your guy friends and crossdressing

[jaanine]

i am just wondering many of us have buddies who hunt,fish, race cars, ride dirt bikes and such. and it seems many of you spend alot of time in fem mode how do you deal with your buddies? i know ya dont dress up in their presence but dont you think they have an idea about it? i have some serious manly men friends as i am sure many of you do too just wondering how you contain your fem side i mean i understand ya just dont do it but some of you look so damn good that you must spend alot of time in fem mode so what happens when chuck and two guys from work show up at the door to go to the sprint car races? unexpectedly practice makes perfect and the only way i can see perfection is to not have real men friends around much or at all xo

[jaanine]

in order to come out of the closet this question has plagued me i have the support of my girlfriend and a friend of hers so i look forward to having a good time like daphne had in a previous post. yes at the moment i am married but its at an end and dressing is part of the reason i also have 3 lil girls gonna turn 50 on the 20th my gf and i have been shopping for items i no longer have to get rid of for fear of my wife finding them and in order to fulfill my dream of being a woman these areas must be addressed it feels that if i want to attain perfection as some of you have i need to separate but i cant just throw away my manly life to be beautiful? yes i understand the sneak out thing, having to get hotel since my gf mother lives with her, gotta plan night out very carefully as i still have to operate heavy equip monday morn any thoughts or ideas are appreciated i just wanna go out and be as beautiful as some of you xo

[Eryn]

I had a group of camping and dirt biking friends but I slowly lost interest in that. Most of my male friends now are from technical hobbies, not more macho pursuits.

Despite this, I'm not going to come out to them. There wouldn't be any point. They might notice my grooming habits (shaved legs, clear polish) or that I occasionally wear Capris, but the fact is that I've known them for years and a couple of little quirks aren't going to change their attitude toward me.

[Tracii G]

I have never told my close guy friends and don't plan to.I don't talk sex and say things like hey look at the hooters on that girl or anything like that.IMO that is crude.
I'm quiet and laid back and just be my guy self as best I can and trust me its hard. I have to watch what I say.
I'm sure they think I'm a tad different but never ask any questions.At times I have perfume on or wear toe rings and painted toenails.
Their wives and GF's like it when I hang with them at clubs I sense they have figured a few things out but again have never said anything.
Pretty much the same Eryn I have known them for a long time so it makes no difference.
If I told them they would be OK with it I'm sure but no real reason to get that personal.
Leads to too many problems if you get too personal in their lives.Say they have marital problems I tell them thats your business don't involve me because I won't take sides.

[jaanine]

traci i am a bit more of a leader i think but yea i just cant let em know a dang thing but i need practice lol! i do tend to notice womens details more than most i think they just think i am a perv but really i am envyous of women and not thinkin like they think i am thinkin lol

[Persephone]

Let's see, I took a group of my son's friends to the shooting range today and we later had dinner with another couple who are great friends of ours. I was en drab today. but my sons friends who were there today (two guys and a girl) all know about me and don't care, and the couple we were with tonight know and don't care, although they have said that they would prefer not to see me en femme on a regular basis.

I don't know what constitutes "manly," it may be different for different guys, but I am a sort of techno-manly kinda guy. Some folks even consider me a "man's man." Most of my manly pursuits involve ammo, camo, and blamo - shooting, high-powered rocketry, ham radio, backpacking, off-roading, that sort of thing.

My very best guy friend knows, has been a couple of places with me while I was in girl mode, and while he doesn't really enjoy seeing me that way he's perfectly O.K. with it. He never really says anything, even in jest, that might be offensive to my crossdressing, but he gets a kick out of some of the funny stuff like when he and I are having lunch and my cellphone rings and I have to go into girl mode to take the call. He gets a very amused look on his face, I finish the call, hang up, and we go back to guy discussion.

And, as you may already know, Jaanine, about 75% of my out-and-about life is spent in girl mode. I have close women friends, and belong to women's groups, workout at a women's gym, belong to my congregation's ladies auxillary, run errands en femme, etc., etc., and so forth.

