these voices in my head are singing "Who who who who, I really want to know" There is a part of me that feels like a dying clown with a streak of Rin tin tin.

Oh God, please make it stop!!!

[Kimberlyfaye]

Can the man and the woman sharing my body ever truly co-exist? We'll find out today. But first, let's meet our contestants!

I'm on a bit of a Batman fix, sorry. I'm tired and rambling. I'll be in the cave if anyone needs me.

[Jane G]

It took many years to find out. who I am. I'd say I was in my late 30's to get to the me of today. But since then, ie for the past 15 years or so, I've known who I am,:eek: what to expext of my self from almost any situation. I'm not saying things won't change but right now, I'm happy to say, "I am indeed me" and I at least know who that person is.:battingeyelashes:

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Who are you?

Seriously. Who are you?

24601! No wait, that's not it! Why I'm VeronicaMoonlit!


But, for better or worse, I have been all-consumed and obsessed with both the question and answer for some time now.

I've noticed, but you're doing a good job figuring it all out. Sure there's travails and bad days, but you're figuring it out.


But my answer, even as partial as it may yet remain, has not come easily,

That's right, it hasn't.


The ironic thing, though, is that I spent years and years and years doing everything I could do to not be me. In this, I denied myself. I hid. I ran. I deceived. I was someone other than my true self. I sold myself out to myself for pennies on the dollar. I betrayed myself. I lied to myself, and I lied to the rest of the world.

Wait, that sounds familiar. ;-)


I learned an invaluable and life-saving lesson from the experience - being someone other than your true self just doesn’t work. In the long run, it is not sustainable.

Yep.


For me, I have had to let it all go. I have had to be completely honest with myself. I recognize that I can be afraid, and that it is ok to be afraid, but I ultimately have to stand up to, face, and conquer my fear.

Yep. You must not fear, fear is the mind-killer...oh great a Dune quote again.


The thing about this simple, easy answer, though, is that it also just so happens to be the correct answer. I gotta be me. Funny how that works, huh?

That's why I'm a fan of Occam's Razor.


So do you think you know who you are? I mean really know who you are? If you do, are you sure about that?

Now THAT sounds very familiar!


Great post Anne! Sometimes finding the real me (you) is scary as hell.

Yep.


The Question might be simple.....But Humans are complex!

Very much so, we are "fuzzy".


If Today, One can grow? If Today, One can learn something, and take another step forward on The Pathway of Life? Then, it's a Good Day!

Yes, yes it is.

Veronica

[darla_g]

I think this is a matter of finding your own personal balance. I am in my own comfort zone.

[NathalieX66]

You don't really know who you are until you live it.

Being in the closet will never get you there.

My goal for 2013 is to "fly pretty" .....code words for flying en femme.

[famousunknown]

Who are you?

Seriously. Who are you?



This is the million dollar question, isn't it?
Sometimes we have to go to extremes to find out EXACTLY who we are.
That's where I am. On a journey of self discovery. A learning experience.
Is it easy to find out who we REALLY are? Nope. Is it worth finding out who we really are? Yep.

[heatherdress]

"Who am I?" - The answer to that simple question is, perhaps, what life is all about.

[Marleena]

Changed my answer. I'm Marleena, I always have been.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

I am who I am because THAT'S who I am! And that will never change!

[Barbara Ella]

Anne, I am going to respond to your original question, and then to the question intended, as they intertwine.

Who are you? Literally, Anne, I know you. I know you as well as anyone outside your most inner circle can. I would also venture others would say the same thing about me. It is easy to know another person because all we have is the information they have presented to us. We have no insight into all of the internal turmoils and foibles going on in the mind, and do not have a right to them. These are the things that make the individual who they are to themselves. All I can comment on is what I have been told, and interpreted by my metrics. Incomplete for sure, but in my mind enough to give me a picture that I can call YOU. I can say this about anyone here, some more, some less perhaps, but for my use, I can say i know you, but only as deep as my knowledge will carry me (recognizedly incomplete). And that makes me happy, because I can stop there and know a happy, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, beautiful, soulful woman, and I am content to stop there when i think about you.

