A thought about when enough is enough...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

If you are someone that is heavily invested in a male life, and struggling with GID, thinking and wondering "am i transsexual or I think i am transsexual" and confused about what to do..

here is a thought that came out recently when talking to some ts friends...looking back it totally speaks to where my head was at a couple years ago...

we often say don't transition until you have to...unless you have to...
but how do you even know that???

here's how you know..

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?

If it is, then you are in it girl...

[Marleena]

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?

If it is, then you are in it girl...

That nailed it for me, so I can relate. Been there.... Resistance is futile.

[kimdl93]

I think that is a reasonably good test. Applied to myself it seems to match what I have always felt...that I am not Transsexual. I'm clearly somewhere on the spectrum of transgenderism...and a bit more towards that end, but I can honestly say that although I live 70% of my life en femme, once Im dressed, I pretty much forget about gender and go about my business. Except when I'm here of course ;)

I'm not totally consumed by thoughts of my gender...maybe 70% but not wholely so.

[LeaP]

here's how you know..

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?



God yes ...

It wears me out, even when I feel good.

[PaulaAnn]

Oh my yes ! I think constantly about my gender and I know to the core of my being that I am female.Thankfully only a month or two left with having to appear as a man....free at last !!! Let the adventure begin.
Paula.

[whowhatwhen]

here's how you know..

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?

If it is, then you are in it girl...

I think about this constantly, it's easier having a therapist to talk to but more and more my thoughts and feelings continue to shift away from male.
The only thing that truly worries me is self doubt.

I don't feel like a man, don't feel I was supposed to have been born a man, have no desire to keep looking like a man, but how do I know these feelings are forever?
Perhaps as I expand and erase more of my male features it'll become more clear, or I'll open up more.

Just waiting for that moment where it all "clicks"...

Edit:
To be a bit more clear, HRT and transition doesn't scare me as much as transitioning and it turning out to have been a mistake.

OTOH, I have an awesome therapist and I'm pretty sure she'd be honest if it were clear I was making a mistake.

[Jorja]

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?

Thank God there is a cure for this! I haven't thought about my gender once in 20+ years. ;)

[LeaP]

Thank God there is a cure for this! I haven't thought about my gender once in 20+ years. ;)

Sometimes it's difficult to believe it will stop. This despite assurances (including from Kaitlyn) that it does.

[Barbara Ella]

This can be difficult to answer in some cases. I do not think about gender at all a majority of the time. I just do things regardless of how I am dressed, and I have different clothes that are appropriate for different situations. i do not have two sets of clothes, I have my clothes now.

However, the times that gender does enter the stream of consciousness, it is the female gender that is controlling the thoughts, and more and more often, she is telling me that what I am doing is not appropriate for that particular situation. TS, yes, transition, not likely, female, most certainly.

Barbara

[stefan37]

I have been experiencing anxiety for quite a few years. I did not attribute my anxiety to my gender dysphora. I attributed my anxiety to the loss of business and economy during the beginning of the recession. the economy improved a bit and I was finally starting to pay the bills and start to invest back into the company. this year has really been successful for us, we have completed many large projects. I still suffered from anxiety. Long story short, I started to see a gender therapist. We discussed many issues and he felt that starting hormones would balance my life and relieve my anxiety. I initially resisted being that I have been married for 29 years and we have a strong loving relationship. I finally made the decision to try hormones. I started with my first injection the middle of June. the very next day any anxiety I has seemed to be short circuited, I will not say gone but it seemed to be cut short. Within 3 days my anxiety was completely gone.
3 weeks later I had a rather stressful time with the business between projects due and labor issues. I handled all the fires thrown at me with calm resolve and absolutely no anxiety. And the best part no impairment. It was at that time I knew for sure that hormones and transition to some extent was the right path for me. The fact my wife and I have such a loving strong relationship is making it most difficult because I am expending a lot of energy devoting time to her. She has issues to deal with , however she absolutely loves the change in personality. I have tremendous energy and a very positive attitude. People I interact with daily remark they have never seen me happier and want to know why. I have told some selective friends and an individual I just hired, that I am taking estrogen and an anti androgen. I still do not know where I am going with all of this, but I am taking it slow and enjoying the ride. My marriage is important to me and we are both taking strides to keep it together. All in all I realize transition is the best thing to happen in my life and I do regret I did not do it 30 years ago.

