And The World Turns

[Julie Gaum]

For many years I've been reading about the thoughts, ideas, feelings and events experienced by my sisters on this forum and now I have the need to express my sadness for what has recently occured in my life for now I'm alone for the first time in 55 years and there are nobody else out there who can relate as well as you folks can.
For 52 years I was married; however the last 25 were loveless years. Yes, my former wife put up with my CD activity as long as she didn't have to see or talk about it.Since I knew it would take at least two years to rewrite my memoirs and at age 84(at that time) there couldn't be too many years left for me I decided to leave Washington state and move 3000 miles to join my widowed cousin in Florida. For the previous year we corresponded by e-mail and she had also read my first book in 2002so she knew I was cross dressing. Making a long story a bit shorter we fell in love and she 100% accepted my dressing. So for the next three years when I wasn't writing we lived the Country Club life --- life was good. There were small events after I first arrived when she would start an argument about nothing. After these incidents became more frequent and she began to forget things we did a few days before like a movie or a dinner --- I still didn't think much of it other than older people do tend to lose some of their memory --- a normal thing. Then, in the last two months the dementia suddenly increased dramatically into full blown Alzheimer's. What makes it such a horrible malady the person affected has no idea that anything unusual is happening to them (doesn't need aides or any help). Now she has aides 24/7, I rented an apartment and she no longer remembers me or that we were close for over 80 years. I suppose what makes it even more gut-wrenching: she was the first woman who I both loved and who accepted me fully as a CD. Now it is all gone.
I had to tell someone so thank's for listening.
Julie
Baarbar Ella; Appreciated your directions

[Laura912]

As one who approaches that time in life, I feel the fear of some degree of dementia for self or wife, who knows all about Laura. Statistically, 50% of those over the age of 85 have dementia. We can only guess at the pain of losing someone who is not gone completely gone and not completely here. Our thoughts are for you.

[suzy1]

Although we only talk to each other over the internet and for the most part never meet in person we are still real people here and care for each other.

I am so sorry for what’s happened to you and your wife. If only I could do more.

Thinking of you Julie. Keep in touch with us.

SUZY

[Erica2Sweet]

I just read your post to my wife, and she and I want you to know our hearts go out to you. If you would like to write us about any subject matter, feel free to do so through my profile here any time you'd like.

[Eryn]

Julie,

The death of memories is every bit as distressing as the death of a person. Both are unpleasant things to watch, but the former is even more distressing as the loved one lives on.

Consider the many happy times you had together and, if your cousin is in a listening mood, relate them to her. She may no longer be able to keep the memories but she might appreciate hearing them.

Also, please take care of yourself. When a loved one is in distress we tend to ignore our own needs.

Hugs, Eryn

[STACY B]

Sorry for your loss ,, I can't even imagine living that long with some one like your wife an not being able to live the way I was wired ? An also for your Loving cousin who set you free after a Long life of not being accepted . Aleast you can treasure her memory an the little time you two had together .Always remember the good times an when it got close to the end it wasn;t her ,,, It was that awful Alzheimer's that was talking . Like I tell the young ones here ,,Lifes short ya gotta do it an dont look back . Wish you would try an relate some of your wizdom on the younger crowd here so they dont waste any more time hidding ! The time is now ,,,, An this is me ,,,Love or leave it alone !

[Sheila11]

I am sorry for your loss. Alzheimer's is a merciless thief. My heart is in your corner.

[Leah Lynn]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Take care.

[Rachel Morley]

The death of memories is every bit as distressing as the death of a person. Both are unpleasant things to watch, but the former is even more distressing as the loved one lives on. Yes, this is so true because if they are still alive it feels like you have been rejected. It's a gut wrenching situation but you know there is nothing you can do. Sometimes life is so cruel :sad:

[Janet77]

Sorry to hear about this Julie. My father has Alzheimer's so I know what a heartbreaking disease it is. You have my deepest sympathies.

[heatherdress]

Julia. I am truly sorry for you. I can only offer a thought, all is not gone. You experienced the feelings, joys and satisfaction of true love. Many, in life, never have that gift. Those feelings, your joys together and your love will be with you forever. It is a terrible malady you are experiencing. You grief must be great. The deeper your love, the more pain you must feel. God bless you.

