I finally stop running... Halfway over an electric fence.

[AlexisGray]

Hello, I'm Lexi and this is my first post here; though I have lurked around reading things for a while.

Even from a very young age I had a heavy inclination to things feminine, dressing up in my mothers clothes and insisting she bought be Barbie dolls. When I began getting older I explored more -wearing panties, doing my nails, indulging in colorful knee-high socks- but not freely, it was always back and forth with my mom finding things and throwing them out and myself being so unsure of who I was. At 15 I started wearing women's jeans, and my hair was past my shoulders; yet still back and forth with my mother, her critisizms, and my low self esteem. At 17 I started wearing my hair in buns and pigtails, and dressed exclusively feminine from the waist down (save the androgynous chucks I wore on my size 13 feet...) and at 18 I indulged in tops, stockings, and got my ears pierced. Now at 20 I've finally come to terms with who I am, and got stuck between a rock and a hard place with my live-in girlfriend of 2 years, and soon to be fiance, who say's she can't deal with all the outward feminity anymore, and needs me to be a man. I'm at such a loss for what to do other then try to "man up" so to speak and stay with the woman I love; yet I know I'll never escape the empty pit that is my intense womanhood.. I've tried before and failed dismally.
I know posting this can't fix my issues, but I feel like I need to tell someone, and if anyone could understand...

~Lexi Gray

[sandra-leigh]

So, then, who are you? Where do you place yourself on the transgender spectrum? Given free choice and a (hypothetically) accepting partner, how would you like to live your life?

[UNDERDRESSER]

Presumably she knew about your outward femininity before this, what's changed? I'm thinking you either need to get her to come around, or you need to rethink the whole marriage thing. Not telling you how to live your life, but from reading the other stories on here, and given that your needs in this thing are stronger than mine ( apparentlly ) you won't be happy with things like this. And neither will she once she sees what this does to you.

My opinion only, lets see what the others think.

[stacycoral]

Lexi, sounds like you know you have want to be a girl for some time, i can tell you that manning up might not ever truely make you happy, it is important the love and freindship of a mate, it is just hard thing for being a t-girl, i can tell you in my married of 22 years, my SO has changed what level of dressing i could do, but she knew before we were married that it was part of me, and get will not go away. I wish you the best, and pray for you, hugs

[Brianna612]

Don't get married until you two can accept each other for who you are. Maybe you should find yourself first, then see if she can accept you then go from there. You will be miserable with out your girlie stuff. There are a lot of fish in the sea.

[Karren H]

you know its never going away so man up.... and toss her to the curb and move on with your life..... its probably better for both of you... imho

[Jamie Christopher]

I would have to agree with Karen and Brianna......don't go ahead unless you both know what you (she) is getting into. For me this wouldn't go away....

Jamie

[Erica2Sweet]

I can only speak from my own experiences, and I can tell you that it is not possible for me to live a happy, full life and not express my femme side in some way, shape or form. Don't misunderstand, I can exist and am functional as a human being, but I'm not balanced emotionally. For me, trying to live in that state leads to feelings of frustration and moodiness, and after time, some depression. That's not like me at all when I'm in my normal headspace.

Based on the way you express your feelings about your femme side, I would find it surprising that you would not, in time, become intolerably frustrated with living a life without expressing your femme side. Then there's the possibility you would, at some point, begin to resent your SO for asking you to do something that has made you feel some or all of the negative emotions related to giving up gender exploration.

I cannot, of course, predict the future, but this stuff isn't rocket science either. The path you're considering has been traveled before many times, and each time you hear someone who has tried this elaborate on their particular story, you're probably not gonna like how it ends.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lexi, Crosdressing is like the Mafia you just cant walk away from it.
and she will try to change you.

[Beverley Sims]

You need to straighten this out before you make any rash decisions about your future.
The genie is likely to stay OUT of the bottle and not go back in permanently.

[Aprilrain]

Dump her!....................,.

