A note on Facebook...(warning, long post)

[skylance]

I've been thinking of posting a note to everyone on Facebook and coming out to my friends about my dressing, but I'm not completely sure if it is something I'm 100% ready to do. I currently have the note saves in my drafts section and was wanting to get some opinions on whether or not it should be posted in teh first place or if it's something better left unsaid, so....here goes:


There is an old saying that goes something along the lines of "One of the keys of happiness is to accept the things that you cannot change." This being the case, I've come to realize that there is something about myself that I have had to learn to accept. Something that I'd been struggling with, trying to hide, and trying to suppress for many years....Something that, despite my best efforts, I've learned that I am unable to change, and have learned to accept.

Now that I have learned to accept this, I have become a bit happier with myself, however, there is one final obstacle in my path. This particular obstacle is probably the more difficult one to overcome, in the fact that I feel that it's time to let others in on it.

The truth of the matter is that I like to cross-dress. There I said it.

A couple of questions that I know people are going to ask with this news might be: "Does this mean that I am secretly gay?" No, it does not, I am completely heterosexual, I just enjoy the wearing of women's clothes. "Do I have any intention of going through the whole transgender process?" No. I am happy being a guy, again, I just enjoy wearing these types of clothes. "Why am I telling everybody about this?" The simple fact of the matter is that my desire to dress has been becoming more and more frequent, and well as stronger and stronger. Being dressed around the house is fine and all, but I've also been having the desire to just be allowed to be myself and go out dressed as I please. If that means throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, so be it, but if that also means I want to wear a skirt and a blouse, why shouldn't I be able to wear that if that is what makes me happy?

The reason I write this note is to simply inform everyone that I intend to start going out into public dressed how I want and when I want, and to see who among you is supportive enough to stand by me in this decision as well as those of you whom i need to dis-associate myself with. I know that to some people, this is going to present a major issue. I ask though that if you have problems with me now, I ask that you keep them to yourself and would also invite you to unfriend yourself from my facebook page. Be warned now, while I am expecting some amount of ridicule and some jokes make at my expense, blatant and malicious attacks WILL NOT be tolerated, and I will delete and block you from my facebook and disassociate myself from you on a permanent basis, both on and off-line except in situations where I have no choice.

I leave the choice to you, and hope you can understand how difficult it is for me to write this.




This is what I've got written thus far, any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated.



Thanks
Sky

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Sky

This is something that you can not withdraw. When a person knows the can not forget easily

Why do you think you need to tell all of your friends ??

Oh and if your are not 100 % sure don't do it

[WifeofWrenchette]

I think it's well thought out and well written. I'd give it a few days or a week to send and see if you still feel the same way. Sometimes I write things and then go back and delete them a day or two later because I had second thoughts. The thing is with this announcement it has final repercussions in your life so make sure this is truly what you want to do. If you do decide to delete in a day or two you will never know who all read it in the first place.

Good luck~

[noeleena]

Hi,

im not a dresser, or trans Yet have been in the media T V papers,nation wide, & the net. i had been invited to be interviewed, plus to tell of my life concerning what i had gone through so others would have an understanding of those of us who are different this of cause involved our family so there was no going back once it become world wide,

Because i was strong enough to handle any flack or things directed at me i had to be sure it was right, because of our family & being known,

I would really think this through because theres no way to retract what you write or say. i dont know where you live or those around you, remember you cant hide, so please be very sure you ....need... to do this , im allso a lot older than you & has been to my advantage .
Any way just my thoughts,

...noeleena...

[xdressed]

I agree with the idea of leaving it a week or two to see if it still feels like the right thing to do. Personally I would have come out to immediate family and close friends first and then build up, rather than coming out to everyone at once. Also your letter sounds slightly defensive, like crossdressing is something that you have to put up with rather than something you really enjoy, the tone of how you come out to people can change everything.

[Beverley Sims]

I would leave facebook out of the equation and have a controlled release among selected friends first.
Try one, then one more and proceed like that.

[Saffron]

I'm with Beverly, friends and family will want to ask you a lot of things, are you sure you can handle them all at the same time?

[Megan Thomas]

facebook is not the way to go... Do it direct and just eliminate those on facebook who do choose to give you hassle as a result.

[Kerigirl2009]

I think I would just come out naturally when I ran into them instead of announcing it to everyone.
The way you describe it it sounds like you are making an excuse for being who you are. You want to own who you are so just let the chips fall where they may and go out dressed when you want too.