Now, I know the real intended question is "who am I?" they really are the same question, but one rabbit hole is a whole lot deeper than the other one. i cannot stop at just the knowledge I have imparted to others. the I must go deeper into the mental details that are ever changing, sometimes expanding, sometimes shrinking, always challenging. The I has gone through a tumultuous year. I am a one year old crossdresser, a babe in the woods as far as having a mental grasp on the who, what, where, when, why of the me. I am only belatedly beginning to accept the woman within who i see is controlling me. My periods of pain as I accept things about myself have been compressed, though no less hurtful. My periods of joy have been just as compressed, unfortunately put into a shorter life span without a lot of time to think about them and what they mean. I have moved too fast to truly understand down deep what I have gained right now. I know it will come in ten years or so when I have the support hose on with the white orthopedic shoes and the hearing aid (pink of course) cranked up, in my rocker. i wish i could stop at just what others know, for then i would know me.

Right now i do not know me,
I do not know who i am,
I just know I am
Barbara

[Jennifer W]

I wish I knew. I always thought I knew. I have a cool "man's job" that I love. I have a wife and two adult children that I love. A grandchild that I love. I'm a man. Or was. Now I'm a girly man who loves women's clothes, loves to wear them, loves to shop for them and am feeling more feminine every day. I'm going to find myself some day. At least I hope so.

[Angela Campbell]

I do know just who I am. I also know who I want to be but I never will be. A close approximation on a part time basis is the best i can hope for. No one else knows who I am except for one person. She is the only one so far. Like the Phil Collins song "you're the only one who really knew me at all"
She is still in this world but does not know where I am, and likely doesn't care.

[Mary Morgan]

What a great question. I beleive for me the answer will not come until I am facing the judgment and then and only then can we, I, measure who I was, for then it will be over, no diversions, no excuses. For me, I hope that the answer is that I was a good person who loved her family and friends and did no harm to anyone.

[kellycan27]

Woman, wife, mother, soccer player, swimmer, surfer, scuba diver, motorcycle rider, skier, dancer, traveler, explorer..... lover of life, music, art...cook, laundress, house keeper, accountant.. diaper changer, boo boo kisser, teacher of children.... I need help! :heehee:

[Wildaboutheels]

Simply one Human amongst billions. Similar to every Human on the planet in that EVERY one of us is unique.

[MicheleCooper]

Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...
Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...
Claire Standish: ...a princess...
John Bender: ...and a criminal...
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

Sorry couldn't resist....

As far as the question goes I am just your average everyday walking contradiction!

[Tracii G]

I'm a mess.
3 word answer to a 3 word question

[Kathi Lake]

I liken your question to the old saw about how you can't step in the same river twice.

Who am I? I'm me.

Wait, . . . now I've changed.

And again . . .

Honestly, I don't give the question as much thought as I used to. I know who I am. I'm me. Always have been, and always will be - however that turns out. And who you are to you - to me, anyway - matters less to me than who I am to others. Convoluted? Yep, but that's just me.

:)

Kathi

[Renee_E]

I am who I am at the moment. Tomorrow I am not so sure of who I will be. Although, I am the dweller of a masculine body with a somewhat feminine mind. I am content with myself most of the time but at other times I am a real trial on the nerves of myself and others. In short I am a royal mess and proud of it.

[STACY B]

Lift up my SKIRT an yull find out ? Until then NUN YO BITTNESS ,,,, Not a Man or Machine ,,,,Just something in between ,,,LOL,,, KRIPTINITE

[Jacqueline Winona]

I think therefore I am. :) the who or what part takes care of itself, usually I can accept it for today and know that tomorrow might well be different. :daydreaming:

[nikki626]

I'm still on a looooong journey to find the answer to that question

[sometimes_miss]

Who am I? I'm me. Now, WHAT am I, is a whole nuther question.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Some one who is made up of spirit ,body & soul. who has been given life .& each of us in our own way is very different. its not wether we are male, female or some of both we have dislikes & likes we dont all do the same thing . we can hate & love,

Our makeup manirisims persanality are all different, yet we do have some things in common.

A no body , ...no.... we are all known ,

I wont list those things about myself because many know allready. though what you see in my avatar is pretty much what i look like though does not tell you what im really like, that can only be done by a face to face & talking about our selfs,
Of cause theres more to who i am. as a person though i think you know enough to have a good idear,

& as to who we .... really..... are we will all find out one day.

...noeleena...