So how does it blend? First, I have to credit my spouse's enormous support. Then I think that it seems to work because I take friendship very seriously, because I'm honest with my friends, and because I respect and trust them and our friendships are deep, real, and genuine. They know that I would be there for them no matter what and they reciprocate.

I hope that helps to answer your question. And what would happen if they came to the door unexpectedly? They'd probably say, "Oh, Hi Barb. I came to ask D____ a question about the best ammo for ..."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Funny as it maybe i do have a few male friends, & yes they are hard liveing like thier drink & so on . yet im just noeleena to them they accepted me for who i am not what im not theres no pretence no well you know i mean oh you a woman . its just about being accepted .

We just get on with normal life, & the other detail is i worked for some of them doing building really nothings changed & my ? would be why should it, you know acceptance can be there waiting for you , it was for me.

...noeleena...

[kristinacd55]

My big thing was and is the annual Super Bowl ski trip I've been doing with a group of guys for the last 22 years. It's always been a bit difficult to pull off, but the last few years have been even tougher. This year will be ESPECIALLY tough because I quit drinking (drinking is a major part of the trip with me being the worst offender) and add in the tg'ing. It will make it a very interesting trip this year! I can't wait!

[linda allen]

My dressing is around the house only, at least for now. If I do take it outside, it will be far from neighbors, friends, and family. (OK, that could change eventually, but that's my plan at the moment.)

When I'm out, I am in male mode. I look male (except for my newly pierced ears) and act male. I am less of a macho jerk than I used to be before I started seriously dressing, but I go along with the crowd.

Once in a while a neighbor will knock on the door and I'll have to either not answer or make a quick change.

[Kimberlyfaye]

The ones that don't know, I just act like one of the guys around them. It's kind of fun knowing I'm acting around them and they don't know the secret :) My closest male friend knows and he teases me sometimes. But in a nice, fun way. I know he only means it as a joke and I respond like he's complimenting me. We have fun.

[xdressed]

I've often wondered what it would be like coming out to my closest guy friends. None of them are overtly masculine, but we're all into edgy humour, heavy drinking and most of us are into some form of metal music, and they generally look to me as one of the most 'extreme' in these respects (particularly with the music lol) so the idea of me being sensitive and feminine and wearing dresses and make up etc probably sounds insane. I think most of them would be accepting to some degree, but I don't trust them to keep their mouths shut and I don't think I could take the inevitable jokes unless I was very used to being out and about en femme. Maybe in a decade or two lol

[Rogina B]

I keep my distance from those that don't need to know a thing,I don't socialize at all with them. I am not headed to "hunting camp" anytime soon. My real friends,I am out to,and they know and like Rogina. The waterfront[commercial] is usually loaded with macho characters that most often have a big need to tell whatever they know to the others. Now that I am not at sea often,I can keep my life a bit of a mystery to them. They can write me off as being talented,but a bit strange..lol They know I have another life away from them,but don't really know for sure what it is.

[Millie]

I enjoy all those hobbies. I do like to ride my Harley with my biker buddies. I probably would get beaten up if they new I was Millie. Only a few know and they are all GG's that I trust.

[Cynthia Anne]

I just let the chips fall where they may! I don't flaunt myself in front of them but if they see me dressed then; oh well!!!!!!!

[Beverley Sims]

When I was younger I would go swimming in a bikini and at sleepovers I would dress as a girl, wore shortie pyjamas and we played cards.
Strip Jack Naked. :)
It all seemed a joke to my friends and they knew I had been on stage and won 1st. prize in a drag talent quest.
They never considered me a CDer or anything insidious. Just a good illusionist. I had encouragement from the girls as well

[EllenJo]

My two best male friends do not know anything about EllenJo. We hunt and fish together, drink a lot of bourbon and beer and just be guys. Which is part of me also, so I do not find it a problem. The only thing they think is different about me is that I am a liberal and they are very conservative politically. I wish I could share my fem part with them but it will never happen. I do have a female friend from Church that I would like to come out to but my wife objects so I just am where I am until something changes.