[kimdl93]

well, Lexi, I think you have been pretty open about who you are in your mode of dress and self presentation. Perhaps its time to reevaluate the relationship with your GF. To ask you to "be a man" after 2 years seems a bit of a turn around. So, maybe before either of you makes any permanent decisions about the relatinship, you should sit down and talk with her...a number of times...issue by issue....about each others needs, goals, wildest dreams, fantasies, so that you can reach some common understanding. Best of luck.

[EllieOPKS]

I agree that you both should not look at long term commitments until things are settled. That's the whole idea behind dating and understanding the other person. In any relationship when limits are hit you have to look for a liveable compromise point. It starts with setting your priorities and what you are willing to live with as well as live without.

[~Joanne~]

you know its never going away so man up.... and toss her to the curb and move on with your life..... its probably better for both of you... imho

This is what I am thinking, you may see it as "love" but she clearly doesn't. if she did, with the prior knowledge that you feel female, she would have never told you to do the impossible and "man up". Sounds like the early ramblings of a control freak and since your still very young, I would seek out someone that truly accepts you for you and forget the conforming BS.

Of coarse, this is JMO.

[Lorileah]

Hello, I'm Lexi

Hello Lexi:wave:



Now at 20 I've finally come to terms with who I am, and got stuck between a rock and a hard place with my live-in girlfriend of 2 years, and soon to be fiance, who say's she can't deal with all the outward feminity anymore, and needs me to be a man. I'm at such a loss for what to do other then try to "man up" so to speak and stay with the woman I love; yet I know I'll never escape the empty pit that is my intense womanhood.. I've tried before and failed dismally.
I know posting this can't fix my issues, but I feel like I need to tell someone, and if anyone could understand...

~Lexi Gray

Sit down and take a breath.

You have not come to terms with who you are. You are still considering being someone she wants you to be. She is not willing to let you be who you are. That is not marriage that is dominance. If you like dominance then you can go ahead but if you are a free spirit, this will only escalate. You see, when you enter a partnership it is..well a partnership. Not a monarchy. there isn't one person who decides what the other is or should be. Two things can happen (or both). One the person who is being subjected to the control eventually feels they are not in control of their life and they get depressed. This of course leads to things we don't want. The other thing is the person in charge wants more and more. Today she wants you to "man up" whatever that is (clean the gutters? Ride a bull? have an affair?...to stray here a bit, a "man" (read male) is just the partner who donates the little swimmers in the reproductive process and I assume you have that ability even while wearing stockings). Tomorrow what? Is she going to dictate what you wear, what you eat, when you sleep? Maybe she thinks you can slay dragons? Leap small buildings in a single bound (assuming she does not want you to develop SUPER powers just the powers of any mortal man).

Yes I know I sound snarky (and I am ) but I have to get your attention. You know what she is asking is just selfish and wrong at this point of your relationship otherwise you would not be questioning it. Did you tell her that from now on she can only wear Tutus? No, because you don't want her to change to fit YOUR mold. You are at a crossroads, one that may lead to a good portion of your life. The vow says "til death". I know few take that seriously but true love is forever (or should be...but then there should be dragons too). You marry the person not the image you want from them. That doesn't happen because one day, you get old, and the image isn't what you see now. The inner you stays though.

Ask her how you being a "man" would enhance the relationship. What about you as you are makes her unhappy? Is it something that she suddenly found? If so, then you need to back off and re-evaluate. If it is something she has always felt then you need to ask her why she put herself through this. Does she enjoy being partially unhappy? She should not any more than you would. Time to part as friends. You are young and I know you can't see past tomorrow, but you have a whole lifetime. Love is not a one shot deal. You will have more loves. You need to look for the ONE true love. The one that doesn't ask you to change and doesn't change for you. Do not jump on the what if train either because what ifs go both ways. What if she is the only one? What if she isn't and tomorrow you do find the only one? Take from the sages here, 20 is nothing. You have 4/5ths of your life to go. Do not spend one day being miserable just to try and make someone, and I am finally going to say it, someone selfish, happy.

Hope you hang around with us awhile. :)

[reb.femme]

Dump her!....................,.

Oh so short and oh so sweet, but right between the eyes and correct.....ultimately!

Reb