[KellyJameson]

I think we carry within us the forgotten or unknown self that we lived the first years of life but gave up to please others by conforming to what was expected of us.

Like a piece of clay we are shaped by others but some part of us resists and tries to stay the same and this part of us is our essence that cannot be changed but can be forgotten when we only think of ourself in relation to others.

The question "who am I" is answered when the answer becomes more valuable than anything else in our lives if by answering the question everything in our lives is placed at risk.

The difficulty is not in finding the answer so much as allowing ourselves to ask the question(s) that only have one answer and it is this answer we try to avoid.

The search for truth is paid in pain and that is why we avoid the truth and embrace the false and this is everyones story to some degree.

The illusion is that truth hurts more than falsehood because truth brings immediate pain where falsehood creates a dull never ending ache so we ignore problems that only truth will solve hoping it will go away so never experience complete freedom from pain because we accept the false but the only escape from pain is from paying in pain

We compromise in our effort to be comfortable, secure, loved, ect.. pursuing happiness, usually this works if we have not traveled to far from who we are and into the false self.

For some this becomes an impossibility because they have a deeper calling, a restlessness that nothing seems to quiet.

Sometimes it is a spiritual calling other times a thirst for adventure but than there is another calling back to original truth and in this truth is the answer "who am I" and for some the answer is "I am a woman"

The clothes and the body really are secondary in my opinion to the fact that you can think one thing but be (feel) its complete opposite, feelings are where the truth lives because that is where we started out from, with "thinking" in later years being built on top of or replacing feelings.

Our feelings belong to us but our thinking is learned largely from others that we take in and make our own.

Conflict comes when what we think is true/false is not what we feel is true/false.

The feeling truth needs to be brought up from the deepths and recognized as true but you must be willing to suspend judgement to do this.

Trust your gut. (instinct, intution,ect..) live your feelings, follow your passion.

In my opinion gender dysphoria is about feelings and can only be addressed (found and understood) by feelings, not intellectually.

Identity is a primal experience.

[Contessa]

I am Contessa the person I was before I got lost. No one knew me. But they knew him. But he wasn't me. He is all but gone now. Traces. Of him. He can't say goodbye completely because of a nickname and his dad title. But he will be leaving till he is actually gone. Greet me as Contessa!

Tess

[Maria 60]

I must admit there times when my wife gets pictures developed that I will go through them and I will stop at one of me and stare into the eyes and say to myself, if other people could see what these eyes have seen. A almost secret life, a life of hiding and to everyone they see these eyes of a son, father, husband and construction worker, but I see the eyes of a almost stranger who wears women clothing and can't explain why and knowing I can't ever stop.

[Carlene]

Simply,No, I do not know who I am. The answer, though, is becoming less important each passing day. I am merely one more grain of sand on a beach containing billions of us, none more perfect than another and in the big picture, no more important than any of our neighbours.

Carlene........:daydreaming:

[k lynn]

I'm a mess.
3 word answer to a 3 word question
Somedays I have it all figured out and the next day it all goes to hell

[Jeanna]

I am alive, I am me.

[Jorja]

I am that woman your mother always warned you about. :)

[Raychel]

I am still not sure myself, just who I am,
I am that 53 year old guy that has never really been all that comfortable with himself, Always self concious, always a little unsure about myself
I am sure that a shrink could retire if they actually could get inside my head :heehee:

So who am I, is a very good question, Good luck trying to get an answer. :heehee:
no one really knows, not even myself.

[DAVIDA]

Happy!:D:D:D:thumbsup:

[PretzelGirl]

I am Sparticus!

Well, maybe not. I am who I am today. Tomorrow I will be someone else. Life shapes us on a daily basis, so we are always changing even if we aren't aware of it. So I am someone who accepts that and accepts who I am. The fact is that if you aren't accepting yourself, you are the only one that has the power to change it. Live life, don't let it live you.

[Thera Home]

I'm not sure but these voices in my head are singing "Who who who who, I really want to know" There is a part of me that feels like a dying clown with a streak of Rin tin tin.

Oh God, please make it stop!!!