[bobbimo]

Julie,
My heart aches for your loss. But maybe this is another chapter in your memoirs. I always loved the movie version of 'the notebook' Where James Garner would go to visit his wife and read her their story.
How she would love it and she had no clue who he was or that the story was theirs.
You may have lost the physical gift of your cousin-love of your life. But you still have her heart in yours. Write your story, and you can relive every wonderful day that you had. Then share the story with her... and with us too.
Bobbi

[kimdl93]

Very sorry to hear of your loss, Julie. I'm sure you're very grateful for the love and acceptance she provided.

[Karren H]

Were experiencing that with my mother-in-law.... it's pretty sad to see her decline and I'd feel really bad if she weren't such an evil mean ass woman.... can't imaging how that would feel when a loved one was involved.... but that's life.... and if I live long enough I figure I'm going to have to deal with the same thing......

[Jennifer W]

Sorry for your loss..

[Claire Cook]

Julie,

We know something of what you are going through. My late mother-in-law had Alzheimer's, and anyone who has been through this knows what a tough situation it can be. Your story is especially poignant. To have shared what you both shared, and to see it fade away as you have must be so difficult. You know that we are here for you.

[linda allen]

I am fortunate to not know anyone who has had this condition, but I certainly want to say I'm sorry that this has happened to the both of you. The best I can do is suggest that you try to think about the good times you had together.

[Lady Slipper]

Julie, I am sorry that you have to endure the heartache of Alzheimers. My grandmother had it, I felt like I lost her twice, once from the Alzhimers 3 years ago, and then again last year when Cancer took her. All the words I would use to describe that horrible disease can't be used here.

[sandra-leigh]

My mother-in-law has late stage Alzheimer's. She lives with us. I'm accustomed to her forgetting my name (I really didn't know her well before), but at one point last week she had forgotten her (deceased) husband's name (and didn't recognize it when it was told to her), and had forgotten my wife's name. There isn't much we can do other than try to keep her fed (when she isn't spitting it out) and let her sleep and watch TV.

[Tina B.]

I have suffered loss of loved ones by death, and by dementia, death is kinder, it's easier to understand gone, than here, but still gone. my heart goes out to you, the only one that knows of my dressing is my wife, and I think I understand just what you mean about being so a lone, losing the one person you can confide in, has to be the hardest loss of all.
Tina B.

[Kelli Ca]

My deepest condolences to you in your time, I can't imagine to pain you must feel. Be comforted here as you've stated. Reach out there will always be hands reaching back.

[Saffron]

I'm sorry to hear that Julie. Have you thought about finding a local support group?

Take care.

[Diversity]

Hi Julie,
Thank you for sharing your post with us. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your loved one but at least you can still visit her and reflect upon the wonderful memories you both shared. Since joining this forum, I have found it to be informative, and peaceful, in that I learn from the others and I have a place to express myself without fear of criticism. I am in a similar situation as you were with your first wife, and am hoping that mine will someday allow me to CD openly with her. Such is not the case at present, and I understand your feelings.
Please stay in touch with us, and know we are your friends. I sincerely wish you my very best and again, thank you for sharing your story.
Kind regards,
Di

[UNDERDRESSER]

Alzheimer's is a horrid disease, it hurts the family sometimes more than the victim. To lose personality and memory............. to see it happen.......

All we can offer is our love, you have it.

[sandra-leigh]

Alzheimer's is a horrid disease, it hurts the family sometimes more than the victim. To lose personality and memory............. to see it happen.......


As mentioned above, my M-I-L who lives with us has Alzheimer's. One of the difficulties I have been dealing with is my tendency to more and more treat her like a child, or to refer to her like a semi-trained animal. Like my teasing her by tapping on her far shoulder, to get some reaction from her, to interact with her somehow. Or my suggesting to my wife that, "you should put your mother outside" on a nice day -- she does need the fresh air, but I feel bad about referring to her like she is a pet to be put outdoors for a while... and I find as time goes that it gets easier for me to say such things. I'm shedding some of my own humanity as she gets worse. :sad:

[UNDERDRESSER]

As mentioned above, my M-I-L who lives with us has Alzheimer's. One of the difficulties I have been dealing with is my tendency to more and more treat her like a child, or to refer to her like a semi-trained animal. Like my teasing her by tapping on her far shoulder, to get some reaction from her, to interact with her somehow. Or my suggesting to my wife that, "you should put your mother outside" on a nice day -- she does need the fresh air, but I feel bad about referring to her like she is a pet to be put outdoors for a while... and I find as time goes that it gets easier for me to say such things. I'm shedding some of my own humanity as she gets worse. :sad:Not the example i was thinking of, but very astute observation nevertheless. I think it can be worse in the early stages, when you can see that they know something is wrong, but don't know exactly waht.....