Sophia Claire
09-16-2012, 02:52 AM
Okay, where to begin? First, I abandoned the idea of the concert in favor of the "LGBT friendly" bar downtown. I called the cab company (because I knew I was going to get obliterated) and scheduled a cab pick-up. First time I used my fem voice. Needs some work, says moi. But then came... My first steps out the door... SO SCARY. But I did it. And each progressive step got easier. Until I reached the elevator. Little black dude sitting in front of it, waiting for a ride down, like me. The elevator stopped at literally every other floor (I was on the tenth) to pick up some Ethiopian wedding party member. And I don't think any of them were buying it. Depressing. So I got to the cab and headed off to the club. It was in a SCARY part of town, and this is coming from someone who grew up in thug territory and was undaunted by San Salvador, El Salvador or Panama City, Panama (those are real ghettos). When I got there, I swiped my card and the driver said "thanks *whatever my male name is*" which was slightly upsetting. I entered and stood in line. I got to the front and gave my ID to the attendant and he stamped my hand and led me to the bar, where my cover was added (as a woman, no less!) onto my tab and I began drinking. Three drinks later, some douchebag named Brian came up behind me and clamped both hands over both my shoulders. I flinched hard and instinctively threw my right elbow back, impacting his right arm and breaking his grip on my right shoulder. I glared at him for a moment and he looked bewildered back at me.
"Do I know you?"
"No."
"So why did you grab me?"
"Oh, I just came over to introduce myself."
"Sophia."
"Brian."
... (that's the sound of me staring at him)
"So, Sophia, why aren't you dancing?"
"I'm enjoying my drink."
...
...
and then he kindly f***ed off.
About 20 minutes later, a girl comes up to me and says (keep in mind, we're in a club, so we're shouting over bad trance music)
"I love your dress!"
"Thanks!"
"Where did you get it?"
"Forever 21, believe it or not!"
"I'm so scared to go in there!"
"If I can fit into a medium there, you can do anything!"
she nodded and said
"Do you come here often?"
"No, this is my first time!"
"Let me show you around!"
And she did. She asked me who I was interested in. I told her "girls." She looked around and pointed out a girl whose name turned out to be Nat.
"She's cute!"
"Yeah, but she seems a little bit unapproachable!"
"She does, huh? ... What about her?" I'm being hooked up by a complete stranger.
"Wow, she's beautiful!"
And then this girl WHOSE NAME I DON'T EVEN KNOW goes and introduces me to this girl named Steph. Eventually, I bought her a drink and told her that it was my first time out. She was already all dreamy-eyed and grabbed my hair and said "you are so gorgeous..." She asked if she could feel my boobs. I said "sure, it's not like I can feel them." She asked me what they're made of. I told her and she didn't believe me. Then she moved in to kiss me.
...
then f***ing Nat stepped in and, I wish I were exaggerating, started making out with her. Steph responded. You have to have been in a gay bar to understand why this is not an uproariously unpleasant event.
...
Turns out that Nat and I have a lot of "likes" in common. Female anatomy. Drinks. Music. Which would be great, and I'm sure we would be fast friends if she weren't trying to steal Steph from what seemed like a GD slam dunk for senorita Sophia.
So at one point, I had to relieve myself. I go to the bartender and ask where the restroom is. His response made me deliriously happy.
"The ladies room? Through that door."
GTFO!
So I went, of course. Hell, the worst that could have happened is that I was turned off by what went on there. Unlike Steph and Nat. But more on that later.
There was a line and by the time I was in front of it, several girls in front of me (assumedly GGs, but by this point I'm so drunk I'm not sure) had told me how much they liked my dress and conversed with me about it. I took a leak and tucked everything back in its hiding place and returned to the party. Steph and Nat were gone!
"meh, probably went home together..." thought I.
Then Steph comes out of left field and says "OMG, I've been looking all over for you! I didn't know where you went! I thought you had left!" and began to hold me in a way that... well... no one this decade but my wife had done.
If you're getting mixed signals, don't worry, so was I.
So she and I shmooze a little more while her gay friends got to know each other.
Gerome comes out of left field and I don't know what his deal is, but he's determined to see Nat and Steph make out wherever possible. And they obliged.
If you're thinking WTF, don't worry, so was I.
Steph asks me "so what's your deal?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, guys? Girls?"
"Definitely girls!" She giggles.
"Seen any you like?"
"One or two. You?"
She giggles but doesn't answer.