Who are you,who,who..............ah who the f**k are you

Love these guys


Woman, wife, mother, soccer player, swimmer, surfer, scuba diver, motorcycle rider, skier, dancer, traveler, explorer..... lover of life, music, art...cook, laundress, house keeper, accountant.. diaper changer, boo boo kisser, teacher of children.... I need help! :heehee:

The crown of jewels on a man you are young lady


I am that woman your mother always warned you about. :)

oooowwweeee....................el quoo quoyyyyyyy:heehee:


I yam what I yam and thats all that I yam.....ahk ahk ahk ahk


Thera

[Marleena]

Woman, wife, mother, soccer player, swimmer, surfer, scuba diver, motorcycle rider, skier, dancer, traveler, explorer..... lover of life, music, art...cook, laundress, house keeper, accountant.. diaper changer, boo boo kisser, teacher of children.... I need help! :heehee:

Well... if you ever need a maid..:battingeyelashes:

[kellycan27]

Well... if you ever need a maid..:battingeyelashes:

I am thinking about offering the job to Daniel Craig, but if he turns it down.. I'll put you on the short list. :heehee:

[ArleneRaquel]

A proud member of the LGBT community, old, caring, ( I hope ), a PC klutz, and very tolerant.

[Marleena]

A proud member of the LGBT community, old, caring, ( I hope ), a PC klutz, and very tolerant.


And a great friend too!:) Only as old as you feel..

[ArleneRaquel]

And a great friend too!:) Only as old as you feel..

Thank you darling, I cherish our friendship. :thumbsup::)

[Kate Simmons]

Put simply. you know who you are when you begin taking ownership of yourself and responsibility for your own actions.:)

[Diversity]

Hi Anne,
Great post and some very excellent answers from the forum, as well! I am still finding the limits within my spirit, and to what limits I can tolerate as 'me'. These limits come down to love, self-respect, integrity, honesty, kindness, tolerance, and compassion for others. I have not defined the extent of all the boundaries for each of these planes, but I have grown and challenged myself within them. It is through honesty, that I opened up to admitting my need to CD to my wife. Now I am seeking the extent that I can comfortably go to with CD'ing. But this is only one part of the complexity of my being. All my life have have had life experiences which have brought me to a very comfortable place spiritually with regard to love, self-respect, integrity, honesty, kindness, tolerance, and compassion for others. I feel I have been very successful in all these planes and the many friends I have represent some evidence of this. This new CD'ing thing, is my present spiritual challenge. I am embracing it, and learning about me and my limitations. What I have found even as of this week, is that I feel like a flower which is just beginning to open up and blossom.
Thanks again for your thought provoking post, Anne.
Di

[Saffron]

Ha ha, the crossdresser Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now! :D

This pretty much sums me up right now as well. Only time will tell...

See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I enjoy makeup, and dresses, and... wigs!

:laughing:

[MichelleTea]

See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I enjoy makeup, and dresses, and... wigs!

:laughing:

I know what they have in common.... :)

Myself, I enjoy high heels most.
I'm a part-time CD, enjoy both sides of the coin, not sure if I want to make my own luck.

[LeeAnnRose]

'Temet Noste' my friends. Until we arrive at that realization, this entire forum is nothing.

[bobbimo]

I hate these threads that make me think too much...
But the answer is I am duality.
When the sun is up and the garden needs tilling, the truck is broke and needs work, the trees need to be cut for winter heat, Bob does what he was born to do.
When its a slow and easy day, or evening, then the eyebrows get plucked, the legs get shaved, the soft soaps are used to wash me and Bobbi does what she was born to do.
I know this to be me, and we both know when the other needs to come to the front.
I have done numerous gender tests and they all tell me I need both genders in my life to be happy, and with this knowledge I know that I dont have to choose one of me over the other. I dont have to wear panties or a bra every day. and I dont have to wear jeans and flannel either.
There are times also that I really want to be Bobbi all day, and its disappointing me to have to remove the makeup and put on the acceptable gender clothes, but its OK. I survive because I have something wonderful to look forward too in the near future.
Don't obsess, live each moment of life, its great out here.
Bobbi

[EllenJo]

I am who I have always been. I am a little wiser than yesterday and still hopeful of what I will be tomorrow. I have the body of a man and the heart of a woman and the soul God gave me. Hopefully someday I will stand before Him and know that I kept the faith and finished the race.

[Cindy M]

Sometimes I wonder who I am... and I haven't figured it out

[LilSissyStevie]

Alice In Wonderland:

Chapter II: The Pool Of Tears

'Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of them.

`I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is!"
:eek: