Stretching my comfort zone

[TGMarla]

Today I'm going to do something I've never really done before. To some of you, this may seem like no big deal, but to me it is. You see, I've never taken Marla out anywhere while my wife is in town. When on the odd occasion she vacations without me, I've taken full advantage of the situation. But even though she works on Saturdays, I've kept it all in house.

Well, that changes today. At least for today. I was invited to lunch at the home of one of the aquaintances I met at last week's TG New Mexico meetings. And I accepted, and I'm going en femme. There is a part of me that feels like I'm violating the unspoken agreement I've struck with my wife. On the other hand, since our arrangement is unspoken, the rules really aren't really written down anywhere. So in a sense, everything's fair game as long as I don't expose my feminine adventures to her.

To be sure, I'm a little nervous. What if I get into an accident, or get a flat tire? What if something goes wrong, and I'm left in a vulnerable position that will bring this all out in front of my wife? Or anyone else for that matter? What if?

Well, it's doubtful that anything will go wrong, but I can't help but worry a little. I'll probably enjoy myself a whole lot, with terrific company and an exhilarating little outing, a harmless excusion and nothing more. And I'll be wanting to get home at least two full hours before she comes home so that I can get myself back to husband-mode. And geez, these nails are a bitch to remove.

But I still feel a little odd about it, and it's definitely stretching my comfort zone. Heavy sigh.

[Darlene-VA]

Have a great time and I'm sure everything work work out just fine

[Lillyasia]

How about carrying one of those bugout bags like preppers do, only this one will have an emergency change of clothes. Or you can change before coming home in case your wife comes home early or something. Stretch your comfort zone but don't take unecessary risks. Have fun!

[Thera Home]

Go for it girlfriend if you feel comfortable. I don't really know what to tell you regarding the wifey thing. You know her best,I guess. If she does bust you then you can share you expierence with us. You know we LOVE that drama:heehee:

Thera

[stacycoral]

Marla, girl just have a wonderful time, i know what it is like to get out and worried, but step out the house and don't worry anymore, just have fun, hugs

[docrobbysherry]

Any step out is a BIG STEP for us closet folks, Marla! I'm sure we'll get to hear all the details after u return?

[TGMarla]

Thanks everyone. Hopefully there will be very little to tell in the way of any serious drama. I'm sure I'll enjoy it very much. Still nervous, though. I'm leaving in about 15 minutes. Yikes!

[StaceyJane]

Have a good time today going out. I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

[ReineD]

Marla, please know that I fully support going out and expanding wings and I hope that you have a wonderful time. You deserve it! :)

But, two things concern me about your situation and I just want to let you know what they are. First, there is always the possibility that something may happen, which will cause your wife to come home much earlier than planned .. she may feel ill, there could be a power outage at work, or a number of different scenarios. What would happen if she were home by the time you get back? Which leads me to my second concern.

You're in a DADT arrangement with your wife, and although the two of you have not discussed specific boundaries, she must know that you have clothes and makeup at home and you use them? And since she never sees you wearing them she must assume that you do so when she is gone? Even if the "rules" have not been discussed, she may take it for granted that you are only dressing to stay at home. The picture changes considerably when you go out in public. This is quite a large "next step" for most wives, even if they see their husbands dressed on a regular basis and it is a step that many wives fear. They don't want the neighbors to see, they may not understand where such a step will lead (they wonder if this is the beginning to wanting to dress frequently to do errands, etc, which will increase the chance of family/friends/coworkers of finding out), which might then lead to a desire to go full time femme, if everyone already knows. I know that what I am describing here is a stretch compared to having just one lunch date with a friend, but I'm describing the thoughts that went through my mind in the beginning and also what other GGs have told me they feared.

And so I'm suggesting that if you plan on doing this on a regular basis, you should discuss this next step with your wife, since if she finds out on her own, she might feel devastated. And if she does "assume" that you only dress to stay home, she might feel as if you have gone behind her back. It would also be an opportunity for you to let your wife know of your increasing needs, and also put her mind at rest, should she find out on her own and then imagine scenarios that do not exist.

[Beverley Sims]

Reine is a great leveller when it comes to things like this.
Everyone else is saying go for it.
I vaguely agree, but the trust issue is there and you can destroy what you already have because of deceit.
I would think about it and at least say something to your wife.
Marriages are forever aren't they?

[Thera Home]

And so I'm suggesting that if you plan on doing this on a regular basis, you should discuss this next step with your wife, since if she finds out on her own, she might feel devastated. And if she does "assume" that you only dress to stay home, she might feel as if you have gone behind her back. It would also be an opportunity for you to let your wife know of your increasing needs, and also put her mind at rest, should she find out on her own and then imagine scenarios that do not exist.

The ever so loving Reine, always watching out for us. I nominate you for our CD den mother:heehee:

Thera

[Glenda]

I'm so happy for you Marla. I know it will be exhilirating.

[GaleWarning]

I would at least tell my wife what I was doing ...
Seems to me, that by accepting the invitation without consulting your wife, you were acting selfishly.
And if you go without her knowledge, it will be doubly selfish.
Can't be good for your marriage, if it is built on mutual trust.

[Joanne Curl]

Sounds like you're pushing the limits but of course we (me) understand. Sometimes you really want to let your fem side out. I hope you have a great time and that it doesn't cause any waves with your wife. Believe me, I wish I was dressed right now!