[Cheryl T]

Slowly been drifting away from those things over the last 10 years. Besides the lack of interest I'm just getting older to the point where some of them I can't do anymore.
I'm sure some of them have some idea because of the 4 earrings, the shaved body, thin eyebrows and long nails (a little hard to hide I suppose) but no one has ever said anything to me about it.
Other interests have surfaced of late and those people I associate with are not close enough to be real friends yet and if they have an inkling I'm sure they are too reserved about it to say anything.

[Madam Rose]

Simple all my friends know so it's no surprise. Besides I don't hang with the macho ''me hulk me smash'' kind of people so I have no issues there.

[Ashley D.]

I'm out to everyone I see all the time. The people male or female that don't know yet. I don't hide any and if anyone is to closed to accept it the I don't want them in my life.

[Jenniferathome]

My friendships have lathing to do with my crossdressing. When I am in guy mode, which is 99% of the time, im a guy doing guy things. I leave my friends, with the exception of my wife, out of my crossdressing.

[Marcia Sue]

My guy friends have no idea about Marcia Sue. When with them I do all the normal guy things.

[Jamie001]

The only male friends that I have are intellectual types. I'm a feminine male all of the time when I'm not at work. I have a women's hair style, red toenails, wear women's sandals, and carry a women's purse. Since my interests are either intellectual or feminine, I have no desire to be around the stereotypical "manly-man" as I have absolutely nothing in common with them.

[jaanine]

thanks ladies its kinda what i figured i guess i wont be able to go fem as much as i would like...xo

[Marleena]

I don't have many guy friends or acquaintances. I played the guy role as best I could with coworkers and sometimes overcompensated for it. If I spend too much time around people they pick up that I'm different so I keep my distance. I guess I'm not too convincing as a "normal" guy.

[becky77]

Good question. I have no idea what my friends think and I would love to know but I don't want to give them the burden of knowing or lose a good friend because they feel too awkward.
Sometimes I wonder how them and my family don't add-up the details, Pierced ears, long fingernails, plucked eyebrows, extreme hair removal, sometimes feminine ways (try to act macho). But the truth is they are not looking close enough, yeah if I left some nail polish on or over plucked my eyebrows they may suddenly look closer, but you would be surprised how many people either don't notice, don't care or because i'm married don't suspect. For some reason people start asking questions if you are single especially for a long time, once in a long term relationship it's like you are in stealth mode lol.

[StarrOfDelite]

I'm a little curious about your definition of "real men friends." Were you being sarcastic, or just using the expression instead of "straight?" I've been a member of many male-oriented organizations (high school gang, college fraternity, various athletic teams, the USMC, local business associations, social clubs), and, in retrospect, have wasted too much time hanging around with guys drinking beer and talking about women, sports cars and football. But, I've never thought "manly men" are defined by hunting, fishing, riding dirt bikes, and following sprint car races (did you omit watching Wrestlemania by mistake or on purpose? :D ) I think if I wanted to create a stereotyped profile of a "Male Person Most Likely to be Anti-GLBT" I'd probably start with those characteristics.

[Aloha Jayne]

This is a very interesting thread. It's good to read that there are so many regular guys that like to do guy stuff with other guys, hunting, sports, drinking....your know guy stuff. But somewhere inside, we have a need to express our feminine side. It doesn't make us a non-guy, but yet most of us are very hesitant to share this with even our closest friends. And in a way it makes this all that more bizarre. I mean, if we were a bunch of weanie, nerdy types, with social issues and hang-ups, then this behavior would not surprise our friends as much. But we're just red blooded, women lovin', sports watchin', beer drinking guys, that sometimes feel better in a dress.

I have never had many friends, male or female. Not because of this, but mostly because I find most guys to be boring. I love to watch the NFL and NASCAR, and look at pretty women just like the next guy. But that is about the limit of interest with most guys and there is more to me than that. I find that I relate better to women. But because I'm sexually attracted to them, it isn't easy having one as a close friend. I am perfectly comfortable in my house with my SO and her two daughters and their friends.

But wouldn't it be nice to have someone to watch football with and talk about beauty tips at the same time. I know some of you here have managed to find that, but I'm guessing it is rare. And congratulations to those of you that have told your best friends, and they have stuck by you. Those are real friends!

[April_Ligeia]

I just don't discuss this with my friends, it isn't a subject that comes up. Your friends are most likely not thinking about crossdressing because, well, that's something crossdressers think about.

[Jamie001]

If I can't be myself around my friends, then they aren't my friends! I don't need friends that can't accept me for who I am. Everyone should ask themselves the following question: "If my friends cannot accept who I really am, are they really my friends?". It's really that simple.

[Amy A]

I don't talk about it to anyone. I only have a small group of male friends who don't know about it. If they did find out, I reckon a couple of them would be fine about (although take the piss a bit), but there's one who is clearly uncomfortable about such things and may have a hard time dealing with it. I've contemplated telling some of them, but it's not exactly an easy thing to do. Perhaps one day I'll just show up at the pub in a little black dress and see what happens! :)

[jaanine]

I'm a little curious about your definition of "real men friends." Were you being sarcastic, or just using the expression instead of "straight?" I've been a member of many male-oriented organizations (high school gang, college fraternity, various athletic teams, the USMC, local business associations, social clubs), and, in retrospect, have wasted too much time hanging around with guys drinking beer and talking about women, sports cars and football. But, I've never thought "manly men" are defined by hunting, fishing, riding dirt bikes, and following sprint car races (did you omit watching Wrestlemania by mistake or on purpose? :D ) I think if I wanted to create a stereotyped profile of a "Male Person Most Likely to be Anti-GLBT" I'd probably start with those characteristics.
dont read too much into it! you know what i am asking so please dont over analyze it i wasnt stereotyping a damn thing merely asking a simple question

[Saffron]

If I can't be myself around my friends, then they aren't my friends! I don't need friends that can't accept me for who I am. Everyone should ask themselves the following question: "If my friends cannot accept who I really am, are they really my friends?". It's really that simple.

Well, there's friends and friends. e.g. I don't think my football (soccer) teammates needs to know about my CD.

On the other hand, I won't be friends with someone who is racist, homophobic, etc.

[Mistybtm]

None of them know. most of my friends are into computers and gaming, The only time we get together is for A computer build we make A party out of it. usualy at my place and all my items are out of site and I make double sure of that before anyone shows up.

[Meghan]

I don't have any guy friends to speak of. Never really have. All of my friends and even casual relationships have been with women. My doctor is female, so is my dentist, my eye doctor and of course, my so is my wife! My best working relationships have been with women.

The cat, who sees me every night and is always there for me, both lovingly and spiritually, is female.

My best friends are women. I have never been able to relate to "men" in any meaningful way. I feel like I am missing something as a result.

Meghan

[nikki626]

never, Never, NEVER would i tell my guy friends about cd. just thinking about it gets me worried/scared...

[Lorileah]

Girls hunt and fish and ride dirt bikes and sweat and spit and drink and cuss and...here is the deal, why does it bother THEM? If you are hunting or fishing or whatever it is doubtful you will be wearing heels a skirt and make up. GG's don't so why would you unless you are absolutely nuts?

If my guy friends don't like it they can stay out of my camp site.

[lingerieLiz]

I never thought about it. I've had male friends that found out and stayed friends. Actually all were the macho types. A neighbor first met me dressed, but he bacame a friend and never let it bother him. Went hunting with him etc. One friend that neither one of us knew the other's secret until we decided to play a prank and came out to each other in doing so. We went to a sox hop as a couple. I was the girl of course and got carried away with passing. He was gay and I never suspected, and I was a CD who he never suspected.

I would think that it would depend on how you present and if you were trying to be fem or not. Guys usually congregate to be with others doing the same thing. Being a girl around them is not what they would want.

Years ago I saw a magazine picture that showed a woman in a sport coat, long skirt and fine leather boots. She had a shotgun and was bird hunting. I wanted that outfit and wanted to go hunting dressed like that. I couldn't afford the outfit at the time. What's more no one hunted in skirts where we were living at the time.

