What is the matter with me? Am I transgender? or just a crossdresser? or what?

[someperson001]

A long while back, I started wondering what it would be like to temporarily be a girl. That curiosity quickly turned into an obsession, and eventually a fetish..
Quite frequently now, I spend time imagining myself as a girl. It seems to be growing stronger by the day.. And I don't think it's about temporarily being one any longer - I think it's about permanently being one..

I used to shrug this off as just a sexual fantasy, but the desire feels too real. I have many feminine traits; Such as modesty, kindness, compassion, and being very emotional when a movie is beautiful or sad. I am starting to wonder whether my personality is more feminine than male.. Then again, I do have some male traits as well.

I have never hated my sexual organ, and don't want to cut it off or anything. It's not like in the stories where people absolutely loathe their gender parts and want to get rid of them in any way they can.

I'm between 18 and 24. I don't want to tell my exact age.
Sexual preference is hetero, and if I was a girl I would probably be lesbian. I don't have a girlfriend, and I am not married.

There were some signs when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I was of the opinion that toys shouldn't be divided into genders, and next to boy's TV shows I also watched girl's TV shows. Like Winx Club, PowerPuff Girls, and Totally Spies. I focused on the plot and running gags, and didn't care about the gender division. That's changed now though, for some reason..

[Aprilrain]

A therapist versed in gender issues can be very helpful but ultimately you must search your heart and decide for yourself who you are and what you want to do about it.

[suzy1]

To start with, men can also be modest, kind, compassionate and emotional. And some woman can have very little of these traits. [I know one!]

You could spend some money and go to a therapist. Or you could just save your money and accept yourself as you are. You have a feminine side. You are transsexual. Join the club. [And enjoy your life]:)

SUZY

[IamSara]

You need to go to a therapist. Find a gender qualified one in your area.

[LeaP]

You are using phrases indicating areas of exploration that any therapist would pick up on immediately. You might have gender identity issues, you might not. It could be a simple fetish, it could be obsessive-compulsive behavior.

Whether you need a therapist, however, depends on how compelling or troubling you feel these issues are. If not, it could be as simple as Suzy suggests - accept it, work with it, get on with life.

If you're seriously conflicted about it, if you're worried about the direction life will take you, find yourself slipping into depression, are confused, etc. - then get some help.

[CharleneT]

I think you need to seek the guidence of a therapist who is ( at least ) versed in gender issues. I do not think you are transsexual, nor do you if I guess correctly ??? You have a lot of confusion about gender roles and where you fit ? But you are feeling at least as "at home" in male skin as female skin ??

You've said that you recently felt like your leanings in the female directions had more to "it" than you thought ?? I believe that you should explore that in a safe and confidential environment. Likely you will find you are gender vairent and may have to include some form of gender exploration in your life in the future. Good luck and definitely keep us posted as to what happens ?? !!

[kimdl93]

You sound like a typical young person who is still defining their personal identity. You don't need to apply a label to yourself...just need to explore and find what feels right for you. But as long as your asking "what am I" at least get a good handle on what the terms mean. Here's a chance to read some objectively compiled definitions. Reine posted these at top of the Male to Female forum. Use following link:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162497-Some-Common-Trans-Related-Definitions

read through the definitions and decide for yourself what fits.

[ReineD]

You see in the news, stories of kids who at age 4 or 5 are adamant they are not the gender their parents think they are. For other people, this realization comes more slowly, possibly into their teens. But, they know without a doubt they are women (for MtFs). And for still others, it comes well into their adulthoods, and even as late as retirement (some TSs transition after they're retired), although if you asked each of these people, they'd say that at some level they always knew they were not men (for MtFs). So I guess the answer is that it doesn't become clear to everyone at the same rate. Gender dysphoria varies among individuals and for some people, things get rather muddled and can take longer if there is denial due to having been raised in particularly conservative/traditional/homophobic (?) environments, or if they established lives as men with wives and careers, and it's frightening to imagine what they may lose if they transition.

On the other hand, there are those who have both male and female affinities. This can be rather confusing, since we're all socialized to believe we should be either male or female. Also, I suspect that if a male feels strongly compelled sexually to enjoy being feminine, it is possible that the strength of this "pull" can drive him to wanting to be a female all the time? This is the part that is difficult to sort through ... how to tell the difference between a strong sexual compulsion that eventually eases and forms a bond with the feminine persona, and a true sense that one was never the gender that coincided with the physical body.