[Kathryn Martin]

I am with Jorja, not thinking about it anymore.

[elizabethamy]

I could be the poster child for this thread, yet I still sometimes believe that late-life discovery of gender issues prompts obsession because they are so startling and huge; but if it doesn't abate at least somewhat sometime soon, then I guess Kaitlyn has my number...glad to hear from those who have gone to the other side of the hill that all the struggle at least stops the bombing inside your head!

e.

[Inna]

I have replaced my Gender fears with fears about my wrinkles, hair, shoes, am I good enough for VOGUE, oh my!!!!! It no longer is GID gender identity disorder but rather GBGI girls being girls in-order

[Melody Moore]

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?
That's it and there seems to be no escaping it. You can take massive detours to avoid it, but when you
keep arriving back at the same point time & time again, eventually you realise that resistance is futile.

When I finally accepted and embraced the fact that I am a female life become a lot easier for me because
I was not struggling with the issue anymore to the extent I was previously. A peace of mind and a calm
came over me and all the shame and guilt I felt disappeared. Now over two years on hormones life has
settled down a lot for me and the only thing I feel that I have to do for myself now is have my SRS so
I can feel congruent within myself. The issues with coming out, passing and being accepted were all dealt
with a long time ago. So those matters never enter my head anymore and are not worthwhile mentioning.

Even though my SRS is just a bit over 2 weeks away, I feel that I have defined myself now as a woman
because that is how people see me and accept me now in society. So I don't think about gender on any
sort of personal level much anymore, the only exception really is that I am helping others through their
transitions so I often discuss gender on that basis. But what was big issues in the start of my transition
are now really insignificant in my own life, and dealing with those issues is now old hat to me. Now when
I look back I have to wonder what the hell was I ever worried about? I should have done this years ago.

Overcoming those initial fears was hard in the beginning, but I think the effort was all worth it for the
peace of find it has given me about my true gender and who I really am. I am so happy now to be me. :)

[Badtranny]

but how do you even know that???.

Hi stranger!

I think the defining moment in being "ready" is the decision to come out. If you can't show the world who you are, than you're not ready.

[ReineD]

Hi Kaitlyn, nice to see you! :)


Hi stranger!

I think the defining moment in being "ready" is the decision to come out. If you can't show the world who you are, than you're not ready.

Excellent point! (from a bystander's POV)

[Traci Elizabeth]

My every moment is not consumed about being a woman. I am a woman.

I am, however, consumed with every breath I take about my SRS in two weeks. Not that I will have a vagina but about the surgery itself and hoping for a successful surgery without complications or infections.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It's great to say you are a woman (and btw...congrats and wishing you a healthy outcome!!), or that there is no more fear, etc...

but if you are in that trap that so many of the posts here are about..i believe it can be helpful to take the idea of what you are out of the equation...and replace it with something more tangible and understandable..that what my post was about

I'm a woman too, but it took me forever to allow myself that idea, it took forever to not be afraid, and it took me forever to stop obsessing about it

i couldn't get out of the trap...was i really transsexual(ie a woman)?? was i a bad person for transitioning? what if transition goes wrong? what if hurt other people? what if everybody abandons me??
these are UNKNOWABLE things until you take action..i bet many people that jumped off a bridge immediately regretted it but didn't live to tell..what if that happens to me?!!!! argghhh...it sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but if you can stop thinking about what you are or how you can be sure, stop thinking of fear, and think about your quality of life...think about tangible things things you can relate to NOW..it might be really helpful

... for a person is living a male life but is deeply conflicted over their feelings, its really hard to relate to the idea that they are simply a woman.
..but that person can relate to the idea that every single waking thought is about their gender issue,

and in my experience, which is not all knowing, but is significant, this is a marker for transsexualism.. a cross dresser can get happiness out of their male side too, a gender blended/queer person can get happiness out of their male side...this is by definition...it may be hard to find for the gender queer person, but there is a chance for balance

If every single male moment is cold hard dose of reality to you, that is a tangible concept that anyone can relate to

...even if you can't transition, even if you still can't allow yourself the thought "i'm a woman", you gotta get serious about it, its not going to go away..

[whowhatwhen]

Thank you for posting this, it's definitely a lot to think about and reflect on.