[jaanine]

ok ok ok question answered thanks

[STACY B]

Guy friends ? STOP !!! They better not try an steal my clothes while there around ,,,Better buy there own ,,,Dam CDs gotta watch um !!

[Kelly Smith]

I have two distinct personalities each with its own presentation. In "man mode" I dress, move respond and think like any other man. My friends wouldn't be able to reconcile that guy and Kelly. Neither can I, actually. She is a mystery.

[donna_tgirl]

No one I'm close to knows about my dressing and adventures - not my family or any of my friends. I haven't been totally honest with any of them for fear of rejection and ridicule. So now I'm way into all of these relationships and am afraid of hurting them and losing them especially my family. I wish I could be more in the open with all of this, but I don't have the courage to do what it takes. So, to be somewhat feminine while having to be "manly" because I don't get to dress as often as I would like or need I will wear longer men's shorts which are basically cargo style capris and flip flops with a narrow thong. I also make sure my toenails are very well kept, but I don't polish them in boy mode. Lastly, I always wear thong underwear - men's when I'm in boy mode. This seems to get me by for the time being until I can get pretty again. No one seems to say anything to me except for the occassional "aren't you cold?".

[STACY B]

Halloween is coming ,,,Yall get a freebee ,,, Better not Miss out ,,, I am going as a guy ,,, Camo gotta buy me a beard ,,, Heyyyyyy I'm a CD ,,,Get it ??

[jaanine]

never, Never, NEVER would i tell my guy friends about cd. just thinking about it gets me worried/scared... your absolutly right nikki NEVER no offense but some here must not have guy friends like we do in my life you could never or you would be cast into a group and outcast by my family so i guess i wont get to practice perfection nearly as much as many of you girls thanks for the replys xo

[Danielle_cder]

Definatly fit in with my guy friends, maybe considered one of the more manly ones;) Would never dream of telling any of them as I would never be seen or heard from again....

[jaanine]

yep that the general concensus just trying to get time to perfect look but ya never know who is gonna pop in for a visit...sigh xo

[Meghan]

ok ok ok question answered thanks

No fair! You can't ask thought provoking questions and close the topic!

I hadn't really even thought about it until you asked. Thank you.

Meghan

[Abbygirl]

It all works out for me. I have two separate lives as a closeted CD'er. The "manly man" friend or two I have suspect nothing- I am a GUY most of the time, they routinely see me enjoying attractive women, alcohol, hot rods, rock and roll, fishing, and dirtbikes. Just like they enjoy. They don't need to know that I have bra marks on my chest, or that I'm wearing panties while enjoying these manly things. I'm somehow OK with women knowing my secret, but not the dudes.

[stockinged nemo]

I haven't told any of my friends male or female. The only person I have told is my wife, and that has not gone all that well....so that is not making me want to let any body else know. It is also not so simple for me. I am afraid that if I would let a few of my friends and family members know and it was not taken in a positive manner, my secret would be leaked to people in my social circles that I do not want to know, due to some responsibilities that I have. About the only person I plan on telling is a very close friend - basically the brother I never had (who happens to be gay). I think he would be surprised but accepting not only because he has had to go through a coming out process, but because he is about the only person I can truly talk to about anything without judgement. I like many of you really am a true "guy" sports, beer, etc. with this one exception. Unfortunately, I don't I can share my secret with many yet.

[stockinged nemo]

I also for some reason in general have felt closer to many women than men and would probably be more comfortable telling female friends vs. male friends....maybe due to feeling that they may be more understanding in general than most "all American men."

[Alice Torn]

I have only come out to two man friends. One is gay, and he was wondering why i would do it, and asked if therapy has made me see why i do it! He is tolerant, but not accepting. I would not tell my dad, brothers, or other macho guys. I would be hesitant to tell my sister, too. I have opened up to my woman therapist, and a few ladies in my 12 step group, and they seem ok. The church women, all older, who i shared, have a problem with it, but not hostile.

[lowxr]

I ride dirt bikes with my buddies but they don't know !! They've never noticed in the winter I wear leggings under my riding gear, they think it's biking wear !!!