[Ava Tryptyk]

I don't think that crossdressing should be such a "big deal" that it needs its own Facebook post with a lengthy explanation. And I don't think that everyone on your Facebook needs to know about it -- do you have co-workers or bosses on your Facebook, for example? I'd say start small, come out to close friends and work from there.

[Laura912]

Gradually ease into it. If you go Facebook, temper the last paragraph a little. It sounds like your claws are already out looking to scratch. Maybe you do not have to include anything about ridicule or blocking...just know that will happen and block those that get too extreme but send them a note saying why. In situations like ours, good manners goes a long way.

[Megan_Renee]

I would leave facebook out of the equation and have a controlled release among selected friends first.
Try one, then one more and proceed like that.

I agree. Facebook is the high-school assembly of social interaction. If you wouldn't grab the mic during an assembly and scream it out for EVERYONE in the audience to hear, then don't do it on Facebook.

Back in the day, Pre-FB, there was a thing called newspapers... In these "Newspapers," there often ran a gossip column. In big cities, the gossip centered on celebrities and the like. In small towns, the gossip column was focused on local individuals and the "taboo" things they did. Once FB came along, these gossip columns became obsolete, replaced with a more powerful, and vengeful, system of spreading fallacious or misleading sentiments. If you post it on Facebook, it will come back to haunt you.

[Tracii G]

If you must "come out" do it with your close friends first and gauge the reaction.

[Dana921]

WHY? What is your return on investment for announcing this? Those are the two questions I would be asking myself!

If you want to dress and go out, do you really need to announce it to the world?

Can you just live your life and deal with the situations and / or individuals as you need to in your travels?

By announcing anywhere, you are seeking permission or contradiction from the audience. I would rather offer an apology or explanation after the fact! The exception may be those whom you actually live with. You have the right to present as you wish or choose and the lattitude to do so geographically any where you want!

Dana

[KarenCDFL]

The easy answer is:

If you have to question it, don't do it.

I have used this equation in my life for many years and it has never failed me.

[Kaz]

You need to be aware of the consequences of the action... my advice is do not do it. I can understand the need and motivation... but I suspect that you will regret this very soon...:hugs:

[Robynts]

I would be very careful taking the "all or nothing" approach as it will be a bell that cannot be "unrung." I agree with the suggestions that you tell family and friends first to see how things go.

You probably know who among your "friends" will not take this well, so why tell them, at least right now.

Best of luck to you.

Robyn

[Meghan]

Great points by everyone. There's not much I can add to the discourse...other than this little bit:

Why do you feel the need to warn everyone?

Many of my close friends are in on the secret and they are incredibly supportive. No one who knows has even so much as been slightly surprised. Every reaction went something like...

Really? Hmmmm. Yeah.

That means I picked the right friends, and I probably wasn't keeping it as buried as I thought I was.

I was worried what people would say when I went out with shaved legs. No one has said a word.

Plus, Halloween isn't far away. Maybe you could come out then, and "like it" so much that certain things somehow stick with you? Eh?

Meghan

EDIT: Oh, almost forgot! If you're like most people, there are a lot of friends out there that really aren't a part of your life other than they are aware you're on Facebook. Why publish something permanent there for all to see? Why not just let the people in who are close, as you need to, rather than making a big dramatic announcement in such a public forum? Just asking.

[donnalee]

Well, it is a good way to find who your real friends are,
I don't know your age, but you sound pretty young to me; teens or early 20s? Once you let the genie out of the bottle, there can be serious consequences; although young people don't really care that much, that's not who does the hiring nowadays and with dozens of people all vying for the same job, they don't have to give you a reason, just someone was "better qualified" than you (even in states with laws or with companies that have a non-discrimination policy). I know this is wrong in any kind of moral sense, but it happens nonetheless.
You would be taking a foolish risk without much of a plus side to it. Don't do it.

[Amanda_P]

I agree you should come out to your friends and family first. Even tho I like the way you wrote this out. It is really well written and thought out. I would still wait and not tell everyone all at once. It is alot easier to handle one bad comment then a bunch all at once.

[Lacey England]

Friends and family - then see how you feel after that.

[MissTee]

I agree. Facebook is the high-school assembly of social interaction. If you wouldn't grab the mic during an assembly and scream it out for EVERYONE in the audience to hear, then don't do it on Facebook.