Then a guy comes around to collect our drinks. I ask Steph what her plans were for the night.
"Oh, I don't know. I have to pick up a rabbit tomorrow." Okay, I know when I'm receiving a lame excuse. Roger that.
"Do you want to dance?"
"I'm too sober to dance!"
"Come on, it can't be that bad."
"Too sober." I had already bought her one drink and this was going not one step further until I knew something.
Last call. Drink up and get out.
"Are you coming back?!"
Really?
"Probably."
"You should!"
I cashed out and left at this point, because I wasn't sure how much more I could take.
Which brings me to the question: WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?! Is she saying that so she can make out with Nat in front of me, or does she maybe want to see me again?
"Do I know you?"
"No."
"So why did you grab me?"
"Oh, I just came over to introduce myself."
"Sophia."
"Brian."
... (that's the sound of me staring at him)
"So, Sophia, why aren't you dancing?"
"I'm enjoying my drink."
...
...
and then he kindly f***ed off.
About 20 minutes later, a girl comes up to me and says (keep in mind, we're in a club, so we're shouting over bad trance music)
"I love your dress!"
"Thanks!"
"Where did you get it?"
"Forever 21, believe it or not!"
"I'm so scared to go in there!"
"If I can fit into a medium there, you can do anything!"
she nodded and said
"Do you come here often?"
"No, this is my first time!"
"Let me show you around!"
And she did. She asked me who I was interested in. I told her "girls." She looked around and pointed out a girl whose name turned out to be Nat.
"She's cute!"
"Yeah, but she seems a little bit unapproachable!"
"She does, huh? ... What about her?" I'm being hooked up by a complete stranger.
"Wow, she's beautiful!"
And then this girl WHOSE NAME I DON'T EVEN KNOW goes and introduces me to this girl named Steph. Eventually, I bought her a drink and told her that it was my first time out. She was already all dreamy-eyed and grabbed my hair and said "you are so gorgeous..." She asked if she could feel my boobs. I said "sure, it's not like I can feel them." She asked me what they're made of. I told her and she didn't believe me. Then she moved in to kiss me.
...
then f***ing Nat stepped in and, I wish I were exaggerating, started making out with her. Steph responded. You have to have been in a gay bar to understand why this is not an uproariously unpleasant event.
...
Turns out that Nat and I have a lot of "likes" in common. Female anatomy. Drinks. Music. Which would be great, and I'm sure we would be fast friends if she weren't trying to steal Steph from what seemed like a GD slam dunk for senorita Sophia.
So at one point, I had to relieve myself. I go to the bartender and ask where the restroom is. His response made me deliriously happy.
"The ladies room? Through that door."
GTFO!
So I went, of course. Hell, the worst that could have happened is that I was turned off by what went on there. Unlike Steph and Nat. But more on that later.
There was a line and by the time I was in front of it, several girls in front of me (assumedly GGs, but by this point I'm so drunk I'm not sure) had told me how much they liked my dress and conversed with me about it. I took a leak and tucked everything back in its hiding place and returned to the party. Steph and Nat were gone!
"meh, probably went home together..." thought I.
Then Steph comes out of left field and says "OMG, I've been looking all over for you! I didn't know where you went! I thought you had left!" and began to hold me in a way that... well... no one this decade but my wife had done.
If you're getting mixed signals, don't worry, so was I.
So she and I shmooze a little more while her gay friends got to know each other.
Gerome comes out of left field and I don't know what his deal is, but he's determined to see Nat and Steph make out wherever possible. And they obliged.
If you're thinking WTF, don't worry, so was I.
Steph asks me "so what's your deal?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, guys? Girls?"
"Definitely girls!" She giggles.
"Seen any you like?"
"One or two. You?"
She giggles but doesn't answer.
Then a guy comes around to collect our drinks. I ask Steph what her plans were for the night.
"Oh, I don't know. I have to pick up a rabbit tomorrow." Okay, I know when I'm receiving a lame excuse. Roger that.
"Do you want to dance?"
"I'm too sober to dance!"
"Come on, it can't be that bad."
"Too sober." I had already bought her one drink and this was going not one step further until I knew something.
Last call. Drink up and get out.
"Are you coming back?!"
Really?
"Probably."
"You should!"
I cashed out and left at this point, because I wasn't sure how much more I could take.
Which brings me to the question: WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?! Is she saying that so she can make out with Nat in front of me, or does she maybe want to see me again?