Another consideration: I do see members who believe that just because they have what they consider are feminine traits or feminine preferences, then it must mean they are female even though they do not wish to eradicate their male bodies (even if they want breasts). I suspect there is an inability among some people to feel comfortable with having a gender ID that is outside the binary.

This is why I agree with the others. Go talk to a gender therapist, if you are not sure who you are and if you feel you need to know right away. But, be sure to find a gender therapist who will do more than push you through getting letters and references to endos. Or, if you are OK with living outside the box, you can enjoy not knowing for awhile, and be OK with being somewhere in the middle as you ebb and flow with your presentation moods, until things do unfold in your life to the point where it will all become clear.

[Wildaboutheels]

Nothing at all the "matter" with you OR anyone else at this Forum. You are a Human just like everyone else on the planet. You are also unique as is EVERY other person on the planet. The fact that "most" men don't wear women's clothes, or need to spend time in a female "mode", doesn't mean it's wrong or bad.

"I focused on the plot and running gags, and didn't care about the gender division. That's changed now though, for some reason.."

The reason is most likely that NOW, you are old enough to be worried about what "society" might say or think about you because you don't fit the typical male OR female mentality which is built into all of us.

The FACT is that most people won't care about your ratio of male/female traits or presentation as long as you treat THEM with courtesy and respect. [until and unless they prove they are unworthy of course]

[Inna]

Hey Person, too many still have no clue about how this thing works, well, it doesn't come with instructions I know and if you go on google a 10 mil answers all contradicting what the one before stated.

But here is a deal, anyone who is interested in the other side or in between the sides, feels like, fantasizes, imagines, dresses, is in fact TransGender!
It is a huge umbrella and really doesn't make it any easier to decipher but thats what it is.

Then comes the issue of becoming, Now this will be my own take on this, however very well educated theses but still my own so that I wont have my pretty Butt kicked by a angry trans mob, lol
Everyone who experiences fantasy of becoming a woman is in fact in less or more of a denial stage along the path towards total femininity.
Fantasies surface in all different colors because of our own childhood experience and dynamics of hormonal balance. Those with prominent Testosterone will experience heightened sexual fantasy where those with low T will experience more sensual clout.
All in all it is a denial process which tends to put the unwanted, unnecessary data of life events into subconscious, and it works rather proficiently until of course you cant live your life anymore because something pokes at you from inside out but you just simply cant tell what it is.

At that moment therapy is rather NECESSARY, to uncover the piles of truth locked up in sub base of conscious.

You are TG, you may be TS but for that at least several sessions with TG specialist is a must, good luck :)

[Jorja]

Well, let's see...... Do you have ten fingers and ten toes? Do you have two working arms and two working legs? Two eyes that see and two ears that hear? If all of this is working properly, I would say there is nothing wrong with you. You might be a little confused as to what gender you are but that is nothing a few hours with a therapist and the rest of your life can't straighten out.

[KellyJameson]

Do you want to be perceived as female by others, not for the moment but forever?

There are many forms of identity we carry. If you identify as an attorney and you want others to know than how you dress may be one way to concey this.

If you identify with a sports teem you may wear their colors.

If you identify with your country you may show patriotic behavior.

Think of gender identity as your very essence, what flows through your veins.

Gender expression may or may not be an indicator of gender identity so how you act may not be an indicator of how you identify.

There are many reasons to want to be the opposite gender of the one you truly are (identify with)

Identity is the answer to "This is who I am" that than wants to be lived.

From your words I sense you simply want the freedom to not be constrained by definitions of what it is to be a male and being temporarily a girl was one way to give yourself permisssion to act in ways you desire but are afraid to because of perceived consequences.

It is OK to be male and act "feminine" even though I do not think there is such a thing as acting feminine or masculine but only what we are taught to think is feminine or masculine.

Wanting the freedom to be yourself may or may not have anything to do with the gender identity you possess but acting freely certainly helps in the discovery of the true self

[LeaP]

...

Everyone who experiences fantasy of becoming a woman is in fact in less or more of a denial stage along the path towards total femininity.

...

You are TG, you may be TS ...

These two statements seem contradictory. (And I promise that I'm not part of an angry trans mob.)


...

Think of gender identity as your very essence, what flows through your veins.

Gender expression may or may not be an indicator of gender identity so how you act may not be an indicator of how you identify.

There are many reasons to want to be the opposite gender of the one you truly are (identify with)

...

This is well-put and gets short-shrift in the forum. Is it, in my opinion, the single best reason for going to a knowledgeable gender therapist and the reason I question the rapid (one or two sessions) diagnoses we often read.