[JenniferLynn0370]

Good luck Marla; look forward to hearing all about it!

[Brenda456]

I hope it goes well!

[ReineD]

The ever so loving Reine, always watching out for us. I nominate you for our CD den mother:heehee:

Thera

I don't want the job, thanks.

And likely, a lot of people don't want to hear my opinion. But, it's just an opinion and everyone is perfectly free to ignore it. :p

Still, I don't know what compels me to speak out when I see potential issues ... probably because I know what it feels like to end a 30 year marriage and in my son's words, it sucks on more levels than people who have not gone through this can imagine.

[TGMarla]

Thank you all for your valuable input. I went and met Wendy at her house, and had a very nice, friendly visit with her. She is retired, and while still married, lives her life about 90% of the time as a woman. And while I had met her wife at the TG New Mexico meeting last Friday, she remained out of sight for the duration of my visit.

I have to admit, that part of it made me a bit uncomfortable. For while Wendy was a very gracious hostess, and I had a delightful discussion with her while I was there, I still felt like I was an intruder in their home to some extent. And all the while, I was doing a little clock watching, knowing that I'd need to get home by a certain time in order to get back into husband-mode by the time my wife got home. All of this made me a little nervous, not to mention that this whole thing, as I'd mentioned earlier, was completely out of my comfort zone. I enjoyed my brief visit, and I did return home without incident, and without any of my neighbors seeing me drive away or back to the house. So it went as well as I could have hoped.

But what Reine says above is spot on. As opposed to when I go out when my wife is out of town, I did not have nearly the level of comfort being out this time, knowing that she's in town, and at work. I felt like I was doing something behind her back. And while enjoyable, the joy was diminished by that fact. I've been a crossdresser for a great many years, but unlike many of you, I don't have this insatiable desire to go out, to push the envelope, and to experience my life as a woman. Once in a while is enough for me. While I greatly enjoy dressing at home, I'm mostly content to stay there, and am perfectly willing to forego going out en femme all that much.

So my little excusion is likely to be a rather isolated event. I'm not all that likely to feel some great need to head out the door again on any given Saturday. You may think I'm crazy, and you may think that this assessment is wrong - that I'll start feeling that need in the future. But I doubt it, really. It was fun, and I really enjoyed Wendy's company. We have much in common, she and I. But I'll likely leave it at that for now. It's just not in my nature to do things behind my wife's back. Dressing at home is one thing, but having excursions like this just takes me out of my comfort zone, and makes me feel a little guilty towards my wife.

At least now I know.

[Stephanie47]

Marla, I'm in the almost exact marital relationship. When my wife ventured to the mid West to visit family, I ventured out at night for a stroll. Yes, there has been no discussion with her as to any limits. I have always assumed she would not like me to be out en femme. I will not say "Out of sight, out of mind," but, I have been always careful. I always carry my 'man bag' in the event my car malfunctioned. I always check headlights, taillights, turn signals, fuel level. But, I really cannot anticipate every situation. Would I want to meet other like minded cross dressers? I really don't know. I think I would really feel comfortable at the Port Angeles, WA annual event (Esprit) held every year in May. There it would be a large crowd.

I'm happy you had a good time. I do have a question. Did the actual event meet, exceed or was less than your anticipation? I know in some of my comments I have stated, if I met other cross dressers with the inclination to be model builders I would feel absolutely no desire to meet with them en femme.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm not all that likely to feel some great need to head out the door again on any given Saturday.

Until the next time you get an invite.

Or until a few weeks pass and that longing to get out and about returns with a vengeance.

Regardless...

1) I'm very happy for you that you did this. Wow, three outings in a week's span? How can you NOT go again???

2) You failed to consult with me, a self-professed expert on all things coming & going on the sly. Not sly as in the wife, Reine covered that very well, thank you. Nope, I'm talking about these important factors:


Neighbor Detection - When one chooses to go out and remain in the closet, you need to utilize advance anti-neighbor-detection methods. This might include doing the basics of the makeup at home but applying the rest once you depart. And the same holds true for clothing. Apply the basics at home (the under-thingys) and the rest can be done on the fly...wait, some of those dresses you like seem pretty complicated for the car but I bet you could get it done.
The "emergency-dismount-into-guy-mode toolkit" was already mentioned. Change of clothes, check. Makeup remover (that is effective without copious amounts of H2O, check).
Elements of the first two items can be deployed on the journey home, that way you are not sashaying through the door from the garage to the kitchen only to find your wife had returned home early.


Marla, all (half) kidding aside, I sincerely hope you find it in you to get out semi-regularly. I do believe doing so is a valuable part of our expression. And if you do so, the stress will reduce if you share with your wife what your needs are in this area. Good luck!!! :)

[April_Ligeia]

Marriages are forever aren't they?




I guess so, except for the 50% that are not. I agree with Reine, I would tread REALLY lightly in a situation like this. Reading your updates, it seems that you are not as much of a "thrill-seeker" as some members. This can only work in your favor!

[Diversity]

Good luck! I applaud your courage and sense of fun!Enjoy the day, and your new found freedom. Hope you post a sequel! I'd love to hear how the adventure finishes!
Di