Back in the day, Pre-FB, there was a thing called newspapers... In these "Newspapers," there often ran a gossip column. In big cities, the gossip centered on celebrities and the like. In small towns, the gossip column was focused on local individuals and the "taboo" things they did. Once FB came along, these gossip columns became obsolete, replaced with a more powerful, and vengeful, system of spreading fallacious or misleading sentiments. If you post it on Facebook, it will come back to haunt you.

Uh-huh. What she said.:thumbsup:

[Nikki A.]

The easy answer is:

If you have to question it, don't do it.

I have used this equation in my life for many years and it has never failed me.


I agree many of the other posters. FB is not the place to do it. Tell those you want to know and let the others find out in time. You need no one's permission, if you feel comfortable dressing just do it.

[Michelle V]

I wish you the best, it would be AWSOME if those who care for you fully support you, I wish I had tha courage to do the same, you have to realize if you go on with this you may loose friends and will probably have a hard time dealing with some people that just don't get it, but it sounds like you are fully prepare to come out and be your self. Congratulations

PS

Your draft is very good.

[Tina B.]

Cast a wide net and you never know what you'll catch. Accept me or delete me, no one likes an ultimatum.
Sure your not lost in a pink fog?

[Desiree2bababe]

Ditto on the previous reply: Why do you think you need to tell all of your friends ??

I think it's a mistake. People really don't care, so why tell them. It's too much information.

I would advise against it.

[sweetgal]

Coming out on Facebook? Not a good idea. Too personal. I feel like it's something you need to talk about with people.

[MindyJ]

If you think posting on FB is the best thing to do. The last paragraph is too mean. I would delete the last paragraph. My opinion about posting on FB is dont do it. Talk to your closest friends. I did this and my bestest friends gave me heads-ups on the people who I should avoid. IE: no use jumping into the lions cage if you dont need to. :)

[Melissa Rose]

By coming out on Facebook, you are not limiting your announcement to your friends and family, but to their friends and family and anyone else with internet access. This includes current and future employers, schools or any associations that checks social media for information. Are you ready to make that leap and the resulting consequences?

If you decide to go forward with your Facebook announcement, the tone of your message comes across as defensive and as an admonishment. It might be wise to really think about what message you are trying to send and how it is going to interpreted. This is an emotional subject so it is not all about logic, reason and facts. Your message came across as saying "accept me on my terms, I don't care about your feelings, and if you don't like it then F-U".

[Cassandra Lynn]

While i commend you on your honest and forthrightful letter writing abilities, i am gonna agree with the majority here; this is something that needs to be done slowly and to those closest to you.
Facebook is but a social media "thing", it is not LIFE.
I think society in some cases gets lost in the void of modernalities and the cyber world.

There is no doubt that it would be a quick and thorough way to go about things, one click and your all out, but then again on the bad side is that with one click you are all out?

Oh and there is no undo button and no refresh.

[CONSUELO]

I wouldn't use Facebook to tell friends about such an important and private thing. Once out there it is beyond your control and it could end up in places that you have never thought about, or worse be distorted. Remember several years ago when TV's were clamouring to get onto those afternoon reality shows on TV. The few I saw faced a hostile reception and I'm sure that the people who went on were shocked by the response.

[Sarasometimes]

family and then friends first in a personal way and never on Facebook! Facebook is for everyone and for EVER!! Sure you may have limits as to who can read your posts but those who don't support it can spread it to all others including employers, future employers... Plus, granted a I'm 50 something but it just seems so impersonal and to call out to those who support you is almost a dare to them to run and hide. Many would just like to lay low and be passive others may be more outwardly supportive or the opposite.
Once you do it there is no turning back.
Tina B. Said a lot in few words!!

[ReineD]

... but I'm not completely sure if it is something I'm 100% ready to do.

I would tell selected friends in person, the ones around whom you feel comfortable dressing. I'm assuming that you're dressing only in your social life.

With facebook, are you prepared for a prospective employer seeing your announcement next year or the year after, and deciding to just skip your application and move on to the next one, in the pile of 50 applications that are sitting on his desk?

If you do plan to live full time and have started electrolysis, HRT, etc, and you've put in a transition plan with your employer who is fully aware, then by all means you should tell everyone. Or, if this is a test run for something that you are toying with in the future but you're not quite sure about yet, then I would not announce it to the world until the decision was made to go ahead with transition.

Besides, telling the people who count in person is better than a random announcement on facebook.