[Traci Elizabeth]

If you want my professional opinion as to which three choices you posed in your first post, I must tell you that you are most definitely a "WHAT" !

Now that might be a really good thing if you think about it!

[Barbara Ella]

You are getting a lot of good advice here, if you can sort it out and put it into your life perspective.

there is nothing wrong with fantasizing,many many have them, and depending on the outcome of each of these episodes, it may mean nothing more than gender curiosity, or a fetish. If this begins to really bother you and moves you to depression, see a therapist. If in the other hand, you are fine with these and just don't know what they mean, and it doesn't bother you to be in this state of not knowing, you can live with it and let your life develop and sort it out. And your life will sort it out for you if you dont become over concerned. What is going to happen will happen, and as long as you are emotionally accepting and stable, let it run.

I cannot know your exact situation, but yes, you are transgendered. More than that, you will make that decision when the time is right. It is good to know your choices, just don't let them overwhelm you and take away from your enjoyment of the experience of the here and now.

Barbara

[ReineD]

If you want my professional opinion as to which three choices you posed in your first post, I must tell you that you are most definitely a "WHAT" !

Now that might be a really good thing if you think about it!


Or, as Dr. Seuss would say, possibly a

"Who" from Whoville.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-duKpRXu5PQA/TujeEaN_YOI/AAAAAAAACsg/6bZ-XxVS8GQ/s1600/whos1.jpg

[Saffron]

I totally understand you. I'm in a similar situation. I don't hate my male self, but I feel more like a woman sometimes, it's not that I change the way I act or think in "female" mode(I'm straight or lesbian as you say) just feels the right thing, if you can understand me, lol.

I would love to have a test who could tell if I'm TS or "just" CD.

At my late twenties, I feel like is too late to transition, but I don't know.

Isn't a way to know it for sure? That's all I ask. :doh:

[Pamela Kay]

Too late in your late 20's? I'm about to turn 49 and am having FFS and going full time in less than two weeks. I have a friend that transitioned at 66 and know others that have transitioned even later than life.

Unless you've died it's never too late in my opinion.

[Saffron]

I mean, if I start now, it will be always obvious that my body is male, I'm not sure I could handle all the rejection and problems that will arise. That's why I'm so puzzled, maybe CD it's only the easy way out, or maybe I'm not really TS..

I don't know.

[Pamela Kay]

You are young enough that you can still have some significant body changes. It's a crap shoot since everyone's body reacts differently to the hormones and you may or may not see significant changes. If you look around at genetic women you will see that they come in all different shapes and sizes. Some look far more feminine than others but there is no question that they are women.

Presentation as a woman is an expression of who you are inside. If you're not sure then you aren't ready to transition but if you are then you will present as the woman you are inside. This is why we see a therapist to work these issues out and help us understand who we really are.

I hope you find this out for yourself.

[Thera Home]

I'm between 18 and 24. I don't want to tell my exact age.


I'd say you're........21 :heehee:

Agent001
Don't freak out. This is normal feelings we all have when we start out. Just keep them tamed and have them serve you and not you serve it. The latter will get you into trouble:eek:
In other words OWN it and move forward

Thera

[Bree-asaurus]

Defining who you are with stereotypes won't help you figure out who you really are. Caring, compassionate, etc. I'm those things too, but I'm also very decisive, independent and a b****. Those don't make me male or female... those just make me... ME.

You'll get lost trying to label who you are with pre-defined standards and stereotypes. Like I post in every new thread that pops up with someone not sure who or what they are: Chill out about the labels and definitions. Look inside yourself and listen to your inner person. As you go through your day, as you do the things you always do, think about how they make you feel. Learn how to express who you really are rather than doing certain things or acting certain ways just because you think you're supposed to do it that way.

Learn to stop thinking and start feeling. Everything will fall into place once you can do that.

---

And I never hated my male self either.... it just wasn't me. I was, however, grossed out by my downstairs bits (especially when puberty hit) and have grown to hate them :P Hate or indifference... it doesn't matter... it's just not me.

[Thera Home]

but I'm also very decisive, independent and a b****.

Nah.......you're nice,I like you :devil:

Thera

[Angela Campbell]

Search the internet for the cogiati test. It is a good place to start and although it does not take the place of a therapist it does tell you a little of the way you are inclined. When I took it it told me I am most likely a transexual and I should refer to a therapist to make sure. It is not a diagnosis but it is a good way to answer a few questions and maybe start you on a track to find out more.

[ReineD]

Search the internet for the cogiati test.