Though, it does feel like thinking and reflecting causes a snowball effect where the thoughts and feelings get even stronger and more powerful each time.

[Kaz]

Great thread... and it has caused me to think a lot... I would fail the test...

When I am on stage playing guitar in my band I am not thinking about gender. When I am teaching mature students complex issues about strategy, I am not thinking about gender. When I am in business meetings focused on really key issues that are success or failure related, I am not thinking about gender. When I am dealing with my bank and creditors discussing cash flow issues I am not thinking about gender. When I am sorting out my daughters' issues in their learning how to deal with life as adults, I am not thinking about gender.

But the rest of the time... hell yes!

I will never transition because I am too old and my life is too complex. I feel TS, but I have lived a life as a male and have male outcomes to deal with... so I am one of those conflicted souls who got there too late... I guess...

I fail the test!

[Anna Lorree]

If you are someone that is heavily invested in a male life, and struggling with GID, thinking and wondering "am i transsexual or I think i am transsexual" and confused about what to do..

here is a thought that came out recently when talking to some ts friends...looking back it totally speaks to where my head was at a couple years ago...

we often say don't transition until you have to...unless you have to...
but how do you even know that???

here's how you know..

Does every single moment of your life feel like its about your gender except when its "interrupted" by the other things in your life?

If it is, then you are in it girl...

Crap... I have always wondered what others used for their criteria to determine this, now I know. And it applies...

[LaurenB]

On another forum someone referred to that as "the noise" in the background that won't go away. Thanks Kaitlyn for making a defining point of that. The answer is yes in my case. I do think incessantly about it whenever I'm not interrupted by life. I really don't know what I am at any given time.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Great thread... and it has caused me to think a lot... I would fail the test...

When I am on stage playing guitar in my band I am not thinking about gender. When I am teaching mature students complex issues about strategy, I am not thinking about gender. When I am in business meetings focused on really key issues that are success or failure related, I am not thinking about gender. When I am dealing with my bank and creditors discussing cash flow issues I am not thinking about gender. When I am sorting out my daughters' issues in their learning how to deal with life as adults, I am not thinking about gender.

But the rest of the time... hell yes!

I will never transition because I am too old and my life is too complex. I feel TS, but I have lived a life as a male and have male outcomes to deal with... so I am one of those conflicted souls who got there too late... I guess...

I fail the test!

This is a wonderful example Kaz...

I'm totally with you that as I lived my life for all those years, I didn't think about gender all the time. Those fulfilling moments you are talking about were a big part of my life. It was when those most important and most enjoyable things (kids, music, work) stopped feeling important, stopped being fulfilling in any way that it gets bad....for a long time i played guitar at every opportunity, and looked forward to spending time with my wife and kids...

although i must admit, i never played in a band, but i gave lots of speeches, and if i every focused on a woman that i identified with, my mind would start buzzing immediately..even up infront of 100's of people

and the best part of transition is that now when i do those important and enjoyable things, I can once again feel fulfilled and satisfied, i feel all my emotions authentically and my day does not feel like an interruption to my gender world...in fact, i feel even more filled up with the joy of parenthood than ever!!

so thnx for adding this thought...i would never try to say someone that you are or not ts.. i only suggest a different way to look at things because so much of our struggle is about trying to define something that is just horribly complicated and confusing and in some ways unknowable... if you just focus on what is actually happening in your day to day life, it can give you a clue or a motivation to take an action that you may find helpful

[morgan51]

I've been "in it" since childhood. I didn't do much about it untill the noise became unbearable. I'm convinced today this path is correct for me. Sorry I waited so long in a way, and happy I can transition today nothing seems to happen in my life by accident. The situation had to be what it is today to get my body aligned with my mind. Many areas of my life have been overhauled in the past 19 years. This is truly the last biggie I have to deal with. I agree, today resistance is futile.lol

[Pamela Kay]

It's so great to hear from you again Kaitlyn!

You have definitely nailed it for me. I was to the point that I could just bearly function at work and at home, thinking about my gender issues was taking up all my mental energy (which isn't substantial) and making it almost impossible to function. My stress levels were off the chart and my relationships were suffering. I thought I was going totally crazy.

Now a little over a year later and after 8 months on hormones I'm about to go full time and have FFS in just over a week. Things have changed a lot in my life but I feel like I'm me now and I'm happy with me for the first time in my life.