The cogiati test is a fun online game made up by a TS who is a computer programmer and a web comic author. She has no training in gender diagnosis nor does she have the credentials to devise criteria for gender testing. And the questions on the test are heavily stereotyped. They don't determine gender, and anyone can manipulate the outcome of the test just by choosing the girliest answers possible ... as if an aptitude for math, or whether someone likes to hug or not can determine gender. :facepalm:

[Saffron]

Just for fun I tried it and it's very stereotyped, also there's questions like "how were you at spelling?" that simply doesn't work, since spelling in spanish is not difficult at all.

And after taking the test I got: COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE. not so enlightening :thinking:

[Bree-asaurus]

The COGIATI test is about as reliable at telling you your gender as an online IQ test is at telling you how smart you are.


Nah.......you're nice,I like you :devil:

Thera

LOL... yes... another follower to add to the pack. Soon you'll ALL be drinking my cool-aid! BWUAHAHAHA

[Rianna Humble]

A long while back, I started wondering what it would be like to temporarily be a girl. That curiosity quickly turned into an obsession, and eventually a fetish..
Quite frequently now, I spend time imagining myself as a girl. It seems to be growing stronger by the day.. And I don't think it's about temporarily being one any longer - I think it's about permanently being one..

Many people have given you good advice. You may be transgender, you may be a "what" or a "who". If it begins to be a problem, find a good therapist with a reputation for Gender Identity support. I will give you some advice that often gets shouted down by our CD friends: don't transition unless you need to, but if you do need to then go for it and don't let anything hold you back.


Do you want to be perceived as female by others, not for the moment but forever?
...
Think of gender identity as your very essence, what flows through your veins.

Gender expression may or may not be an indicator of gender identity so how you act may not be an indicator of how you identify.

There are many reasons to want to be the opposite gender of the one you truly are (identify with)

Identity is the answer to "This is who I am" that than wants to be lived.

Well said


I would love to have a test who could tell if I'm TS or "just" CD.

At my late twenties, I feel like is too late to transition, but I don't know.

Isn't a way to know it for sure? That's all I ask. :doh:

We each use a different excuse to avoid facing up to who we are, "I'm too old in my 20s" is one I didn't think of when I was that age.


I mean, if I start now, it will be always obvious that my body is male, I'm not sure I could handle all the rejection and problems that will arise.

For well over a decade, I told myself that if I transitioned as I knew I should have done when I was younger then I would simply become an ugly old woman and no-one wants to know an ugly old woman. By the time that I finally had to face up to my need to transition, I was able to say with certainty "I would rather spend my days as an ugly woman than spend 1 more day as the man I have never been".

I will say the same to you as I said to the OP: don't transition unless you need to, but if you do need to then go for it and don't let anything hold you back.

[Andrea J]

Just for information, I understand that male puberty and the masculinization of the male body shape continues until about 25 years old. (Please correct me if I'm wrong.) So if you are significantly younger than this an earlier transition would likely produce better results. I'm not saying you should transition or anything, that would be between you and a gender therapist.

[Saffron]

For well over a decade, I told myself that if I transitioned as I knew I should have done when I was younger then I would simply become an ugly old woman and no-one wants to know an ugly old woman. By the time that I finally had to face up to my need to transition, I was able to say with certainty "I would rather spend my days as an ugly woman than spend 1 more day as the man I have never been".

I will say the same to you as I said to the OP: don't transition unless you need to, but if you do need to then go for it and don't let anything hold you back.

Thanks Rianna for your answer.

I wish I knew for sure. I'm in a kind of a gray area here, not sure what my next step should be.

[Jorja]

Thanks Rianna for your answer.

I wish I knew for sure. I'm in a kind of a gray area here, not sure what my next step should be.

Watch that next step. It can be a doozy!

[Saffron]

I should wear my boots then :)

[izzie12]

We each use a different excuse to avoid facing up to who we are, "I'm too old in my 20s" is one I didn't think of when I was that age.



For well over a decade, I told myself that if I transitioned as I knew I should have done when I was younger then I would simply become an ugly old woman and no-one wants to know an ugly old woman. By the time that I finally had to face up to my need to transition, I was able to say with certainty "I would rather spend my days as an ugly woman than spend 1 more day as the man I have never been"

Yes definitely. I told myself I would not live as a miserable, broken up me. I want to be able to be myself, the real me.

But to add to what's already been said, OP... You sound like the guidance of a trained professional would help you find some clarity. There is just so much that can be said on a forum, and there is just so much people can do to help.